Is there a part of these plans to let the spouse of the other man or other woman know that their spouse is cheating on them with your spouse?

Or does this not do anything positive?

Exposure is key to bringing the cockroaches out of the darkness. If you are not able to do this, have a friend or family member tell the spouse. But be ready for denial. Get your facts (proof) in order first. Better yet... post the details of your story here and let the vets help you develop a plan of attack.

Ok, my wife is seeing a cop. I have SMS records of their communications for a two day period. It is very clear that this is at least an EA, and at the time headed to a PA. "I get you for 4 1/2 hours this weekend", and I remember her telling me that weekend that she was going to spend the night at a girlfriends... yeah right.

I also have computer logs.

He is a cop.. and soon after I started discovering this, I confronted my wife, who then got a restraining order against me on false allegations, which I suspect he encouraged to get me out of the "picture". Since then it seems magically now HE is supposedly getting a divorce and is not with his wife. I found her facebook profile and want to know if and how I should inform her.

If this is something I should do.. I will.. If it's not advised, then I won't. But I'm pretty sure that my wife will $h!t a brick if she is confronted by his wife or she finds out that I informed her. And I'm not too choked up about that

Besides a plan for exposure, you need to have a plan for dealing with your wife. Do you want to stop the affair AND save your marriage? You need to read up on some MB principle so you know what to do, what to expect, and how to respond.

As for him getting a divorce... just know that lies abound in affairs. And the liars improve their lying ability the longer the affair lasts.

Again, you might want to post more of your details like length of marriage, number of kids, and other factors since advice from the posters might vary based on these factors.

Just know that you are not alone. It's a painful experience that none of us deserve.

No kids from our marriage. Been married only 15 months.

Sorry, not sure what other details to give. Things seemed really good between her and I and then we started going through some emotionally and financially difficult times, but I thought these were times we were pulling through TOGETHER. Struggles we SHARED. Also she takes a crapload of medication, 450mg of Welbutrin and large dosages of Xanax, plus takes water pills and hormones.... It's honestly like she's a different person.

Oh good grief man. Expose to the OMW, but get out of that, fast. If this is happening after only 15 months of M, just imagine what the rest of a life spent with your WW might bring!

Expose OMW and WW parents and siblings.

Also expose OM at work.

Expose away

Absolutely! The OP's spouse should be told right away. That would be a good thing for everyone involved.

You want to expose ASAP. After exposure, expect the APs to go nuts because you have exposed their dirty little secret. When you tell the BW, be upfront and let her know she can contact you for further info. Be compassionate...no matter what the APs say, it is very likely BW has no idea what is going on. You don't want to go off on her telling her what an ahole her WH is. You want this woman as an ally so keep the lines of communication open and stick to the facts that you know.

Given your short marriage and no children, you really need to seriously think about whether or not this marriage is worth trying to save. RECOVERY IS HARD! Many in your situation say they understand that R is hardwork and then they are surprised just how hard it is. How old are you?

Are you no longer living with your WW? Either way, don't confront her anymore, you just drop the nukes and she will find out eventually. You want to expose to her family as well. Exposure is more effective when you drop the bombs all at once instead of trickle here, trickle there.



You want that...the more bricks the better.

From the cop's wife: don't count on this doing anything. There is very much a GOB (good ol'boy) mentality in law enforcement.

Now, if his job is with a Sheriff's dept. that might be another story. Any Sheriff that has to be elected might see him as a threat to HIS job.

Also, no matter who you expose to (PD etc.) only expose to them if you have proof that he is using departmental time/resources to further his illicit activities. By that, I mean if you have copies of emails from when he was obviously on duty (or from the departmental email), or phone records where he was using departmental time to chat her up for extensive periods of time.

The only time the department perked it's ears forward with my situation was when I showed them phone records where he was talking to the tart for HOURS when he was supposed to be on duty.

I got much better pull when I talked to his two partners (both of whom are VERY Christian and devoted to their wives). Both of them double teamed him whenever they were on duty together.

I am 35, my wife is 43.

Nuclear expose to everyone.

OMW should be the first you tell, she will be your biggest ally.

You've only been married a little over a year?

Make sure all her cr@p is on fire in the driveway when she comes home.

Now I don't want to get into any legal trouble... is there anything I should be worried about as far as I have a program on the laptop monitoring all keystrokes, websites, etc and it sends me an email report of it all! LOL!!!

I have record of him getting a hotel for them two to take a trip a couple of weekends ago. I am just wondering if I reveal any of this, could I get in legal trouble for it? I believe that the law says that since her and I are both married that all the belongings are equally ours.. only issue is this.. once one of the players is confronted with the evidence of these logs... they will surely have the computer wiped and redone, and thus I will lose that as an avenue of information...although.. I may already have all the info I need.

Never reveal your sources. You do not have to prove the truth.

What is medically wrong with your wife? Does she get depressed?

How did she meet with the LEO?

You've created a separate e-mail account for receiving those reports, right? One that doesn't have an obvious name or password that doesn't tie it back to you?

The decision to rebuild is all yours but really take a look at the woman you are married to and see the pattern of her behavior since you have known her.

Do not reveal your source. For all WW knows, she was sloppy and left info out in the open that you just happened to come across. Let her wonder...you don't have to say anything other than you KNOW the truth. Heck, you could drop a hint that maybe POSOM was going around bragging to his friends about getting in her pants and watch the fireworks begin. Expose and let the crapfest begin. You should stay calm and stand back while the APs go ballastic. Do not engage them. You can't reason with a crazed person.

Are you an WW still living together or not?

Cops are famous for this. I like it

Larry

>drop a hint that maybe POSOM was going around bragging to his friends about getting in her pants and watch the fireworks begin.

Knowing the GOB networks, he prolly already is.

She claims she gets very depressed, yes.

What does LEO stand for?

It is a separate email account, but the first part of it is my first name...

No we are not, as I mentioned earlier in this post, she got an RO against me.

LOL. What does POSOM mean?

Ok so people, you're telling me NOT to reveal my sources.. and I can accept that, but how do I reveal PROOF without revealing my sources? Do I just tell the OM's Wife that she just needs to believe me?

There is ONE source that I feel is ok to reveal since it's already cut off, it's the program I was using to monitor the SMSs on her phone. she was on a smartphone and switched to a non smart phone.

I'm just still wondering about legal issues.. anyone know?

The phone I had been monitoring I purchased with my debit card, I can prove that, and at the time I was authorized on the cell phone account. So should that cover me????

Also I can contact the OM's wife via facebook, as I don't have her phone #.. BUT.. I DO have her physical address, which apparently the OM isn't living there anymore.. he's been spending nights with my wife. Any thoughts on me just going to her place or should I send her an email via facebook? What I'm concerned about is if I send her an email via facebook she may not respond to me but rather call up her husband and rip him a new one... that's nice and all, but if she does that without seeing my proof, I'm concerned he may be able to give her a snow job and convince her otherwise. Remember, he's a cop, what the heck else could he have up his sleeve if he thinks I have proof and wants to stop me from exposing it to his wife?

A lot of states have "alienation of affection" laws, so look into that for your state - POSOM (piece of sh*t other man) may be the one in legal trouble.

piece
of
s***
other
man

"I'm so sorry to tell you this.
Your wife/husband is having an adulterous affair with my wife/husband.
She/He will probably lie and deny when you confront her/him.
Please do some checking into the phone records (credit cards/ emails) before you confront her/him.
Here is a way to confidentially reach me. (your phone or email)
Let me know how it goes.
We can compare our findings after you do some detective work on your end."

If you word-smith exposure carefully, you can increase your "proof" sources.

Law Enforcement Officer

You have a name, and an address, but you cant find a home or cell #

Either she has neither, or you suck at the detectivating.

THANK YOU GACK !

If you are willing to go to BW house, I would do so. But I would do this only to deliver the proof to her and not expect a have a face to face discussion with the woman. She might get freaked out (since you are stranger showing up at her door) and news like this is hard to hear. I would make copies of what you have and write a letter to her detailing what you know, leave your contact info (cell phone), and be sure to apologize for being the bearer of bad news but you thought she has the right to know, etc. I would knock on the door and if she answers. Verify if she is the wife of POSOM, hand her the envelope, and tell her you thought she should have this.

Sorry but did you want to help me out? I have put her name in to sites like intellus and they come back saying no phone available. I have no problem paying for her phone #, but the people search net detective sites ain't workin' for me on this one. I'm open to suggestions.

Thanks!! I know what she looks like from her FB profile... I just might do this. Hmmm... alienation of affection... I will see if that applies to my state. I am in Oregon.

Ok, think I will try the email via facebook approach. Less intrusive than if I came in person I think.

Thank you GOD!! I got a hold of her via facebook and she called me!!! Now both the OM and my wife BOTH know that she knows and that I contacted her. Praise GOD!! We will see where it goes from here. Apparently if I understand correctly, her H filed for D two weeks ago, magically about a week after my wife got the RO against me.. hmmm. Anyhow his wife told him that she would waive CS, etc. as long as he paid the CC debt. However after she found out about this, .... she's changed her mind. Anything she's entitled to get by law, she will not waive.