I haven't posted in the past few weeks and I am fairly new to the community. Just a quick summary of my situation....I found out my H had an affair on April 30th. The affair had been done for over a year, however, a child was created from their fling and was born in Nov-03. We have a child that is a few months older than the OC. I have had mixed emotions...he has assured me that he has no feelings for the OW and that he wants to keep our family. I have made the decision so far to try and rebuild our marriage and perserve our family. He does want his OC to know that he his her father. We have yet to establish contact with the OC. He is nervous about going to get her because she doesn't know him. He has been trying to see if I will soften up and allow him to visit the OC over the OW's home until he becomes familiar with the OC. I told him that I will not allow that. He is understanding of my stance but is still hoping I may change my mind. Unfortunately, I am not too concerned with his relationship with the OC. I only care right now about my Son. Sometimes I hope that the OW & her child move to another state so that I won't have to deal. We have not told our family & friends and I dread having to reveal this. Everyone thought we were a great couple (I thought we were a great couple!)

Yesterday, we received notification from the court for an upcoming hearing on CS. Should I go with him? This is what is causing my saddness today....just the reality of the situation. I ask everyday why it had to be his. What lesson am I (and he) suppose to learn? What direction does God want me to take? This is not only an emotionally draining problem but also financially. This sucks so much!!

I'm sorry for rambiling but I just feel so confused.

Others will come advise you. But no way should he be meeting with OC in OW home alone. All of you can meet at a fun place...Chuckie Cheese, a park, a mall. You would be silly to let your H meet with OW/OC alone. This is coming from a FWW!

If you and your H do decide on contact go get visitation legally. BTW you should have RAN and got child support for your son and alimony if that applies BEFORE OW filed for CS. The courts say they consider your child...but at a very low percent. My twins were like figured that it was almost $700 each to raise per month. When the calculations came through XMM was suppose to pay about $1200 a month for the twins. His son in his marriage only factored in at $200 a month. SO RUN to the court house get the highest paid CS and alimony have your H agree and sign so maybe it can go through fast! You need to protect your family too.

BTW have you got legal representation set up for this child support hearing? It is a MUST! I also think if you can go to the hearing you should.

The CS hearing is in a month....do I have enough time to process my own CS...plus we have not legally seperated. Second, why do you think we need legal representation? Isn't it just going to be establishing his income (which is minimal right now) and determining how much the OC should get? Is it really that complicated? Supposedly, the OW doesn't even care about getting CS.

First off. The child support laws are changing all over. If you don't have an attorney, find one quick. I know in my state they give H credit (and a good amount) for our D. So there is no reason for me to run out and file for support first. Second as far as insurance and other stuff, he will have to carry this. But you can look up on www.divorcenet.com and look under your state. But the laws are changing everywhere according to my attorney. But the best thing you can do for your family is get the attorney and get this over w/ as quick as possible. The more you fight, the more it cost. C is work and it is full of give and take, but IMO can and does happen w/ great outcomes. We are so sorry you are in this situation, but we are glad you fould us. Has a DNA been done?
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