Marriage Builders
Posted By: Pepperband wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 07:58 PM
PLEASE TAKE WITH A HUGE GRAIN OF SALT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About 4 months ago, I fell for OW who is a teacher at my school.

About 4 months ago I decided to become a liar and a cheat

Within a little over 3 weeks, we had decided that we had to leave our spouses (she was married for six months) and be together.

I am prone to impulsive choices and capable of throwing my life away on a whim.

I told my W and OW told her H on the same night.

Please notice - I make NO MENTION of how my wife reacted to having me shoot her through the heart. I was not paying attention to my wife's feeling as I was shredding her soul.

It was EA until we left our spouses and then became a PE that night.

I could become sexually aroused with another man's wife while my own wife was emotionally hemorrhaging at home.

We stayed together for ten days and then I felt like I wanted to go back to my W and so I left the OW in a hotel room and went back to my W.

I do not mention remorse or responsibility - because I only want what I WANT - I WANT - I WANT

I cried like a baby that whole day and my W was so sweet and compassionate and caring.

Again - I am impulsive and only talk about MY FEELINGS MY FEELINGS MY FEELINGS


She took care of me and then the next day I went back to work, where I saw OW. I told my W that I needed space alone to clear my head and she told me to do whatever I needed to make myself better.

I returned to the heroin den and decided to take more heroin - because I WANTED TO - and no thought about breaking my wife's heart.

I lived in a back house alone for two days and then contacted OW and she spent a few days with me and my W had no idea.

I brought the heroin to my wife's home and drugged myself and lied about it. Aren't I cool?

Then I met with my W and told her that I wanted a D.

I told my W I wanted a D - but I forgot to notice my wife's reactions to this heart-breaking announcement.

I then semi-moved in with OW, but felt unsure of myself and sad.

My sadness matters. My wife's broken heart is not even on my radar.

I called my W a lot and talked with her and it felt good to be in contact with her.

I fail to mention how my wife felt because it does not matter to me, as long as it made ME feel good I would continue to abuse my wife's good nature and her love for me.

I then told the OW that I wanted to be back with my W and so I started sneaking around W’s house leaving anonymous love notes, clues, etc. She caught me one morning and asked what I wanted. I told her I wanted to be with her forever. We moved back in together.


Now I find myself giddy with the affection of 2 women who both want ME ME ME ME ME ME. I get to go from one to the other making promises I cannot keep. I am high as a kite.

She wanted me to quit my job, but I said I couldn’t.

Who cares what my wife wants? I sure don't.

I then started seeing OW at work in passing and more and more wanted to contact OW.

I wanted the affections of 2 women to continue. It's nice. I like it.

My W really wanted me to quit my job and I started to purposely distance myself from my W.

I mean, really, why should my wife be rewarded for her fidelity, her loyalty, her forgiveness, her care, her concern, her willingness to take me back after the most hurtful betrayal imaginable? It's better for me to hurt her more by DISTANCING myself and twisting the knife.


At this point, my W started reading from this website and she wanted me to go with plan A, but I jumped on the plan B alternative, saying I still needed time to think.

But, that was a lie, because I clearly am not thinking, only getting high.

Meanwhile, the OW and I started contacting each other via email at work.

I was rolling in cake, covered in frosting, gluttony and lust and coveting another man's wife. It was wonderful!

Weirdly, once my W and I decided that I should move out, we started cuddling with each other at night and I felt oddly close to her and like I wanted to show her my love for her.

I was rolling in cake, covered in frosting, gluttony and lust and happily and joyfully deceiving my good wife once more. It was wonderful!

But, I was also contacting OW and telling her that I needed to end my M if I ever was going to be with her.

C A K E C A K E C A K E - everywhere I see cake and I dive in face first!

However, OW and I were also sending sexual emails back and forth and it was exciting, but I also felt terrible for doing it.

In fact, I felt so terrible I continued to do it! Go figure!

The whole time, my W was reading my emails.

Do I mention how this must have made her feel? No, I do not, because it never occurred to me to consider my wife's feelings. CAKE CAKE CAKE

After I moved out and was living in our old house (during the time we were trying to reconcile, we moved into another place and once we decided on Plan B, I stopped moving my stuff – clothes mainly – and stayed in the old house we were renting), I sent a reply email to the OW about celebrating her birthday and how I loved her and mentioned something sexual.

Oops - this time I forgot to mention how "terrible" I felt doing this .... uh-huh! wink


My W read this email and called me over to her new place. She was furious and told me that she wanted a Divorce. I couldn’t say anything. She was right. I had lied and cheated and I was a terrible husband and I kept hurting her and I couldn’t quit my job and re-devote myself to her. So, the next day at school I was served D papers.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaa Mommie - where did my cake go? rant2

In a way, I was secretly hoping that she would divorce me because I was not man enough to do it.

In fact, I TOLD her I wanted a divorce - remember? And I wanted my wife to do things for me as I was still stomping all over her heart .... YOU do the divorce dear, I'm busy boinking another man's wife. You don't mind, do you?

That was two weeks ago. I have been in contact with the OW and we have had dinner and been intimate a couple times.

Notice I never mention her HUSBAND, or his broken heart? I am really a good person though - you haven't walked in my shoes - you don't know what it's like - don't judge me - .... What was I talking about? .... Oh, yes, her husband .... Now let's talk about me some more .....

I can’t decide if my wife was right – am I addicted to the OW?

Am I a good man? Am I a good person? Please don't let my vile behavior and callousness lessen your opinion of me.

Now, the OW is worried I am pulling away from her, because I have been.

This is not adultery in OW's mind - so the fact that I am pulling away from a married woman feels like a betrayal to OW - another man's wife.


I have been so sad the past week. I cry (full-on sobs, fall to the ground in pain crying) two to three times a day.

cry Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance

I keep picturing everything that has happened and it feels me with the most terrible pain.

MY PAIN MY HURT MY TEARS MY CONFUSION MY FEELINGS


I love my W so much and for some reason, I did all this horrible stuff to her.

I love my wife so much that for some reason I don't mention *ONCE* her emotional well being or her pain. Oh well ....

Our M, pre-A was good.

No thanks to me.

I kept everything bottled up though so she had no idea what was going on with me and she is still reeling from me leaving her for OW.

Shucks! I slipped and mentioned my wife's feelings .... I better not make this a habit. Now , back to me and my feelings .... sorry for the slight detour!

I am at the point where I am contemplating quitting my job and begging for my W to take me back.

I want my betrayed wife to guarantee she will take me back BEFORE I end things with OW or take any steps to change jobs.

I get very sad when I think about it though because of how hard and uncomfortable it will be.

cry Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance

I also think about how everyone tells me to leave my W alone and that we both need to move on.

But really, the best solution FOR ME is to keep both women thinking I am just about to decide to spend the rest of my life with her .... :crosseyedcrazy:

I worry that I would quit my job and go back to my W and she would not take me back.

Why should my wife have a choice here? Has she no consideration for MY feelings?


Or, our M would be too damaged to repair.

Or, it would require me to do some difficult things I don't feel like doing and things that make me have to consider the feelings of others.


I worry about her family and friends hating me forever and having to be around them.

I do have my reputation and my feelings to consider, yanno?

I worry about quitting my job and disappointing my students and the other teachers that would have to pick up my slack.

Because even though my personal life has been a complete disaster - none of this has hampered my ability to concentrate on my students - no, really - I am an extraordinary teacher - really, I am.


I also worry about quitting my job during a recession.

Too bad I did not think about this before I dipped my pen into the work inkwell.


At times I think I should not go back to my W and beg for forgiveness unless I am 100% sure that I do not love the OW.

Does this make sense? I need 100% clarity that I do not love another man's wife BEFORE I ask forgiveness from MY OWN wife. I am an extraordinary teacher - did I mention that?


Sometimes, I feel like I really love the OW and I am afraid that I will ruin a future life with her if I stop contacting her.

If I stop contacting OW (another man's wife) I might miss out on some tasty cake. And with my sweet tooth, well, I deserve it.


Am I just grieving the end of my marriage and that is why I am entertaining the idea of quitting my job to return to my wife?

See, I am grieving for myself - and no one else.


I go to therapy twice a week (for the past month and a half) and I see no improvement.

Do you think I should stop lying to the therapist?


I am still scared and pathetic, sad and confused.

cry Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance


I am so mad at myself for everything I have done to my W.

So mad in fact that I just sent a sexy text to OW (another man's wife).

I worry about her all the time and I feel like I want to keep her from anymore pain and go back to her.

I worry she and OW will both recognize how pathetic I am and both throw me into the ditch at the same time. I must move carefully here - if I want my cake to remain within reach.


But, what if I cause more pain?

What if I can't stop contacting the other man's wife?


What if she needs me to go away and not bother her so she can get stronger?

I'll throw her a bone - say what she wants to hear - and then when she's not looking - sneak around some more.

She did file for D, so I don’t even know if she would take me back even if I quit my job, and then I could be without a job and without a home, without a wife.

I deserve a job, a home, a wife .... and an OW (another man's wife).

I know that had I not met the OW, we would be happy still and I would still be bottling things up and not talking to her about my EN’s, but she would not be hurt, and I would not hate myself like I do now.

We were happy with me bottling things up, my lack of communication skills worked for us. What if my EN is having 2 women both wanting me? I think I hate myself because I can't have it all - I can't make a choice - I don't want to give up anything .... sigh



What do I do?

Should I call OW's husband and apologize? WHAT? I don't even register him as a human being - why should I care about HIM? That's just silly faint

How do I get past what I have done?

And by "get past" , I mean pay no consequences.

Posted By: Dealan-de Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:18 PM
Yeppers.

That's exactly what I saw, too.

My bullsheetometer was hittin' the red thru the whole post.

Posted By: Tabby1 Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:25 PM
Pep, you ROCK!!!!
(badly need a "we're not worthy" emoticon right here!)
Posted By: believer Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:33 PM
I really hope this poster keeps posting because it is a GREAT look into the mind of a wayward.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:34 PM
Originally Posted by believer
I really hope this poster keeps posting because it is a GREAT look into the mind of a wayward.

Do you all think I am being too harsh on him? He is an extraordinary teacher, after all.
Posted By: KiwiJ Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:35 PM
Pep, that was BRILLIANT. I really wish you'd do that with every WS poster who comes here.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:36 PM
Originally Posted by KiwiJ
Pep, that was BRILLIANT. I really wish you'd do that with every WS poster who comes here.

Naaaah - I often feel compassion for the poor pea-brains - but this one sent me off the cliff :happyholidays:
Posted By: KiwiJ Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:39 PM
But, to me, it was unbelievably effective. If that particular pea brain (I haven't read the original post) doesn't get something from that I'll eat my hat.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:41 PM
you people are just so mean and judgemental! Dontcha have no forgiveness?? shocked I am entitled, dammit!!

lemme think, which bible verse can I bastardize to make them feel guilty for knowin right from wrong? [the book I otherwise avoid at all costs! cry]

judge not lest ye be judged!!! naughty
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:41 PM
Originally Posted by KiwiJ
But, to me, it was unbelievably effective. If that particular pea brain (I haven't read the original post) doesn't get something from that I'll eat my hat.

Really?

I am expecting poison darts to the back of my neck .... at any minute :wavingsanta:
My WW showed me a new pair of slippers she bought yesterday when I stopped to drop off something and they said across the front "It's all about me". She showed them to me and said that they were right. It is all about her right now. Then I left.
Posted By: Tabby1 Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:43 PM
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by believer
I really hope this poster keeps posting because it is a GREAT look into the mind of a wayward.

Do you all think I am being too harsh on him? He is an extraordinary teacher, after all.

I must admit I've learned a lot from his post. puke
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:43 PM
Originally Posted by rustyshackelford
My WW showed me a new pair of slippers she bought yesterday when I stopped to drop off something and they said across the front "It's all about me". She showed them to me and said that they were right. It is all about her right now. Then I left.

Dummy - don't you know this is the SEASON for G I V I N G

YOU giving, that is :MerryChristmas: her taking
Just WOW!

I can hear all of that rabble coming outta the Z's mouth. :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: :RollieEyes: puke
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by rustyshackelford
My WW showed me a new pair of slippers she bought yesterday when I stopped to drop off something and they said across the front "It's all about me". She showed them to me and said that they were right. It is all about her right now. Then I left.

Dummy - don't you know this is the SEASON for G I V I N G

YOU giving, that is :MerryChristmas: her taking

lol. I know you're right.

Really sucks that she has friends and some family members that tell her to do whatever makes her happy right now. Keep feeding that monster. I will remember who it is and that they didnt take my childrens nor my feelings into consideration.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:54 PM
Originally Posted by rustyshackelford
Really sucks that she has friends and some family members that tell her to do whatever makes her happy right now.
hug There are people in the world (like YOU!) who are not idiots ---

Posted By: MelodyLane Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 08:55 PM
Originally Posted by rustyshackelford
Really sucks that she has friends and some family members that tell her to do whatever makes her happy right now. Keep feeding that monster.

Thank goodness she is not a serial killer, huh? crazy
Pep, you and Kimmy both are very adept at interpreting wayward Bullhocky! Wow, that was really hard to read.
Originally Posted by faithful follower
Wow, that was really hard to read.

Agree. I still have a hard time reading this stuff without becoming a smidge angry.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 09:08 PM
Originally Posted by silentlucidity
Originally Posted by faithful follower
Wow, that was really hard to read.

Agree. I still have a hard time reading this stuff without becoming a smidge angry.

Imagine BEING inside that head stuffed with so much poo - I can't imagine how he gets up every day and looks at himself in the mirror :crosseyedcrazy:
Originally Posted by Pep
Imagine BEING inside that head stuffed with so much poo - I can't imagine how he gets up every day and looks at himself in the mirror

Yeah, the weight alone could hinder anybody, much less having the neck strength to hold it up to PEER in the mirror.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 09:13 PM
Originally Posted by silentlucidity
Yeah, the weight alone could hinder anybody, much less having the neck strength to hold it up to PEER in the mirror.
faint rotflmao

Quote
I can't imagine how he gets up every day and looks at himself in the mirror
When I was wayward and for many years afterward, I didn't/couldn't look in the mirror. I doubt this guy has done ANY reflective thinking.
Posted By: Dealan-de Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 10:10 PM
Quote
Imagine BEING inside that head stuffed with so much poo - I can't imagine how he gets up every day and looks at himself in the mirror

TG I am a very patient shoveler...

The kids and I would've suffocated from all the Wookie spewed out.

Actually, much of what that poster posted I've heard from either the Wookster or an active waynerd here.
Posted By: Dealan-de Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 10:11 PM
Goodness forbid they ever have a UNIQUE thought.

Pep, this was hilarious!!
rotflmao
I am in plan b, but I would love to send this someway to WH!

The one that gets me is still the complete lack of concern throughout this for the WS's feelings or needs. You totally pegged it!
It has never been a consideration for my WH and then the best is when he would state how him ending the marriage was best for all of us!
He had not made one good, healthy decision about our relationship since affair started but suddenly he's all wise. Reminds me of Idey58's(I think its her) WH wishing her peace and happiness! puke
What do ya all think -- should I try to get this to him on the sly? Or is that not dark???
BF439
Posted By: Verve Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 10:29 PM
Pep,

You always make me laugh. Thank you! hurray
Posted By: Amazin Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 11:03 PM


Thanks Pep!!!!

I needed a good laugh.... I feel so much better now!


rotflmao

(Please tell me that was not from an actual post) What was his user name?

I?

ME?

MY?

MINE?

IMEMYMINE?

Waaaambulance?

Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 11:42 PM
Originally Posted by Amazin
(Please tell me that was not from an actual post) What was his user name?

Sadly - a real post from today - sadwh :wavingsanta:
Posted By: Amazin Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 11:50 PM

That makes it not so funny....

Very pathetic.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/05/08 11:52 PM
dat was genuine, authentic FOGBABBLE! Good job, Pep!! grin
Quote
That makes it not so funny....

Very pathetic.

Nope, not so funny, but the reality of the UNREAL crazy
Posted By: Skald Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 01:52 AM
Ugh. Sorry drgnfly. crazy faint
Posted By: KiwiJ Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 02:24 AM
Sobering, isn't it Skald? And effective.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 02:34 AM
Should I feel bad for laughing at this?
Posted By: KiwiJ Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 02:37 AM
No of course you shouldn't feel bad. I still think it has a serious message though. I don't know if Pep realises how effective this was in cutting through fogbabble.
Posted By: Skald Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 02:43 AM
Originally Posted by KiwiJ
No of course you shouldn't feel bad. I still think it has a serious message though. I don't know if Pep realises how effective this was in cutting through fogbabble.

Drgnfly lead me to this post. She was laughing behind me as I was reading it. It's so good to hear her laugh.

I don't know if Pep realizes how effective it is either, but I think this post should be stickied at the top of the forum.

Thank you, Pep.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 02:45 AM
Kiwi, at one of my first AA meetings, I was whining about my poor lot in my life. One of the fellows, Bob C from Romeo, Michigan took out an air violin and started playing it to show his "sympathy" for my poor lot in life! cry He was laughing so hard he couldn't SPEAK! mad The more pity I emoted, the harder he laughed until he was wiping tears from his eyes. cry

Another time, my sponsor, a Catholic NUN, told me to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth! cry It shocked me AWAKE to discover that my bullcrap would not work there!
Posted By: HerPapaBear Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 02:50 AM
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
told me to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth! cry


And they let you take it back out???? uhuh
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 03:09 AM
Originally Posted by KiwiJ
No of course you shouldn't feel bad. I still think it has a serious message though. I don't know if Pep realises how effective this was in cutting through fogbabble.

Naw :MerryChristmas:
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 03:15 AM
Originally Posted by tst
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
told me to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth! cry


And they let you take it back out???? uhuh

yes, but only to make fun of me! cry At my very first open talk, that same Bob C asked me to wear a red dress. hmmmm think He wouldn't tell me why.

So I give my first talk, and found him afterwards to ask why I had to wear red!? He said in order to drum up attendance for my open talk he told other groups I was a MADAM!!! mad mad
Posted By: HerPapaBear Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 03:21 AM
tst---> rotflmao smb--->rotflmao
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 03:26 AM
naughty
Posted By: lildoggie Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 05:34 AM
Ohhh!

And all this time I thought I was special
and only I got this speech from my wayward.
You mean to say they all say it????

Waywards puke

Posted By: Trying2live Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/06/08 05:59 AM
Oh Dear God You Rock! That's some funny funny stuff right there! You Pep are MASTER!!!!!
Posted By: drgnfly Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/09/08 03:59 AM
Get this fogbabble:

About 3 days before D-Day, WH was sending me emails from OW because I didn't like the "friendship". She had sent him an email wondering about getting the kids together and going to the park one day. He told her he had to talk to me about it (I highly doubt she had intended on me being there) and then he told her we couldn't go because we were supposed to go out of town on the days she was available. (Oh wait, he told her he wasn't allowed to go.) I later asked him if he had actually considered us all going to the park together and he said "Yeah, I thought the kids would have a great time playing." WHAT??!!! It never dawned on him that he would be going to the park with his wife and the OW!!! That is complete insanity. :crosseyedcrazy:

We laugh about this now, but wow. Talk about messed up.
Posted By: SDCW_man Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/10/08 02:14 AM
Originally Posted by rustyshackelford
My WW showed me a new pair of slippers she bought yesterday when I stopped to drop off something and they said across the front "It's all about me". She showed them to me and said that they were right. It is all about her right now. Then I left.

My WW (now xWW) actually SAID: "It is all about me right now!"

Word for word.

Not only was she selfish and self-entitled, she was santimoniously and pridefully so...she watched me cry and just got mad saying: "Pull yourself together!"...truly remarkable
My WS suddenly started to go tanning at the beginning of last summer (before i knew he was W). I said "why are you suddenly going tanning" his reply was "this summer is going to be the summer of ***** (fill in name)."

I think i vaguely remember hearing it on a seinfeld episode. thats where he would have gotten it.
MY dr. tonite told me to write down all the cruel things WS did and said to me so i can get it out of my head and let it go on the paper. anyway I couldnt help it and gave the list to WH. I know I F***ked up big time. I am just having a screwed up day.

anyway i think i was stupidly thinking i would get an apology. well i did grumble

"Im sorry for the way things happened"

Yeah cuz "the way things happened" said and did all those cruel things to me. It also had the affair. Not WS, WS didnt have any control over "the way things happened"!!!!!!!

"THE WAY THINGS HAPPENED" did it!!!! mad

its the unapologetic apology. Ws isnt taking any responsibilty for HIS actions. rant2

I guess thats why plan B is DARK!!!!!!!
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/10/08 04:17 AM
Originally Posted by stillhere8126
"Im sorry for the way things happened"

This is actually a very popular wayward phrase!

TRANSLATION:

I did not plan for this to happen , therefore I am a victim of circumstances. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance cry
Posted By: SDCW_man Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/10/08 04:57 AM
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by stillhere8126
"Im sorry for the way things happened"

This is actually a very popular wayward phrase!

TRANSLATION:

I did not plan for this to happen , therefore I am a victim of circumstances. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance cry

Yes, I noticed how my WW/xWW would couch everything in the 3rd person to avoid any hint of personal responsibility. Exact quote examples:

"It is just too late now"
"I'm sorry for how our our lives have become"
"I wasn't looking for a relationship"
"I can't force my feelings...you don't understand"
"There is nothing left of us to rekindle or restore...I can't help that"
"I just was lonely"
"You left me first...not my fault"
"I am sorry for many things that happenned"
"God changes things and God wants me to be happy"
"Yes, I meant my vows...to a certain extent"
"We were just friends and then it kinda happenned"
"You ruined a good thing we had first"
"You broke your vows first by playing golf"
"I tried, but "it" never came back to me with you"
"I have to feel "it" with you and I just can't"
"You made me this way!"

Yada, yada...so freakin' sick!!!
puke
Posted By: karmasrose Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/10/08 06:14 AM
Quote
"You broke your vows first by playing golf"

rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao

I apologize, but that one should go in the running for WS quote of the year!
Posted By: SDCW_man Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/10/08 06:58 PM
Originally Posted by karmasrose
Quote
"You broke your vows first by playing golf"

rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao

I apologize, but that one should go in the running for WS quote of the year!

No need to apologize, Karma. I could write a book of wayward-isms that would make your head spin. ANYTHING to deny personal responsibility--my xWW is a master blame-shifter, scapegoater, concealer/avoider, read-my-mind-er, finger-pointer, and shooter-of-the-messenger.

The following is REAL--no freakin' joke:

[wife]
"I am thinking of taking my (interior design) business to the next level, what do you think?"

[me]
"Ok, sounds good and I support you if that is what you want to do"

[WW-2 years later]
"You ruined everything! You didn't listen! Didn't you know I was asking you to quit working and start a family?"


I KID YOU NOT...
Posted By: Mark1952 Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/10/08 07:30 PM
Quote
"God changes things and God wants me to be happy
dontknow

Quote
"Yes, I meant my vows...to a certain extent"
rotflmao

Now THAT is funny...
Posted By: SDCW_man Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 12/10/08 07:55 PM
Originally Posted by Mark1952
Quote
"Yes, I meant my vows...to a certain extent"
rotflmao

Now THAT is funny...

EXACT QUOTE, Mark.

Here is another 'funny' situation that took place when I gave her all the photo albums of ours that she wanted (never answered me as to WHY she just had to have them) nearly a year ago and 8 months post-D:

[Post-meeting text from xWW--she had complimented my clothes and how I looked and asked for a hug; I had acted very 'neutral' and cool towards her]
"Thank you for talking to me but you weren't very complimentary towards me...maybe just needs some more time. Love, me"

[My (unspoken) thoughts at the time]
"I begged you to talk with me a million times and you just ran away and burned every bridge as fast as you could, so why are you (again) thanking me for talking to you? As for 'compliments', what were you expecting? "Gee, becoming a manipulative, deceitful, hurtful, trashy, immoral abandoner, howewrecker, and adulterer sure looks good on you! And, that 30 pounds you have put on since marrying the POSOM, as soon as the ink was dry on his 3rd D, really flatters you--love the way your thighs now rub together! Thanks for telling me how much you miss the ex-family & friends you so flippantly discarded...I'll be 'sure' to pass on your good wishes. What an angel you are...You must be sooooooooo proud of yourself!!!"
Posted By: drgnfly Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 05/04/09 07:54 PM
Just wanted to bump this. Pep did such an awesome job as usual! Some of the newcomers could learn from this one.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 05/04/09 10:47 PM
I have this on my watch-list. It's a very entertaining read...sometimes I wish I had the seniority to 2 x 4 these waynerds, but at 19 I don't feel I can 2 x 4 properly.
Posted By: schoolbus Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 05/05/09 11:23 PM
Let's see - for general translation purposes, whenever a wayward speaks, you can usually think this:

1. I want what I want when I want it.
2. I will blame the BS when I feel like it, and it doesn't mean much to me. In fact, it doesn't mean much at all.
3. I am out to satisfy my own wants. Whenever anyone else gets in the way of that goal, that person is attempting to "judge" me. "Judging" is now "bad", and therefore, if you are in the way of me and my wants, YOU are "bad".
4. Nobody understands me unless they are someone who supports my wants. In that case, they are a "good" person, and they are not "judging" me. They "understand" me, and they are my "friend". Probably, this person is my affair partner.
5. I absolutely cannot and will not listen to anyone who has had any experience with anything remotely like this experience - because MY experience is very unique and special, and I am therefore very unique and special among all human beings who has ever lived and who will ever live.


So, basically, unless you are talking to your REAL spouse, pretty much....

don't listen. Because what the wayward spouse has to say is self-driven.

Unless you have someone who can analyze the message and pull out the pieces that can help you, just step away from the mess and protect yourself.

SB
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/14/11 07:22 PM
Originally Posted by karmasrose
I have this on my watch-list. It's a very entertaining read...sometimes I wish I had the seniority to 2 x 4 these waynerds, but at 19 I don't feel I can 2 x 4 properly.

Thanks for keeping this one handy KR.
It is fun to go back & read this one.

Edit to add:
I searched the original poster sadwh, and this was his one & only MB post.
I hope his BW is enjoying her new life divorced from his abusive behaviors.

OR ......... I hope sadwh actually took my advice, called the Harleys and worked his butt off to make his BW safe, meet her ENs and provide just compensation..... I just doubt he had it in him.
Posted By: marksaysay Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/14/11 08:30 PM
Originally Posted by rustyshackelford
Really sucks that she has friends and some family members that tell her to do whatever makes her happy right now. Keep feeding that monster. I will remember who it is and that they didnt take my childrens nor my feelings into consideration.

I know this is an old thread but I was reading this and realized this is exactly whats going on with my WW.
Posted By: Tanam Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/14/11 08:46 PM
Oh wow......that has really set me thinking, I shall go back to an old journal and look at all the stuff he told me on the first Dday!!

Laters!!
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/14/11 09:12 PM
Originally Posted by schoolbus
Let's see - for general translation purposes, whenever a wayward speaks, you can usually think this:

1. I want what I want when I want it.
2. I will blame the BS when I feel like it, and it doesn't mean much to me. In fact, it doesn't mean much at all.
3. I am out to satisfy my own wants. Whenever anyone else gets in the way of that goal, that person is attempting to "judge" me. "Judging" is now "bad", and therefore, if you are in the way of me and my wants, YOU are "bad".
4. Nobody understands me unless they are someone who supports my wants. In that case, they are a "good" person, and they are not "judging" me. They "understand" me, and they are my "friend". Probably, this person is my affair partner.
5. I absolutely cannot and will not listen to anyone who has had any experience with anything remotely like this experience - because MY experience is very unique and special, and I am therefore very unique and special among all human beings who has ever lived and who will ever live.


So, basically, unless you are talking to your REAL spouse, pretty much....

don't listen. Because what the wayward spouse has to say is self-driven.

Unless you have someone who can analyze the message and pull out the pieces that can help you, just step away from the mess and protect yourself.

SB

Hoping no one misses this jewel by SB.
What a great thread Pep! Amazing.

In translating the words of the fogg-ed, it is important to pretend or think you are a major celebrity or self-absorbed superstar to try to understand the mindset of the wayward or you might not be able to successfully translate.

But if you wish to not tax yourself or your brain that much by warping it to try to understand a wayward, here are 3 simple tips to remember when the wayward is around.

1)Say the word "YOU" alot, and refer to THEM as much in the convo. You see, to them, THEY are the center of the universe. When you speak in sentences beginning in "you", they will listen! why? You're talking about them, thinking about them and they like anything about themselves b/c they're in the most selfish and narcissitic life situations ever.
2)Try to put the word "happy" somewhere near the word "you" when talking to them. Somehow they think they're getting their way when these two words are placed in close proximity with one another. Example: You want to be happy ww? I so understand YOU. YOU deserve to be totally happy and we can make that happen for YOU with a loving marriage. (that might get them to listen for a sec).
3)Do not ever mention yourself when speaking with a ws or they will shut down and walk off or do something stupid or say something stupid. They aren't interested in you. Just them. Like the other guy who posted about his wifes' house slippers which read "it's all about me", it sure is!!!

Whenever I had to (before divorce and plan B) speak to Darth and even years after the divorce (when I was simply in plan FU, and before I got sole custody), if I had to speak to him to make him do something my way (this is a good trick), I would do those things. Say in the sentence things about him, how my suggestion (or request) was really good for him or better, and then toss in the word "happy" or "you'll like it" or something positive like that near the word "you". It worked like a charm! He'd always get that child support then in, or he would chang off a weekend custody time if I had to go out of town.
Posted By: marksaysay Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/15/11 01:04 AM
Originally Posted by peachyisback
What a great thread Pep! Amazing.

In translating the words of the fogg-ed, it is important to pretend or think you are a major celebrity or self-absorbed superstar to try to understand the mindset of the wayward or you might not be able to successfully translate.

But if you wish to not tax yourself or your brain that much by warping it to try to understand a wayward, here are 3 simple tips to remember when the wayward is around.

1)Say the word "YOU" alot, and refer to THEM as much in the convo. You see, to them, THEY are the center of the universe. When you speak in sentences beginning in "you", they will listen! why? You're talking about them, thinking about them and they like anything about themselves b/c they're in the most selfish and narcissitic life situations ever.
2)Try to put the word "happy" somewhere near the word "you" when talking to them. Somehow they think they're getting their way when these two words are placed in close proximity with one another. Example: You want to be happy ww? I so understand YOU. YOU deserve to be totally happy and we can make that happen for YOU with a loving marriage. (that might get them to listen for a sec).
3)Do not ever mention yourself when speaking with a ws or they will shut down and walk off or do something stupid or say something stupid. They aren't interested in you. Just them. Like the other guy who posted about his wifes' house slippers which read "it's all about me", it sure is!!!

Whenever I had to (before divorce and plan B) speak to Darth and even years after the divorce (when I was simply in plan FU, and before I got sole custody), if I had to speak to him to make him do something my way (this is a good trick), I would do those things. Say in the sentence things about him, how my suggestion (or request) was really good for him or better, and then toss in the word "happy" or "you'll like it" or something positive like that near the word "you". It worked like a charm! He'd always get that child support then in, or he would chang off a weekend custody time if I had to go out of town.

Very insightful. I'll have to remember these tips. They won't really help me much right now, though.
Posted By: LostNtime Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/15/11 01:35 PM
Originally Posted by SDCW_man
Yes, I noticed how my WW/xWW would couch everything in the 3rd person to avoid any hint of personal responsibility. Exact quote examples:

"It is just too late now"
"I'm sorry for how our our lives have become"
"I wasn't looking for a relationship"
"I can't force my feelings...you don't understand"
"There is nothing left of us to rekindle or restore...I can't help that"
"I just was lonely"
"You left me first...not my fault"
"I am sorry for many things that happenned"
"God changes things and God wants me to be happy"
"Yes, I meant my vows...to a certain extent"
"We were just friends and then it kinda happenned"
"You ruined a good thing we had first"
"You broke your vows first by playing golf"
"I tried, but "it" never came back to me with you"
"I have to feel "it" with you and I just can't"
"You made me this way!"

Yada, yada...so freakin' sick!!!
puke

My WW would say "I meant it at the time that I said it but later I changed my mind"

This would mean 5 years later, or 5 minutes later
Posted By: Tanam Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/15/11 01:53 PM
"I just was lonely"

That was the one I got. Poor baby, a wife, nice house, good friends,yeah I know but it wasn't enough,

I thought shaggin your best friend would make me feel so much better.........and it would be good for our relationship.....I mean look how much stronger you are, look at all the things you have done.......see it was good for our marriage.

Now can you just get over it please, I know it was 6 years, 5 years of hell for you,

i KNOW COS YOU TOLD ME, i COULDN'T SEE IT FOR MYSELF COS.........

IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!

lets just move on, I chose to stay, be grateful, make it better for me cos I feel bad, I hurt her, I damaged me and I feel bad enough without having to deal with your feelings too.

ITS ALL ABOUT ME

Poor wayturd speak.

I gotta read this later, its just that pep posted it, and she doesn't allways agree with me, so if i admit she is better than me..... skeptical

seriuosly it looks like its gonna be hill-larry-us.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/15/11 04:08 PM
Originally Posted by ConstantProcess
I gotta read this later, its just that pep posted it, and she doesn't allways agree with me, so if i admit she is better than me..... skeptical

seriuosly it looks like its gonna be hill-larry-us.

This post (the part in black) was directly quoted from a drive-by WH. I did not change a word to make him appear worse than he was.

His BW had finally "had it" and it was not until she filed for a D that he MAYBE decided that MAYBE he might MAYBE want to work on the M if his BW would guarantee she would take him back..... before he was finished with OW.

His utter cluelessness and selfishness sent me over the edge.
Instead of doing my "translation" (red) on his thread, I created this one.

He was superior in his unobservant selfishness.

Please, enjoy this in the spirit in which I wrote it.

The actively wayward mind, fully exposed, is egomaniacal bordering pathologic.

Sometimes it is temporary insanity. Sometimes it is not.

Posted By: LostNtime Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/15/11 05:58 PM
Thanks for this Pepper. It helps me decode what my WW told me last night after stopping by for a while.

WW - "It felt so good being in your arms. It felt like I was home again" (This is right before she heads back to OM)

Translation - I want to tell you everything you need to hear to keep you hanging on and waiting for me while I continue to eat cake! I love my cake! Please not take my cake away from me!
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/15/11 06:51 PM
Originally Posted by LostNtime
Thanks for this Pepper. It helps me decode what my WW told me last night after stopping by for a while.

WW - "It felt so good being in your arms. It felt like I was home again" (This is right before she heads back to OM)

Translation - I want to tell you everything you need to hear to keep you hanging on and waiting for me while I continue to eat cake! I love my cake! Please not take my cake away from me!

Yeah.


Quote
WW currently living with OM and his parents
Plan A

Plan A is all about them & their cake.
Is it almost time to remove yourself from this triangle?
Are you considering Plan B?

Edit:
I just looked at your thread.
I understand where you're current position is. Hang tough.
Posted By: rainysweet Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 07/25/11 07:11 AM
Thanks. When you look at it that way, it's so pathetic it actually makes you laugh. (And I really needed to stop crying for a minute). If the whole thing, as a BS, wasn't so devastating and awful - it WOULD be laughable. They are ridiculous, these people in the middle of affairs, acting like narcissistic 13-year-olds.

I take that back. My 13-year-old would never behave in such a callous, selfish, damaging way, with no consideration for fellow human beings.

They just don't even think, do they? So sad.
Originally Posted by Pepperband
This post (the part in black) was directly quoted from a drive-by WH. I did not change a word to make him appear worse than he was.

His utter cluelessness and selfishness sent me over the edge.
Instead of doing my "translation" (red) on his thread, I created this one.

He was superior in his unobservant selfishness.

Please, enjoy this in the spirit in which I wrote it.

The actively wayward mind, fully exposed, is egomaniacal bordering pathologic.

Sometimes it is temporary insanity. Sometimes it is not.

Your right about that Pep.

Thanks again for this thread, if it wasn't so sad it would be a good skit for Inspector Clouseau.
Posted By: elph Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 08/02/11 07:49 PM
Originally Posted by schoolbus
Let's see - for general translation purposes, whenever a wayward speaks, you can usually think this:

1. I want what I want when I want it.
2. I will blame the BS when I feel like it, and it doesn't mean much to me. In fact, it doesn't mean much at all.
3. I am out to satisfy my own wants. Whenever anyone else gets in the way of that goal, that person is attempting to "judge" me. "Judging" is now "bad", and therefore, if you are in the way of me and my wants, YOU are "bad".
4. Nobody understands me unless they are someone who supports my wants. In that case, they are a "good" person, and they are not "judging" me. They "understand" me, and they are my "friend". Probably, this person is my affair partner.
5. I absolutely cannot and will not listen to anyone who has had any experience with anything remotely like this experience - because MY experience is very unique and special, and I am therefore very unique and special among all human beings who has ever lived and who will ever live.


So, basically, unless you are talking to your REAL spouse, pretty much....

don't listen. Because what the wayward spouse has to say is self-driven.

Unless you have someone who can analyze the message and pull out the pieces that can help you, just step away from the mess and protect yourself.

SB

THIS!!!

i know my wife better than anybody else. i kow she is really and genuinely a good person. she always been selfless, and willing to help anybody any time. thats one of the main reasons i fell in love with her...she has a good heart.

but since the OM sunk his claws into her... totally different person. and its all that to a T. esp. the part about friends. if youagree with her lifestyle choice, shell listen to you , but if not shell just nod her head to placate you. pretend like shes listening, and tell you what you want to hear. and sometimes its close to the truth, and sometimes you can see her start to come out of it...

then shes right back in...
I likened the way my xwh acted to "Linda Blair--exorcist". I swear, sometimes I wished I could have had a priest and some holy water and the priest to say to him, "Darth, let me talk to peachy's husband M...Can we talk to M now?"

Of course, the response would've been "There is NO more M. Only Darth." And then alot of head spinning and pea soup in my face.
No wait..was that the scene from exorcist or was it when Bill Murray was trying to get an evil entity out of his girlfriend in Ghost Busters???
Uh oh...answered my own question.

Talking to a wayward is like this:



My sincere apologies to anybody with his girlfriends' name.

Anybody have a wayward discussion moment like this?
Posted By: mehr Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 08/02/11 08:15 PM
CAKE CAKE CAKE .... hehe
Originally Posted by peachyisback
I likened the way my xwh acted to "Linda Blair--exorcist". I swear, sometimes I wished I could have had a priest and some holy water and the priest to say to him, "Darth, let me talk to peachy's husband M...Can we talk to M now?"

Of course, the response would've been "There is NO more M. Only Darth." And then alot of head spinning and pea soup in my face.

rotflmao

I ussually know that all the wayward stuff, the stupidity, the selfishness, brings such pain, that humor is hard to acknowledge.

But this one was funny, I couldn't help it, visualizing you wiping pea soup off your face peachy.

It would not be funny if you hadn't had victory in the long run.
Originally Posted by Pepperband
I go to therapy twice a week (for the past month and a half) and I see no improvement.

Do you think I should stop lying to the therapist?


ME: "Why am I paying for you to go to a therapist? Is she telling you it's okay to act like this?"

WW: No she's not telling me it's okay... But I don't listen to her!
Love that! And yet another reason to fire therapists!!! MB is the only way to combat the alien within!!!
Posted By: Tanam Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 08/04/11 03:19 PM


During a heated debate:

It's all about you, it's always all about you, you need to be the centre of attention

Yep thats right honey, but tell me wasn't it you needed to be the centre of attention from two women for 5 years?

Love the projection of his stuff onto me!!
Posted By: MrNiceGuy Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 03/16/12 06:01 PM
BUMP (trying to find WW fog babble threads for new posters)
Pep-
This is so accurate it is just insane.

Actually, made me mad as he** reading it and then thinking I bought some of this crap from my FWW at the time.

uhh! this fired me up!

note to self 'live in the present and future...let the past GO..that was then, this is now' repeat, repeat.


Posted By: karmasrose Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 03/16/12 06:44 PM
It is kinda funny, though--to think that any wayward would actually BELIEVE this crapola!

I kept this on my watchlist for that and the reason that, well...Pep is good at translating wayward fogbabble.
Posted By: MrNiceGuy Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 03/16/12 06:50 PM
hopefully i didnt trigger anyones anger bumping this thread. Just wanted to get a WW fog babble thread on top for the new posters so they can see the garbage being Spewed out of their mouths and compare.
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
hopefully i didnt trigger anyones anger bumping this thread. Just wanted to get a WW fog babble thread on top for the new posters so they can see the garbage being Spewed out of their mouths and compare.


Triggered me. Flashbacks.
Posted By: MrNiceGuy Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 03/16/12 06:59 PM
Sorry frown
Posted By: pokerface Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 03/16/12 07:02 PM
It is threads like these that, although may have triggered me, also helped me to understand the dynamics of affairs and put things into perspective. I think it played a big part in my own recovery.
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
Sorry frown

No worries. Actually, it made me realize how much more wise I am now.

Credit to Marriage Builders. It has saved my marriage.


As serious as the fog-babble is according to the danger it represents when The Aliens speaks, there can be some humor in it.

The best thing is when someone recovers, and they too can laugh at themselves, as they truly have put it behind them.

The feeling of being fooled, lied to, and taken advantage of by someone you opened your heart and soul to, is a painful trigger, that gets better over time.

Posted somewhere was this..

"If you are sad because someone has hurt you, lied to you, and mistreated you, There is still something to be thankful for to God. That you are not them"

Nothing gets by God, and when it comes down to His people, ignorance is no excuse.

I have this thread as watched also. It is so enlightening.
Posted By: RidicSit Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 03/17/12 12:50 PM
Fog babble has helped me. Really. When I am talking to other people, and they say things that their spouses have said- if I ask a few babble questions- and then they say " Yes!!! he said that! How did you know that?!?", it makes me feel like a magician.

Kidding. It makes me feel helpful, because then I can help them know what to look for, and help them identify what's really wrong, and hopefully far earlier than me.

Even my formerly wayward husband heard one of my friends describing something- and told her straight up to watch her spouse. He knew. And it was confirmed.

Knowledge is power.
Originally Posted by RidicSit
Fog babble has helped me. Really. When I am talking to other people, and they say things that their spouses have said- if I ask a few babble questions- and then they say " Yes!!! he said that! How did you know that?!?", it makes me feel like a magician.

Kidding. It makes me feel helpful, because then I can help them know what to look for, and help them identify what's really wrong, and hopefully far earlier than me.

Even my formerly wayward husband heard one of my friends describing something- and told her straight up to watch her spouse. He knew. And it was confirmed.

Knowledge is power.

Yup Yup..
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 08/16/12 05:53 PM
Bumping for the edification/amusement of the newcomers.
Posted By: MrNiceGuy Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 09/24/12 07:34 PM
BUMP!!!
Posted By: indiegirl Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 09/24/12 10:30 PM
This is my all time favourite fogbabble translation.

It doesn't get better than this.

Just days out from Dday, this made me roll on the floor laughing.

And its so TRUE!!! The self pity, selfishness and foolishness wrapped in a thin veneer of pretend morals and half baked thought processes. Once translated for you, you'll be forever fluent in justifications.
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Bumping for the edification/amusement of the newcomers.
From the mouth of those in the amazing journey
Originally Posted by indiegirl
This is my all time favourite fogbabble translation.

It doesn't get better than this.

Just days out from Dday, this made me roll on the floor laughing.

And its so TRUE!!! The self pity, selfishness and foolishness wrapped in a thin veneer of pretend morals and half baked thought processes. ...

Yeah..
Posted By: BetrayedP Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/03/12 05:25 AM
Wow, this is extremely accurate.

My WH has also said many times that it is all about him. He sacrificed so many years...blah, blah, blah... his time now.

Also he liked to say I was judging him. POSOW also said that too... it was like a chorus.

He is still in the fog.
Originally Posted by Pepperband
The actively wayward mind, fully exposed, is egomaniacal bordering pathologic.

Sometimes it is temporary insanity. Sometimes it is not.

In a word, waywards are narcissists...

Hotchkiss identified what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism:

1. Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.

2. Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.

3. Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.

4. Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.

5. Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.

6. Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.

7. Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.
Posted By: BetrayedP Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/04/12 06:53 PM
By this definition my WH is a narcissist for sure.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/04/12 06:54 PM
Oh good heavens that describe Al's (my fiance) sister to a T...but she is not a wayward.
I was thinking Karma, that this discribed my Dad to a T, his expectations and paranoia as he learned while growing up

We never have figured that out. My mom divorced him when he had an affair, and insisted AP move in with us...

He is resting well in a nursing home from his altziemers, and of course, it's all in the past now.

Remembering what someone told me once about mental illness, self medicating, and how dreadful the consequences are to the clinically mentally ill

As Dr H has experience in that area, and with the drugs self enduced via the human mind, through the euphoria of what some call,"In Lurve", AKA the wild wayward mindset and yes, it's selfish and narcisstic manifestations, there is no wonder many find themselves here, on the rollercoaster. "Stop the world, I wanna get off"

Just thinking of those very wise words from the good book. "Buy the truth and sell it not"

Staying connected to the truth, who woulda thought...

My favorite spout of waywardspeak as of date...
"You will be sorry when I'm gone, all that I have sacrificed, all that I have given, so what I slipped and had a moment of weakness"

Sure I'm sorry, sorry for her, and the children at the loss of thier mom, but life goes on. Time heals all
Posted By: falconrap Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/05/12 09:34 AM
Let's have some fun - anyone want to translate my WW's following statement? I can think of a few ways to translate it.

"You only live life once and I want to be happy."

Come on....go for it! smile

Posted By: karmasrose Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/05/12 09:59 AM
"I am feeling impulsive and entitled and darnit all I DESERVE to trample falconrap like dirt so I can feel good!"
Posted By: BetrayedP Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/05/12 01:23 PM
Me, me, me....MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry who r u again standing there with your heart on the floor? Clean that mess up!

Sorry FC.. amazing they r all like that
I want to do just exactly what I want to and you people that I am responsible for, or vowed to be accountable to, are just getting in the way of my good time.

Remember you are here to make me happy, and instaead of discovering why I dont feel happy, I am blaming it on you, and your inability to make me feel happy anymore.

Yeah and along with all of that, I just wanted to add that your life does belong to me, and that I will stomp on it if it makes me happy..dont care why.. I just like it..


Yeah selfish and souless they are indeed, and by this time you can start to see it
Posted By: falconrap Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/05/12 02:39 PM
For some reason I keep thinking of Toby Keith's "I Wanna Talk About Me" when she's says cr_p like that.

I also thought: I'm not happy, don't know why, but why can't you just get out of my way and let me be happy, even if I won't?

That thinking went really well with her blank stare at me when I asked why she couldn't be happy with me, especially if I found a way to fill all of needs and ways to have fun together. She just stared at me, stunned, without any response. I asked again and the stare continued. Must have been beyond the walls of her little reality. Not a question she was prepared to answer, especially since she probably knows, deep down, that I could make her happy.

Waywards are nuts.
Ok So its a she...I cannot answer for the members of the female gender, but I have been at the mercy of two womens, "I wanna have fun", bullcrap in my life..

Turns out they thoughly enjoyed having fun, and at my expense musta just made it more exciting.( You can read on this forum all about that too, and in Dr Harleys writings, He talks about the excitment factor also)

But to be fair, my second wife did feel sorry for having to cheat on me in order to have fun...yeah Bull, part of the web she wove and then became a victim of herself...They allways lose

They just can't accept that actions have consequences.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/05/12 03:23 PM
Originally Posted by falconrap
Waywards are nuts.

This reality must be considered when the betrayed spouse is working his/her Plan A.

If we MBers educate the betrayed spouse to anticipate their wayward will act nuts, we (hopefully) stop the betrayed spouse from giving credence to their wayward's nutty spew.
In my "carrot/stick" thread, I wrote the following based on Dr. Harley's advice.

Quote
You respond to all the raging comments: I am still holding out hope for our marriage.

You stay calm

You don't argue

You don't explain

You do not preach

You do not educate

~and~ you do NOT apologize for standing up for truth and marriage and keeping your family intact

YOU calmly re-state your belief that there is hope for the marriage ....

if things get out of hand ... excuse yourself and go for a walk or a drive ...

remember ... exposure makes the already foggy spouse act insane ... but it is temporary

I wish I had also written:

"Recognize the wayward's words are illogical and make no sense, and you throw their foggy babble into your mental trash bin, labeled as nonsense".

This thread about wayward fog can be a useful avenue of information for the betrayed working Plan A. Too many newly betrayed try to do a forensic on their troubled marriage based on wayward fog. Betrayed husbands, especially, are prone to listening to their foggy wives and try to "fix" what is wrong in the marriage based on the fog babble.

STOP DOING THAT !!!!!!!!!!

Don't argue with fog babble. Don't educate fog babble. Also, while I'm at it, don't try to teach your pig to play the violin. (apologies to pigs everywhere)

Originally Posted by Falconrap
Waywards are nuts.

My point is this. Do not base your Plan A on what the wayward says.
The unhappy-messed-up-foggy-WH who wrote the original post on which this thread is based, underlines in CAPITAL LETTERS why we want you to follow Dr. Harley's advice and ignore your wayward's pile of verbal doo-doo.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/05/12 03:29 PM
Originally Posted by ConstantProcess
They just can't accept that actions have consequences.

Which is why we do not preach to waywards while they are foggy.

Ergo, we Plan A the "stick" and not just the "carrot".

Consequences can turn the wayward's head. Warnings of consequences? Not so much.

I'd like to see this discussion become a useful tool for Plan A MBers. More than a simple complaint thread. How can this knowledge that "Waywards are nuts" be of use to current and future betrayed spouses?
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/05/12 06:15 PM
t/j the Queen has arrived! So good to see you again..... kiss
Posted By: Pepperband Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/05/12 06:18 PM
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
t/j the Queen has arrived! So good to see you again..... kiss

You've got mail.
Hi Pep, good to have the author of the thread stop in..

How ya been?

How can the knowledge that WAYwards are nuts, be of use to current and future spouses?

Good question, and it could be its own thread I agree, but again we would have to go into the physiology of nuts, what it comes from and its nature, and blend it into the selfish nature previalent in human beings, and of course the thinking that.."We deserve to be happy and satisfied all the time"

They should name this age as, "The age of instant gratification", or "I wanna feel good and i want it right now", and maybe with a, "At everyones expense if nessesary" clause written in.

I would classify this as crazy, not possible, and not even probable really, but isnt this behind the average wayward activity? "Ive done enough and deserve more!!" seems to be the battle cry of all these poor waywards.

Now if you could get the waywards to examine themselves, and realize they are basically selfish and clinically nuts, that would be awesome, but they are ussually so wrapped up in themselves and thier fantasies, that the BS is in the way of...They are nuts, and will stop at nothing to have their way, spewing thier battle cry...


I suppose the feeling sorry for them because they are crazy and self-entitled can be a way out of the guilt they would have to feel if called "on the carpet", so to speak, by using hormones and life experiences, and whatever to coax them out of the trap they have fallen into, (Ahem), for there own good, and with promises of even better rewards,(highs emotionally and peace internally), might draw out some, but most of them are stomping thier feet, and don't want thier newfound freedom trampled on, once they have found the blissfulness of freedom. lol

If it can be of any practical use, the thread would have to address the obviuos. That the BS is not nuts, because the wayward tells them they are, But WS now that you bring it up..someone is nuts, and the facts show...


All of the fogbabble and wayward speak shows what is real or not. What is sad is it takes so long for BS to understand, that they have lost thier mind, or should I say given it away, for dreams and fantasies, that will never come true.

They are built on lies
Posted By: MrNiceGuy Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/05/12 08:22 PM
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by ConstantProcess
They just can't accept that actions have consequences.

Which is why we do not preach to waywards while they are foggy.

Yeah ... I learned that lesson in my thread with a foggy mother in law. We made the mistake of actualy giving her the book HNHN before we confirmed that she was in fact in a full blown affair. ML gave me a 2x4 for that one. And in the end it only gave her MORE reason to leave her Hubby and cleave to her AP.

The next day when Wayward grandma finished reading the book HNHN (we gave it to her to read then after she went to bed, posted on MB that we loaned it to her)she said "after reading this book i learned that my hubby was in fact not being a good hubby at all!". I kick myself for giving her that book which may have fuled the demise even more (grandma blames me for ruining everything and I feel a bit guilty about it).. but her hubby could NOT man up and do that hard work ...we did it all .. and in the end she left him anyhow. Gave him 500k worth of property tho and now grandpa is messing around with Grandmas AP 's wife! YUCK!"

Moral of the story? DONT EDUCATE A WAYWARD! .. It doesnt work and I learned my lesson.
Yeah thats par for the course, a wayward will usually try to use the rules for a good marriage relationship against you, and seems to pull there justifications out of thin air.

Words mean little to them when they can bend them and twist the message around to the way they think.

They allready did that now didnt they? All we give them is just more ammunition.

Exposesure and plan B seems to drive the truth home, and then when they realize your seriuos, maybe they will listen, but the intoxicating drugs that come from an affair, or just wayward activity in general, still have thier effect, that needs to be dealt with fully and completely.

It takes time, but what good thing doesn"t?
I don't love you anymore. I don't respect you. I gave you two years to fix things and you did nothing. Where were you when I wanted to die every day? And now that there's a man you want to do something?!

All these things I heard last night when we got into an argument that started when she thought I was the one being cruel for looking to get a full time DAY job in the career which I've been doing for 20years. This means that we would have to pull our DD out of the pre-school that she just started two months ago. WW's brilliant idea is for me to work nights and/or weekends and still be SAHD so that DD can stay in pre-school which is 3 days/3hours per week.

Hardest part of fog babble is, near as I can tell being a newly BS, is watching the self-destruction as well as the familial destruction all the while she satisfies her need to "be happy", and wondering when/if she will ever come around to see the err of her ways. It's all fine to see it as fog babble, but not knowing if there will be a light at the end of the tunnel is killing me.

WW is involved in an A that exposure did not kill, and she feels great with that and all the attention she is getting from her new found drinking friends from work (most of which are guys).
Posted By: karmasrose Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/06/12 03:40 AM
She may eventually come around to see the error of her ways, but...it will be very hard. The entitlement in her is astonishing.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/08/12 09:14 PM
Bump
Posted By: indiegirl Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 10/17/12 12:04 AM
Bump
Bravo! clap
Posted By: indiegirl Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 02/20/14 11:54 AM
bump and check out this too:


Originally Posted by schoolbus
Let's see - for general translation purposes, whenever a wayward speaks, you can usually think this:

1. I want what I want when I want it.
2. I will blame the BS when I feel like it, and it doesn't mean much to me. In fact, it doesn't mean much at all.
3. I am out to satisfy my own wants. Whenever anyone else gets in the way of that goal, that person is attempting to "judge" me. "Judging" is now "bad", and therefore, if you are in the way of me and my wants, YOU are "bad".
4. Nobody understands me unless they are someone who supports my wants. In that case, they are a "good" person, and they are not "judging" me. They "understand" me, and they are my "friend". Probably, this person is my affair partner.
5. I absolutely cannot and will not listen to anyone who has had any experience with anything remotely like this experience - because MY experience is very unique and special, and I am therefore very unique and special among all human beings who has ever lived and who will ever live.


So, basically, unless you are talking to your REAL spouse, pretty much....

don't listen. Because what the wayward spouse has to say is self-driven.

Unless you have someone who can analyze the message and pull out the pieces that can help you, just step away from the mess and protect yourself.

SB
Posted By: apples123 Re: wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 06/26/15 04:35 PM
Bumped for newbies
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