your really want to see AP burning in a fire?

I check the news each day in the vain hope the I will see OW's name plastered next to some horrific accident. I really wish I did not have so much anger in my heart, but right now I will fully admit that I want to see her suffer for trying to break up my marriage. Will this feeling go away?

Feelings change.
All feelings change.
You are way too early into the process right now to concern yourself with managing your feelings toward OW.
You hate her.
OK.
Now what?
Plan for recovery.
The best revenge is to live well.

Well said!

P.S. I would rather see the AP suffer a bit more. Accident is too swift.

You might know that I am in somewhat the position many BS's wish for. Eight months after discovering my wife's EA, I learned that the AP went in for some elective surgery, heart-attacked, and died on the operating table. On reflection I can honestly say that I have some sorrow that he died.......

....WITHOUT SOME FORM OF HIDEOUS, TORTUROUS, AGONIZING SUFFERING !!!!

Sorry, I refuse to be noble or gallant about this. The slimeball (whose own marriage had long-standing problems) preyed upon my wife during a very vulnerable period of her life, using his position as a mentor-coworker to weasel his way into her confidence. The world is better off with at least this one AP nourishing worms.

Wow, Neverguessed...thats one I havent heard before...My wish would be for OW to feel the pain similar to what I felt...It would be for WH to come home to me of course but I would love for WH to say to her "I am leaving you, dont call me, I never want to see you again. I never loved you I just used you and now I am done with you. Why would I want to stay with someone who would cheat with a married man?....I realized that i only ever loved my wife and being with you helped me to confirm that. "

Death would be too quick....

Hi Stillhere,

I am so wondering about you now. Today I posted to a number of people to attemtpt to provide encouragement. I totally understand why you would not want to post here, and that is most likely due to me. I mean the way I dissapointed you and insulted you.

So that said, the only thing tonight that I can do is sincrely offer my prayers for you and your son. I hope you are doing ewll.

Sincerely,

Tom

I'm 5 yrs out from DDay and I have to admit I also have these same feelings. I don't think I will ever feel "safe"as long as she is on this earth. The vulnerability that I feel is mainly due to the intimate details of MY life that my FWH shared with OW. She has attacked in the past using this knowledge...Have seen it first hand and have heard rumors.

I will say though that it is not something I think about daily...it's brought about by some trigger. I just don't feel good knowing that there is someone out there who would throw me under a bus given the chance...I feel I have to always watch my back...and I guess there's only one way that feeling will go away.

Let me join the "me too" club. I have a great fear of what I would do should scum-bucket-boy and I ever cross paths again. Let's just say the barn scene from "Law Abiding Citizen" would be a walk in the park. Fortunately for me, the POSOM tried to rob a drugstore with a toy gun demanding money and pills.(Yeah, I know.....real winner!) He got 3-5 years and hopefully his cellmate Bubba is treating him well.

The downside is that I now work half a block from the studio where scum-bucket-boy seduced my wife. There is a very real possibility that someday, we will cross paths again. It's not like robbing a drugstore would be a shining example on his resume.

If that happens.....he's leaving in an ambulance.

Want2Stay

I'm almost two years out from D-day, and I still feel the same anger towards the POSOW. I suppose that in forgiving my H, I needed to project my anger onto someone else. In my more sensible moments, I know that such hatred is not helpful to me; but it remains. I take some pleasure in the fact that my H's ending of his disgusting relationship with her must have made her feel like gum being scraped from the bottom of his shoe. The good news??? I don't have these intense feelings as often as I did early on in the recovery.

GY

Yep, I feel exactly the same way. My DH dropped the POSOW like trash (because that is what she is) on D-Day as well. I hate her guts still and it has been two years for us. I really feel like she got away scott free after begging my DH to get her pregnant and contibuting to the A. I took my DH through h*ll for a while and he has always been so remorseful. I just want someone to call me and tell me that she dropped dead. I want to know that she suffered not only because she is hurt because she couldn't steal another woman's H but that she experienced some kind of physical pain. I hate it when ppl tell me that OW suffer because they get dumped with the MM throws them away like garbage on D-Day but to me that's not enough. I know that I am no one's judge but I sure hope that one day I find out something awful has happened to her. I can't help it.

My fantasy has always been that during the summer, a tornado would drop a house on OW's head and I would get to sing, "Ding, dong, the witch is dead" in my best munchkin voice.

I wish my H had dropped OW like a piece of trash. Instead, we had a false recovery with contact at NC plus 15 months. It was extra horrible.

AM

I have dreams. Many of the dreams include shooting the POSOM in the neck with a large caliber hand gun. This is the way that I hunt deer and bears. It always prevents the harvested animal from running away. They drop in their tracks. In my dreams, I stand over him while he dies slowly. he is paralized, but totally aware. Sometimes, the animals live for a minute or two, but that happens with all large game animals. The differance in a neck shot versus a shoulder or chest shot is that they do not run away. That way you never need to track a wounded bear into a thicket or lose a deer.

Two nights ago, in my dream,I killed him with an ice pick. It was blunt.

That said, I am not a violent person and would never do such a thing to another human being. I just want the hatred to stop. My first D day was 8/3/10 and the POSOM was a fratenity brother of mine. I have known him for almost 20 years. The A went on for a year.

I have dreams like that too.

In the past year, I have imagined and hoped for destruction on the OW.

I haven't done anything, however, she has suffered. She didn't get my H. She filed harrassment charges at work. They BOTH got fired. She broke the rules as much as he did.

Her H divorced her and she is going to lose custody of her son because of her actions - not so much the A, as being a bad mommy by creating porn and publishing it online.

She tried to file ROs against my H and spent 25k on an attorney to prove he harrassed her. My H had just received an unexpected inheritance and was able to spend the same and win. Not only did we win, but the judge noted in the record that she manufactured evidence, had a history of lying, and had no business doing this. Now all of that is being used in her custody case.

She lost the only job she's had as an adult (18 years of employment), her marriage, her house (lives with her parents now), her reputation (she was thought of as very innocent when in reality she isn't), and now her son.

It's much better that she lived to experience all this pain.

Hope there is more. Glad I am not involved with causing it.

What do you all think of the notion that if you can forgive your WS you should be able to forgive the AP?

Please don't misunderstand me, this is NOT a notion I support, but a couple of people have said this to me after hearing all the harm I wish upon OW. What someone recently said was, after all you WH took vows with you not OW, she owed you nothing. ( You all would have been proud of me I smiled nicely and said, hmmm, yea I guess she ought to be really congratulated for being a contributor to the worst pain I have ever felt, after all she could not have seen that pain coming now could she, aah, the bliss of innocence!!!)

teaser,

You can forgive a formerly WS.

And it's true the OP didn't pledge anything to you. But they still violated basic laws of morality.

Forgiving my FWW. A work in progress, and it's happening. It's a process and you can't skip steps. I know what the outcome will be, and I'm happy for it. Each day gets better.

As for Pond Scum, he can go rot. I don't owe him anything. I'm just doing my best to forget that POS exists. If he ever inserts himself into my life again, I will do my best to see to his utter destruction in all ways that matter.

Forgive? He77 no.

What about people who supported the A?
My H's brothers were cheerleaders for WW thinking.
One of them invited me to go swimming with him (out of the blue) at his house "alone" without H or my kids, during his very, very screwed up divorce.

I forgave and forgot the incident (thank god I told H at the time.)

But something came up this year, and I told the story in counseling. The counselor was flabbherghasted.>sp? that my H would be so "cool" with this treatment by his brother twords his wife. (H never said anything directly to his bro. I just avoided creeper for 12 years.)

So 12 years later he asks his bro about it, OF COURSE it was ALL MY fault/ misunderstanding. sure, buddy...keep talking.

Now that just added insult to injury. I hope he gets an STD or something. I do not think that I will ever feel kindly twords these two.

They are not friends of my marraige, and apparently my husband hangs on their advice. He does not have many friends, so he talks to them frequently.

I don't care a fig about the girl my H had a work EA with. She (in her own way) was doing her job (supplier to his company, she was pouring on attention to smooth her company responsibilies/contracts). She wanted nothing "real" to do with him. HA!

When brought up she dumped him like trash, married her bf - I still think she used this relationship to make her bf jealous, too-- and said any thoughts my H had otherwise were ALL in his imagination.

Yes, he was this pathetic and desperate.
ps-I know that is not true, but I love that he got his just desserts. They both would have been in trouble if this went too far.

BarbieC
But don't that make you feel better?

The problem with mine is that it was a 5 year affair, hard to get past or explain away, especially with a "friend".

Other than the exposure, what I did to OW was this, I found some disgusting pictures she took in MY house and I emailed them to a lot of people who then e mailed them to a lot of people and so on and son on.......

aaaaah, I take my small comfort where I can get it.

I can't believe I am making fun of this but listen to this dream, I dreamt (or was it my nightmare) of my WH laying in bed and she has her head between his legs (their affair went on in my house and in my bed) and in my dream I reached out and pushed down her head and she died from suffocation.
Well would that not be like the kind of death Rockefeller had?

Ahead

Maybe my problem then, is that I am not 100% sure that my WH is a former WH, cause that whole forgiveness thing is nowhere in sight right now.

I am happy for you though that you see a light at the end of the tunnel.

One of the things I have learned as a result of all this, is that my definition of integrity obviously differs greatly from other people's definition. But I can live with that and hold on to mine.
But forgive OW? not a chance in he77