OT...vent... wits end with SS/exGF situation... - 06/27/02 12:30 PM
Hello all.<p>This is way off topic… but I have a request for advise from you.<p>Here is a little background of the situation…<p>My stepson is 17. Last year he brought a girl to meet us and we absolutely adored her. She is intelligent and very caring. She is also 17. We told SS that if he messed up with this girl, he could expect to see her around our house for as long as she wanted to keep coming to see us.
Along the way, H and I found out that SS was not being upfront with her and that he was seeing other girls behind her back and more than likely doing much more than just that. <p>Anyway, the situation took a turn for the worse. And she broke up with him. It dealt with other problems, not the other girls, which SS was into at the time. <p>Well, the girl came to stay the night with me last night. She loves Lil Bit and is great with her. She and I talked very late last night and I have come to realize how obsessed she is with him.
She bought a car like his, she carries a scrapbook of them in her car, she sleeps with 2 teddy bears that belonged to him… etc… etc…<p>I really like her, but I am beginning to feel that she needs some sort of counseling or something to help her get over this. I don’t want her to be unhappy all her life, nor do I want her to throw away her future chasing after him.<p>It may seem that she is stalking him, but truth be known, he is also doing things that could be considered stalking as well. He is calling her, daily; going to her house in the middle of the night and knocking on her bedroom window… Sounds to me like he is using her… just as much as he did in their relationship… (She used to give him money and things… “Whatever he wanted he got” … spoiled him) <p>They seem to gravitate toward each other. <p>Over the years, SS has become very selfish, very manipulative. He doesn't care about anyone else's feeling except his own. He will use his mother against his father and vise versa... it has become increasingly difficult to deal with him. "If Mom won't do it, I will threaten her with Dad" kind of thing... Especially when it comes to cars or other things.... but H and I have no money to give him what he wants... but his mother has more avenues to obtain the cashola that he wants...
He recently had an accident and totalled out his car, Camaro (that we tried to discourage him from getting). Now he wants another one. <p>
I am at my wits end! What do I say to to this girl? Do I tell her that she is young… move forward with her life, and drop SS like a bad habit (which is exactly what he is for her)?? <p>I have been in these shoes, I survived. And I know what I felt a year ago is more intense than her high school puppy love… but it hurts nonetheless… <p>I just needed to vent I guess… H also is a little concerned with this situation. I think he sees the mirror image of his own “indiscretions” and feels a bit guilty for what SS has done to this girl. <p>It’s like the “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” and I really wish we could break this cycle of infidelity. (H’s father left his mother after an A that also produced an OC) <p>Thanks for listening to me vent… if you made it this far.. LOL
Along the way, H and I found out that SS was not being upfront with her and that he was seeing other girls behind her back and more than likely doing much more than just that. <p>Anyway, the situation took a turn for the worse. And she broke up with him. It dealt with other problems, not the other girls, which SS was into at the time. <p>Well, the girl came to stay the night with me last night. She loves Lil Bit and is great with her. She and I talked very late last night and I have come to realize how obsessed she is with him.
She bought a car like his, she carries a scrapbook of them in her car, she sleeps with 2 teddy bears that belonged to him… etc… etc…<p>I really like her, but I am beginning to feel that she needs some sort of counseling or something to help her get over this. I don’t want her to be unhappy all her life, nor do I want her to throw away her future chasing after him.<p>It may seem that she is stalking him, but truth be known, he is also doing things that could be considered stalking as well. He is calling her, daily; going to her house in the middle of the night and knocking on her bedroom window… Sounds to me like he is using her… just as much as he did in their relationship… (She used to give him money and things… “Whatever he wanted he got” … spoiled him) <p>They seem to gravitate toward each other. <p>Over the years, SS has become very selfish, very manipulative. He doesn't care about anyone else's feeling except his own. He will use his mother against his father and vise versa... it has become increasingly difficult to deal with him. "If Mom won't do it, I will threaten her with Dad" kind of thing... Especially when it comes to cars or other things.... but H and I have no money to give him what he wants... but his mother has more avenues to obtain the cashola that he wants...
He recently had an accident and totalled out his car, Camaro (that we tried to discourage him from getting). Now he wants another one. <p>
I am at my wits end! What do I say to to this girl? Do I tell her that she is young… move forward with her life, and drop SS like a bad habit (which is exactly what he is for her)?? <p>I have been in these shoes, I survived. And I know what I felt a year ago is more intense than her high school puppy love… but it hurts nonetheless… <p>I just needed to vent I guess… H also is a little concerned with this situation. I think he sees the mirror image of his own “indiscretions” and feels a bit guilty for what SS has done to this girl. <p>It’s like the “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” and I really wish we could break this cycle of infidelity. (H’s father left his mother after an A that also produced an OC) <p>Thanks for listening to me vent… if you made it this far.. LOL