hi girls,,,,,, so nice to see you and some other old names like btdt again. hope things are going well for all.
gem,,,,,, please don't get me wrong i don't think fh has any romantic feelings for om. i just meant that when a woman has a child and loves that child with all her heart. it would seem that somewhere there is a soft spot for the father. i say this because in my own experience (although not from an A but from lack of responsibility of two young people) i have always had a soft spot for my oldest son's mom. nothing romantic just thankful for the the joy she brought into my life and hopeful that nothing bad fell upon her.
then after being married for 20 odd years fh has another man's child. those feelings whether om is involved or not thru visitation i feel are bound to be there.
I know that this was addressed to Gem and Catnip, but being a woman in similar shoes as FH, I wanted to say that I have NO feelings for xOM! He caused nothing but problems in my life, and I used to have hatered, anger, murderous feelings for him, but now, with time, I don't feel anything for him!
Now, I know your sit. is different in that xOM has visitation, but remember what he's been putting you and FH through with his outrageous demands. And, compare that to your own sit. with your oldest's mom, and the fact that, if I remember correctly, this child, albeit an adult, was not the product of an A. And, in the majority of cases, the WS does wake up and see the error of their ways, and that what they "had" with the OP was a fantasy.
I think that what I'm trying to say is that I am in no way thankful to the xOM for Abbi! I am thankful to God for her, and the joy that she brings to us. But, only God could bring something so beautiful out of something so disgustingly ugly!
JMHO, but I hope this helps see it at a different angle.
[ August 25, 2003, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: tigger4jdt ]
pops I think that Tigger4jdt hit the nail on the head with where I was coming from.
You were married to mom of your oldest son and I can understand a soft spot.
Sort of like the one I get for an adult patient that lives near our office and drops in to say "hi" and ask for a few bucks until his SSI check gets there. He does it once a month and all the girls have chipped in every time he asks.
That's the soft spot I think you were refering to.
My H in no way carries a soft spot for oc's mom.
I just don't think FH does either.
But I may be wrong.
Nice to hear from you too.
All is well here.
Hope it's going much better for you too.
pops was never married to our oldest sons mom, she tricked him in saying she took birth control and was planning the pregnancy. it was as much pops fault for not protecting himself, but she was a monster for years, and made our life hell, i would never reccomend anyone getting involved with another person who has a child. what a mess it can be.
tigger,,,,,, i understand how for you feelings for om could have been full of so much anger.
i am bot saying that fh still has any romantic feelings for om in any way. i am also sure that she wishes i were graces dad and sees me as her daddy.
the point was that simce someone was able to turn her head away and that relationship ended amicably and there was no violence from him. therfore they split with no real hard feelings for each other.
Well maybe they split with no hard feelings, but look at how their situation has affected you.
Even if fh has a "soft spot" for OM, her feelings of regret for hurting you, your family, and your kids probably overshadows any soft spots completely! Like a total eclipse!