I do not have any children of my own, so I do not know the joys of experiencing pregnancy. I am wondering what it is like for my cheating husband to look at his mistress carrying his baby. I made a comment on my other thread (Blindsided) that I really believe babies are miracles no matter how awful/disgusting the circumstances are that surround their conception. I just don't think anything I say or do will have any affect on my husband, when he has this woman telling him about all of the wonderful sensations she must be feeling and watching her grow in front of him.

I would really appreciate some points of view from men who have been involved in affairs and how you felt seeing the OW carrying your child.

Thanks very much,
Blue <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm not a husband but I can tell you that most uh are pissed off that ow got pregnant. They feel betrayed and blame the ow. They feel like she is trapping him and did this to him on purpose. There are a few that don't, but considering that most affairs are make believe a pregnancy brings reality into it and they don't like reality.

I'm glad you asked this question and got an answer. I've wondered the same thing. In our case we've been married 10 years with no children and now he has one with OW. It's killing me. To think he shared that experience with her and not with me. He claims he wasn't around her much, but at this point I'm not inclined to believe much of what he says. In the two weeks since D-Day his details have changed....more sex, more recently...it hurts. I hope he was too scared and disgusted with himself to have tender feelings during her pregnancy. I know my h says it scared him out of sex with her, but then he recounted and said it happened one more time after the oc was born (he's 1 1/2 now). I hate feeling like he's still lying...

I'm glad you asked this question and got an answer. I've wondered the same thing. In our case we've been married 10 years with no children and now he has one with OW. It's killing me. To think he shared that experience with her and not with me. He claims he wasn't around her much, but at this point I'm not inclined to believe much of what he says. In the two weeks since D-Day his details have changed....more sex, more recently...it hurts. I hope he was too scared and disgusted with himself to have tender feelings during her pregnancy. I know my h says it scared him out of sex with her, but then he recounted and said it happened one more time after the oc was born (he's 1 1/2 now). I hate feeling like he's still lying...

Thank Blue for asking that question. I have been married 20 yrs with no children. H was adimate about not having any and I never had that HUGE draw to be a mother...

My biggest fit I threw after finding out about he a and the coming o/c was my screaming at him you will be excited when that baby comes. I can't imagine him not being excited at some point. Seeing her wobbling around or seeing the baby after.

He swears he isn't, I think needtomove on has a point. I think it will end up becoming a wedge to drive between ow and him. Although I think he is concerned for her, I think if she comes back on him for things he will become bitter and hate her. He has never wanted kids; the responsibility they take and the money they need. When she told him she was pg he said he wanted nothing to do with it and she agreed, but could not/would not consider other options.

He has told me that the sex had diminished after finding out she was pg. Basically he couldn't perform. He's been having that problem with me prior to all this crap, and is continuing at this time to have some difficulties. He says to me today, don't leave me because I have difficulty. I said honey, that is not what love and marriage is all about give yourself some time. I think some of the problem is just a difficulty but I think with this other crap going on, guilt and fear are also effecting things.

Blue, have you asked him how he feels about it? No matter what anybody says on here, doesn't make it true for your H - whether they are in awe or disgusted. Some men find pregnancy disgusting. That's why I think you should ask him - you might be imagining painful things that aren't true at all, and he's the only person who can tell you how he feels about it.

Did you decide not to have any, or was it nature that decided for you? I ask because I think that could have a bearing on how you're feeling.

If nature let you down, let me reassure you that pregnancy is a pain in the [censored] in the latter stages. Literally. I don't know any 9months+ pregnant woman who wants to go on forever being pregnant because it feels so wonderful......It's more like "get this out of me now, I've had enough" - and usually with a crotchful of stitches to boot. (ouch).

I'm very dubious about the fantasy some men might have about what pregnancy and birth is about - it's really about heartburn, nausea, a limb in your bladder or up under your ribs, being unable to move or breathe, shoes and rings not fitting you, sore boobs, stretchmarks, leaks and spills, discomfort at the best, pain at the worst, and at the end the feeling that the baby is going to fall out all by itself as it's head grinds into your pelvis!

This topic is one that was weighing heavily on my mind. Since I posted, my husband and I have had a rather painful discussion. My husband wants to keep the child and the OW.

He says he has always wanted children. Although, the depth of these feelings are really news to me. My husband and I had always agreed that we would achieve financial stability, meet our educational goals, purchase a home, etc., so that we could provide the best for our children when we were ready. Now, here we are, goals accomplished and at the perfect time in our lives to begin a family, my husband ruins everything! He's sharing this experience with an uneducated, misguided woman who still lives with her parents and already has two kids with two different fathers! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He is lavishing lots of emotion and affection on the OW because in his mind, he does not want to lose her and have her take this baby away from him. More importantly, he has determined that no amount of work on our marriage will fix what he has done, so why try? He admits that being able to fall back on her, worthless though she may be, is better than nothing. He has turned his back on me and just about all of his family members. That discussion proved to me that there is nothing that I can say or do that can compete with what he sees when he looks at her. Regardless of how disgusting and ridiculous his affair is and all of the degrading characteristics this woman has, he says he only sees a baby; but I swear, I could see the fear in his eyes.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Blue <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

P.S. Thanks everyone for replying. I appreciate your thoughts. StillTrying -- You describe pregnancy as I always dreaded it would be. I think that my husband is already seeing those things with his OW, but it just seems to make him more determined. I wish that stubborn S.O.B. would have put this kind of energy into being a decent husband! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ December 21, 2003, 11:36 PM: Message edited by: GloomyBlue ]</small>

In that case Blue, it might be best to call it quits and leave with your half of the assets and hard work and find somebody who will love you with all that they have.

He always wanted kids. He's about to play daddy to 3. Let him knock himself out - he will either end up living at her parents house, or she'll end up taking half of his half.

You deserve better than this.

Blue I agree 100% with Still Trying. You can tell by your posting that you have been through the ringer. I feel so sad for you... PLEASE let him go. (of course just my opinion) You deserve so much better. You will get better.... just believe in yourself.