Marriage Builders®
Posted By: acmilan How H can handle the OW - 07/28/03 11:47 PM
I found out that my H has a child with OW and he was at first confused which way to take. He managed to leave us, we have 3 kids, having in mind that that he & OC can be better if they live together. after several months he decided to end the affair, but the OW is very stubborn and insist on visiting their child. Is it adultery if I let him visit the child and sleep with the child on occasional basis? He says as far as he is concerned, they are just friends. Would it be better if he visits the child with me? I think I can handle that.
Posted By: tigger4jdt Re: How H can handle the OW - 07/29/03 02:06 PM

Well, I want to welcome you to the board. I would recomend reading anything and everything on this board, with concern to your H's A and your M. I would say that unless you want your H to continue to be tempted, visitation should be with you included. Have you had DNA testing done, or any CS/visitation agreement with the court? If not, I would recommend doing that. I couldn't tell by your post, but is your H living with you and the kids again? If so, you need to have boundries set. Read up about Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA), as that will come in VERY handy to deal with your situation!

I'm sure more will post soon! Hang in there, and again, read everything you can from this site. Also, get some counseling. You can go through the Harley's or get a recommendation of a counselor in your area who's familuar with these principles!

Again, Welcome to the board.

Posted By: BINthereDUNthat Re: How H can handle the OW - 07/30/03 05:10 AM
Also you might want to have a DNA test done just to be sure that the OC belongs to your H!

If xOW files for CS, the court will handle the blood test and there is no charge, I don't think. They don't order CS unless there is proof.

Right now, all you have is xOW's word, is that correct?

Dr.Harley recommends that the BS handle all interaction with xOPs to prevent the affair from rekindling. After all, the WS and OP were attracted to each other at some point in time.

I'm not so sure your H and the OW can still be just friends... ya know? [Confused]
Posted By: 4tori&natesake Re: How H can handle the OW - 07/29/03 06:02 PM
acm- I think there needs to be a untied front with you and the H if you want your marriage to succeed. I think if you haven't you need to go to court to get reg. visitation set up. I think there needs to be boundaries and I don't think it is proper for your H to be staying at her house overnight or even visiting in her house without you. I was the OW that has children with MM. I fully expect and would accept boundaries. If it is totally about just seeing the child then your H and the OW should work on making that the goal without making you feel there is the possibility that more is involved or it could lead to more. That is just my opinion.
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