will I ever have true recovery?? - 06/29/02 03:18 AM
I know that I am pregnant, thus making me more emotional. And my husband is on military leave and at the place where he cheated on me five years ago.
But I am having some real gut feeling problems, about whether I can ever truly recover from this mess. I feel like a fool for staying. Will I ever know if I am the most important one to him, when there is always a nagging feeling? How do I let it go?? I always think he didn't love me enough 9 months after our wedding to not cheat, how can he love me more now not to cheat???
Wouldn't my life be easier if I was with someone who I knew loved me. He says he loves me, but I just can't believe it completely. I am still looking into everything, questioning everything. Trying to see if there is a mistake in what he says and what he does. My husband has never been faithful in any relationship in his life. Is he even possible of wanting to be only with me for the rest of his life??? I feel lost. And don't know if I should stay in this nightmare with a new baby. Don't my girls deserve to have their mommy happy and confident? Can I ever be that with all of this baggage.
How did some of you let go of these feelings, to believe in your own instincts, not assumptions?? I know I am ranting. But I can't talk to my husband, and I am sitting here pregnant, with 17 days before I give birth. I am being induced so I know down to the day how much longer I have.
babstr.
<small>[ June 28, 2002, 10:20 PM: Message edited by: babstr ]</small>
But I am having some real gut feeling problems, about whether I can ever truly recover from this mess. I feel like a fool for staying. Will I ever know if I am the most important one to him, when there is always a nagging feeling? How do I let it go?? I always think he didn't love me enough 9 months after our wedding to not cheat, how can he love me more now not to cheat???
Wouldn't my life be easier if I was with someone who I knew loved me. He says he loves me, but I just can't believe it completely. I am still looking into everything, questioning everything. Trying to see if there is a mistake in what he says and what he does. My husband has never been faithful in any relationship in his life. Is he even possible of wanting to be only with me for the rest of his life??? I feel lost. And don't know if I should stay in this nightmare with a new baby. Don't my girls deserve to have their mommy happy and confident? Can I ever be that with all of this baggage.
How did some of you let go of these feelings, to believe in your own instincts, not assumptions?? I know I am ranting. But I can't talk to my husband, and I am sitting here pregnant, with 17 days before I give birth. I am being induced so I know down to the day how much longer I have.
babstr.
<small>[ June 28, 2002, 10:20 PM: Message edited by: babstr ]</small>