Me the Codependent Just Filed for Divorce - 04/26/10 08:42 PM
Greetings,
My wife has struggled with anxiety most of her life. She got treated for this condition when it became crippling and she was prescribed Paxil. Soon after the anxiety was gone but she went through a pretty dramatic transformation. She started drinking way too much, acting like a teenager, wearing very revealing clothing and just needed attention from everyone but mostly men. She claimed she was having a mid life crisis and I became the boring husband.
Her entire family was very concerned for her as they were seeing a new person that they had not known and the drinking was obviously a problem. I tried to be as supportive as I could, I took on most of the child duties and let her go out and be wild and crazy with her girlfriends and tried not to comment too much on the drinking.
This continued for about 2 years until she decided to have an affair with both of her bosses and carry on the affair with one of them for 6 months. Soon after I found out, I realized that I had no say in what was going to happen with our 11 year marriage and family. She said she is going to do whatever the hell she wants and now is the time she starts living for her and not anyone else.
I was deemed the parent figure and she was rebelling against this with every opportunity. I was even given an ultimatum that either I allow her to start dating other people for 3 months and then see if she wanted to come back to the marriage or I had to divorce her. Hence the divorce.
I was able to hang on for about two months in limbo while she was trying to figure out if she wanted to stay married but she has taken this whole thing to another level, dating on the internet and continuing to try and contact her old affair partners. I even became the "other" man that she used to make some of the other guys jealous.
I was willing, in true co-dependent fashion, to offer full forgiveness for the previous affairs if she would just put one tiny bit of effort into rebuilding our marriage.
I can't help but to think that my co-dependence exacerbated the entire issue from start to finish and that if I became just as selfish, my marriage would have stood a chance. I think somewhere along the line she lost total respect for me for being so dedicated to the marriage and she used this to walk all over me, humiliate me and use me as a pawn.
I swear, before the Paxil and the crippling anxiety, we had a very good marriage. We were high school sweethearts and knew each other for 20 years. If there was any two people that were soul-mates it was us until the anxiety/paxil treatment.
Now I am trying to pick up the pieces during this 60 day waiting period prior to divorce finalization and start a new life without her.
She has seemed to become a borderline sociopath as she shows almost no emotion and can even walk around singing while we are discussing our divorce and child custody. She admitted that she it has become so easy to lie and cheat on me that there is very little chance that this would stop if she came back into the marriage. She has also become very self image obsessed and when I do see her, she flirts and tries to get me to show her that I am still attracted to her.
I wish there was a Paxil intervention program as I think her whole family would be on board.
So sad.
My wife has struggled with anxiety most of her life. She got treated for this condition when it became crippling and she was prescribed Paxil. Soon after the anxiety was gone but she went through a pretty dramatic transformation. She started drinking way too much, acting like a teenager, wearing very revealing clothing and just needed attention from everyone but mostly men. She claimed she was having a mid life crisis and I became the boring husband.
Her entire family was very concerned for her as they were seeing a new person that they had not known and the drinking was obviously a problem. I tried to be as supportive as I could, I took on most of the child duties and let her go out and be wild and crazy with her girlfriends and tried not to comment too much on the drinking.
This continued for about 2 years until she decided to have an affair with both of her bosses and carry on the affair with one of them for 6 months. Soon after I found out, I realized that I had no say in what was going to happen with our 11 year marriage and family. She said she is going to do whatever the hell she wants and now is the time she starts living for her and not anyone else.
I was deemed the parent figure and she was rebelling against this with every opportunity. I was even given an ultimatum that either I allow her to start dating other people for 3 months and then see if she wanted to come back to the marriage or I had to divorce her. Hence the divorce.
I was able to hang on for about two months in limbo while she was trying to figure out if she wanted to stay married but she has taken this whole thing to another level, dating on the internet and continuing to try and contact her old affair partners. I even became the "other" man that she used to make some of the other guys jealous.
I was willing, in true co-dependent fashion, to offer full forgiveness for the previous affairs if she would just put one tiny bit of effort into rebuilding our marriage.
I can't help but to think that my co-dependence exacerbated the entire issue from start to finish and that if I became just as selfish, my marriage would have stood a chance. I think somewhere along the line she lost total respect for me for being so dedicated to the marriage and she used this to walk all over me, humiliate me and use me as a pawn.
I swear, before the Paxil and the crippling anxiety, we had a very good marriage. We were high school sweethearts and knew each other for 20 years. If there was any two people that were soul-mates it was us until the anxiety/paxil treatment.
Now I am trying to pick up the pieces during this 60 day waiting period prior to divorce finalization and start a new life without her.
She has seemed to become a borderline sociopath as she shows almost no emotion and can even walk around singing while we are discussing our divorce and child custody. She admitted that she it has become so easy to lie and cheat on me that there is very little chance that this would stop if she came back into the marriage. She has also become very self image obsessed and when I do see her, she flirts and tries to get me to show her that I am still attracted to her.
I wish there was a Paxil intervention program as I think her whole family would be on board.
So sad.