Troubleshooting and repair…

Part of my job is figuring out what is wrong with communications systems and making repairs in order to keep them operational and fit for use. I am “the radio man.” At least that’s what my clients’ employees call me, as in “the radio man is here. Which truck has the problem?” In order to solve this problem, I have to figure out what the problem is and fix what is broken so that they can communicate with each other. This is really three separate parts as follows:

Troubleshooting: Before anything can be fixed, I have to know what is wrong with it. I can often determine simply by symptom what needs to be fixed, but more often it requires that I try various components individually in order to determine what it is that is broken. A system of 10 serial devices can fail to work if any one of those devices fails to operate within specification. The more complex the system, the higher the probability of failure so each system is unique and yet all are similar enough that I do not need to reinvent the wheel for each one in order to affect repair and return to normal operation, which is the goal of the whole process.

Repair or Replacement: This is the first real issue that needs to be addressed. An inadequate system, no matter how well it works will always be less than is needed. If the customer requires greater capacity or has different needs that cannot be addressed by the current system, one of two things needs to occur. I can either revamp the entire system, adding components in order to meet the current requirements or I can replace the entire system. The problem that I often encounter is a budgetary one. Seldom does a customer have unlimited funds in order to simply replace the entire thing and it becomes necessary to improve on what is already there rather than to start over. But sometimes, only a total replacement will do the job, so in those cases a customer has to bite the bullet and spend the bucks to get what is needed for their application.

On Going Maintenance: Every system, no matter how simple or complex requires periodic maintenance in order to continue operating at peak efficiency. In order to affect this maintenance it is required that the system be checked periodically to verify that all is working to specification and those things that while not yet broken but drifting in operating parameters need to be adjusted or replaced before the entire system becomes unusable.

A marriage is a very complex system. As such it has many things that can go wrong that can make it not fit for use, in other words broken. The most common problem we discover here at Marriage Builders is infidelity.

While it is often tempting to deal with infidelity as the problem, it is really more of a symptom. The failure occurred somewhere along the line that allowed the affair to begin in the first place and so often it is the result of poor maintenance practices.

Since the marriage is so complex it requires almost continuous monitoring for proper operation. Unless problems are identified before they affect the whole system, the intended outcome can be jeopardized.

Once a marriage has been broken by infidelity, it requires that a decision be made. That decision is whether the system as a whole is adequate and can thus be repaired or should simply be abandoned and replaced entirely. Whether this means divorce and remarriage or rebuilding the old one using some of the existing components (keeping the same two people married to each other) or if everything needs to be new, in which case only a divorce and moving on will fix the problem. Just like with the radio system this requires a serious consideration of all current and future requirements before that decision can be made. If you don’t want to fix it and just replace it, simply call it the end and move along with your life.

But like most of my customers there is often such a large investment that has already been made, children, homes, memories and all the rest, that seldom does throwing it all away for a different one seem plausible. In this case repair and/or rebuilding are the only real options for most.

In order to affect restoration of proper operation, I often use a technical or repair manual that gives theory of operation as well as trouble shooting hints and lists components that can be replaced or modified in order to reach the desired goal.

And that is the purpose of this thread. I wish to give a trouble shooting guide for broken marriages that can help those now facing the dilemma of divorce make decisions and directed efforts the will assist in meeting their goal of a fully functional marriage.


What follow will be several posts designed to stand alone as modules that can be implemented depending on what phase the marriage is in. Various aspects can be used for more than one phase and are therefore treated individually rather than as a single process. By following the trouble shooting guide and the flow chart method I have set forth, I hope that it will become evident to some that may be struggling what is really at stake when different problems come up along the way.

The Marriage Builders Marriage

Theory of operation: The premise of the Marriage Builders Marriage is to provide for each other extraordinary care. This means that all that can be done in order to make each other happy will be done in a timely and effective manner. This will ensure that your love for each other will continue, grow and function in a way that will keep you both happy, contented and attracted to each other. It requires performing specific things in order to meet this goal and those things can be broken down into a process I will call the Marriage Builders Method.

The MB Method: The basis of this method flows from the Basic Concepts of Dr Harley.

1) Meeting each other’s most important Emotional Needs.
a. In order to meet each other’s ENs you must be able to identify these ENs
i. Fill out the ENQ
ii. Agree to meet each others top ENs on an ongoing basis
b. Because our ENs can and often do change as time goes on, the ENQ must be revisited occasionally in order to make adjustments necessary to continue working properly.
c. Set aside time for Undivided Attention
i. It is by spending time with each other that we are able to meet each other’s ENs
ii. Following the Policy of UA requires that we schedule the time to be together and make that time a priority in our lives.
2) Resolving conflict
a. The most effective way to do this is to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement
b. Failure to follow POJA can cause resentment to build up over time and become a drain on the Love Bank thus causing a future failure of the marriage
c. It must be remembered that only enthusiastic agreement fulfills the requirements of POJA. Anything less is destined to cause resentment in the future
3) Avoiding conflict
a. The Policy of Radical Honesty can go a long way to avoiding conflict
i. Informing each other of plans for near and long term is required to keep from causing resentment and depletion of the Love Bank
ii. Giving each other veto power over our plans ensures that we can never do anything that will cause conflicts that might be difficult to resolve after the fact
b. Following the PORH also prevents a secret second life from being established
i. Total honesty requires that we share our feelings with each other, both positive and negative
ii. Honesty also requires that we never do things that fall under the Love Buster category of Independent Behavior, since we are sharing all aspects of our life with each other
4) Avoiding making withdrawals from the Love Bank
a. Identify Love Busters
i. Complete the LBQ
ii. Agree to avoid love busting behavior
b. Set aside time to report progress and give feedback
i. Adjust behavior as needed
ii. Communicate openly concerning LBs using PORH
c. Avoid IB by following POJA.
5) Have no friends that are not also friends of the marriage.
6) Repeat the process…

The Broken Marriage

Once a marriage has been broken or stopped working properly it becomes necessary to repair or rebuild it. There can be several reasons that this state has been encountered.

In order to determine a course of action it must be determined if there has been an outside influence, most often an affair by one partner or the other.

This question must be answered first: Is there an affair, even a beginning stage Emotional Affair?

If ‘yes’ then go to Plan A.
If ‘no’ then go to Recovery.

Plan A: This is a specific plan that is based on the ideas presented by Dr Harley. It is designed to do two things, both of which have as their primary goal the end of the affair and yet neither aspect of the plan ensures the end of the affair. This plan can be described as the carrot and the stick of Plan A.

1) The Carrot of Plan A.
a. This is really a self-examination and self-improvement program.
i. Attempt to discover the wayward spouse’s top ENs
ii. Do all that you can, based on what the WS allows to meet these needs
b. Identify Love Busters in your own behavior
i. Discover what it is that you do that causes your spouse to be unhappy.
ii. This includes Angry Outbursts, Disrespectful Judgments and Independent Behavior as the primary problems to be overcome
iii. Eliminate these LBs from your day to day existence. Notice that the total elimination of these is the goal, not just getting better at avoiding them.
2) This is not the time to attempt to resolve long standing issues in the marriage other than LBs and only as they apply to your own behavior.
3) No commitment from the WS to recovery can or should be expected as it will be failed expectations that will cause you to lose hope.
a. No discussions of the relationship are necessary in order to carry out Plan A
b. The WS does not have to buy into the MB concepts for you to execute Plan A.
4) The Stick of Plan A.
a. Exposure of the real trouble between you, that is the affair, needs to occur so that others around both of you understand what is going on.
i. If the affair partner is married, their spouse should always be informed since they too have to take actions based on reality and not the false information they already believe.
ii. The family of the WS needs to know what is going on so that the reality is known before the WS can give any spin to your “problems.”
iii. If the affair partners work together, their employer should be informed, especially if company resources such as telephones, cell phones and computers are being used to communicate or other company assets are being abused such as lunches etc.
b. Prepare for the most hateful things to be said to you that you have ever heard.
i. You will be told that there was a chance for the marriage, but that now that chance is gone (ignore this)
ii. You will be told that you had no right to call the AP’s spouse and tell them the truth (ignore this too)
iii. You will be told that you are interfering and trying to control your spouse and this is why they are leaving you (Yep, you can ignore this as well)
5) Defend the marriage and the family from the WS’s actions
a. Do not allow the children to have contact with the affair partner.
b. Do not finance the affair in any way
i. Do not pay for an apartment for WS to live in
ii. Do not Move out of the marital home and establish your own separate residence
iii. Do not pay for baby sitters so that WS can meet with AP.
iv. Do not pay for cell phones or LD calls so that the APs can remain in contact.
v. Do not allow the family funds or marital assets to be diverted to the affair.
c. Do not enable the affair to continue
i. Do not allow the affair to be rubbed in your face.
ii. If WS calls OP in your presence, respectfully request that they stop because it is disrespectful to you. You don’t have to blow up to do this. Just say it.
iii. Make plans for family time and request that the WS be present. Basically monopolize their time so they can’t get together.
6) Reassure the children that you will always be there for them
a. Do not defend the actions of the WS, but do not constantly complain to the children about it either
b. Step up and become the primary care giver of the children.
c. Do NOT under any circumstances allow the WS to move out and take the children without a court order to force the issue.
7) Seek legal counsel to determine your rights and what you need to avoid in order to stay out of trouble.
a. If The WS decides to leave, this can include a legal separation agreement
b. It could also perhaps include an order of protection to prevent the AP from coming around your home and children.
c. It does not have to include filing for a divorce at this time.

Decision time: Did the affair end and NO CONTACT with AP begin?

If ‘yes’ then go to recovery.
If ‘no’ then go to Plan A (repeat until some predetermined period of time has passed such as 3 months, six months etc. But prepared for Plan B since your own Love Bank will be depleted very rapidly if the affair continues)
If the affair still continues after a predetermined time has passed, go to Plan B.

Plan B

The purpose of Plan B is to save any love that you have left for your spouse. So in Plan B you withdraw from living with the WS (a legal separation agreement is the best option in order to protect your assets and guarantee that the family can go on without the WS.

If you have children, an intermediary should be established so that you do not have to deal with the WS even in order to exchange the children for visitation. If at all possible, attempt to get primary custody of your children to prevent them from being exposed to the AP as much as within your power. This might also have the added benefit of causing your WS to miss the children thus pressuring the affair further.

Keep in mind that the purpose of Plan B is not to bring the WS home as much as it is to protect you from the affair. To this end, your goals should be to affect personal recovery, build a life without the WS and care for your children. No contact should be attempted with the WS to discuss how they are doing or to discover the most recent status of the affair. Contact should be limited to emergencies only, usually of a medical nature and normally only as it applies to the children.

And while you are no longer doing anything for the WS in the way of meeting their ENs at all, you have one very important thing to do…Wait!

At some point you will arrive at a decision point once more.

Has the affair ended, the WS agreed to meet all of your requirements for returning to the marriage and committed to rebuilding the marriage if possible?

If ‘yes’ go to recovery.
If ‘no” return to Plan B until a predetermined time has elapsed, such as two years form the start of Plan B. At that point another decision needs to be made.

Are you willing to wait longer?

If ‘yes’ then go to Plan B (wait longer)
If ‘no’ then file for divorce and move on.

Recovery

Recovery is where you begin to fix things that went wrong the first time around. In order to do this you will likely require a marriage counselor and perhaps each will have an individual counselor as well. Recovery can be said to be certain steps that are taken to arrive at the goal of a marriage that is stronger, better in every way and less vulnerable to an affair by either of you in the future. To that end the following should take place

1) Attend counseling
2) Go to MB Method
3) Repeat 1 & 2

Are you recovered? Do you have the marriage of your dreams?

If ‘yes’ go to MB Method until one of you dies.
I’ ‘no’ go to step 1 above.

Additional Notes:

1) The Policy of Radical Honesty: Share as much about yourself with your spouse as you know. This includes your fears, your hopes and dreams, your plans, both short term and long term, your weaknesses, your likes and dislikes and anything else that might have an effect on the way you might feel, act or relate to your spouse.
2) The Policy of Joint Agreement: Do nothing without the enthusiastic agreement of your spouse. While this doesn’t need to include what shirt you wear to work on Monday morning, it can even have an influence over such mundane things as how you dress and what you might have for lunch. Since one of your spouse’s top ENs could be having an attractive spouse, how you dress could have a profound influence on his/her happiness. Like how you are dressed, what you eat might even cause your spouse unhappiness or at least discomfort. If you tend to eat garlic laced food for lunch and one of the things your spouse wants from you is a big kiss the moment you walk in the door, the tone for the entire evening might be ruined by something as simple as choosing what you eat for lunch.

Now I’m not suggesting that you have to check with your spouse before you order that Kung Po Chicken while out with a client at lunch time, but you might consider what you will do about your breath before you get home. Just like any decision you make that affects your life, once you are married, it also affects your spouse’s life and eating junk food all day or eating at the All-U-Can-Carry Buffet for lunch everyday, might also put on a few extra pounds and even have health risks that will have consequences that might adversely affect your marriage in years to come not to mention the requirement to be attractive to your spouse as one of his/her ENs.

3) The Policy of Undivided Attention: If anything can be said to be the most important of all of the Basic Concepts, this might be it. Without spending time together, you will have a very difficult time meeting your spouse’s ENs and you will also not get your own ENs met very well either. Dr Harley suggests at least 15 hours per week spent without the kids, the family and friends around doing recreational activities together.

While this seems like a lot of time and effort, the goal is to fill each other’s Love Bank by meeting ENs. Having fun together is the real goal of this time, since when a person enjoys the time they spend with another person and every time they are together they experience this sense of enjoying themselves, it eventually up that these same feelings are manifested simply by being with this other person.

This is how you will affair proof the marriage for the future, so it cannot be neglected. There might be weeks when it is simply impossible to spend 15 hours together, but over all, that should always be the goal, since unless you are together, not dealing with the day to day problems associated with running a marriage and a household, you will not have the ability to make each other happy, which is the goal of all of this.

4) The concept of Extraordinary Care: This simply means that you will do what ever is within your power to insure the happiness of each other as you work toward common goals and building a life together. This includes meeting each other’s ENs, spending time together and avoiding Love Busters so as to avoid making yourself the source of your spouse’s unhappiness.

Overall, this pretty much covers the bases. # 4 above sums up the totality of Marriage Builders methods of marital happiness and success. If you really love your spouse, you will only want what is best for them and by meeting each other’s ENs, avoiding Love Busters and following the Policies of joint agreement, Radical Honesty and Undivided Attention, you will be a source of happiness for them rather than a source of unhappiness, and that will be the beginning of the marriage of both your dreams.


Related Problems: Sometimes when I go to a client’s location to troubleshoot a radio system, I find that other problems exist that prevent the system from operating correctly but that are not a part of the radio system itself. Often times I will find a phone line problem between the control station and the transmitter or a power fault condition that is not within my capability to solve for them. In these cases, I simply refer them to other resources to get these troubles resolved and if the radios still don’t work, I can then return and do my part of the repair.

As it applies to marriages, there are times when it does not matter what steps you take to build a stronger marriage, you are fighting a losing battle. In the case of a chemical or alcohol addiction for example, even Dr Harley recommends treatment for those disorders before attempting marital counseling. This is because when a person has this type of addictive condition, they do not respond to what might otherwise be a good thing in most circumstances. And addict most often is more interested in getting their next fix or drink rather than putting forth the effort it takes to rebuild trust and take responsibility for their own well being and happiness.

Under these conditions, the real problem is the addiction in most cases and until that is successfully treated; little chance of real recovery is possible. In addition, as long as they are addicted, any attempts by you to “fix” them will be taken as a giant Love Buster no matter your motives, so in these cases, only professional treatment will do the trick. Until the addict is willing to change him or herself, no amount of meeting ENs will have much affect and attempting to avoid making them unhappy will only enable them to continue the addiction. This is what the codependency movement was started to help with and is really the only valid application of it, though perhaps true sexual addiction might be included in its list of treatable addictions as well as other addictions to a lesser degree.

I know some are now asking about the difference between this and the fact that an affair is compared so often to an addiction, and don’t the same things apply to an affair. The answer is “no” simply because the affair is the primary problem and so application of treatment for that specific problem, i.e. application of MB Plan A and Plan B, are tailored for just such a purpose. But just like changing a radio when a problem exists with the telephone line will not get my customer back on the air, attempting to recover a marriage form the aftermath of infidelity when other addictions, not directly addressed by those methods will not have the intended result.




So there you have a part of how I spent the week the forums were down for upgrade (I think there is an oxymoron in there somewhere…Down for Upgrade…Hmmm…)

Awesome post(s) Mark. This one should be pinned to the top and referred to often, for oldies and newbies. Thanks!

WOW! What a great condensed outline of MB principles in a nutshell! Thanks for posting this.

Ace

PS Just discovered we can change font sizes! Cool!
Definitely an UPgrade!

[quote=Mark1952]

While it is often tempting to deal with infidelity as the problem, it is really more of a symptom. The failure occurred somewhere along the line that allowed the affair to begin in the first place and so often it is the result of poor maintenance practices.[quote]


OH WISE MARK HAS DONE IT AGAIN....

I highlighted the above remark, because it has applied to my sitch throughout my whole ordeal. This is almost word for word what my MC has been saying and even WS has been saying. It took me a long time to understand what this meant. I think I'm finally getting it.

Anyway, this is a good post to direct everyone to...and its a GREAT analogy Mark....

Thanks for pointing out was is so obvious, but yet so many have a hard time putting into words.....

not2fun

^^^bumpity bump bump^^^

bumping so the evening crew can have a good read at it....

thanks again Mark....

Great post Mark. You rock!

Mark,

Can you re-wire my marriage? ... and the repair manual for Bronco's is great...


Wait... I got that wrong...


The reapair manual for marriage is great...

Can you re-wire my Bronco?

No, but you might be able to...

Amazin, you might be one of those cases where fixing the system might require that someone else fix her part first. Don't know if any changes you can make are going to matter unless what you're working with works like it's supposed to.

After enough Plan A to show that you have done your share of the repair if the whole is still lacking, you reach a point where you have to wait for the them to get their own poop grouped so you can fit the new pieces in. Until the rest of it works like it should, any further repairs you make will be a waste of time and effort. It might be about time to stop making service calls and say "Call me when you are ready to do what needs to be done to make this thing work," and turn off the lights...(That would be Plan B)

As for your Bronco...Sure. I can help you with that. I'll be right over...

If I'm not there by 10:30 it's because the training I have scheduled for 30 sales people couldn't be postponed because the guy helping with it has already left DFW...In that case, you'll have to start the project without me.

What are you rewiring on a Bronco? and why?

Mark

Concur, I think it's about time for me to go into plan B. I just need to get a few things in order.... Plan B letter, Intermediary, Get my junker back, etc...

Oh... and some guidance from ya'll....

bump for SallyG

bumping because this is powerful wisdom

Bump so this amazing thread doesn't get lost.

some how I missed this. I sure am glad I checked it out from your sig line Mark!


GREAT JOB!

Bumping for the newbies.

Begin at the beginning, of course.

Mark

HEY MARKY!!!!!

*waving*

Haven't seen ya around much--how've ya been?

LaLa,

I've been around quite a bit but have pretty much had to pick and choose what I am going to get involved with. There are several reasons for this...

* My job has escalated to the point where I seldom even get to check my email, let alone read and post here during the day. If I go all day without reading, most threads are off in some other direction before I can catch up.

* Church dynamics are also changing radically. I have been a member of the board for several years, but we are meeting more often that we did, tackling some more difficult issues (like rewriting our mission statement) and really taking the church in a whole new direction. I'm also on a couple of committees that take up some time and have been the sound/AV tech for years. The worship band is spending more time practicing and I get to be around for that.

* It's the time of year when I begin spending more time at our vacation property.

* I have been trying to limit myself to just a couple of folks' threads that I have been involved with from the start or nearly from the start. Since their situations are changing, I am not posting as much as I was for a while.

* I have decided that I should probably be more careful in how much I invest in some people's lives. I know that there have been a couple cases where I was giving so much to helping specific posters that I was not emotionally distant enough to remain objective. When bad things happen to those people, I was feeling it personally.

* I have also found myself repeating what I have already said before. In some cases I have read threads, begun a reply, found myself wanting to cut and paste something I posted a year ago and decided to skip it instead. (It's getting bad when you start quoting yourself)

* I am a little bit disheartened by some of what I see as psycho-babble that is being thrown about on some threads as MB advice. A BH who is already trying to figure out what he did wrong does not need people telling him to examine himself to see where he failed. He needs to figure out what ENs his wife has that were not being met and what LBs he was committing, but it doesn't take hours of meditation and introspection to figure those out. He needs to be linked to Plan A resources and be told to read SAA in the very first welcome post in response to his post asking for help. (IMO) He needs someone to tell him what to do to save his marriage. And the longer the analysis goes on, the less chance he will have of getting the process figured out before it's too late. I haven't seen Longhorn's thread or WAT's quick start guide linked in months.

* The fact that nearly every link internal to the forums has been obliterated makes it hard to find stuff I think. I have been trying to get a few links fixed, but many of mine lead to other links which are also broken and those take you to even more busted paths that all have to be tracked down in order to fix them. I have been told that at some point the techs and Steve will have some type of magic wand that can be waved and magically make all this stuff work, but until then, I muddle through with little to work with that I am familiar with.

I'm still here, just not very active right now.

Mark

I agree with you whole-heartedly!!

And I understand where you are coming from with the rest of it. Just remember that you are very respected and needed here and are missed when you aren't around as much! Good luck with everything that is happening in your life, though...you are good peeps!!

Bumpers for the newbies.

Begin at the beginning, of course.

Great post Mark-thank you.. (bumpity-bump!)

I am anxiously awaiting the estimate on my M from my WH who is sitting on a shelf at the shop alongside another cracked part, and not at home after receiving his Plan B tweak.

Although I'd love quick turn-around and prompt service, I'm thinking that if I don't hear anything on the estimate in a month, the shop can keep it. A month from now I don't know that I'll be able to miss what I don't have.

bumping

Bump for the newbies.

Begin at the beginning.

Bump because it has been a couple of months and some might benefit from reading.

Start at the start...

Mark

Just a bump...^^^

It's that time again...

^^^Bump^^^

Bumpity bump bump^^^

The beginning is usually a good place to begin.

IMHO this is one of the best threads on these forums but I thought I'd make "the beginning" slide back here to page 3-4 for the lazy ones like me who don't feel like going back to the first page. Hope you don't mind, Mark.








Mark,

I wish I had read this condensed version of MB concepts when I first registered nearly 2 years ago.

JMVHO after I observed it being bumped occasionally without making time to truly appreciate it for the wealth of info it provides.

Thanks for the time you put into this and all your other helpful posts.

Ace

Ace,

I kinda liked it the way it was.

Mark

Bump...

'Cause it's that time of year again.

Begin at the beginning...

Bumpity bump...

^^^

The Slippery Slope and EPs

For a few years I worked on antennas. These weren’t TV antennas on top of a house nor an antenna attached to the fender of a car to facilitate radio reception as you drove down the road; these were antennas on towers that you see along side the road as you travel from place to place and were for radio communications of various types including those silly litte cellphones we all love so much.

The highest ones I ever worked on were just over 450 feet high, the highest actually at around 485 feet above the surrounding ground. The guy I worked with spent a winter erecting a tower in Northern Wisconsin that was just over 1680 feet high! The pictures he took from the top of that tower are amazing...

The funny thing about falling, which is the only real fear of anyone who climbs tall structures for the most part, is that there are really only two distances that you can fall. You can fall far enough to get hurt and far enough to die. Even standing on the surface of the Earth, if you fall down, you can get hurt, even seriously. Falling far enough ends in death and falling twice that far is no worse than the former, since you will only die once no matter how far you fall. It is that logic that actually allows you to climb higher than certain death.

There are many rules regarding climbing today that didn’t exist back then, about 20 years ago when I was climbing. Today you are required to wear a full body harness rather than a belt and two safety lanyards are required one of which must be attached to the structure at all times. Before then we lived by a rule that said “Never let go of what you have hold of till you have hold of something else...”

That seemed to work well for us, but a lot of guys fell every year and today the rules have changed to make it harder to fall simply because some guys never really got that concept and thought they could tempt fate and could fudge things a little just to save time. They found out the hard way that the laws of physics apply to everyone no matter what the job is that they are doing or how much of a hurry you are in. Even now, some don’t follow the rules to the letter and pay with their lives.

One of the most dangerous of all the towers I was ever on was not even close to the tallest. It was only 165 feet high. It was in fact a municipal water tower. It was one of those that looks like a golf ball perched atop a tee ready to be struck by that new titanium driver you got for Christmas. What made it really scary was that it was winter time and the tower was covered with a thin layer of frost.

The problem with this kind of tower is that once you climb onto its surface, usually at the center, it appears pretty flat and footing is very good. The top rolls off at a gradual rate becoming ever more vertical until at some point you simply don’t have enough adhesion to keep from sliding. Once this point is reached you fall down because your feet are gone from underneath you in an instant and there is nothing to hold onto since the surface is smooth. You are about to become an actuarial statistic.

The simplest solution would seem to be to not go near that point, but the problem is that you are working on a job that has to get done and can’t focus entirely on where you are at any given point in time. You have to work very near the limits any way a lot of the time and the line between working and falling can be less than one full stride. Simply stepping back to admire what you just accomplished can result in a sudden realization that your life has ended.

Of course you don’t have to climb those things for a living and most would not even consider doing it, but somebody has to do it…

Our solution was to attach a safety line at the top of the ladder before even stepping onto the surface of the tower. This line was carefully measured most of the time to keep you from reaching that point where you would lose traction and fall down since even falling just onto the surface of the tank could result in injury. Remember the two distances you can fall…you get hurt or you die…avoiding one doesn’t always prevent the other.

The conditions at the time can affect what this point is though, and sometimes we had to work dangerously close to this unseen line simply because of what might be on the surface of the tower. Rain, snow, frost, ice, even extreme heat can change what kind of adhesion you get with your shoes, which we also had to be careful to select to stay upright at all times.

On towers where we had never been before or were not really certain of how far we could go before falling down the slope from which there was no return, we used a random length of rope that might not prevent our falling, but would always prevent our falling to the ground. It was more of a way for someone to rescue us than a prevention of falling at all. It might not keep us from falling completely, but would stop us before we went too far to survive.

Extraordinary precautions need to be these kinds of safety devices. They need to be designed to stop us from going too far and must give us a way back or provide a way for someone else to pull us to safety before we take a plunge.

As much as we talk of EPs being for the formerly wayward spouse to provide for the safety of their spouse they really are to provide for our own safety and as such must be in place whether we have had an affair or not. EPs are something anyone that is married must have in place. They are nothing more than personal boundaries extended to protection of the marriage. Under most circumstances they must prevent us from ever getting too far and must at the very least give us a way to be saved from certain destruction should we slip in a moment of losing our focus.

And for those who cannot follow the rules of protection and safety, they have to find something else to do. Climbing tall things is not for those who can’t follow the rules.

Today I no longer climb towers so high, not because of fear or because I am unable to do so, but because I realize that there are things in life that we once did when we were young that we eventually have to give up. I would be no more likely today of dying than I was back then, 20 years ago, but I would be less likely of being able to efficiently doing the same job because my body has slowed down. I might get up there but not be able to come back down on my own because my knees would no longer take the stress. The things I did when I was young are no longer things I can do without placing myself and others at risk.

When we first get married we are so in love that we would hardly think of straying and yet as we age and our relationship becomes something we are so familiar with we might stumble just by not paying attention. The excitement wears off after a while and we become complacent and THAT is when we are at greatest risk. We become willing to take short cuts and skip following the rules because we have never fallen before.

We might not be able to do those same things we did when we were young because we are no longer that strong.

I still climb, just not so high and when I do, I still follow the rules and take precautions to keep me from falling to my death, because beyond a certain point, getting hurt is a given and death becomes a very real possibility. Injured or dead, those are the only two options when you fall, whether from a tower or from commitment to your marriage. What you do to prevent falling and how you make sure you will never fall too far to recover is what will keep you safe…

Or at least it will keep you alive…

Mark

Note: I have added this to Trouble Shooting and Repair because the analogy follows from previous posts in this thread since it is related to work I have done in the same field.

Blatant bump for the night shift.^^^

Bumpers^^^

You can start on page one but Ace has it all copied into one post...

<Burp> Just bringing it back up...

It's OK Mark. We love seeing it ...one....more....time.......................

Mark,
I love your analogies in this thread. I've printed off most of it so that I can get the FWH read. I think you define, for those that are not readers (the FWH), an easier and quicker way, to know the MB concepts.

Thank you for the time and effort that you put into these posts, it is greatly appreciated.
JoJo

Bumpers...

Hi Mark....... I sure have missed you.

Another bumpy night...

Thank you Mark for posting. I'm new to this & your postings are great!!!

bump

Where to start<

another good post to bump

Bump.

This is a worthwhile read to get a condensed practical users guide to the MB program.

LTL