I have spent just about the entire day looking through all 82 of your post. In the beg I started off just scrolling through and found the post where you found out that your H's A had been going on before your M and this is what caught my eye, b/c of my situation.

What can I say other than that I share your pain. It feels as if your whole M has been a lie. I am due Aug 29th and I can tell u, if I knew then what I know now about my H; I would have NEVER EVER agreed to have another child. I was deceived and tricked. I got preg the same wk he admitted to the A. My H also packed up his stuff and left said that he wanted a D and I'm preg w/ his child!!!

I learned from your post that it would be useless for either of us to file for D until the baby was born, didn't know that. I'm going to check into this for the state of CA. In my case I'm staying for the children, I can't afford to do this on my own. I uprooted everything to come out to be w/ my H. In the meanwhile I am preparing myself financially and mentally for the end to come. It's not worth the humiliation and pain. It will be a matter of time before there is another A, if there isn't one going on already.

This has been very stressful on me and I'm sure the baby as well.

Love for me is a choice. I choose to love my H, I cook his dinner 4x's a wk, I'm affectionate towards him, speak kind words to him, etc...but I don't have those bubbly feelings for him that I use to have. It's impossible for me to feel great about someone who has hurt me (and continues to hurt me) so deeply. I never got a single rose or diamond ring (he has the money) saying that he was sorry, he just told me to act like the A never happened; and when I can't and I ask questions, wanting to know more about the A then a summary in 3 sentences (seriously) or I cry or I'm depressed then he threatens to D me! What kind of man walks out on his pregnant W when he is the liar and cheat! A man that would do that doesn't DERSEVE my heart!!!

Anyway I just wanted to share my story with you. Most of my post are in Gen Quest II. Ironically my 2yo was conceived out of an A (using the term loosely b/c they weren't and still aren't M). But that's another story for another post, another time soon. Sometimes I think that this is all happening to me b/c of that situation, but I know better.

Edited to change Subj line

<small>[ March 13, 2005, 08:55 PM: Message edited by: white_dove777 ]</small>

I'm sorry I haven't been on line in a couple of days. I am so sorry you are in the same postion that I am in, it is tough. Please do check the laws for your state as they may be different. Are you on H's insurance? Don't forget to think about that as well. Try to keep yourself busy and do things for yourself. It does seem to help.

As for me H is around quite a bit and doing a ton of things for the house before the baby is born, etc... XOW broke up w/ her boyfriend and has requested that H not be involved w/ my pregnancy. He has refused and told her that's not an option. I can tell there is something bothering him again as he's not sleeping well either. That's usually a clue for me. Not sure what it could be this time, but we'll see. He says he doesn't know what's bothering him. It's actually easier at times because I am able to look at the situation and say, "Oh well, it's not my problem anymore..." I am really just trying to focus on myself and the baby and I hope you can do the same.

White Dove, I've talked to Wife before about this. I was in a similar situation months ago. If you read my sign line, you'll see that I have a 7 month old baby girl...OC is a 7 month old baby boy. Anyway, my H's first post-marital affair occured 3 months after we were married and they just snowballed and continued until he finally got so wrapped up in the latest one (with OC and all) that he feels like he's stuck. It's a nasty addiction and will not stop until these men wake up and see what they're doing to themselves and their family.

You ladies cannot control what's going on with H, you can only control what you do for yourself. I'm so sorry that you're going through this pain, especially being pregnant. I know exactly what it feels like and I wouldn't wish anyone (except maybe OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) the pain that I felt so I'm so sorry there are several women on here going through it. Just be strong for yourselves and your unborn children. They need you and you will be blessed to have them in your lives. (((WD/WIFE)))

Thank you for responding Wife and Michelle!