Marriage Builders
Posted By: hope3343 Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 04:32 AM
Hi Gang,

Chrisner and lil doggie and all the others, I thank you all.

Think a troll was here. Will have to do damage control if needed.

Owe you all for watching this thread
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 04:41 AM
I have to say, kinda confused and cannot find your original thread?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 04:52 AM
We think there was a troll...reading my thread from the beginning...
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 04:58 AM
Maybe I'm ignorant but how does that make them a troll?
Originally Posted by karmasrose
Maybe I'm ignorant but how does that make them a troll?

Did you have your thread deleted?
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 05:00 AM
A troll as in PP?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 05:10 AM
Originally Posted by mymissy
A troll as in PP?

A bunch of Mbers noticed a junior member was reading my thread all day.

could be. Didn't know pigs could read
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 05:25 AM
[Linked Image from smileyvault.com]
Sometimes they fly; I guess they could read.

You know, that's interesting. I've noticed a couple of long-standing threads seemed to *poof* vanish in the past few months. Wonder if these waywards and homewreckers are getting a little too big for their britches. Stick to cheatin', pal!!! That's what ur good at!
Sorry hope, for the loss of your thread.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 02:28 PM
Originally Posted by imanotherone
You know, that's interesting. I've noticed a couple of long-standing threads seemed to *poof* vanish in the past few months. Wonder if these waywards and homewreckers are getting a little too big for their britches. Stick to cheatin', pal!!! That's what ur good at!
Sorry hope, for the loss of your thread.

I agree there were some long standing ones that ended. I hate to lose all the insights and discussions that were in that thread, especially school bus interpretations.

Wish my feelings could disappear like my thread.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 02:49 PM
Think "Anonymous" troll is back.

Posted By: chrisner Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 07:37 PM
Wow Hope. I am so sorry this happened. That person was on your thread all day. Started at page one and kept going for hours. Was still on at 5:30 when I got home.

I have not seen the screen name today but they don't have to log in to browse.
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 08:10 PM
That is strange. Chris, I hate to ask, but how can you tell?
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 08:12 PM
Nevermind. I just figured it out.

Now I'm paranoid....
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 08:19 PM
Originally Posted by chrisner
Wow Hope. I am so sorry this happened. That person was on your thread all day. Started at page one and kept going for hours. Was still on at 5:30 when I got home.

I have not seen the screen name today but they don't have to log in to browse.

Chris, I would never have noticed till you told me how to look it up. Do you remember what page they were up to or at least what month?

Wondering if the initials of the junior member was RW??

Just want to protect the innocent that have helped me.
It was cb(somethingsomething)0402, I think.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 08:29 PM
Originally Posted by wildhorses74
It was cb(somethingsomething)0402, I think.

thanks. hate trolls... twoxfour
Don't you wonder what they think at the end of a thread when they find us all commenting on them reading?

stickout
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 08:47 PM
Originally Posted by wildhorses74
Don't you wonder what they think at the end of a thread when they find us all commenting on them reading?

stickout

That they are going to H@ll and got caught with their pants down...again!
dance2

I'd love to see their faces... shocked
Posted By: chrisner Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 08:49 PM
Quote
Do you remember what page they were up to or at least what month?


Around page 68 (of the logged on page number size)or so last I saw. As I got more curious I kept checking and whoever it was, was methodically reading every page. For hours.
It must be the "cult" in us. wink

Chrisner is sneaky - he is "invisible"
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 09:01 PM
Originally Posted by chrisner
Quote
Do you remember what page they were up to or at least what month?


Around page 68 (of the logged on page number size)or so last I saw. As I got more curious I kept checking and whoever it was, was methodically reading every page. For hours.

chrisner, do you agree that the member was cb 04 something like that. I saw another one listed with initials RW...Know thay enemy!
Posted By: chrisner Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 09:04 PM
Cowgirl was pretty close. Stupidly I did not write it down. Maybe cbm0402 ?????? Something like that.

doh2
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 09:19 PM
Originally Posted by chrisner
Cowgirl was pretty close. Stupidly I did not write it down. Maybe cbm0402 ?????? Something like that.

doh2

Don't worry you noticed...more than I did. I am surprised it would be cow-something. My bet it would be a
oink oink
think
Posted By: lildoggie Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 09:26 PM
Chrisner calls wildhorses 'cowgirl' smile

I replied to the message you sent me somewhere else, it has the name and some other stuff I noticed.
I'm confused - I've read many of the big threads here cover to cover - but don't know any of the participants (that I'm aware of)
Posted By: chrisner Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 09:41 PM
Poor Hope is checking Who's Online all the time now.


Quote
I'm confused - I've read many of the big threads here cover to cover - but don't know any of the participants (that I'm aware of)


I have too. At first I did not think a thing about it. Probably just a newbie lurker getting the nerve up to post. But as the hours went by and clearly every word was being read....it just seemed odd.

At least something to note. A lot of people have been found here. That must really suck to lose this place as a safe haven.
Posted By: Vibrissa Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 09:45 PM
Hello everyone else looking at the "Viewing list of posts"

[Linked Image from cur.cursors-4u.net]
Posted By: lildoggie Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 09:47 PM
Originally Posted by chrisner
At least something to note. A lot of people have been found here. That must really suck to lose this place as a safe haven.

It's a total pain in the proverbial.

Voice of experience sigh
What's really freaky is that the spiders actually "read" posts and add it to their searchable database.
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 10:12 PM
The WSes definitely read here. Over on the TOW forum, there is a thread that talks about this website (not by name) and the thread about how WSes affair down (they think that idea is ridiculous) and how awful that someone could compare being a BS as being worse than the death of a child. They thought that idea was horrid.

It does not surprise me that WSes read here. Hey, my H's OW, if you are reading, here's hoping everyone still ostrasizes you at work. Poor baby.

AM

AM
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 10:24 PM
Dear lurker (or troll or whatever), grumble

If you came to this site to recover the devastation caused by adultery in your M. Welcome you will find a great community here. Read everything and listen to the vets here.

If (as I suspect) you are someone else or something slimey (hhhmmmm PP)- the equivalent of something I might find stuck to the bottom of my shoe; I pray that maybe by reading some of our family legacy in the 200 pages, maybe just maybe; you will get an inkling of how your ignorance, selfishness and entitlement destroyed a great family.


If it is YOU that might be lurking -- don't concentrate on just reading mine, check out the other threads.

Educate yourself on the realization that your affair is just so common and ordinary and not really special as your dilluted deluded minds to believe. Do you feel embarrassed at all, maybe even a little humilated?

Understand this -- We, a loving littlle family, are doing well.

We were knocked down and hurt, we struggled but we are so much more than you will ever know.

There is 2 darling daughters that any parent would be proud of. They are loving, caring, and have good hearts.

If you are lurking think of how you both settled for so much less than you both deserved.

If you are marrying a man who cheated on his wife, you are marrying a man who cheats on his wife.

If you are marrying someone who cheated with you; they will cheat on you.

We still chose to remember the hero who lived in our home.

Point fingers, play the blame game, but look at that reflection in the mirror. Who is looking back at you?

That porch light is on. It burns brightly still.

P.S. The thread is gone. The drama is over. Go back to your "happy" lives.

Originally Posted by hope3343
Educate yourself on the realization that your affair is just so common and ordinary and not really special as your dilluted minds to believe.

rotflmao

I would say that's a propos...diluted, deluded, not much difference!
Posted By: Miss M Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 10:50 PM
Just want to say that I read your thread (and others)regularly, but only to catch up when I see it at the top. I rarely post anymore.

I am anonymous. But I don't go thru your whole thread.

sometimes I do read back to get history, hope I don't fit the bill.

Best of luck and God Bless Hope. Sorry for this trouble.

Love in Christ,
Miss M
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 11:11 PM
Originally Posted by Miss M
Just want to say that I read your thread (and others)regularly, but only to catch up when I see it at the top. I rarely post anymore.

I am anonymous. But I don't go thru your whole thread.

sometimes I do read back to get history, hope I don't fit the bill.

Best of luck and God Bless Hope. Sorry for this trouble.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Hi Miss M, how sweet. No there are many times I don't log in either just a quick check.

This was someone who methodically was reading my pages from the beginning.

Some MBers were nice enough to shoot me a red flag about it.

Thank you. Blessings
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 11:12 PM
Originally Posted by Mrs_Vanilla
Originally Posted by hope3343
Educate yourself on the realization that your affair is just so common and ordinary and not really special as your dilluted minds to believe.

rotflmao

I would say that's a propos...diluted, deluded, not much difference!

Did I mention he drinks? rotflmao
All I have to say is if everything is so WONDERFUL in affairland...What the H@LL are they doing reading over here on a marriage builder forum...spying....why would they even care what we are going through.

Whatsamatter CHEATERS everything not so dandy for ya!!!!!!

Originally Posted by wildhorses74
dance2

I'd love to see their faces... shocked


No thanks, i'd pass on that... I have seen enough PIGS !!!! smirk
Posted By: acantha Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 11:30 PM

Posted By: teaser_8 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/12/10 11:50 PM
I am confused, is there no way for the thread to be restored by the MB IT personnel? I mean I was once told even if things are deleted they can be retrieved? I am technologically challenged of course.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 12:13 AM
Originally Posted by acantha
have registered to reply to Hope; this is my first post. Hope, you may have overreacted. I have been a lurker for many months and have read your thread for hours on end. I was trying to educate myself regarding my marriage and found your thread and a few others to be quite informational.

Hi acantha, welcome to Marriage Builders. It is not uncommon for OP's and WS' to come here and discover the BS's thread. It happens quite often, in fact. We have had BS' who were blindsided by their own Marriage Builder's thread in court proceedings. We have had OW actually post to the BS under the guise of a "helpful" friend. ["helpful" by encouraging the BS to "let him go."] So I don't believe hope is overreacting at all.

Lurkers typically go from thread to thread, they don't only sign up and read ONE thread for 9 hours and no others. That is not the behavior of someone who is here to learn, it is the behavior of someone who is garnering intel about someone.

Even so, this can usually be verified by asking the moderators to check IP's. The mods can easily confirm whether the lurker was from hope's part of the country or not. I suspect when she asked them to move the thread she also had them check the IP of the lurker.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 12:13 AM
Originally Posted by teaser_8
I am confused, is there no way for the thread to be restored by the MB IT personnel? I mean I was once told even if things are deleted they can be retrieved? I am technologically challenged of course.

I doubt they deleted it. I suspect they just moved it for safekeeping.
Posted By: teaser_8 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 12:21 AM
Wow, that is downright evil but then, what else would you expect from OPs and WSs? fits in perfectly with their personality type. Not trying to be hateful, just realistic!
Posted By: lousygolfer Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 12:44 AM
Hope,


I started here reading Heartsores thread. I was on that thread from the beginning to the end for over 20 hours.

Great threads are great because the original poster listens, learns and posts regularly.

You had a great thread. Ask the mods to check, then make a choice.

PP wou?dnt have lasted more than 20 minutes on that thread b4 "weee-vweee"
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 12:53 AM
Originally Posted by lousygolfer
Hope,


I started here reading Heartsores thread. I was on that thread from the beginning to the end for over 20 hours.

Funny you mention Heartsore! His WW found his thread and used it in court.
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 02:20 AM
OMG, now when you check who's online - we are all reading a "list of who's online".

I know I am feeling paranoid; quite a while back some one thought that WH and POSOW were reading my thread. I didn't think so. Mainly because I had a keylogger installed and never saw any mention of that in the emails.

Still, so sorry Hope for the continued trouble you have to put up with.[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]Just remember, everyone is here for you.

Wayturds and their worthless POS affair partners $u@k.[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 02:22 AM
Originally Posted by lousygolfer
You had a great thread. Ask the mods to check, then make a choice.

Maybe the name of the thread could be changed?
Posted By: chrisner Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 02:57 PM
*sniff* I miss the pig picture.


[Linked Image from 3.bp.blogspot.com]
Sorry to hear about the threat to your thread, Hope. I know that the Z did read here during my Plan B and I had considered discontinuing my posts.

It stinks to lose all of that history. It really is helpful to have those threads that are longstanding. A lot of good advice and healing happens on those threads and sometimes gives people coming here for help the medicine they need to get through another day.

Chrisner, Wayzilla looks just lovely in that picture!
Posted By: chrisner Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 03:49 PM
Quote
Chrisner, Wayzilla looks just lovely in that picture!


Ahh...... I don't know. WayZ is stick thin. But as she continues to dye her hair red we can find her in Audubon's Great Book of Wayward Identification under the Red Crested Mattress Thrasher.

Wow! The legs really are close.

Besides, the pig has a ring on and WayZ is still waiting for The One Ring from Gollum. grin


[Linked Image from monacoeye.com]
Originally Posted by chrinser cool
Besides, the pig has a ring on and WayZ is still waiting for The One Ring from Gollum.


Well, it's an honest mistake.

Quote
Red Crested Mattress Thrasher
rotflmao
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 05:25 PM
Hi MBers,

Thanks for letting me know that my thread was useful to others in spite of not saving my M.

acanta and lousy golfer, I remember when I was lurking at the beginning also spending hours reading posts (Queenie comes to mind) for hours on end.

Melody thanks for the suggestion about the moderators.
Answered the questions that I had and think it was a good idea to post to the "lurker" cough cough. lashes

Chrisner that bird is too pretty. Missed the wedding pig also. I had planned on blowing it up as a wedding present. rotflmao

TGIF. Can't get better than that today.
Posted By: chrisner Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 05:41 PM
Hope, I would give it a few days. I agree with Lousy Golfer that if this person had been PP you would hear something pretty soon. No way she could take that stuff without....ummm...squeeling like a pig.

Bear in mind that screen name has not been back since that I have seen, at least in the viewable screen names.

If all stays clear for a while perhaps you can get the old thread hung back up where it belongs. It's sad to see large threads dissappear.


Quote
Chrisner that bird is too pretty.

If Way-Z did not dye her hair the natural color would be more silver than this birds back and wings. In that case you would have to turn to page 73 in Audubon's Great Book of Wayward Identification and look for the Silver Capped **** Gobbler.
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 06:03 PM
I also read many threads beginning to end when I first came here. Heck, they're better than some novels I've read. But this one was too weird. Picked Hope's thread out of the hundreds here the first day? And hers wasn't even on page one that day. Too suspicious.

But I do agree that you will know in short order if it was XWH or his ho. They won't be able to keep quiet about it.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 06:32 PM
Don't insult the poor pig, she does look lovely...PP is just, well..

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/13/10 06:57 PM
Originally Posted by karmasrose
Don't insult the poor pig, she does look lovely...PP is just, well..

If it was PP she will spend most of the time thinking about what "PP" stands for

hhhhmmmm what would hope nickname me...

Pretty Peach

Perfect Pair

Pleasurable Person

Pyscho Pomeranian (oops how did that slip in)


Makes me almost wish she was reading this. twoxfour
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/17/10 01:38 AM
Originally Posted by chrisner
*sniff* I miss the pig picture.


[Linked Image from 3.bp.blogspot.com]


I love this picture.....so fitting.[Linked Image from smileyvault.com]
I cannot believe you guys are insulting perfectly adorable pigs and birds.... frown
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/17/10 02:29 AM
Originally Posted by mymissy
Originally Posted by chrisner
*sniff* I miss the pig picture.


[Linked Image from 3.bp.blogspot.com]


I love this picture.....so fitting.[Linked Image from smileyvault.com]

On my work email everyone chooses quotes at the end of their signature line. Sometimes I amuse myself and put movie quotes or other funny ones to see who notices.

My new quote line is: "Reality check You could put a pig in a white dress but guess what it is still a pig"

A couple of coworkers caught it and think it is a riot that it is just out in the open. Maybe I can add this picture for the ones that don't notice it! lol
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/24/10 01:46 AM
The wheels of court have turned slowly but XH got served today. Got a call from the woman with paperwork looking for his "home" address since all she had was a post office box. She told me she would call after he was given citation.

Enforcement of the divorce decree. He has defaulted on a loan, monies for DD16 car, medical and house repairs.

Just ignores bills and emails with $$ amounts.

Not going to ask anymore, letting attorney take care of it.

process server called me to say he was outside with PP and asked what the package was and she said he was officially served. PP was making oinking noises behind him (literally).

Hate this stuff but need to take care of my own family.

Posted By: lildoggie Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/24/10 02:13 AM
Originally Posted by hope3343
process server called me to say he was outside with PP and asked what the package was and she said he was officially served. PP was making oinking noises behind him (literally).

So, PP was implying the process server was a pig, PP actually laughs like a pig, or PP was jist doin' what comes naturally to pigs?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/24/10 02:22 AM
Originally Posted by lildoggie
Originally Posted by hope3343
process server called me to say he was outside with PP and asked what the package was and she said he was officially served. PP was making oinking noises behind him (literally).

So, PP was implying the process server was a pig, PP actually laughs like a pig, or PP was jist doin' what comes naturally to pigs?

No she actually turned into a pig and instead of human language she started to speak her true language...gotcha! rotflmao
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/24/10 03:08 AM
Originally Posted by hope3343
Originally Posted by lildoggie
Originally Posted by hope3343
process server called me to say he was outside with PP and asked what the package was and she said he was officially served. PP was making oinking noises behind him (literally).

So, PP was implying the process server was a pig, PP actually laughs like a pig, or PP was jist doin' what comes naturally to pigs?

No she actually turned into a pig and instead of human language she started to speak her true language...gotcha! rotflmao

[Linked Image from smileyvault.com]
Good for you, Hope!
That's great Hope. Continue to hold his feet to the fire. He cannot shirk on his responsibilities to his daughter. She didn't ask for this and doesn't deserve it from the man who is supposed to protect and provide for her. This just makes me so angry for you. Grrrrrrr.....

BTW, you are doing a fantastic job with your daughters. You have really stepped up to the plate for them and one day they will thank you for all you do.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/24/10 03:35 PM
For about 1/2 nano second I felt a twinge of guilt thinking about the man formerly known as my H and then I pulled up my big girl pants (which by the way no longer fit me because they are too big-lol) and realized that I am only asking for what he agreed to in HIS D.

As long as he is attached to PP, he is an alien that I do not recognize, he can't be a Dad, he can't be a man who had integrity.

PM thanks for the vote of confidence about DDs.

"Very few people realize just how much power they actually have. We have the power to appreciate what we have, the power to love, the power to be happy and the power to forgive. All too many times we settle for so much less than what we want or deserve, why?
"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"
Philippians 4:13
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/24/10 09:06 PM
Originally Posted by hope3343
[font:Comic Sans MS][color:#000099]For about 1/2 nano second I felt a twinge of guilt

Don't you dare. This was HIS choice and HIS agreement. Sorry for the dude, but what he agreed to was a legal contract and he can't just not pay if he doesn't feel like it or his pig needs diamonds. It doesn't work that way and the sooner he realizes it the better.

Can't help but think that PP must be flaming mad at the moment. I smell her starting to cook. You may have just taken away some of the perks of the big affairage. Skewer her Hope.
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 12:39 AM
Originally Posted by ChaiLover
Originally Posted by hope3343
For about 1/2 nano second I felt a twinge of guilt

Don't you dare. This was HIS choice and HIS agreement.

I wouldn't feel a bit sorry for him. I refuse to cave in on anything. This is his doing, its his D. and I will not let go of 1/2 of what was the marriage assets and that I helped to build.
You definitely need to NOT feel any twinges of guilt; and PM is right your DD did not ask for any of this either, and she certainly did not ask for her "daddy" to not be in her life, I'm sure her "daddy" is welcome to see her, but I'm also sure the the alien is not welcome.
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 01:22 AM
Wow! Hope dealing with a pig, and HH dealing with a beaver! all these wild animals running around in here!
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 03:07 AM
Originally Posted by barbiecat
Wow! Hope dealing with a pig, and HH dealing with a beaver! all these wild animals running around in here!


rotflmao
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 04:21 AM
Originally Posted by ChaiLover
Originally Posted by barbiecat
Wow! Hope dealing with a pig, and HH dealing with a beaver! all these wild animals running around in here!


rotflmao

Barbiecat...I just spit out my drink when I read this. Priceless.


Thanks for the 2x4s. No guilt - no pain!!!

Mymissy, during my D I stood my ground and I protected my family. When I went into mediation I wrote on a piece of paper. "I promised DD" meaning keeping her in her home till she got out of school. I was not going to walk away with just my pride while he was slumming with PP. He changed the fabric of our lives and not in a good way.

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 08:11 PM
Originally Posted by ChaiLover
Originally Posted by barbiecat
Wow! Hope dealing with a pig, and HH dealing with a beaver! all these wild animals running around in here!


rotflmao

I am still rotflmao about the above quote. I swear that I still have juice stuck up my nose when I choked on it last night. Nooo

Heard XH never made it to work yesterday. I think the karma bus ran over his toe after being served on Monday. What next.
Quote
Heard XH never made it to work yesterday. I think the karma bus ran over his toe after being served on Monday. What next.


When is the hearing? I bet he is reeling...
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 09:07 PM
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Quote
Heard XH never made it to work yesterday. I think the karma bus ran over his toe after being served on Monday. What next.


When is the hearing? I bet he is reeling...

I should be receiving a letter with the court date. i think he has 20 days to respond maybe? He can't go to his previous attorney because he burned that bridge by stiffing him out of the rest of the money he owed. I think he might have been shocked by the $$ amount. PP probably starting all shades of pink (as in pig pink)

If he did not default on the loan since January, the $$ would be much smaller. My Attorney is going for the past due amount and full balance on top of money for DD car and medical/repair bills.

On a happy note


HappyBirthday HappyBirthday HappyBirthday to my DD who turned 17 today!!! hurray She had a great day at school. Her boyfriend who treats her very well brought over roses, locket and a few other presents. Young love .... loveheart

Tonight we are going out to dinner of her choice and on Friday she is having a pizza party with some friends. She is a good kid and I am very proud of both of my daughters. I am blessed and will enjoy our night and watch her glow!

She shares a birthday with Holyheart! laugh
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 09:15 PM
Happy Birthday to DD17.
Posted By: 8thgraders Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 11:05 PM
I hope I haven't been considered a troll ..... lol

I open someones thread & leave it open , so I don't lose my place.

BTW what the heck is a spider ?

I do understand where your coming from I've made myself invisible just so my h couldn't see I was on here as much as I was.

Also trolling reading my posts.

I need to update my thread so much has happened . I'm in the twilight zone.
Posted By: 8thgraders Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 11:23 PM
ok ... figured out what a spider is lol

didn't realise you could click on the side & see what everyone was reading/viewing lol

I guess I've been one a view times, not to mention a lurker.

But never a troll !!!!
Posted By: schoolbus Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 11:37 PM
acantha was a Greek name...a nymph....just sayin.

In one tale, she spurns Apollo, in another, she takes him as a lover....
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/25/10 11:41 PM
Originally Posted by hope3343
HappyBirthday HappyBirthday HappyBirthday to my DD who turned 17 today!!! hurray She had a great day at school. Her boyfriend who treats her very well brought over roses, locket and a few other presents.

She shares a birthday with Holyheart! laugh

Happy Birthday to your DD!!!!! Glad she had a great day, that you makes you feel great.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/26/10 04:21 AM
hi 8th grader,...definitely not a troll! stop by anytime...

Had a great dinner with lots of laughs and the waiter served DD a tiny dessert with a candle and we all sang. She was very upbeat. During dinner DD30 calls her to tell her that XH left a gift for her under the doormat.

Was pretty surprised that he stopped by the house even for a minute especially after being served. Wish he pulled the weeds on the front yard before he left.

DD17 got very upset when she opened the card. It was a card about a little girl growing up through the years saying when you are a baby to trying to walk, a tomboy, till heels and lipstick. She was angry...Said he does not even know who I am. How could he give me a card when he has not seen me and has missed all of this time. He also gave her a Visa $$ card.

DD30 called to find out about gift and DD17 said she would email him to thank him. DD30 then gets on the phone with me and says she should at least call him. I told her that I was not going to interfere (after all I am the one who poisoned her in his own wayward mind -- not because she does not want to see him)

I am leaving it up to DD and I respect her choices.

Detached from the dramaqueen between the 2 sisters. All I know is that XH missed a magical night with a beautiful daughter because of his choices. Hope he had a great night with his recycled trash.
Sorry the evening ended on a down note, Hope. I'll bet there are times when your old husband bubbles up inside his wayward mind and gives him a good kick for throwing all this away. But then the wayward kicks back and says it was all Hope's fault. He should have been allowed to be a cake eater.
Maybe on his death bed, there is hope.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/26/10 07:02 PM
Originally Posted by imanotherone
Sorry the evening ended on a down note, Hope. I'll bet there are times when your old husband bubbles up inside his wayward mind and gives him a good kick for throwing all this away. But then the wayward kicks back and says it was all Hope's fault. He should have been allowed to be a cake eater.
Maybe on his death bed, there is hope.

In the end, DD went back to her own version of Plan B and detached and just blocked it out. Her birthday cards are up except his. I saw a flash of that hurt abandoned girl last night. The one who wants her Dad, her hero, and realizes the bloated drinking alien that crash landed in PP's house is not him.

I would like to see the old H bubble up but there are no sightings of this...YET. He never tried cake eating once. He just went crazy and blocked the world out except for PP. Everything and everyone...his choice.



Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/26/10 08:05 PM
Originally Posted by schoolbus
acantha was a Greek name...a nymph....just sayin.

In one tale, she spurns Apollo, in another, she takes him as a lover....

Interesting bit of trivia about a jr. member's name who just "happened" to post once and only once on my thread and then delete/edit what she wrote.

Schoolbus thanks for noticing when I didn't!
Posted By: schoolbus Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/26/10 11:25 PM
hope,

I thought it was an interesting choice of names. A nymph, no less?


Your XH has made a fascinating choice of OW. She has ruined him financially and yet has no compunction to slow the drain on his wallet - still going after whatever crumb might be left in there, and he lacks the testicular fortitude to tell her "no".

It makes me ask the question, "What does she have on him?"


Because nobody does this willingly. PP is a true headcase. Somehow, I think if I met her IRL, we would not be friends. By the same token, she would not like being in the same room with me. I would mess with her and then laugh as she walked away.

Know this about her - the best way to intimidate her is to mess with her head. Stare at her when you get the chance, only smile with your teeth showing. This is a way to say, "I see you, and I see INTO YOU," with plausible deniability to anyone who says anything to you - you can say, "I just smile at her when I see her." Make sure when you smile that your eyes are just ever-so-slightly squinted. It's confusing, but that's the point....and anyone else who sees it will not be able to say one way or the other what you "meant" by the smile.

As she walks away, shake your head, and laugh. ESPECIALLY LAUGH IF THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE PRESENT. Doesn't matter if they say anything to you, or you say anything at all. Just laugh when you see her as she walks away.

Do it every time.

It is unnerving to her............to anyone.........and you cannot be held up for anything. Because you have said NOTHING. Just laughed. Make the laugh sound gooood, happy. A nice happy laugh.



Timing is everything....make sure it is just as she passes by, or turns away. When you first see her backside.


It will drive her crazy. And you? Get to laugh at her.


There is power here. Soon enough, you will realize what it is, after you have done it a few times.


SB
Posted By: Dealan-de Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/27/10 03:47 PM
Originally Posted by armymama
Hey, my H's OW, if you are reading, here's hoping everyone still ostrasizes you at work. Poor baby.

AM

AM


I know I'm totally late, but AM is a far better Christian than I am...I hope far worse for OW.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/27/10 08:41 PM
Originally Posted by Dealan-de
Originally Posted by armymama
Hey, my H's OW, if you are reading, here's hoping everyone still ostrasizes you at work. Poor baby.

AM

AM


I know I'm totally late, but AM is a far better Christian than I am...I hope far worse for OW.

Dealan Haven't seen you posting lately good to know you are checking in. Thanks.

Never mind the "karma bus", I want her to get hit with the Karma Tank!!!!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/27/10 08:57 PM
Ok Legal Beagles on line -- need help.

Got letter of intent that XH is declaring bankruptcy through my attorney office.

Very concerned about this.

We still own our house together that I am keeping till DD turns 18.

XH got some land we purchased next door. My name is still on that mortgage too even though he was deeded it because he could not refinance it because of its worth (or lack of). Just found out he did not make this month payment.

Just had him served for enforcement for $$ he is supposed to pay towards car for DD and loan that is under both of our names that he has not paid since January and I have been paying.

Have call into attorney office but not sure if they will be back today.

How can a court allow this? He is not declaring this because he is out of work, or for medical bills but because he blew it on 6 or 7 trips to Vegas in 18 months, drinking, partying, trips, gifts for PP and just blowing money left and right.

He lives with her so he has a roof over his head, they can use her credit cards so can he just walk away and leave us in financial shambles?

I worked hard to have good credit and I am worried that he will destroy this.

Never thought in a million years he would be so wayward.


Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/27/10 09:19 PM
Hope,

Just some cases that I know about:

Friend lost her high paying job and couldn't find another one for almost two years. In the meantime, she lived off credit cards. When she did get a new job, it was far less than she made before, so she is struggling just to make the house payment. With all of the credit card debt which ballooned because of late fees and interest charges, well, she can't even make the minimum payments now. She looked at filing Chapter 7 but because she makes too much money ($68K) she can't. She can file Chapter 13, but for 5 years the court will basically manage her money for her.

Another friend, victim of an A, lost everything because of the D. Sounds familiar, huh? Anyway he just filed and he said the court really scrutinized every penny that he spent over the last several years. He finally was granted the bankruptcy, but he said it was pretty brutal. He is unemployed though with no income.

I guess every state is different though.....
Posted By: swan's song Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/27/10 10:18 PM
Chailover

Wouldn't those two cases be the exception, because of Hope's husband seems to be spending with the fact that he is filing for bankruptcy.

Hope your husband reminds me of the Teresa and Joe Giudice from Housewives of NJ series they just filed, 11 million last year and she already went out (after the filing and spent another 60,000)
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 12:10 AM
Just my 2 cents. Check the credibility of the attorney who signed the letter. WXH already owes attorney #1 money. My guess is that this new attorney is some ambulance chaser who's going to help WXH "negotiate" down some debt without the hassle of bankruptcy. And attorney #2 will want some seed money up front.

Keep the faith, Hope. Time to embarrass WXH at work.

"Sorry I can't have lunch with you, girls. WXH FILED bankruptcy and I'm counting my pennies to make sure DD can keep her braces on. And look at PP -- showing off her engagement ring. Sad, sad. I'm just trying to raise my DD to follow the Ten Commandments and here's WXH and PP practically BRAGGING about their upcoming AFFAIRAGE in Las Wages. Where's the justice?"

Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 02:15 AM
How many PP's, affairages, and bankruptcies are there? Is that the norm?
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 02:33 AM
Originally Posted by swan's song
Chailover

Wouldn't those two cases be the exception, because of Hope's husband seems to be spending with the fact that he is filing for bankruptcy.

Hope your husband reminds me of the Teresa and Joe Giudice from Housewives of NJ series they just filed, 11 million last year and she already went out (after the filing and spent another 60,000)

I don't know. I was just trying to say that 1. If you have a salary that is pretty decent (which I'm sure Hopes XWH does)you can't just file br and wipe out all of your debt and 2. The court will probably look closely at his spending habits to see if he is doing just that - spending to run himself into br.

In other words, it may not be as easy as he thinks.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 03:59 AM
Originally Posted by mymissy
How many PP's, affairages, and bankruptcies are there? Is that the norm?

XH was a reputable, well respected guy, good dad to his DDs and she used to call him "her hero". To my knowledges there were no other PP's, affairages and XH had outstanding credit.

He went crazy after meeting PP and less than 2 months after the A started he never looked back. That is the hardest part to accept. He lost everything and it is starting to turn into a train wreck that everyone sees except them. Both are totally blinded.

Affairs suck
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 04:11 AM
Quote
He went crazy after meeting PP and less than 2 months after the A started he never looked back. That is the hardest part to accept. He lost everything and it is starting to turn into a train wreck that everyone sees except them. Both are totally blinded.

WoW - I have no other words, except many of these A's, including my own WH's are really starting to sound alike.
I am still shock with my own situation. I simple don't understand; and probably never will.
Posted By: Brits_Brat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 03:28 PM
Its been 24 years since I studied Bankruptcy law, but I seem to recall that you cannot discharge legal judgments and settlements in Bankruptcy.....I am pretty sure that includes those from divorce.
Posted By: schoolbus Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 04:22 PM
From what I know of my sister's divorce/bankruptcy, they both had jobs. Because of her affair, she had run them into the ground financially.

What ended up was basically that she didn't want any debt. She didn't want kids. She didn't want to be married. She wanted a "fresh start", so she decided to file BR.

Thought she could get off scot-free.


They forced her to sell her house, her car, and refinance her debt.

She ended up not getting out of her debt, like she thought she would. Nope.


If I were you, I would put a FOR SALE sign up on any property that you two own jointly. Tell him that the end result of his bankruptcy will be that, anyway, and you might as well take what you can get out of the process.

Get your half. Get your attorney to force sale of joint property right away.


Leave him in the dust. Don't look back. His PP's ring will end up in the pawn shop. Wonder how she will explain that one?


SB
Posted By: schoolbus Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 04:23 PM
Oh, and watch for the affairage to be delayed. If PP has a brain in her head, she won't join up her money *DEBTS* with his......


she will find an excuse to delay it.


Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 06:34 PM
Also, bankruptcy laws have been changed in the last few years. I would speak to a currently practicing atty.
My sister filed about 4 years ago, and she had to hurry her filing to "get in" before the new regulations.

From what I understand, it is much harder now.

Even if it costs $2oo bones and hr. it would be really worth it.

There may be steps (like SB has indicated) that you should be taking pre-file.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 07:32 PM
I left 2 messages for attorney office and she was tied up all day. Their office just emailed me the "intent to file bankruptcy" letter that his attorney faxed. It did give a file #.

Would like to keep the house till DD gets out of school since this year is very intense grade wise/taking college courses.

I think PP is a fool to affairage him. Maybe if he declares this before they get hitched she is not responsible.

If he could pull this off it would just clear the way for both of them. He will continue to live in her house and pay her mortgage and bills and use her credit card with money he no longer has to pay his own stuff.

Does not matter if his family is impacted. Does not matter that it might leave me with bad credit and not being to take care of my own financial future.

As long as he is happy, as long as he has money, as long as he takes care of PP ---

He is spiraling down...way down.


Posted By: KaylaAndy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 08:10 PM
Hope

After you posted this, I wondered at what point do you hope for something besides the restoration of your marriage?

I look at Believer and see your husband going down that track to destruction before he will be restored to his faith and family.

You have yourself and two daughters to protect. It's time to find out your legal choices and act swiftly.

He did this to fire a shot back at you for taking him back to court. He has not thought through the consequences, but for the last two years this man has acted only with his limbic brain and his higher brain has been fried on plastic. There is no higher brain left. So regardless of the consequences, he will do what he can to harm you financially.

Cut yourself off from all financial connections to him and do it immediately.

It's time to exercise a stop loss on your hope.
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 08:39 PM
Originally Posted by hope3343
If he could pull this off it would just clear the way for both of them. He will continue to live in her house and pay her mortgage and bills and use her credit card with money he no longer has to pay his own stuff.

If the affairage is in early Oct. there is not enough time to get through a bankruptcy. What does he think, that you can file one week and the court waves the wand and relinquishes you of any responsibility the next week? Not gonna happen.

PP really is the idiot that you think she is if she goes through with this before a br is final. She will though, because it's her best pot shot at you, and that 's what is the most important to her - to "win" your man.

Man? She's getting a frickin' weasel.....
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 09:26 PM
Articles Legal Updates The New Bankruptcy Law: Changes to Chapter 7 and 13
Chapter 7 bankruptcy may be harder to file under the new law.
The changes to bankruptcy law in 2005 may be making it harder for some people to file bankruptcy. A few filers with higher incomes will no longer allowed to use Chapter 7 bankruptcy, but will instead have to repay at least some of their debt under Chapter 13. In addition, the 2005 law requires all debtors to get credit counseling before they can file a bankruptcy case -- and additional counseling on budgeting and debt management before their debts can be wiped out.
Here are some of the most important changes in the 2005 bankruptcy law.
Restricted Eligibility for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy
Under the old rules, most filers could choose the type of bankruptcy that seemed best for them -- and most chose Chapter 7 bankruptcy (liquidation) over Chapter 13 bankruptcy (repayment). The law passed in 2005 prohibits some filers with higher incomes from using Chapter 7 bankruptcy.
How High is Your Income?
Under the rules enacted in 2005, the first step in figuring out whether you can file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy is to measure your "current monthly income" against the median income for a household of your size in your state. If your income is less than or equal to the median, you can file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. If it is more than the median, however, you must pass "the means test" -- another requirement of the new law -- in order to file for Chapter 7.
The Means Test
The purpose of the means test is to figure out whether you have enough disposable income, after subtracting certain allowed expenses and required debt payments, to make payments on a Chapter 13 plan. To find out whether you pass the means test, you subtract certain allowed expenses and debt payments from your current monthly income. If the income that's left over after these calculations is below a certain amount, you can file for Chapter 7.
If you're looking for an easy way to determine your eligibility under the means test, use our online means test calculator, created by the applicable income and expense standards for your state, county, and region to determine your eligibility.
Counseling Requirements
Before you can file for bankruptcy under either Chapter 7 or Chapter 13, you must complete credit counseling with an agency approved by the United States Trustee's office. (To find an approved agency in your area, go to the Trustee's website, www.usdoj.gov/ust, and click "Credit Counseling and Debtor Education".) The purpose of this counseling is to give you an idea of whether you really need to file for bankruptcy or whether an informal repayment plan would get you back on your economic feet.
Counseling is required even if it's obvious that a repayment plan isn't feasible or you are facing debts that you find unfair and don't want to pay. You are required only to participate, not to go along with any repayment plan the agency proposes. However, if the agency does come up with a repayment plan, you will have to submit it to the court, along with a certificate showing that you completed the counseling, before you can file for bankruptcy.
Toward the end of your bankruptcy case, you'll have to attend another counseling session, this time to learn personal financial management. Only after you submit proof to the court that you fulfilled this requirement can you get a bankruptcy discharge wiping out your debts. (The website above also lists approved debt counselors.)
Lawyers May Be Harder to Find -- and More Expensive
The changes to bankruptcy law enacted in 2005 added some complicated requirements to the field of bankruptcy. This made it more expensive -- and time-consuming -- for lawyers to represent clients in bankruptcy cases, which means attorney fees have gone up. The 2005 law also imposed some additional requirements on lawyers, chief among them that the lawyer must personally vouch for the accuracy of all of the information their clients provide them. This means attorneys have to spend more time on bankruptcy cases, and they charge their clients accordingly.
Some Chapter 13 Filers Will Have to Live on Less
Under the old rules, people who filed under Chapter 13 bankruptcy had to devote all of their disposable income -- what they had left after paying their actual living expenses -- to their bankruptcy repayment plan. The 2005 law added a wrinkle to this equation: Although Chapter 13 filers still have to hand over all of their disposable income, they have to calculate their disposable income using allowed expense amounts dictated by the IRS -- not their actual expenses -- if their income is higher than the median income in their state. These allowed expense amounts must be subtracted not from the filer's actual earnings each month, but from the filer's average income during the six months before filing.
Other Changes
Other changes were made in 2005 that have affected some bankruptcy filers negatively, including how property is valued (at replacement cost instead of at auction value, which means more debtors are at risk of having their property taken and sold by the trustee) and how long a filer must live in a state to use that state's bankruptcy exemption laws (this can make a big difference in the amount of property a bankruptcy filer gets to hold on to). .
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/28/10 09:31 PM
The reason that I posted the above is not to scare you, but to point out that there are LOTS of steps (time consuming steps) involed in post 2005 laws.

I don't think this is anything that XWH is going to "slide through". Sounds like a whole can of worms to open, IMHO
Hope, ask your attorney if he has access to "Pacer". If he does, he can download all the bankruptcy docs that your WH files, giving him the opportunity to either enforce the judgments in the divorce settlement or impeach him in his bankruptcy filing (a very serious offense if he lies about anything in his filings).

I agree, your WH is spiraling and it's not going to be pretty when he lands.

Prayers for you and your DD.
Hope, if his job requires a security clearance, filing bankruptcy will probably cost him his job, due to financial irresponsibility. He will have trouble keeping any job with a banktruptcy looming. If he ends with a wage garnishment, many companies would dismiss him. GF
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/29/10 03:48 PM
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Hope, ask your attorney if he has access to "Pacer". If he does, he can download all the bankruptcy docs that your WH files, giving him the opportunity to either enforce the judgments in the divorce settlement or impeach him in his bankruptcy filing (a very serious offense if he lies about anything in his filings).

Wow !

This is a REALLY good idea !
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/30/10 01:16 AM
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Hope, ask your attorney if he has access to "Pacer". If he does, he can download all the bankruptcy docs that your WH files, giving him the opportunity to either enforce the judgments in the divorce settlement or impeach him in his bankruptcy filing (a very serious offense if he lies about anything in his filings).

I agree, your WH is spiraling and it's not going to be pretty when he lands.

Oh, I bet he lies. And brace yourself Hope, because when he goes down it is going to be ALL YOUR FAULT!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/30/10 03:39 AM
No word from attorney by close of business Friday.

thanks for all the support and knowledge that you shared. I will do everything in my power to protect my own family.

Read through the information from barbie cat. I do remember XH mentioning going to a financial advisor awhile back when he threatened bankruptcy. Not sure if he was taking steps then for credit counseling. Not sure if he moved any of his credit debt over to a repayment plan.

Will check with the atty about Pacer. Thanks Princess Meg.

Kayla appreciate you post. I will protect my family. I did not fall apart during the D when it came to finances and protecting my family.

I will not pay for XH bad choices and lifestyle. I cannot save him and nor does he want to be "saved". He is wallowing in the pig pen and still "trying to make it right".

I agree he is going on the same path as Believer's situation.

Did not tell DD17 about the bankruptcy this weekend because she had friends over Friday to celebrate her birthday and was just so darn happy I did not want to worry her. Wanted to have facts not potential hysteria to stress her out.

Will keep everyone posted.

Hi Hope! Sorry for the latest new low from your idiot exH. He seems to find ways to just dig himself deeper, huh? I wouldn't tell DD16 too much about this because this is adult stuff and she doesn't need to be thinking about it during her senior year. Tell her you've talked to your lawyer and you've got a plan and leave it at that.
I'd advise you tell DD30 not to overshare, either. You'll get through this--and things are still going to work out for you. Even if he trashes your credit, it will only be temporary. You can have a note put in your file explaining the situation, too.
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/30/10 03:47 PM
Hope,

I wrote this on Holyheart's thread when she thought her WH was filing for bankruptcy;

"I want to first qualify that I am not an attorney, nor do I play one on TV. My WH and I have had to file for bankruptcy due to the most part a failed business.[Encouraged by pos ow] We are in Chapter 13, wherein we have to pay over all our disposable income for five years.

Based on this experience, I can share that we did not have to show what made up individual credit card balances, only a statement that showed the current balance. Almost all of our debt was joint, the business and the credit cards. Thus, even though it was my WH's business, we were both responsible for the debt. [Our attorney state a D would not change this for me]Are the credit cards you are referring to in both of your names or just his?

I would also check with your lawyer in regards to past due child support and alimony. This type of debt is priority debt and must be paid and current. It cannot go under the bankruptcy, Chapter 7 or Chapter 13.

Since your divorce isn't final, you will need advice on how his filing affects your credit. Lastly, if he does file, he does have to show his tax returns and his pay stubs. If he doesn't, the case does not proceed. Even though there are some differences between the individual states, the mechanism of bankruptcy is overseen by Federal judges and Trustees. And believe me, they do not mess around or provide second chances for request for information, or anything really."

After the 2005 change in law, all bankruptcies became extremely difficult according to our attorney. The means test which someone referred to can be found on the IRS website and on the state where he would file.

The Pacer system which PM referred to shows any court documents filed. As a creditor, you can also request through your attorney that you are copied on any court documents and they will send it to you, including his budget, tax returns, paystubs. Additional, there will be a creditor's meeting, assuming since he is working and makes a decent wage, where you can attend and listen, or even protest anything on his budget.

Lastly, as a creditor, you can have access to a National Data Center for Chapter 13 cases. It is www.13datacenter.com. All of this will happen very slowly and after the case is well established. We filed in 10/2007 and it wasn't confirmed/approved until April, 2009 due to complications with the landlord (WH's S and BIL) and taxes.

An employer cannot dismiss someone due to a bankruptcy, or not hire someone based on that. Of course, they can drum up different reasons as a cover, if they want to. Bottom line is, in most cases, there is a life changing event that causes someone to be in this position. The system is allegedly designed to allow for second chances, and for the creditors to receive some or all of their debt. I can honestly say that the "system" is stacked against the debtor as they are many people like your WH who don't want to take responsibility for their bad choices. So, it will not be a walk in the park for any involved. If there was any way I could have avoided it, I would. I begged the creditors to renegotiate the terms, the credit union that held the mortgage on the house, and the worst creditor of them all, my sister-in-law who was out for blood. The trustee and the judge, in our case, treat all debtors as someone trying to get away with something.
It is a painful process that almost mentally took me down, especially after the A, I didn't have any reserve left.
So, for me at least, it is certainly not the easy way out. It has also hurt our three son's credit due to student loans we cosigned on for the older two, and we are not allowed to help our youngest son go to college, that is most definitely the worst, to have my sons suffer.

I hope that your WH's bankruptcy is denied, for your YD sake.

All the best,

ba
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/30/10 08:27 PM
beginagain, thank you for the wealth of information.

I am concerned about my own credit.

He dug his own hole and it is filling with quick sand. Filing for this is a very serious step and the field we are in -- it is frowned upon when applying for new jobs and most cases employers will not hire someone that has a bankruptcy (especialy a recent one) on their record. He has officially lost his mind.

My attorney is researching this for me. They said this is the first time that they served someone for enforcement and the next day they try and file bankruptcy.

I am researching the laws of this state and doing my own fact finding to protect myself.

I have come to the realization that XH is finally "good enough" for PP. He is a cheater, lost his position, integrity and now is in financial ruin. This should be the perfect caliber of man she deserves and it only took 2 years to accomplish it.



((((Hope))))
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/30/10 10:28 PM
Hey Hope,[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com] sorry you have to deal with all the continued drama.

Quote
I am researching the laws of this state and doing my own fact finding to protect myself.

Good for you, continue to protect yourself and your DD's

Quote
I have come to the realization that XH is finally "good enough" for PP. He is a cheater, lost his position, integrity and now is in financial ruin. This should be the perfect caliber of man she deserves and it only took 2 years to accomplish it.

A's are just the gift that keeps on giving.

{{{HOPE}}}

[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/31/10 03:54 AM
My missy you are the queen of icons and they are appreciated and always brings a smile to my face.
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/31/10 02:29 PM
Hope,

What I was trying to convey is that your WH will not get a free ride for his unsecured debt (credit cards). If you have a decent wage, he will have to go into Chapter 13. If he tries for 7, the trustee would object and file for dismissal under the abuse regs. The trustee and judge's job is to get as much debt repaid as possible, they are advacates for the creditors, not the debtors. Especially in a case like WH where it is someone who ran up credit card debt.

In respect to affecting your credit, you are divorced and unless you still have joint credit, then it wouldn't affect you. It may be a little stressful until you find out from your attorney and things progress, but I don't see any reason that you and your daughter would have to sell your home and leave, just because his name is on the mortgage. Under 13, the house and/or assets do not have to be sold. Investment properties or luxery items like boats might though.

In respect to work, as I stated, by law they cannot use bankruptcy against you, but just like with age, race, gender, or anything else, employers could overtly use it. I am an executive in a global company and it hasn't harmed me per se, however it is humiliating. If you are a skilled professional in demand, it would not matter. Besides, it won't come up under your credit so it really won't matter to you, just perhaps your daughter for student loans.

Lastly, my wh's ow was under him at a large telecom company. These ow get the wh in part due to admiration and they want to be connected to someone in power, some how they think it elevates their own stature, which an A devalues it instead. Logic doesn't prevail in the A world!

Best of luck,

ba
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/31/10 03:46 PM
Hi beginagain,

We divided our credit that is not an issue, the 2 main issues are that XH in the D got land that is next to our house. There is a loan on it with both of our names. He could not switch the loan over to his name only because the lot had dropped in price and he could not get loan for the same amount. I think this would be considered an investment property.

Now he did not pay the lot loan for this month. I called the bank and it will affect my credit if he does not pay it. If this is included in the bankruptcy it will definitely affect my credit.

Our house is in both of our names and I pay the mortgage.

My concern is for my DD17 who is a senior this year. I plan on taking student/parent loans since again because of this lousy D I have almost nothing for DD to go to college. I need to have good credit for her to be eligible for loans.



Quote
I need to have good credit for her to be eligible for loans.


Are you sure about this? I admit, it's been a long time since this issue has come up for me, however, I'm thinking that with a Federal student loan, credit does not come into play. Anyway, before you go the loan route, make sure you exhaust all avenues for grants and scholarships, but you probably already know that.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 08/31/10 04:07 PM
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Quote
I need to have good credit for her to be eligible for loans.


Are you sure about this? I admit, it's been a long time since this issue has come up for me, however, I'm thinking that with a Federal student loan, credit does not come into play. Anyway, before you go the loan route, make sure you exhaust all avenues for grants and scholarships, but you probably already know that.

For Fafsa loans she should be ok but if I have to pull any parent loans I might be turned down. I do not want DD17 to be further impacted by the alien who was her father. We are applying for all grants/scholarships anything we can get our hands on.

I will do whatever possible for DD to get to school even if I have to work 3 jobs. She deserves college and more.
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 02:28 AM
Is there any way you can get him to sign a quick deed, and sign the house and the lot over to you. If you can swing the payments then he gets out of a payment and that further divides you and WXH in terms of credit?
Just a thought.... I am not very well versed in the area of real estate and finance.

Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 02:39 AM
((((Hope))))
Posted By: KaylaAndy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 02:55 AM
Originally Posted by mymissy
Is there any way you can get him to sign a quick deed, and sign the house and the lot over to you. If you can swing the payments then he gets out of a payment and that further divides you and WXH in terms of credit?
Just a thought.... I am not very well versed in the area of real estate and finance.

I doubt he would - he's doing what he's doing to deliberately harm Hope's credit. What he's doing is out of malice, not out of an inability to pay. It's a direct result of Hope holding him accountable legally for the terms of his divorce. And he's throwing a self-destructive tantrum designed to intimidate Hope into caving.

Hope - you'll need to be prepared for the worst here. Do you have a family member who can buy the property for the price of the note - force him to give it up due to contractual default and let you continue making your 1/2 of the payments to them?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 03:36 PM
Hi Kayla, actually it is an inability to pay. He has racked up $$$ of credit card bills supporting the A.

He drained his 401K, other savings and now has run out of funds but wants to keep spending on PP.

I don't think he is doing this deliberately he just doesn't care about anything except his A and fantasy. PP would love to harm me because after all "I am picking on her".

I am preparing for the worst and going into survivor mode. Unfortunately I do no have anyone that could help with this financially.

Have not told DD17 of this newest development. This is a very important year as a senior and I do not want to put unnecessary stress on her wondering where we might be moving and how to pay for college.

Just joined an organization related to my industry that gives out scholarships every year. Every bit helps.
You're doing great, Hope. Yes, don't lay this on DD17. It will work out. Smart girls who want to go to college will find a way. Even if she has to go on Federal work-study, she'll get it done. Don't let his and PP's toxicity soak into you and your family!
Posted By: lousygolfer Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 07:23 PM
Originally Posted by imanotherone
You're doing great, Hope. Yes, don't lay this on DD17. It will work out. Smart girls who want to go to college will find a way. Even if she has to go on Federal work-study, she'll get it done. Don't let his and PP's toxicity soak into you and your family!

Sorry, I don't agree with this. DD17 is old enough, and has been part of this for the past two years.

If her father declares bankruptcy, then there WILL BE an affect on DD17, as well as Hope. That affect has yet to be determined, and will not be for quite awhile.

But some direct effects on DD17 will be a limitation on potential student (Parent paid or student paid) loans, as well as her father funding ANYTHING regarding senior year or college.

With you only sharing the debt for the house and the property next door, you are protected from having your credit crushed by this man further. Yes, you have to make the payments, but thru this process, your attorney can probably get the property fully transferred to you. You get it all, plus the debt. If there isn't much equity, it should even be easier to negotiate this transfer. However, if there is any equity, your only recourse is the sell the property as quickly as you can, for the highest amount you can. All proceeds will go to the bank for the loan, and if there is some debt left over, the bankjruptcy may help deal with that, or you may be faced with picking it up. A debt for 10% of the loan may be much better then 100%

Since these things are going to happen, and they are very public, then you should be discussing them with DD's DD17 will find out anyway. Either thru DD30 or some other source, and she will ask Hope why she didn't tell her about this weeks or months ago.

Your still W XH is suffering from serious plastic poisoning.

It sucks that you have to be in this spot. But your filing against him was a good move, and may or may not be dischargable in his bankruptcy. He may have pulled a trigger that blows HIM up, not you.

Sorry, Hope. This all sucks. Since you are joint owner of both properties, the bankruptcy court can not force YOU to sell the lot. But you CAN force the sale of the lot, to minimize the damage to you.

LG
Posted By: chrisner Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 07:27 PM
Originally Posted by LG
and she will ask Hope why she didn't tell her about this weeks or months ago.


I agree with this totally.
Quote
But your filing against him was a good move, and may or may not be dischargable in his bankruptcy


One way to prevent the discharge of a debt awarded in a divoce in Texas is when you find out for sure that he has filed, you immediately file a proceeding in the bankruptcy court asking that this debt not be discharged. There is a timeline for doing this and if you miss the deadline, you'll lose the opportunity to contest it.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 08:35 PM
Thanks for the replies. My concern is that DD17 has such a tough school load taking both high school and college courses in the program she is in I don't want her to lose focus till I had something concrete for the questions she will have.

When XH told DD that he was moving out 2 weeks after she started school she spiraled downward. Her grades dropped significantly, she struggled for a whole year and was almost dropped from the University prep. program she was attending. It was awful.

She is in a very good place these days. This last week she put up on FB "I am so happy with my life. I love my family and friends so much and have a great BF."

Once I talk to my attorney and have some direction of what is going to happen I will talk to DD. In that discussion I will show strength and grace to know that we will get through this and thrive.

PM I am requesting this via email to my atty. Thanks.

Interestingly I saw XH today. I was walking to a meeting and I look up and there is XH looking at me as he heads into his building. He had the good grace to look guilty, head went down, shoulders slumped. It looks like carbohyrates are his new food of choice. For a guy gettting affairaged he is not too worried if he can fit into his pig monkey suit.

I'm not suggesting lying to DD17, I'm suggesting that, as a parent, you share only what is necessary. This isn't DD17's fault and it's the problem between her parents. At this point, you don't know the specific ramifications, so why cause DD17 unnecessary worry? A 17-year-old shouldn't have to worry about her parents' finances. Sure, tell her money is going to be tight--she already knows that anyway. Tell her she probably won't see any money from dad--she already knows this too. DON'T tell her this will keep her out of college because it WON'T. There are scholarships, loans, and community college as options. DD17 is probably doing all she can to qualify for scholarships and loans anyway, so why add more pressure?
I agree with Ima. There is no reason DD should know the specifics about the financial stuff. As we all know, teenagers tend to make everything about them so she may even decide that it is HER fault that her mom is going to have to struggle, etc. Just the basics (i.e., money will be tight) should be enough.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 08:51 PM
IM never thought you said to lie and did not take it in that context. Will always be truthful with her but protect her also.

We did have the money talk these past few weeks. She knows I am saving money from my 2nd job for college. She is also paying me some money towards car insurance and to budget her money.

PM you hit it on the head that teenagers think it is all about them!! Funny that waywards think the same also.
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 10:03 PM
Also, Senior year has a LOT of expenses. Senior photos- a lot of kids are going "semi - pro" on them.
That is they find a talented adult to take them, they print online (even witn name on it).
saves hundreds.

Do not get Traditional invites (from school) cost $150-$300. Instead go to Jo Annes and get custom printable. Beautiful. AND a fraction of cost (I got mine in sale bin -- a $50 set for $10)
OR get a great photo of her and do the photo/card invite at Wal marts.
Yearbooks, All night Senior party, cap and gown rental PROM ( a 12th grade must) all need to be planned for.

But kids are smarter now. They trade dresses, cut the limos and have house parties pre dance (instead of fancy dinner out)

Great thing is you can do these things and not have to pay the highest.
There is also Open House-- but many ways to do this with style and not kill your finances.

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/01/10 10:17 PM
Originally Posted by barbiecat
Also, Senior year has a LOT of expenses. Senior photos- a lot of kids are going "semi - pro" on them.
That is they find a talented adult to take them, they print online (even witn name on it).
saves hundreds.

Do not get Traditional invites (from school) cost $150-$300. Instead go to Jo Annes and get custom printable. Beautiful. AND a fraction of cost (I got mine in sale bin -- a $50 set for $10)
OR get a great photo of her and do the photo/card invite at Wal marts.
Yearbooks, All night Senior party, cap and gown rental PROM ( a 12th grade must) all need to be planned for.

But kids are smarter now. They trade dresses, cut the limos and have house parties pre dance (instead of fancy dinner out)

Great thing is you can do these things and not have to pay the highest.
There is also Open House-- but many ways to do this with style and not kill your finances.

BC some great suggestions. Yes a few big events this year and it includes those formal dresses. We are putting some of her dresses on Craigs list and using the money towards the 2 dresses she will need. I am a good shopper and will find something that will look great and not break the bank.

We are not getting traditional invites; since all of our family is out of state we are planning to have a graduation party when we go there during the summer. Grad invites with a picture inset.

She had some pro-pictures taken but I am buying 3 4x5 pictures and then reproducing them at home for everyone.
I did order the yearbook for her and it is a surprise.

She told me she does not want a class ring and I don't know if she is just saying that because she knows it is expensive? dontknow It hurts a little that money is tight and everytime something comes up I grit my teeth but show it as a smile.

This is an exciting year and want the best for her as any parent would.
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/02/10 12:08 AM
Quote
She told me she does not want a class ring and I don't know if she is just saying that because she knows it is expensive?

I think that may be more the trend with a lot of kids. My DstepChildren - none wanted a class ring and did not get one. They did not really seem to care for that kind of stuff and was the same with many of their classmates.

Enjoy this year though, it will be great no matter what.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/02/10 03:30 AM
Better you not get her one if she does not want one.

I didn't want mine and I'm still trying to figure out how to best sell it.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/02/10 03:38 AM
my missy and karma thank you for making me feel better. As a parent I want the best for her and I was doing some of that guilt that she did not want to tell me.

Your right, I don't think I see many kids wearing their high school rings anymore.

Appreciate your opinions
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/02/10 03:40 AM
You could maybe get her a piece of jewelry though--a necklace, or maybe a gift of some sort. A shirt or a movie she has been talking about?
Posted By: howtoheal Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/02/10 03:14 PM
just a quick note on the quit claim deed on the house/property- it only changes ownership of the property, it does NOT change the loan- you have to actually refinance it.

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/02/10 05:09 PM
Karma good idea about a piece of jewelry. That would work.

Howtoheal, I did know that. The problem was that when XH took ownership of the property he could not refinance it because the value of the land was less than the mortgage so it stayed in both of our names and now he is not paying.

Still no additional word from attorney. I know they move slow sometimes.

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/13/10 09:30 PM
Just a little journal update.

Feel more Yang than Yin these days. Going into the light and feeling stronger in spite of being surrounded by aliens.

My birthday end of this week. How did I get to this age? Ouch. faint I have plans with friends and DD17 is taking me out for lunch too.

Continuing to be positive in areas of my life that I can. Working hard at the gym to dispel bad energy and build endorphins and trying a new diet to get the scale to start moving down again.

Working on my finances and figuring out a doable plan that will help get DD through college and give enough to live.

Court is being scheduled the end of this month for enforcement of the XH D decree. Divorce the gift that keeps on giving. Putting on my shield of armor and working on some options with the attorney and keeping my sanity.

While I am Yanging, XH is Yin...not a good place..

Excuse me I am going to listen for the karma bus which is starting to shift gears as it tries to pull up the hill that is turning into a mountain.






Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/17/10 07:35 PM
Well it is Friday.

Today is 16 months since DD17 has seen XH with no end in sight. She continues to be in her own very dark plan B. He left a card and gift card for her in August for her birthday under the doormat and she sent him an email to thank him but that is it. I continue to watch for signs of depression, acting out, or any substance abuse problems because of the destruction that D does to the children but I thank God every day she is thriving.

I am very proud of her (even those days when she is a typical teenager). She is pulling honor grades, has a BF that is a nice guy and very respectful, responsibile. My biggest complaint is I wish she would just clean her room.

I know XH is in the fog with PP, but it still amazes me that he has not seen his DD all of this time and "just blames me for poisoning her". They both just continue to drink heavily, plan for the Affairage in Vegas, and spend money like there is no tomorrow and just "declare bankruptcy" and play that angle.

If you knew this man before not even I could imagine he would go this low. We have court the end of this month for Decree enforcement and I would not be surprised if he "just didn't show up". I am not askig for anything except what was agreed. It makes me sad that I am the only one who remembers the old H and the man he was.

Jus musings on a Friday afternoon.

I do have plans this weekend. It is my birthday tomorrow and a poker game group is coming over and DD is taking me out Sunday for lunch. I am blessed for what I have but still get those tugs of the heart.

Everyone have a good weekend.
Happy early birthday Hope! Win lots of money!
Posted By: chrisner Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/17/10 07:46 PM
Hi Hope!

Quote
Today is 16 months since DD17 has seen XH with no end in sight.

Scary thing is; that's 8% of her entire life he has missed.


Quote
My biggest complaint is I wish she would just clean her room.

When DD (then 17ish) came home from school the debris field left behind her from the front door to her room rivaled that of a 737 crash. Sometimes I miss that now. Cherish this time.

You have a great weekend too Hope.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/17/10 07:49 PM
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Happy early birthday Hope! Win lots of money!

Thanks PM, hug

I have been good but today it feels like one of those "funky Friday days" that I have not experienced in a long time. It will pass.

I am usually a loser but last time I cleaned house and won playing poker! Hope I have a repeat.

Take care PM.
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/17/10 09:52 PM
Happy Early Birthday Hope. (((((hope))))))

It really is XWH's loss that he doesn't talk to your DD16, she sounds wonderful.

While I was reading what you were writing about your XWH and how far down he has traveled, I thought, "I read somewhere that the better person they were, the further down they must fall." It seems to be true in this sense. He was a great man pre-A and now he has to destroy that to the nth degree. I am glad that he couldn't bring you down with him. You are great and I hope you enjoy your birthday. laugh
(((hope)))
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/20/10 03:14 PM
Originally Posted by imanotherone
(((hope)))

thanks for the shoutout. Had a good birthday on Saturday. Had friends over for a poker game even though I lost (at least let me win for my birthday!).

My DD17 BF came over that day and he brings me a big bouquet of flowers. I started crying on the spot. My XH used to buy me flowers for mother's day and my birthday and I have missed receiving flowers.

Poor kid he didn't know what do to when I started to cry and I gave him a big hug. I think DD realized what had happened and "got it".

We have gotten buckets of rain and flooding this whole weekend. Everything is turning green and going under water. Looking for the ark to float by.

I have my moments with the affairage coming in October. I am actively going to make plans for that 10-10-10 date while they exchange insincere vows of infedelity and get falling down drunk.

This too shall pass.
Hope, yours is another one I follow but don't comment on much. You, too, are a woman to be admired.

Happy belated birthday!

I, too, understand those little triggers. They are very few and far between anymore, thank goodness.

I am sorry you are having to deal with an affairage. I still look to see if WxH and babs have taken that leap. As little as I care about him now, it would still be a dagger.

Just know, it is doomed to fail. It is empty and meaningless. A last ditch effort to escape the desperation.

The old saying holds true - "wherever you go, there you are."

An affairage is another act of desperation to make it right. They will be disappointed once again.
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/20/10 04:45 PM
Can I sent them a gift? How about his and her pooper scoopers? Or monogramed towels -- HIS, HERS and HOPES? Some one needs to slap them silly.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/20/10 07:35 PM
An affairage is another act of desperation to make it right. They will be disappointed once again.

How true...Many times when I was in contact with XH before I would end every email "It will never be right". He is trying to prove to EVERYONE including himself that he was right.

HH, I wish someone would slap him silly and you would be the woman to do it!!!
Posted By: jessitaylor Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/20/10 09:03 PM
hope3343,

do something great on that day, start a new memory......if you having fun you won't even think of him and you won't be wasting any of your precious time on him anymore,
so nice of the daughters BF to give you flowers, sounds like he might be a keeper......
focus on the positives in your life and the other reasons for 10-10-10, my B-Day........
stay strong and enjoy life now.......
you are a good person...........
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/20/10 09:54 PM
On 10-10-10(puke BTW), why not burn a plastic pig in effigy. grin

You are an amazing woman. laugh
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/21/10 02:07 AM
Quote
On 10-10-10([Linked Image from smileyvault.com] BTW), why not burn a plastic pig in effigy. grin

[Linked Image from smileyvault.com]

Quote
You are an amazing woman

ITA, you are an amazing woman; look at the wonderful DD's you have as a testament to what an awesome person you are.[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]

Happy Belated Birthday Hope, glad you had fun with friends!!!
[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]

On 10-10-10, make sure you are surrounded by good friends and those who love and care about you. Unfortunately the alien is spiraling down, down, down. [Linked Image from smileyvault.com]

Take care of you and DD!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/27/10 10:32 PM
I am breathing barely.

Was supposed to go to court tomorrow for Divorce enforcement ($$ for DD car and loan XH defaulted on)

XH filed for Chapter 13 Bankruptcy on Friday afternoon and then took off on vacation for PP's birthday to see her favorite football team play (and win).

Just got call from attorney's office and because he filed we cannot go forward because the bankruptcy filing protects him.

They are seeing what options we have now or just be part of a long list of creditors.

He has officially lost his mind.

How can this man go this low that he takes the money for his daughter's car and just spends it?


Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/27/10 11:23 PM
Wow. keep breathing. You obviously need more info before you flip out.

Dunna worry, when it is flip out time, we will tell/help you! rant2

Family member tried to bankrupt 30K he owed in back CS payments. No go. NOt a chance. Texas and MI court system.
Posted By: Dealan-de Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/27/10 11:53 PM
What a flippin' tool.

And not a cool tool like a router or jigsaw...he's a toilet plunger or pipe snake.

There. I wrote it out loud.

((((Hope))))
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/28/10 12:43 AM
{{{{Hope}}}}
I don't understand how or why they sink so low. But it becomes all about the selfishness of the AP's ego's.
I wish I had some great words of advice, just know that I am thinking about you and sending good thoughts and prayers.
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/28/10 02:23 AM
Time for a big
PLAN F U.

Help, Mymissy. We need some cool, flaming graphics.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/28/10 02:58 AM
XH and PP are all about narcissistic lifestyle. PP brags about what she is doing and basically might as well wear a shirt that says "look at me, look at me".

<insert evil thinking> Would like to send a heartfelt message to some of the attendees saying basically that enjoy the affairage...so sad that XH has filed bankruptcy and the ring PP is wearing is my daughter's car.

Like to give the gift that keeps on giving. Where is schoolbus when you need her to toot that karma bus.

thanks for the posts. XH is paying CS because the state of Texas takes it from his pay it is the money for the car and a loan he agreed to pay and I agreed to pay the other one and now I am paying both just because he doesn't want to pay it because of his "lavish lifestyle" (how do you like that term HH)

More to follow
(((Hope))) - Well the good news is that he filed Chap. 13, which means he has to repay his debts (or a small percentage of them). I would make sure that you are listed as a creditor.

The bad news is that the divorce case goes to automatic abatement for at least 180 days (I think) or until the BK is resolved. I believe it is possible for your attorney to ask the Bankruptcy Judge to lift the stay in order to continue your litigation. Not sure about the grounds though since you're an unsecured creditor.

As for the "Affairage"... grrrrrrrrrr..
It gets harder and harder to have faith in the justice system after seeing what some of the waywards get away with.

Don't judges see this as the game it is? A ploy to live beyond means and then opt out of paying when they get in too deep or just don't want to pay.

These guys need a real serious kick in the pants.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/28/10 08:41 PM
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
(((Hope))) - Well the good news is that he filed Chap. 13, which means he has to repay his debts (or a small percentage of them). I would make sure that you are listed as a creditor.

The bad news is that the divorce case goes to automatic abatement for at least 180 days (I think) or until the BK is resolved. I believe it is possible for your attorney to ask the Bankruptcy Judge to lift the stay in order to continue your litigation. Not sure about the grounds though since you're an unsecured creditor.

As for the "Affairage"... grrrrrrrrrr..

Bingo...That is the game he is playing. 180 days will get him 6 months or longer then at that point his CS will be winding down and he will replace one payment for another. I need this money towards DD college and I don't want it to take 5 years.

I know he is drinking like a fish but to take $$ from your daughter for your own benefit is just lousy.

I will be submitting all medical bills to the state and get reimbursed that way at least. That will not be part of the bankruptcy.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/28/10 08:44 PM
Originally Posted by wildhorses74
It gets harder and harder to have faith in the justice system after seeing what some of the waywards get away with.

Don't judges see this as the game it is? A ploy to live beyond means and then opt out of paying when they get in too deep or just don't want to pay.

These guys need a real serious kick in the pants.

I agree. I will do everything possible to recover DD money and the loan he has not paid. He is with a plastic pig but right now I am officially a bull dog.

Two can play this game...More to follow!
Posted By: black_raven Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/28/10 08:47 PM
Originally Posted by hope3343
<insert evil thinking> Would like to send a heartfelt message to some of the attendees saying basically that enjoy the affairage...so sad that XH has filed bankruptcy and the ring PP is wearing is my daughter's car.

Send a turkey baster and tube of KY Jelly for a gift...from the office staff. laugh

Stay strong Hope. smile
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/29/10 12:11 AM
[Linked Image from smileyvault.com][Linked Image from smileyvault.com][Linked Image from smileyvault.com][Linked Image from smileyvault.com]

The Karma tank is coming, PP's are numbered.
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/29/10 02:10 AM
Well, I think his free wheeling spending days are about to end with Chapter 13. I think the court takes over at that point and allows him to keep enough to pay his bills. I guess his trips to the liquor store might end unless PP pays for it.

I doubt they'll leave him enough for his monthly trips to Vegas.
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/29/10 10:41 PM
Originally Posted by black_raven
Send a turkey baster and tube of KY Jelly for a gift...from the office staff. laugh

Stay strong Hope. smile


[Linked Image from smileyvault.com]
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/30/10 07:49 PM
Gggrrrrrr Just picked up a copy of the bankruptcy report.

XH owes big while only having a pitiful $300 in the bank. I found many discrepancies about his assets.

Wouldn't buying an engagement ring be listed as an asset? Would a million trips to Vegas be telling to a bankruptcy judge.

Can the court refuse a chapter 13 bankruptcy?

Just want the money for DD and defaulted loan.

I think karma is coming to him but unfortunately it is attached to my finances also.

If schoolbus is around I am thinking of sending a message to the wedding guests about the lucky guy coming into her family as "project F" and would like a little guidance.

shout out.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/30/10 07:56 PM
I am not a lawyer, but I would assume if the ring is worth more than a certain amount that it would have to be an asset.
Originally Posted by karmasrose
I am not a lawyer, but I would assume if the ring is worth more than a certain amount that it would have to be an asset.

Probably not because it's not HIS ring. It would be considered a gift to OW's/PP. puke

Hope, I believe if you challenge his bankruptcy filing with "proof" the Judge CAN toss it out and may even take it further than that.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/30/10 08:41 PM
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
Hope, I believe if you challenge his bankruptcy filing with "proof" the Judge CAN toss it out and may even take it further than that.

Me thinks so too! Have some thoughts and suggestions and will catch up with you on this.

What happens if a judge tosses it out? Does he have any other options.
If you meant that to me personally, I won't be home tonight. DH and I are taking my DD and grandkids to a Texas Rangers game (their 1st). My boss gave me tickets (12 rows up in the bottom section, just to the right of home plate. I'll hold up an "I heart MB" sign and wave to everyone if I get caught on camera. smile
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/30/10 08:58 PM
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
If you meant that to me personally, I won't be home tonight. DH and I are taking my DD and grandkids to a Texas Rangers game (their 1st). My boss gave me tickets (12 rows up in the bottom section, just to the right of home plate. I'll hold up an "I heart MB" sign and wave to everyone if I get caught on camera. smile

You are too funny. Have a great time. I was planning on sending you an email. Trying to be a little cautious when my last thread was being invaded.

Will look for the sign.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/06/10 08:48 PM
It was a good day to come here and read Ark's "just be still". Needed that kind of positive reinforcement.

PP and XH are on their way to Vegas for the affairage on Sunday. She has a viral infection so bad that she can't talk or breathe without coughing (I swear I had nothing to do with it).

Yes, XH will be getting on the plane as a bloated, red face alcoholic with his direct report still trying to make all of this right.

On his return, bankruptcy awaits and some reality and what is left after that?

Think the karma bus will be picking them up for the beginning of the end.

DD asked to spend the day with me on Sunday. She said after church she wanted to go to lunch with me and then go to an afternoon movie and just hang out. Never brought up his name or what day. I am blessed.

Just be still.


Posted By: Vibrissa Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/06/10 08:59 PM
(((hope))) you ARE blessed.

I will be praying for you this weekend.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/06/10 09:19 PM
Originally Posted by Vibrissa
(((hope))) you ARE blessed.

I will be praying for you this weekend.

Thank you for your prayers. I thought I would be become unraveled this week and start to fall apart. Feel strength, feel grace, feel His spirit.

Will pray for my DDs, will pray for XH and I will remember the man he was not this Mr. Vegas.

My analogy is if XH was Elvis, I would have had him in the early years, when he was handsome, talented, a mover and shaker.

What PP has is Elvis in the later years, a shadow of himself, bloated, staggering about.



Posted By: Vibrissa Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/06/10 09:23 PM
You got the better Elvis. The man she has now - you don't want that man.

She's getting table scraps. That's about what she's worth.

The Lord will support you and shelter you in his arms, as long as you'll let him. You have amazing daughters. Enjoy this weekend.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/07/10 02:29 PM
Originally Posted by Vibrissa
The Lord will support you and shelter you in his arms, as long as you'll let him. You have amazing daughters. Enjoy this weekend.

I am working on filling up my whole weekend. When I know that I have God next to me walking by my side it makes it easier to carry myself with grace. Thank you.
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/08/10 02:58 AM
Quote
I am working on filling up my whole weekend. When I know that I have God next to me walking by my side it makes it easier to carry myself with grace.

{{{Hope}}}
You are the embodiment of grace; look at the amazing DD's you have raised.
You have also managed to stay cool at work, I am still amazed at that.
Be sure to do lots of fun things this weekend.

And remember you are a strong and worthy woman; the alien off with the PP is not the person you married. That person gave you two beautiful DD's and then went away.

I will be sending good thoughts your way and thinking of you enjoying yourself.
Hugs
Posted By: Tabby1 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/08/10 03:31 PM
(((Hope)))

It is Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend. I'll be thinking about you.
(((((Hope)))) I haven't been on much lately because my work blocked MB! rant2 (So I brought my laptop and my own connection to work). Anyways, just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and I'll be around on FB this weekend if you need me.
Originally Posted by princessmeggy
(((((Hope)))) I haven't been on much lately because my work blocked MB! rant2 (So I brought my laptop and my own connection to work). Anyways, just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and I'll be around on FB this weekend if you need me.


rotflmao Sorry PM but this made me LMAO....Did they really just block MB... rotflmao...You naughty girl. stickout
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/08/10 07:42 PM
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

It must be working because I am doing well today. No tears or depression. Maybe it will change on 10-10-10 affairage day. Maybe they are getting married at 10 am?

Keep having the thought that this is "the beginning of the end" for them.

Coming back facing bankruptcy, no R with his DDs, being a renter in her house, gaining so much weight and drinking drinking.

Remember Animal House. This is the toast I would give on Sunday...

"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." ...Dean Vernon Wormer

I asked myself why wouldn't PP be worried how bad he looks or about his finances or about his health...why should she. That is the difference between a loving wife and the OW.
Originally Posted by hope3343
I asked myself why wouldn't PP be worried how bad he looks or about his finances or about his health...why should she. That is the difference between a loving wife and the OW.

Exactly.....They are all so selfish that they only think of themselves...They are incapable of thinking of anyone else.
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/09/10 03:40 PM
"Loving" wife versus "selfish" OW. Just the topic Crefflo Dollar preached on this week. I'm telling you -- this minister is SPOT on with his message.

GOD
Love
Faith
Kingdom of God (the Word)
Life cycle
Health, prosperity, deliverance
Eternal life with God


satan
selfishness
fear
The world's system
death cycle
sickness, poverty, bondage
death, hell

Selfishness gives birth to fear. Need to get away from WHO is feeding your mindset.

I'm sure you can find his message under World Changer's Church or on Youtube. His message this past week has been on restoring Godly families. He is of MB mind regarding infidelity and the anatomy of affairs. He has a wonderful segment on "change." It can happen. It DOES happen. But it has to happen in the mind first. And it has to start with God.

Sorry I didn't provide a link but it's so worth it to find his website and watch him.

Posted By: Tabby1 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 12:02 AM
Hope, I don't post often but I do read your thread every day. I understand that you are facing one of the hardest days of your life. I have been thinking of you all weekend and will continue until I'm sure you are ok, even though you are so strong. Even your MB name - Hope- gives s and I know you will get through this.

I really just want you move past these trials. I know it feels impossible, especially because you work with XH and OW, but I want you to move past them. You are such a special person. I can't begin to describe how much you have inspired me. Please, know that you have and that I wouldn't be where I was today if it weren't for you.

You are so strong. Your DD's see it. We at MB see it. Even the lurkers who never post see it. You are amazing. I want you to know that because this weekend is testing that very strength but we know that you will prevail. We are with you.

I wish I could pray for you. But I'm not religious and it wouldn't be sincere and you deserve my sincerety. So please accept my thoughts and my love. They are with you right now. It's not much comfort, I know, but it's all I have and I wish it all for you. You are very, very special to me, whether you know it or not. Your inspiration has pulled me through more than one crisis during this journey.

Hope, please feel peace today and tomorrow and always. I will gladly carry your pain for you, cry for you and mourn for you so you can have a day of rest. Please accept this as my Thanksgiving (Canadian) gift to you. I mean this.
Praying for you too. And the affairiage WILL not last. Fwiw, my ex married the ow the DAY AFTER our D was final.

He actually (lame I know) attempted to ask me out on a date during affairage year two, but me being the woman I am (plus I was totally out of any residual feelings for him at that point) totally refused him and told him I "didn't date married men". Lol! And your xh will do the same as the affairs always die. Always. And an affairage is the same. Just somewhat sorta legal somehow. Should be a law against it!

My ex married her on the first day after New Years' Day when the court was open. Married at courthouse. Fun huh? No white dress, no huge reception, no excitement. Nada. Zilch.

It's not pretty in an affairage. You have tons of baggage you didn't process, you stuff down all the real love you harbor for your betrayed spouse somewhere inside, and all of that "stuff" the waywards DON'T deal with just spews out like a volcano on a timer. It is not a matter of if it is going to happen, but when.

Like a dumb, idiotic, stupid train wreck that you watch from a distance. Just let the affairees have it to themselves. Let them "own it". When people ask why you divorce tell the truth. My ex said it was because we didn't get along. I told the truth. I'd say "Sure we didn't get along. He was HAVING AN AFFAIR. That kinda causes you to not get along doesn't it?"

They bend truth, spin tales worthy of a bestseller novel. And most importantly, rewrite history to make their affairs justified simply because the truth is far too painful and makes them look bad (something waywards HATE). It's all about their ego. And truth doesn't sit well with the ego of a wayward. Please remember that. Kinda like a vampire and garlic.

Anyhow, toast yourself. I suggest you do as I did, and have a 10/10/10 "the perfect date for a perfect party for a perfectly gorgeous single woman" night. I remember what I did on the first new years' eve single (day or two before he married the ow). I got glammed out. Went to a high profile new years' party and somehow wrangled my way into getting snapped in a photo which was placed in a large local magazine in the social/parties section. Need I say I wore a hotter than hot dress, looked amazing? YOU do that too tomorrow. And get seen and get the word out.

Anothe thing I did was send out instead of a Christmas card, a "happy new year" card to everybody (including the ex and his friends from his firm) showing me in the photo. I wanted to flaunt my fabulousness and my SINGLENESS in his face.

You see, the irony in this is only YOU are the single one in the divorce. Only you have the freedom to actually when you feel like it to date around and have fun. He's already tied down to a less than desirable person, one who would lower their standards to cheat. One who agreed it's ok to rip apart a marriage and family. YOU are the only one with a FUTURE!

That was how I saw it anyway. I was the hot commodity, he was the loser. Oh and on NYE, I had the band play my theme song and my friends requested it at the stroke of midnight. Feel free to borrow my divorce renewal song ok? "It's My Life" (version by No Doubt).

YOU can run around and act wayward. Go out and date single guys when you feel like it. He's got a ball and chain. Laugh at him.

And you're right. Their days are numbered. My ex told me when he asked me out he "hated seeing me run around (which I didn't) and date around and that he messed up. That he missed his family". I told him I didn't date married guys, and that he had a baby and a new otherwomanwife (what I called her to degrade her position and give him a bit of truth at same time).

My ex and the otherwomanwife are divorcing now. She filed a few weeks ago. I would say it's sad, but it was foretold in their beginning you know?

Revel in your new life, you're perfect. A perfect 10 as I see it. Flaunt it. Live it. After all, you're the only one with a real future now.
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 01:20 AM
Wow, Peachy. What you said to Hope -- WOW. You are just the veteran Hope needs to hear from... heck, we ALL need to hear from. I'm going to keep rereading your post as though it was written to me. Life lessons are the best teachers.


Posted By: catgirl Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 01:59 AM
(((Hope)))

I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

My ExH M'd OW almost a year after our D. He kept the M a secret. Never even told my DS. I actually found out by accident 4 mos. after they married. ExH would remove his wedding ring when he came to take DS for visitation. Twisted huh? They had a baby the following year.

I was devastated. That was my worst mightmare come true, and then the new baby to boot, when I so wanted more kids and ExH told me no, he was too old.

But somehow I got through. IC helped me. And realizing that all the tears and wishes of it not happening, wasn't going to change a thing. Just hold me back from living.

Peachy is so right. We are the ones who are single and can pick and choose who we want, when we want. They are stuck with cheaters.

Hang in there. I will pray for you...

Cat



My ex WH also had a baby 3 mos after marrying the ow so I understand the pain of it cat. The baby was ironically due on my birthday. Luckily that didn't happen either.

Also, my ex never would wear his affairage ring either. He would slip it off before being in front of me. On some level they do know they are doing wrong. Also he hid his hospital band on his wrist (what you have to wear to visit your baby in the hospital) because he didn't want me to see it during a dropoff for visitation.

Oh yea. My ex named the baby the SAME NAME, A-------- that I had picked out for a girl name. How sick is that?

But I lived and moved on and loved. And had a blast somehow during all of it. HE and the OW are the losers. Cheaters who are dumb enough to marry their cheating scumbag partners get what they deserve. Future ain't bright. Affairages are built on quicksand and over time they sink slowly a little bit each day.

Imagine. You're out with new couple friends and they are getting to know you both. Affair couples always have to meet new friends b/c old friends usually frown on them yanno.

They're all talking, laughing, and then the new friends ASK the affairees how did they meet. Granted, they both come up with lies to say and both are eloquent in how they play it, but imagine the GUILT they feel on some level in meeting people and the simple, the SIMPLE question of how did you meet comes up. There is always some level of pain, angst, and guilt. It lives with them each day. They breathe it. They eat it. They sleep with it at night. And over time it overcomes their sham of a relationship.
Posted By: catgirl Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 02:44 AM
Sorry for the t/j Hope...

Peachy,

How horrible him naming the child the same name. Thank goodness ExH didn't do that. ExH was to pick up my DS for visitation the day OW went into labor, so he called here telling me he couldn't take him as he was in the hospital and the whole time I could hear the prenatal monitor beeping. That was tough. Oh did I mention OW is 17 yrs. younger than ExH?!

ExH has no problem wearing the ring now. He actually makes sure I see it if I am ever around him, which I try not to be.

He seems happy. ExH, OW, new baby and my DS all go out to dinner etc, when ExH has DS for visitation, like they are one big happy family. I hate that and I know it is very hard on my DS, but he keeps it all in. He's the same age as your DS.

But I do agree that they spin it to others so it doesn't seem so bad. I know he's told people that he met OW through work, which he did, but she had nothing to do with our M demise. M was already over...

They do have to live with the lies and I guess for some it doesn't bother them. He's a well respected person at his job. I thought the A would hurt his image, but he actually got a promotion! Go figure.

It still hurts at times knowing he's in a relationship and I'm still going through it all. Thought I finally found happiness but that's another thread!

I keep telling myself that good things come to those who wait...just wish it would hurry up!!

Cat

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 04:07 AM
Just checking in and even with the weekend I appreciate the MB gang checking in on me.

Tabby I had a little tear in my eye by your kind words, strangers that I wouldn't recognize in the street are the kindred spirits to me during these dark days.

Went to a BBQ tonight and guess what I had fun. There was a couple with a little baby and I got such a kick out of dancing around the kitchen with her.

Have not cried today at all. Not once. When I left the BBQ I looked up at the beautiful clear sky and the stars were shining and I felt sad that XH was missing the view.

He has the lights of Vegas, bright and flashing and not real. It is all a facade that he has created.

Peachy so true about explaining to people "how did we meet". My DDs loved to hear about how XH and myself met when I was on vacation in his country and how he came up to me in a pub and started talking. Within a year we were married.

What kind of story can they say. Oh, he was my married boss and we had an affair. How romantic for rutting pigs.

One couple that are are in Vegas my XH could not stand the the wife and hated the husband and thought he was obnoxious and now they are good friends of OW and XH. Guess they will accept anyone as friends as long as they accept their situation.

After tomorrow my XH will have a new wife. It feels weird but I feel it is the beginning of the end.

DD and me have plans to go to church, lunch and then a comedy movie. I am blessed.

My biggest challenge will be seeing OW gloating at work but I know she is pond scum. Why should she feel so special. Obviously marriage means nothing to each of them since they both treated our marriage so bad why should it be different for them.

"For God didnļæ½t give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control."

I appreciate your support. hug
Posted By: swan's song Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 04:25 AM
Be Still and Know by Steven Curtis Chapman



Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Be still, O restless soul of mine
Bow before the Prince of peace
Let the noise and clamor cease

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is faithful
Consider all that He has done
Stand in awe and be amazed
And know that He will never change
Be still

Be still, and know that He is God
Be still, and know that He is God
Be still, and know that He is God

Be still; Be speechless

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know He is our Father
Come rest your head upon His breast
Listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love
Beating for His little ones
Calling each of us to come
Be still, Be still
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 11:37 AM
Hope,

Prayers and hugs today. I am so inspired by you.

Enjoy the day with DD16.

AM
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 12:46 PM
Hope, just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today. I am also thinking about PP. Of course, those thoughts are that I hope she falls on her plastic face and breaks her nose. What lovely wedding pics that would make. grin

(((((Hope)))))

Know that you are so much better than the pond scum and your XWH is a loser for not seeing it. Maybe he did and realized that he wasn't good enough. Take care.
Posted By: Dealan-de Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 02:52 PM
Thinking about you Hopie!
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 05:36 PM
The beginning of the end..... so true!!

Reality will hit him square in the jaw. He will wake up and realize that YOU were his rock in life. You kept him grounded. He's on the wrong end spiritually, morally, financially, physically, emotionally -- and any of the other "...allys" out there.

YOU were the best part of him, not the other way around.

HE is crumbling because YOU are not there for him.

Stupid waywards -- especially those in long term marriages -- just seem to "forget" that their lives were pretty damn good and drama free before the affair. Sure -- they can blame us all they want because it's convenient to do that AND we aren't around to defend ourselves.

But in the dead of night -- when he's lying in bed and wondering where/when his life started heading south -- it should eventually dawn on him.

With Hope, my life was wonderful.

With PP, my life is hell.

Again -- life versus death.

Hope is life. PP is death.

Maybe he does need to die before he can rise.

The beginning of the end.....
Posted By: not2fun Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 05:44 PM
{{{{{{{{{{Hope}}}}}}}}}}}}

sigh........you've been on my mind and in my prayers this week.......Not
Yes Hope, today is the first day of the WORST of their lives.

I have knowledge it will be. It happened to my ex H. He swore up and down (oh how I remember this) that he was soooo happy, I was bitter, that she was prettier than I was (we're a 180 from each other;she an uneducated brunette model myself an attractive well-educated blonde), and how he was marrying for the last time.

Their "happiness" didn't last long as he began cheating on her immediately. He never did find that happiness. She really however, did try w/their marriage. Sad I know. But when it is written in God's book to not tear a marraige asunder, and the waywards and the op DO that, it is not a blessed union. It cannot be. Negative energy begins their marriage (even if you don't believe in God, but I sure do) and that same negative energy will destroy it.

Her wedding day is like Vegas. A sham. A bet. A bad gamble and the house always wins. YOU are the house.

I do know that he will think of you today and remember another time in his life. You will hurt, but do as I said...do something FABULOUS for you today as you are the only one truly free today. He has a ball and chain to an adulteress. Not pretty.

Wanna know something funny? About three and a half years after my divorce, when I was least expecting to meet somebody, on a whim I got dressed up to meet some girlfriends out for dinner. That was the night I met my DH. I felt ok to go on and I had no residual issues keeping me from moving forward with him. The waywards? Oh they will always have an issue with this or that and their past of how they became a we.

When I married my DH this summer on the beach, there were no memories of my old past. Of my ex H. None of it. I had joy, real joy, a different joy than before. But I was so happy. God had truly healed my life and allowed more joy and love than I thought I'd ever get, and my beloved child was at our sides as we married.

You will have this again in time. Right now, TODAY is not about them. IT IS ABOUT YOU. YOU and your BELOVED KIDS. Move, run, laugh, play, and realize your family is a perfect 10 all around as it is NOW. God is moving in your life and healing you as of this very second. Allow Him to move and heal in your life.

Don't focus on the fake facade of the vegas affairage. It is just that. Carefully placed sets to mimic a larger than life, glitzy reality. Like a 2d movie set. It only looks real at a distance. You have reality. They have fake.

And you have DIGNITY, real peace, and a real future and a chance to love again when your heart is healed again.
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 06:09 PM
You are also in my prayers and thoughts today Hope; enjoy the day with DD!!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/10/10 06:27 PM
Just checking in...

We went to church and now getting ready to go see a comedy movie.

DD seemed a little down and I addressed "the elephant in the room". She said he was an idiot and did not want to even talk about him.

She told him at Thanksgiving 2 years ago that if he ever married PP she would never talk to him again. Don't know if that was what she was thinking about.

Thank you for all of your prayers and good wishes.

The pastor talked about When people leave you, let them go. God is making room for the right people and clearing out the wrong people for your future.

Was he talking to me?

Blessings.
Quote
The pastor talked about When people leave you, let them go. God is making room for the right people and clearing out the wrong people for your future.

Was he talking to me?

Wow!!! Is he reading your mail? I dunno Hope, think about it. He chose THIS day to bring THIS message.

((((Hope))))
hope i know you don't know me but i have read your story from the time i started posting here. You have more strength than you know and you have given strength to other like me. You and your wonderful kids were in my thoughts and prayers all weekend!

Hope you had fun with lunch and your movie!!!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/11/10 07:02 PM
Well is is 10-11-10. Guess they are hitched and sleeping off their hangovers.

Yesterday turned out alright for me. Did not cry over this affairage once. He has chosen poorly.

My friend came over with a bouquet of flowers for DD and me. She gave us a beautiful card saying she was thinking of us and what good friends we are.

Your messages have touched not just my heart but my soul. I could feel the strength of all that prayed for me and my little family. I never felt alone all day.

thanks.

Posted By: not2fun Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/11/10 07:07 PM
What a good friend you have......{{{{Hope}}}}

And no sweetie, you were never "alone" yesterday..... kiss

Not
Posted By: acantha Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/12/10 12:30 PM
Hope, you aren't alone; we are here with you and
your little family. You have built such a sturdy
foundation for your life, you can weather any change
in wind direction. I'm cheering for you!


Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/12/10 09:15 PM
Originally Posted by acantha
Hope, you aren't alone; we are here with you and
your little family. You have built such a sturdy
foundation for your life, you can weather any change
in wind direction. I'm cheering for you!

Thank you, we have weathered all changes and have moved forward.

We are strong, we are in a good place. As far as for them one day God will judge them.

Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/13/10 01:55 AM
{{{Hope}}} you definitely were not alone, not once during that day.
You are a strong and confident woman, you control your life, destiny, and who you are. You can define yourself any way you choose. Continue to give the example of grace, class, and beauty (inside and out) to your DD.
The affairees can not live up to your standards, deep down they know it.
Quote
The pastor talked about When people leave you, let them go. God is making room for the right people and clearing out the wrong people for your future.

Was he talking to me?
ITA, God is making room in your life for the right people, know that your life will somehow be better in the long run.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/13/10 03:47 PM
Originally Posted by mymissy
{{{Hope}}} you definitely were not alone, not once during that day.
You are a strong and confident woman, you control your life, destiny, and who you are. You can define yourself any way you choose. Continue to give the example of grace, class, and beauty (inside and out) to your DD.
The affairees can not live up to your standards, deep down they know it.

I also admire what you have been through with grace. We are not alone and find strength from others going through this. I was at a woman's group for my church last night and there were 13 women. 4 were divorced with one woman who spent part of the evening in tears because of the breakup of her M. I guess I was meant to sit next to her and gave her a short version of my past 2 years. We are going to get together and maybe direct her here.

Adultery is an epidemic and it is no longer shocking. No one understands unless it happens to you.

Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/13/10 03:58 PM
And if like I do, you try to avoid movies/books to do with affairs or actors who have had affairs, you find yourself hard-pressed to come up with much to read or see that's modern.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/13/10 04:09 PM
Originally Posted by karmasrose
And if like I do, you try to avoid movies/books to do with affairs or actors who have had affairs, you find yourself hard-pressed to come up with much to read or see that's modern.

I agree. How many times have I gone to the movies this past few years and about 80% of them had an affair in it. It could be a comedy, drama even horror. Hard to get away from it.

95% of the celebrity breakups it is over an OP.

Is it the change of the times or is it the media that exploits these stories that we are aware of them more.
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/14/10 12:20 AM
Quote
Adultery is an epidemic and it is no longer shocking. No one understands unless it happens to you.

I so totally agree. What is worse is that I bet most of the BS's are like me; NEVER thought it would happen to me, NEVER thought WH was capable of those actions and lies. Completely and utterly blindsided and devastated.

I think it has become to much of a disposable society, with no consequences.

Sad
It's an epidemic because people don't hold the pig rutters accountable anymore.

We are a society here taught we HAVE to be politcally correct and tolerant of everything. Even the things we find morally repugnant.
Originally Posted by peachyisback
It's an epidemic because people don't hold the pig rutters accountable anymore.

We are a society here taught we HAVE to be politcally correct and tolerant of everything. Even the things we find morally repugnant.


soooo totally agree with that!!!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/14/10 05:13 PM
Originally Posted by StrongerThanB4
Originally Posted by peachyisback
It's an epidemic because people don't hold the pig rutters accountable anymore.

We are a society here taught we HAVE to be politcally correct and tolerant of everything. Even the things we find morally repugnant.


soooo totally agree with that!!!

Tired of being politically correct. My biggest challenge will seeing either of them the first time when they return from their affairage next week. PP is nothing and will continue to be nothing. But after all we know how special these A are?

Heard there is a pool going around at work taking bets on how long it will last. 1 year was the longest bet. Not touching that pool with a 10 foot pole!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/21/10 09:57 PM
Just checking in to say I am doing remarkably well.

Mr. & Mrs. rutting pigs re back to work this week. I actually saw XH 2x now driving by me. I looked away.

10 days in Vegas are over, affairage done...and on to the reality of bankruptcy, drinking and everyday life.

Need my popcorn and time to watch the show.




I am glad to hear you are doing okay hope.....Your are doing great.

Now I will wait to hear about the two jerks getting their come uppins....
Posted By: schoolbus Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/21/10 10:52 PM
What would be really funny?

Get some actual popcorn. When he does his next drive-by, pick it up, and casually eat some - stare straight into his eyes while popping some in your mouth.

There is nothing more aggravating than trying to get a rise out of somebody and their response is cavalier and casual. He is HOPING you will not make eye contact! Don't feed the tiger and make him feel stronger. Instead, show him YOUR strength

which you actually HAVE.


Imagine the upper hand you have:

You know that he is now in a marriage that has a huge failure possibility. He thinks he has done something "smart".

You know that his finances are in the toilet. He thinks he married PP and that she will bail him out (right!).

You know that he has done nothing to repair his self-betraying and relationship-destroying behaviors. He thinks YOU had the problems!

You know that he has left a marriage, only to carry the very same problems right into the new marriage. He thinks that by "starting over fresh" with someone else that things will be magically better.


You know that PP has a fantasy image of him. He thinks he can keep up that image forever?


Popcorn is the ideal food for this stage play. You've watched Acts I and II. Everyone knows the real mess is just beginning, and YOU aren't even in the show. THAT is the true position of strength, because a life well-lived is the best revenge of all.


You make eye contact. And just shake your head and laugh right in his face. Because what you are watching

is a comedic tragedy.


Sb
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/21/10 11:21 PM
Originally Posted by schoolbus
What would be really funny?

Get some actual popcorn. When he does his next drive-by, pick it up, and casually eat some - stare straight into his eyes while popping some in your mouth.

There is nothing more aggravating than trying to get a rise out of somebody and their response is cavalier and casual. He is HOPING you will not make eye contact! Don't feed the tiger and make him feel stronger. Instead, show him YOUR strength

which you actually HAVE.


Imagine the upper hand you have:

You know that he is now in a marriage that has a huge failure possibility. He thinks he has done something "smart".

You know that his finances are in the toilet. He thinks he married PP and that she will bail him out (right!).

You know that he has done nothing to repair his self-betraying and relationship-destroying behaviors. He thinks YOU had the problems!

You know that he has left a marriage, only to carry the very same problems right into the new marriage. He thinks that by "starting over fresh" with someone else that things will be magically better.


You know that PP has a fantasy image of him. He thinks he can keep up that image forever?


Popcorn is the ideal food for this stage play. You've watched Acts I and II. Everyone knows the real mess is just beginning, and YOU aren't even in the show. THAT is the true position of strength, because a life well-lived is the best revenge of all.


You make eye contact. And just shake your head and laugh right in his face. Because what you are watching

is a comedic tragedy.


Sb

SB you are brilliant with your thinking outside of the box. Need to incorporate that strength at work.

I would love to send some pictures of the "nupitials" that someone showed me. Would like you to check out his body language in the pictures. I am no expert but even I could see the stress. Let me know.

Hope, send them to me, please, please. I'd need a new background for my dart board!
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/22/10 01:46 AM
Hope, glad you are doing so well. Keep it up and your head held high girl. You have class and strength. Rutting pigs do not.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/22/10 02:48 AM
LOL, maybe we should start a thread called "walk of shame" where we can put all the affairages pics. Like the idea of a dart board .

Mymissy thanks. I am holding my head high. Strength is good but I want to just have "grace" that is all that I will need.

Posted By: jessitaylor Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/22/10 01:45 PM
I see a stong, classy woman making through a difficult situation, time to move forward and show him what and who he gave up to have the scum sucking tramp.....
hehe!!! love that you are well and laughing................
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/22/10 04:51 PM
Originally Posted by jessitaylor
I see a stong, classy woman making through a difficult situation, time to move forward and show him what and who he gave up to have the scum sucking tramp.....
hehe!!! love that you are well and laughing................

As long as I stay detached, I am doing ok. I do get those moments of woulda, coulda, shoulda but they pass quick. I am probably the only one who remembers the old XH and I keep that man in my memory and my heart. He is an alien now and when I see him I imagine that he is an science experiment that I am looking at under a microscope. He is not my H as long as he is with PP.

Here is my happy story for today. I went to a church group and they were asking us what was our "sweet spot" meaning what are we happy for in our lives. For a second I panicked because this past 2 years and the D took away much of my happiness.

It made me think of something positive that came out of that mess. Before these last 2 years my DD17 was always Daddy's girl. She was very close to him and I was the just the interloper. After the breakup DD and I really started to connect and we are very close to each other and maybe this never would have happened otherwise. When I got home I told DD about what my "sweet spot" was and even though she did not react too much about it...later that night she posted this on her Facebook..

"Dear Life, I love you, your so perfect...perfect BF, Friends and family. Whoop whoop. Life is goooooood" laugh

This comes from a girl that was angry, grades crashing, depressed and negative more than a year ago.

Some of us have blessings and some of us have pigs.
Seeee....We never know what those damn teenagers have goin on in their minds when they dont show us emotions....but look she is happy and so are you...wonderful....
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 10/22/10 05:17 PM
I have read here and know of so many cases that during the D the kids become casualities.

They shut down totally, go to drugs, drinking, sex to stop their pain. It is something that affects them their whole life.

DD just turned 15 when XH rocked her world. I continue to pray she will thrive.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/04/10 02:33 AM
Just some posting.

DD17 did good. When she was in elementary school she struggled with school and was almost held back in 4th grade. She could not read well at all and had no skills for comprehension and critical thinking.

We worked with her almost every night. XH and I would have her read a page from a book and then ask her questions and she would get 4 out of 5 wrong. It was frustrating but she started to improve and by middle school she started to "get it".

She works hard for every grade.

Well she took her SAT and we got the scores back today. In Critical Reading she scored 710 out of 800 -- Top 96% score in national. When she told me on the phone I thought she read it wrong. When I saw it I yelled.

She asked why I was screaming. I told her do you realize that only 4% people in the US beat your score. Knowing what we went through I know how amazing this is.

I am so proud of her. She is a blessing to our family. It made me sad that I could not share it with XH. He knew all of what she went through and he is missing this great reward.

These are the days I miss my XH or the man that was formally my DH.

Posted By: jessitaylor Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/04/10 03:47 PM
Isn't this the payoff as a parent, I'm still in waiting with my youngest so hearing some positive feedback on a child is just what I needed, thanks for sharing......
You did good.......
jessi
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/04/10 06:14 PM
Originally Posted by jessitaylor
Isn't this the payoff as a parent, I'm still in waiting with my youngest so hearing some positive feedback on a child is just what I needed, thanks for sharing......
You did good.......
jessi

One of my biggest fears was to lose DD17 too in the carnage of this D. I have heard horror stories about kids that fell apart. For awhile I know she was on the fence of which path to take. I thank God every day that she seems to not only be recovering but thriving. Don't know how the D will affect her in the future but for the present she is fine.

It is going on 18 months of her not seeing XH with no end in sight. If this is the way she is dealing with it and it is keeping her sane then so be it.

Blessings.
Posted By: jessitaylor Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/04/10 07:21 PM
I think that the key now for you is to just love her unconditionally and just accept her choices even though they might not be yours all the time......
Tell her you are proud of her every chance you get......
Tell her you feel bad about her dad but it is something you can change or even like, tell her you will always be there for her when she feels bad about it or needs to talk about it......tell her she is the most important thing to you and that you are willing to do what you can for her........be honest about things in a thoughtful way and I can see nothing but good come out of all of this.........
This is what I'm trying to do with my son, they just internalize things themselves with their own spin on things.......so keeping them in the dark only makes them think all kinds of things, it's better they know the truth and feel secure in that honest relationship we have with them.........life just isn't easy some days......
but so proud other days...........
Stay strong.............I'm 53 as well, it's great to see some pay off for us as mothers ..................
stay safe.......jessi
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/09/10 05:23 PM
Going to fight the dragon today.

Say some prayers for my family. Bankruptcy court for XH and I am going in as one of the creditors.

Have my questions, have my faith, have to do what is right to recover DD's money and defaulted loan.

Divorce the gift that keeps on giving.

Blessings.
Thinking of you, Hope. We'll all be standing with you in spirit!

Go get 'em, girl!
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/09/10 05:33 PM
Rooting (no pun intended) for you!
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/09/10 06:51 PM
Originally Posted by wildhorses74
Thinking of you, Hope. We'll all be standing with you in spirit!

Go get 'em, girl!

DITTO
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/09/10 08:00 PM
DITTO
pray
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/09/10 08:44 PM
Here's praying it turns out well for you!
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/10/10 02:25 AM
Originally Posted by Scotland
Originally Posted by wildhorses74
Thinking of you, Hope. We'll all be standing with you in spirit!

Go get 'em, girl!

DITTO


Ditto
[Linked Image from smileyvault.com]
Ditto the dittos!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/10/10 05:45 AM
Ditto the power of prayer...my karma angel paid a visit today.

I am in the creditor's room he pales at the sight of me. He sits his rotund body down (close to 50 pounds of added tonnage from D day) He is sweating, he is bloated, his stomach is rumbling that I could hear it.

Felt sorry for some of the people there that were in dire straits not self made destruction.

They call him to the table and I join him. He looks like a trapped animal. He is sworn in under oath and it begins. Start off with basics and then ask have your circumstances recently changed and he stutters he got married. Ask the date and then said did you have a reception? Yes and then the auditor starts going for the jugular.
Well how did you pay for it with only $300 in the bank. He tells them he took some money from 401K and so does PP.
Asks did he also buy her an engagement ring. He sputters (yes sputters) and the auditor asks him when did you buy it he says over a year and half ago. I chime in and said but we were still M then? I ask can we get a receipt. The auditor says you can't but we will.

I ask how he spent DD money for car. He says I paid medical bills and other bills. Open the can of worms please? I then ask well didn't you take 3 trips to Vegas this year in March, July and October. He says well "I deserve a vacation". And I chime in well I am working 2 jobs and want you to honor your divorce decree and pay the loan he defaulted on.

He then got questioned about his 10 day trip to Vegas and he said it was their honeymoon too. The auditor asks didn't he take into consideration all the debt he had.

It was not good for him.

Bottom line: PP now has to go in and provide cc debt, savings, and her income to be included in his bankruptcy (she will go bananas over this), He has to provide information about hidden assets and his financials need major work.

My work is done, I get up from the table and waiting for the elevator. XH turns corner as I am getting into the elevator. I turn to him and say "take the next one" and close the door.

Not a happy night at the pig pen. Will be back in court next month

Thank you for your prayers. they worked
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/10/10 06:10 AM
hurray dance2 clap hug
OMG Hope!! Busted... That is awesome! Bet he didn't see that one coming.

That must have been a bittersweet moment for you. Just remember that the person sitting at that table wasn't your H. It was WH, a creature you have no desire to know.

Way to go and stand up for your family and what's right.
Posted By: swan's song Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/10/10 11:41 AM
Well Played, not only did the K-Bus, run him over it went around the block for a second pass.


All I can think of is Homer Simpson running and looking over his shoulder panting.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/10/10 04:25 PM
Thanks for the well wishes and the power of prayer

PM you are so right that the person at the table was truly not my H but the ugly alien.

When I told the auditor that I have continued to pay the joint loan that XH defaulted on because I needed to try and keep my credit good otherwise I would not be able to get loans for DD for college. For a flash his alien face dropped away and I saw a look of remorse and concern and then poof the ugly alien was back.

Somewhere deep in the muck of drowning in the booze, living with PP in the pig pen, not seeing his girls and the shame and the guilt the real H is buried deep. Can he ever crawl back up I don't know but I can't save him and he does not want my help. He has turned from everything including God.

I can't get the vision out of my head of Homer Simpson running and panting....



Hope, I am so pleased to see this. It is about time we see a little justice around here for an active wayward.

You did so well standing up for you and DD. clap

Congratulations, friend. May many more successes come you and DDs way!
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/10/10 10:32 PM
Hope,

Wow, just wow! You did really well! And to be able to say what you did with a third party present, just priceless!

I hope it ends well in your favor,

ba
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/10/10 10:43 PM
[Linked Image from alexross.com]
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/11/10 12:37 AM
Hope, it is AMAZING how the waywards think they are gonna get away. Good ALWAYS triumphs over EVIL, even if it takes some time.

I am praying for you still.
Originally Posted by Pepperband
[Linked Image from alexross.com]

Perfect! I LUV this imagery! Really nails it. WS honestly believe they're "all that" until reality sets in... physically, emotionally and spiritually. I don't care what they portray outwardly, there's a sickness within that will eventually take its toll unless they stop and turn around.
WOW.... now that was AWESOME!!!!! i can't wait to hear part two of court.... LOL..... dummm de dummmm... dummmm!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/15/10 08:08 PM
Part 2 will be in December...

Will be there wearing my shield of armor to fight the good fight.
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/15/10 09:43 PM
Shield of armor was the sermon yesterday. The gospel even mentioned not to prepare your defense because God will give you the words. Sounds like God's ready to open up a can of whoop a$$ on these waywards.

After you, girlie!!!
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/19/10 02:32 AM
Way to go Hope, keep fighting the good fight and know that you are strong, beautiful, full of kindness, and grace.

{{{Hugs to you}}}
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/19/10 12:09 PM
H- 3to the third...

OK I know you are a 'cooker.
What are the Thanksgiving menu plans?

I am thinking about something totally crazy and new. If it works out I always feel triumphant , sp?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/19/10 03:34 PM
Thanksgiving going to my neighbors and bringing my "famous" roasted potatoes. My secret recipe from Lipton.

8 pounds cut up potatoes
3 onion soup mix packages
olive oil
cooking bags

throw it all together and cook 40 minutes. Everyone loves them...lol


This year I will also be helping a friend that started a new tradition for herself after her D (yes from A). She owns a pizza place and she cooks a bunch of turkeys and all the trimmings and serves dinner in a parking lot to the homeless. Last year they gave out 200 dinners. That will keep me busy and not dwell on the past.

Barbie cat what are you planning? You have my interest....

Blessings.

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/19/10 03:35 PM
Thanksgiving going to my neighbors and bringing my "famous" roasted potatoes. My secret recipe from Lipton.

8 pounds cut up potatoes
3 onion soup mix packages
olive oil
cooking bags

throw it all together and cook 40 minutes. Everyone loves them...lol


This year I will also be helping a friend that started a new tradition for herself after her D (yes from A). She owns a pizza place and she cooks a bunch of turkeys and all the trimmings and serves dinner in a parking lot to the homeless. Last year they gave out 200 dinners. That will keep me busy and not dwell on the past.

Barbie cat what are you planning? You have my interest....

Blessings.

Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/19/10 04:15 PM
Aww! I want to help the homeless, too! What a great idea!!

Well, for me;
Fried Turkey... done -- almost froze my H to death guarding the "cooker".
New York Strip and King Crab Legs...done
Smoked Turkey, duck and smoked cherry chicken....done
Turducken... with all 4 stuffings and sweet potato dressing..done
Standing prime rib roast... done.
Spiral ham...yum and done!
(shoot! I am running out of animals to eat!)
Herb stuffed Leg of Lamb..... done
Orange glazed cornish game hen (bacon dressing)...done.

Tonight..100 year old chocolate cake, for birthday party.
I am not kidding, I bake and roast so often, the digital "3" does not work on my oven anymore!..no 325, 333,350,375 380 or 390.

Let's not forget..
Home smoked Salmon. I even caught that sucker!....done

Let methinks about this matter.
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/19/10 04:19 PM
And always roast turkey.

I have to take my 24 lb. monster out of the freezer to the fridge on Saturday.
Brine his a$$ Tues eve until Thurs morning.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/19/10 09:23 PM
Originally Posted by barbiecat
Aww! I want to help the homeless, too! What a great idea!!

Well, for me;
Fried Turkey... done -- almost froze my H to death guarding the "cooker".
New York Strip and King Crab Legs...done
Smoked Turkey, duck and smoked cherry chicken....done
Turducken... with all 4 stuffings and sweet potato dressing..done
Standing prime rib roast... done.
Spiral ham...yum and done!
(shoot! I am running out of animals to eat!)
Herb stuffed Leg of Lamb..... done
Orange glazed cornish game hen (bacon dressing)...done.

Tonight..100 year old chocolate cake, for birthday party.
I am not kidding, I bake and roast so often, the digital "3" does not work on my oven anymore!..no 325, 333,350,375 380 or 390.

Let's not forget..
Home smoked Salmon. I even caught that sucker!....done

Let methinks about this matter.
And how many people are you serving...and what is your address... rotflmao
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/19/10 09:26 PM
This is why I'm glad my oven has only two buttons for setting oven temperature...up and down, starting at 350...
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/20/10 12:47 AM
Originally Posted by hope3343
Originally Posted by barbiecat
Aww! I want to help the homeless, too! What a great idea!!

Well, for me;
Fried Turkey... done -- almost froze my H to death guarding the "cooker".
New York Strip and King Crab Legs...done
Smoked Turkey, duck and smoked cherry chicken....done
Turducken... with all 4 stuffings and sweet potato dressing..done
Standing prime rib roast... done.
Spiral ham...yum and done!
(shoot! I am running out of animals to eat!)
Herb stuffed Leg of Lamb..... done
Orange glazed cornish game hen (bacon dressing)...done.

Tonight..100 year old chocolate cake, for birthday party.
I am not kidding, I bake and roast so often, the digital "3" does not work on my oven anymore!..no 325, 333,350,375 380 or 390.

Let's not forget..
Home smoked Salmon. I even caught that sucker!....done

Let methinks about this matter.
And how many people are you serving...and what is your address... rotflmao


I'm with you Hope, I want to go to barbiecat's for dinner!!!!!
Yum
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/20/10 01:05 AM
Originally Posted by mymissy
Originally Posted by hope3343
Originally Posted by barbiecat
Aww! I want to help the homeless, too! What a great idea!!

Well, for me;
Fried Turkey... done -- almost froze my H to death guarding the "cooker".
New York Strip and King Crab Legs...done
Smoked Turkey, duck and smoked cherry chicken....done
Turducken... with all 4 stuffings and sweet potato dressing..done
Standing prime rib roast... done.
Spiral ham...yum and done!
(shoot! I am running out of animals to eat!)
Herb stuffed Leg of Lamb..... done
Orange glazed cornish game hen (bacon dressing)...done.

Tonight..100 year old chocolate cake, for birthday party.
I am not kidding, I bake and roast so often, the digital "3" does not work on my oven anymore!..no 325, 333,350,375 380 or 390.

Let's not forget..
Home smoked Salmon. I even caught that sucker!....done

Let methinks about this matter.
And how many people are you serving...and what is your address... rotflmao


I'm with you Hope, I want to go to barbiecat's for dinner!!!!!
Yum

My mom keeps telling me I am American so I can come over too. laugh
Posted By: Dealan-de Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/25/10 03:28 PM
Happy Thanksgiving dear Hope! Checking in on you.

Someone in SAT is thinking about you!
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/25/10 11:04 PM
Happy Thanksgiving. NO, I did not make ALL that for one meal, I was just recounting the T-Days I have had in the past.
I always like to add something new.

IMHO...nothing beats the mashed potatoes tho. My FIL used to say (in disgust) "Oh, you like those IRISH potatoes". Blarney! sign me up! smile

This year I just brined the sucker in a Chardonay based brine.
(Props to Martha Stewart!)
Great brine recipe, mull the spices, add ice then booze..(hic)

-- and even the gravy was slightly tinted with Chardonay, too.

Pecan/cherry/fresh herb stuffing (oooh the boredom!) It was too easy. Got raves tho.
meh.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/26/10 01:43 AM
Just checking in

HAPPY THANKSGIVING. Thanks Dealan and barbie cat...

Great Tnanksgiving story that will bring you a laugh...


DD17 and me volunteered this morning at a dinner for the homeless. It was held in a parking lot at city hall.

I had an idea a few days earlier to bring some of XH clothes to give out. When XH left he took some of his clothes but never came back for the rest. I packed them up and had them stored all this time. There were about 8 bags filled with everything from caps, shoes and jackets.

Now understand XH is Mr. GQ. Always the name brands, always the best.

It did our hearts good and brought a special smile seeing these homeless men thrilled to be wearing his Ralph Lauren shirts, pringle sweaters, dockers pants, tommy hilfiegler jackets.

Did I mention the bankruptcy court is there? Have this visual of XH going to his next court case and seeing these best dressed homeless men in town sitting outside wearing his clothes saying gee that shirt looks familar?

It was one of the those priceless moments.

Blessings. Have to say this has been the best Thanksgiving since I moved here.

Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/26/10 01:52 AM
Your story sure did bring a smile to my face. laugh
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/26/10 02:22 AM
Originally Posted by Scotland
Your story sure did bring a smile to my face. laugh

Ditto smile
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/13/10 05:36 PM
Just checking in MB friends.

Christmas rapidly approaching and this year I am in a much better place. Yes, I have my moments but I am actually enjoying decorating this year.

When DD17 saw how nice the house looked she said we should have a Christmas party before we leave to visit my family. So this Saturday we are having a Christmas open house.

Invited neighbors, friends, church friends and coworkers. Some of XH coworkers are coming; even asked his "best man" rotflmao Did not hear yet if he is attending.

It makes it easier because XH is such a mess. Old looking bloated drunk who is bankrupct. Problem is it is affecting my credit because he never took my name off of a lot loan and now he stopped paying in October even though it is in the D decree the bank does not care. Just taking one day at a time.

Ok important question...any recipes that are inexpensive that we can make for the Christmas party? laugh

Posted By: Tabby1 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/13/10 05:56 PM
Glad to hear you are doing well, Hope!

Is there any way you can do the leg work to get your name off of things? I'm concerned about your credit rating, but also for any other nasty stunt he might pull. My WXH managed to convert one of my bills to electronic billing and had it sent to his email. As a result, I never received it. It was the type of bill that was $20 every 3 months, so I didn't give it much thought. To make matters worse, somewhere along the line the company was bought by another company that's known for frequent calls trying to sell you stuff. So they were ringing my phone off the hook and I was ignoring them. Then one day I received a registered letter from a collection agency. I was shocked and upset that I had let this little bill go unpaid for so long. Of course, WXH was getting the past due notices and other threatening email the whole time and never said a word.

It's absolutely true that marriage is until death do you part. No matter how much time goes by, there never seems to be an end of irritating crap like this to deal with.
Posted By: Tabby1 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/13/10 05:57 PM
Oh, and cheapest recipe for Christmas party is pot luck!
Posted By: letgoletGod Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/13/10 06:04 PM
Originally Posted by hope3343
Ok important question...any recipes that are inexpensive that we can make for the Christmas party? laugh
Pasta (2-3 boxes)
Italian Meatballs
Swedish Meatballs

For the meatballs get approximately 4 pounds of ground meat. Beef (mostly) and look for ground pork, chicken or turkey. (pork is the best if you can get it cheap)
In a bowl mix 1 cup Italian breadcrumbs, ļæ½ cup grated Parmesan cheese, 3 eggs & 1 cup of milk. Mix well, then slowly add meat until all mixed well. Cook meatballs for approximately 30-40 minutes.

Italian sauce: 3 large (29 oz) cans of tomato puree or crushed tomatoes depending on if you like chunks in your sauce. (I use 2 crushed & one puree) Add one can tomato paste, garlic, basil, parsley and any other herbs you like. Add 3 TBS of sugar to cut acidity. Simmer for at least an hour.

Swedish sauce: 5 beef bullion cubes or instant bullion. (I prefer the instant) 5 cups of milk, ļæ½ cup grated Parmesan cheese. Cook slowly, do not let it get to a boil. Thicken with corn starch. Turn down heat after it gets thick and add ļæ½ cup sour cream.

After the meatballs have cooked, pour some of the drippings into each of the sauces.
This should cost you no more than $20-$25 and it will be enough to feed 10+ people.
Also deviled eggs are cheap and easy to make. I am the self proclaimed queen of cheap cooking so let me know if you need anymore recipes.
Posted By: letgoletGod Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/13/10 06:05 PM
Originally Posted by Tabby1
It's absolutely true that marriage is until death do you part. No matter how much time goes by, there never seems to be an end of irritating crap like this to deal with.
lol Tabby1! Aint that the truth!!!
Quote
It makes it easier because XH is such a mess. Old looking bloated drunk who is bankrupct. Problem is it is affecting my credit because he never took my name off of a lot loan and now he stopped paying in October even though it is in the D decree the bank does not care. Just taking one day at a time.
You need to take him to court over this. Don't allow him to destroy your credit. Did the D decree instruct him to refinance the loan to get you off of it? Did you sign a Quit Claim Deed to release your interest in the property? What was the agreement?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/13/10 08:37 PM
Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Quote
It makes it easier because XH is such a mess. Old looking bloated drunk who is bankrupct. Problem is it is affecting my credit because he never took my name off of a lot loan and now he stopped paying in October even though it is in the D decree the bank does not care. Just taking one day at a time.
You need to take him to court over this. Don't allow him to destroy your credit. Did the D decree instruct him to refinance the loan to get you off of it? Did you sign a Quit Claim Deed to release your interest in the property? What was the agreement?

We did Quit Claim deed to release interest and to take name off of the loan. Well the bank told me that I am still responsible because he never took my name off of the loan even though the deed is in his name only. Since he is in bankruptcy the law protects him so I can't sue him.

Funny he paid lot loan till 9/15, declared bankruptcy on 9/24 and never paid it since.

I have a call into the bankruptcy court to see if I have any options. My attorney is sending letter to his attorney and court.

Also thanks for the recipes. I think I will make the swedish meatballs and deviled eggs. Great.

Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/13/10 10:26 PM
K
Velveeta and RoTel (tortilla queso dip).

crock pot soups = ez and hearty.

scalloped tomatoes (yeah I know, 1950's)

I also have a cheese ball 3 way recipe.
Do you have any time?
Pierogi = Potato or potato chedder.

Sweet potatoes, peaches and Cashews (bake w/ ginger)
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/13/10 10:34 PM
Cheddar biscuits
2c. Bisquick
2/3 c. milk
1/2 c shred ched.
2t melted butter
garlic powder

Mix firset 3. drop on sheet. bake 8 - 10 min. 450 oven
mix butter and garlic, top warm biscuts
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/13/10 10:35 PM
There is always room for JELLO!
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/14/10 02:15 AM
I am so glad to hear you are doing well Hope!!!
Sorry but I am not a great cook; so no recipes from here.

Have a great party and enjoy!
Posted By: letgoletGod Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/15/10 09:07 PM
Originally Posted by barbiecat
There is always room for JELLO!
rotflmao
I had so much jello when I was pregnant with my first child I can't stand the stuff. It was one of the only things I could keep down. JELLO=PUKE for me!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/20/10 05:10 AM
Hello Mbers,
Wanting to wish everyone a blessed Christmas.
We leave tomorrow to go back east to see family.

The Christmas party was a hit. Good time, good friends, good food. DD17 had a blast. She met some of my coworkers that work with XH. They thought she was a delight and just shooked their heads about what an idiot XH not seeing her.

Well 3rd Christmas without XH and this one was easier. Still not what I want and never will but we are at peace this year.

Tomorrow I go to bankruptcy for confirmation hearing. I put in an objection to XH plan based on overspending and being an idiot. Ok really just to the spending but there should be a checkbox for lost his mind or idiot.
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/20/10 12:41 PM
Have a wonderful trip!
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 12/31/10 04:36 PM
Hey Hope,
Just checking in to see how things are going and how you are doing. I am glad this Christmas was easier and peaceful.
Take care and Happy New Year
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/03/11 04:57 AM
Happy New Year....

Spent the Christmas holiday with family and friends. My DDs got to spend some time together which makes me happy. They had one argument about guess who? DD30 wanted DD17 to call XH for Christmas. DD17 as usual held her ground.

Daddie dearest gave them $150 each and a text on Christmas morning. I stayed out of it.

A couple of family members kept asking when I was going to start dating or to sign up for Match. It was frustrating. I finally said I have been hurt enough and not interested in any new relationship at this time. Why do people think another man will "cure all". NI - NOT INTERESTED. Not sure if I will ever be interested again. Something died in me after the A.

On New Year's went to a friend's house. I forced myself to go and get out and it was a nice time. At midnight it was that awkward moment of the absence of my H of 20 years. Got through it but felt that void.

2011 has to be better.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/03/11 07:22 AM
You could always buy a copy of The Sims 2 (with Nightlife expansion) and make a Sim of yourself and have them go out.

That way you wouldn't be lying when you said you have been dating.
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/03/11 12:27 PM
Well, maybe the your friends (who are encouraging you to date) only want to "help".

I encouraged a few friends in the past to Match. This was for the social aspects.
One hated it; "All men are pigs, losers and addicts looking for sugar mamas" (I don't know what Match she was at! dontknow)

The other had a really good time. She did not meet Prince Charming there, but neither was she looking for him there.


She said she met many nice men, got to go out to new places and see shows and events. (disclaimer- she was a social person to beging with and really enjoys going out to new things.) She is a keenly (?) fun person to be around.
I think it is your attitude going into it.

Harmony ..."Something died in me after the A?" Come on! You are still vibrant, intellegent, have done physical and emotional self work. Do not let the A take that much toll on you!

maybe I am talking outa my *&^%$
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/03/11 01:15 PM
Hi Hope,

Happy New Year to you and your DD's. It sounds as if you all are doing so well.

AM
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/03/11 02:40 PM
How about we give those "go out and date folks" what they want?(No I DON'T mean dating) Next time someone says, "Are you dating?" Say, "Yes. She is a beautiful, intelligent and caring human being. I have known her for YEARS." After their mouths close you say, with a GIANT smile, "ME." That should shut them up for a while. grin wink

Glad you had a good Christmas.

hug
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/03/11 05:41 PM
karma good laugh about the Sims or I could pick out a really sexy Avatar and have a great social life on the internet!

Barbiecat, I can date and have someone interested in me that is a nice guy but prefer to be alone. I get lonely but I do like my own company. I am a social person and love to travel. Making plans with Chai and Holyheart this year for a get together...shhhhhhh

Army mama, glad to hear from you and hope that you are doing well also and have a happy and healthy coming year.

Scotland, Love your idea. Wish I could get someone to cover my dutch date with myself!

Grrrr...here we go with the New Year. DD17 forwarded email to me that XH sent.. She has not seen him for 1.5 years with an occasional text. I wish schoolbus was still posting because she is so insightful on stuff like this. It has the tone of writing to an acquaintance than his own sweet daughter. He does not even know where she works, he even got that wrong. Thoughts? Of course I am bashed. Amazing these waywards blame us for everything wrong in their lives.

Hi DD17,
Hope you had a great Christmas and New Year. I'm sure you had fun with your friends and family.
My phone has not been working since New Year's Eve and it will not be fixed until the end of this week.
I hope you had a good time with your sister.

I know you have been working hard at school and made honors, and I am very proud of you. I always said you are a smart girl and you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. I know you are working at the weekends in MacDonald's, I have never approached you at work, because I do not want you to feel uncomfortable.
This year you will be getting ready for college, and I am so proud of you.
Obviously as you dad I want to help you financially during your college years, but If I do not know what your college plans are it is difficult to know what your needs are going to be.
1. What college are you going to attend?
2. What is the cost of the college you wish to attend?
3. What college is your second choice?
4. What is the cost of this college?
5. Are you planning on living on campus?
6. What is your college major going to be?
7. Why did you choose these colleges?

Colleen,
I will only communicate with you regarding college, you are growing up and can speak for yourself.
I do not need your mother as the go between. It is time for us to sit down and talk, this has been going on too long.

Tell your sister my phone is out of order, and wish her a happy new year. I will call her when my phone is working.

Love you always
Dad

twoxfour mad

Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/03/11 07:48 PM
Well, I can't hold a candle to Schoolbus with this stuff. But, my interpretation of this text is, "How much will your going to college cost ME?", "Can you go to a cheaper college?" and "How can I get out paying?"

Where is Mel's foghorn anyway?

AM
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/03/11 09:18 PM
Originally Posted by armymama
Well, I can't hold a candle to Schoolbus with this stuff. But, my interpretation of this text is, "How much will your going to college cost ME?", "Can you go to a cheaper college?" and "How can I get out paying?"

AM

I agree with what your interpretation...He did tell me that DD has to communicate to HIM about her needs for college "if" he agrees to help her. All conditionial.

What about the 7 questions? DD17 said it looks like he cut and pasted it out of some college catelog. So formal and not talking to a beloved daughter.

DD has not answered him yet. He is still setting his boundaries and conditions and I pray that she raises the bar high on her boundaries with him.
Posted By: reading Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/03/11 10:13 PM
another non schoolbus interpretation here from me

(I agree with what you interpretted already folks0

plus

"You need to pretend I never abandoned the family for the plasticpig and need to treat me like a dad who didn't do all the crap I did OR I will not treat you good and give you anything towards college. I am a big baby pretending to be a real man and you need to pretend it too."

Probably not the best response, but I couldn't resist:

"Dear Man Who Calls Himself My Father,

I had a wonderful Christmas and plan on an even better New Year.

You're proud of me? Wish I could say the same to you.

I AM a smart girl and I know BS when I read it.

Wise choice not to approach me at work, you wouldn't like the repercussions from that dumb idea.

Where I go to college will be my decision and something I will work towards with my mother.

It's amazing that after all this time, your one effort to reach out to me is to put demands on me (i.e., you won't help with college unless I speak to you? Amazing, but not surprising.) I'll make it to and through college just fine with or without your help. Thank you so much for your fatherly concern.

Tell my sister yourself.

Oh, and when were you going to tell me that you married skankho? Nevermind, I don't really care who YOU marry. My DAD wouldn't stoop so low."

First name, Last name.
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/04/11 03:44 AM
I would actually start it with, "To whom it may concern." HEHEHE

I am with everyone else and their interpretations.

If it weren't the fact that it was your DD17, I would suggest something like,
Quote
"To whom it may concern,

Thank you for your email. Here are my responses.

1 I have chosen Clown college as my first choice.

2 Cost, 2 MILLION/semester

3 Second choice, Princess Universtiy

4 Cost, 5 MILLION SMACKERS and a Prince Charming.

5 Of course not, there is a slum crackhouse down the street that I am quite fond of

6 Clown Princess. I hear there is a great need.

7 People in LALA Land can't stop talking about them.


I have a sister? Hmmmmm, good to know.

Thank you for your time,

Princess Consuela Banana Hammock(LOVE FRIENDS)

Obviously, this is my feeble attempt at levity. I am having an awfully JUVENILE day. I think it is because I spent 5 hours playing Rockband Lego for Wii. Fun, but it brings out the child in me. laugh

Take care, I KNOW that your DD will handle this sitch with CLASS, she seems to take after her mother. laugh
Posted By: KaylaAndy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/04/11 04:13 AM
Not up to Schoolbus skills but here's my take:

I do have a conscience, under all this drunken whorish flab that I've piled on to ease my pain. But since I'm not willing to pay the price to even begin to right the wrongs I've done, here's my plea DD - make the pain go away; play nice so I don't hurt anymore...

Let him fall. Help your DD let him fall - all the way. Because half measure will availeth NOTHING.

I think stone-cold silence is the best response, but if she feels she must respond, let it be classy.

Who are you, to make any demands at all in my life. I've been preparing to go to college without your help anyway as the writing on the wall was that Plastic Pinata got all that you had planned for my life for herself. Vegas, it seems is a much more important place than my future educational aspirations.

Have a good life, if you can. I miss the man I knew as my father.

DD

Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/04/11 04:28 PM
Kayla, good one! I even gulped at that, I am sure the XWH will! Short and direct makes the better point for sure.

ba
Posted By: ChaiLover Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/04/11 04:44 PM
Love the responses. Of course, anything close to those responses will be blamed on Hope for spreading the poison.

Yep, he's looking for more justification.

But, as I've said before....semen is thicker than blood.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/04/11 11:01 PM
Great responses, so far DD has not responded. I think she is still going to do "stone-cold silence" as Kayla said.

She has said that she is planning on inviting him to her graduation ceremony "to show him I made it without him".

Sad part of that statement is it sounds like the man he used to be.

Love the Clown college; your proud of me? Wish I could say the same about you; I miss the man I knew as my father;

and the most notable - semen is thicker than blood rotflmao
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/05/11 04:48 PM
I'd love for DD to respond with "Wow. I didn't know I had to APPLY to YOU to to receive funds for college. How many other students are in the running for your love and money? I thought as my father you'd support my plans to further my education so I can have a successful career since I have no desire to leach off married men and break up their families like your current wife has done. Do you require my application to be typed and is there a deadline? "

This is such a slap in the face. A father's love should be unconditional. And his support shouldn't matter whether DD wants to be a doctor or a ditch digger.

WxH is being handed a golden opportunity to mend a fence with his DD and he's too blind (or too drunk or too in lust) to see it.
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/05/11 05:21 PM
Hi Hope,

Is your XWH still planning on filing for bankrupcty? In bankruptcy they don't allow for helping an "adult" child to go to college...so his questions may be moot anyway.

ba
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/05/11 07:15 PM
Originally Posted by beginagain
Hi Hope,

Is your XWH still planning on filing for bankrupcty? In bankruptcy they don't allow for helping an "adult" child to go to college...so his questions may be moot anyway.

ba

beginagain... did you mention bankruptcy?? mad Yes, on 9/24 XH applied for bankruptcy to stop the D enforcement the following week. He left on 10/5/10 for a 10 day vacation/pigfest/affairage/honeymoon in Vegas. I was very happy to point that out at the creditors meeting in November.

They denied his original plan because of all the holes in it and "inaccuracies". His bankruptcy is affecting my credit because he stopped paying on a lot loan in September that was still in both of our names. He changed the deed but not the mortgage and even with the divorce decree I am still responsibile and I am getting dinged on my credit saying it is overdue now 60 days.

He told me in an earlier crazy email that he plans on helping DD17 with college once the bankruptcy is settled (meaning he will take out his secret funds I imagine). I am trying to find out what my rights are for all the money he owes me.
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/05/11 07:46 PM
Affairs, the gift that keeps giving! puke

Our YS is going to a community college and we can help him somewhat by squeezing funds out of the budget, but a 4-yr college tuition is not possible frown Hopefully after the 60 month term ends (10/2012). He is very bitter as his friends (99%) went away to school, but I hope this teaches him to appreciate things...

I hope your XWH realizes that this is in a Federal court and to have "secret" accounts is liable to, at a minimum, deny his petition, plus lying on forms/to judge...wow, not very smart on his part.

ba

Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/05/11 09:49 PM
Begin, he should go to the colleges he hopes to go to and ask about financial aid and such. They are more than willing to give you information of that sort, and transfer students get consideration as well.
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/05/11 10:49 PM
YS hopes to transfer after his associates degree. He won't qualify for financial aid as it goes by the parents income. He can't get loans as we can't cosign and he lives with us, not an independent student.

Well, I have to let it go and leave it to God, and hope for the best! There are worse things that could happen to a person...a former coworker lost his 17 yr old son to cancer on Dec. 30th, now that is real pain!

All the best,

ba
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/06/11 01:31 PM
Remember your FAFSA. THIS year and next the intrest rate has been lowered for undergrad (a lot of people assume that they can not get $$ due to ammount and they never fill it out.)

I know people who make over 200K a year and their children still got fafsa $$$ (this year 4.9% next year 3.8%
best deal out there, now.)
(albiet non subsidised)

also - if you are planning on a 4 year-- go to the final (exit) university counselors about transfer credits.
Transfer credits = very wise choice
but not all classes will transfer for what you want.

My DD is on the 90 credit transfer (OU to Ferris) but she got this pre med applicable trans classes directly from FERRIS.

and you have to get at least a 2.0 (here in MI) for them to transfer.

beeeeee ---This has been an emergency broadcast of the knowitall network. I will return you now to your regular programming.
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/06/11 01:33 PM
and late January/ early February is FAFSA TIME!!!

clap
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/25/11 09:16 PM
Just checking in with the MB gang.

Had good news today. Been taking the bull by the horns working on my credit situation because of XH bankruptcy court. Found out I can still get a mortgage if I decide to move. My credit score is at 630, not fantastic but "good enough" with explanation of D decree and what XH defaulted on.

The financial person I was working with was amazed that I had no real dings or late payments to my credit for over 20 years and only 2 small late payments prior. Everything paid on time. Gave me some financial confidence that I have options in spite of his crazy financial crash.

DD17 is doing well and has never responded to the infamous "college" email that XH sent. She just got nominated for a national math award and continues to thrive. She will be starting a job at the mall and I pray that she does not run into PP who is a mall rat (or rather pig).

Was proud of DD30 who usually feels sorry for XH. He sent her an email yesterday whining that DD17 will not see him or respond to him about college and if she doesn't he doesn't know if he "can help with college". Doesn't understand why DD17 will not break her silence and have a R with him.

DD30 told him..You put DD17 through alot when you started your A and moved out of the house. She was upset and you never recognized it or did anything about it. What did you expect. Even if she doesn't speak to you then you need to help pay for college because it is the right thing to do not conditional on her speaking to you.

DD30 rocked on that one.

Saw XH and PP at a meeting last week. He actually sat in the same row as me and he looked over at me a few times.
Funny story...VP making the presentation says I want to take this time to thank Hope for getting a program recertified. He looks around the room and then puts his hand up and waves to PP because she is sitting next to XH and for a second he mistakes her for me. Her whole face froze (and not from botox) then she grimaces. I was rotflmao People in the room start to laugh. XH foot is tapping and I am enjoying the show. All I needed was popcorn.

After the meeting PP hooves it out the door first and it was the talk of the meeting.

I am a goddess and it is showing!
Posted By: Vibrissa Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/25/11 09:31 PM
You ARE a goddes! Great update hope! Man that story is so popcorn worthy....

As to your daughters, good for them. What is it with waywards and conditional love? He's using college as a stick to coerce your D into a relationship with him. I'm sure it's a guilt thing - if he can have a R with her, then she must be ok and the divorce wasn't that bad, the affair wasn't that bad. All these waywards believe that their kids just want their parents to be happy - bull, kids want their parents to be PARENTS, the happiness is a bonus to them.

As her father, it is his RESPONSIBILITY to pay for her education - but we know what he does with responsibility? Smart of her to not fall for it or depend on him. His relationship with her is his responsibility (there's that word again) but see how he throws it all at her feet?

Wayward to the core.

I'm glad you're doing so well, hope! Thanks for the update.
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/26/11 11:41 AM
Hope,

You sound so healthy and well. And you ARE a goddess. I am so happy for you.

AM
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/26/11 03:11 PM
Originally Posted by hope3343
I am a goddess and it is showing!

Indeed !
Posted By: acantha Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 01/27/11 02:59 PM


I am a goddess and it is showing! [/quote]

Good for you! Keep it up.
Hope, I love the fact that you are coming out of this hot mess smelling like a rose. Good for your daughters for sticking up for their beliefs (and for their mom).

Keep us posted (ha ha) about how the BKY ends up. I'm curious to know if they'll nail him for that.

Now that you've pretty much come through the fire, there are probably some newbies here at MB that could use your help and encouragement.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/02/11 10:30 PM
Hello MBers...checking in to update.

February was an interesting month. It was pretty quiet then boom small explosions from XH and PP.

PP joins FB and uses her M name but has never changed her name to date legally.

I then get an email from SIL saying "guess what I have 2 SIL on FB now grumble PP and my brother joined FB". They wanted to send me their puke "wedding photos". Wanted to tell you before I saw her pic (first pic was an ugly one was her fake body draped on XH lap both looking drunk).

I sent response to SIL saying that is fine I will tell both DDs not to upset them and will block her profile so I do not have to see her. I also do not want to hear about their affairage photos.

Well then SIL sends a few emails to DD17 and she responds that she has blocked PP because she is a Biotch and some other choice stuff. SIL gets upset and forwards Email to XH. DD17 is balistic because she feels SIL betrayed her trust of not talking about her to XH.

SIL crys all weekend, XH gets mad sends horrible email to DDs on Valentines day calling DD17 "a punk" because of his sister and then says him and "his pig snout wife" were going to visit his family next year where SIL lives out of the country. DD30 is hurt because XH has made no plans in 2 years to fly out and see her even for a weekend but can go to Vegas a million times.

DD17 wants me to intervene (first time she ever asked). I ripped off email to XH to "fix this with his kids" Enough is enough they did nothing wrong and you think you make amends by calling your DD a punk...

He sends back an email saying he only reads first and last sentence and throws them out because he does not want to hear it. Only problem is original email is attached at bottom of his. Waywards are dumb.

Bottom line...SIL is supporting her brother and asked me not to contact her for awhile because of how upset she was anddid not want to chose. It does hurt because we have managed to be very close all of this time and talk every week or so. She is also upset with DD. It is really about XH making her chose. She chose poorly. I am hurt though because I feel I lost someone else that I loved in the divorce that keeps on giving. DD17 keeps asking if I have her from her Auntie. Sad because they were so close.


Another update: got letter from Bankruptcy court that XH petition might be dismissed by month's end because there was a laundry list of requirements for trustee that he never did. I was aware of a few but there were 6 serious items.

Trying to figure if I will sell or buy my house under conditions of the puke decree I need to decide by time DD turns 18. Sent an email to court/XH atty/XH requesting that if I sell/buy the house now I want the proceeds to be turned over to his creditors -- namely me.

Now XH is on the warpath. Sends rambling emails with unrealistic buyout prices that he pulled out of a hat with no factual base. He is telling me I have to give him a "moving date" because if house is not sold "he is renting it". D decree says I stay in home till it sells. Some of the 2 emails were unintelligible and I was just scratching my head. Angry angry.

Accused me of not giving him "his personal belongings" from the D. Says if I do not give him his stuff by next week he is coming to the house with the police to enforce his D decree. I said "wow, amazing that you want me to "obey" your D but when it comes to your agreements in the same D decree about money owed, loans defaulted and medical bills you ignore everything. Maybe I can call the police and ask them to enforce my portion."

Did you hear the sound of a nuclear bomb. dramaqueenGuess he lost his sense of humor living in the pig pen with PP.

Any legal eagles out there interested in helping me put a order into the bankruptcy court about the house? Need some help with the language...

Life goes on.

I keep hearing in my head "pride before the fall"....
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/02/11 10:38 PM
Waaaaaay over my head.
No advice or wisdom here.
Just support for you personally.
hug
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/02/11 10:42 PM
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Waaaaaay over my head.
No advice or wisdom here.
Just support for you personally.
hug

Always appreciate the MB hugs of support. Just had to vent a bit and catch up with my MB novella!
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/03/11 12:51 AM
Hope,

Hugs for you.

A few years ago, a staff member who worked for me had a magic want in her office. It was fancy, pink with ribbons and feathers. She called it her "make it so" wand and would wave it around in staff meetings when there was a particularly difficult problem. I wish I had her "make it so" wand for you and your situation.

Have never met you, but love you.

AM

Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/03/11 07:53 PM
Hope,

<<hugs>>

Why don't you reply on the two unintelligble e-mails that you only read the first sentence and not the rest? Or, contact your attorney with his payment arrangements for the monies owed?

On the house, depending on which state you are in, the divorce decree supercedes anything in bankruptcy. I think he is blowing smoke! Maybe he is having a "Charlie Sheen" moment!

Lastly, on your SIL, she made you and your DD feel bad. Perhaps you should block her on facebook and on your cell phone, you don't need people in your life that drag you and/or your daughters down, you can always reverse it down the road should the situation change. Jeeze, the nerve not to ask you to contact her after she stirred up the hornet's nest! More hugs!!

Keep on keeping on!

ba
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/03/11 08:47 PM
I discovered that you can keep selected FB "friends" in the dark about selected areas of your FB page.

For example:

Photos can be friends only
or friends of friends
or everyone

OR .... friends only except (name).

This is true with all things in the privacy selection area of your account manager. Your updates, your status, whatever.

The "selected friend" (or fiend in your case) need not even know they have been selected OUT of viewing your stuff.

This can all be unselected at any time of your choosing.

It's another way to go.

Your decision.
You have options.

Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/03/11 08:49 PM
PS:

I did this with my son for awhile.
Rather than "un-friend" him, I selected to exclude him from just about everything until I was convinced he was healthy enough to be trusted.

Then, I went back and changed all my privacy selections to include him along with all my other friends.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/03/11 10:41 PM
Thanks all

Army mama instead of a pink wand I can use a broom and stick it shocked

begin, I am composing a letter to the bankruptcy and to attorney with my offer. I was rotflmao about me reading his first and last line. Yes we are coining a new phrase "a Charlie Sheen moment". That is exactly what I thought when i saw one of his interviews last night and had a flash that this guy certifiable and it reminded me of XH. Not pretty being a wayward these days.

Pepper, figured that out yesterday. Did not block her just blocked any wall posts and any pics that showed my daughters or myself. I left the albums up with my dogs! faint

I do feel bad about SIL. We have always been there for each other and now she is "friends" with PP who is telling her how wonderful she is treating her puke husband (rutting pig)

I am working on a new Plan, Not A, Not B, Not F just Plan Hope and family and I know whe will do well and it will work out.



Posted By: johnstwin Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/04/11 12:42 AM
Hi hope!

I got a chuckle out of your post about your XH being on the warpath and how he was pulling buyout numbers out of a hat- because my first thought was "I don't think it's a hat that he's pulling those out of...." grin

Hang in there. He's at the end of his rope. He thought he had it all figured out and nothing is working the way he thought. In his wayward mind, I'm sure he thinks if he just throws a really big fit, then the planets will suddenly align, and everything will work the way he thought they would. Too bad that he doesn't realize he isn't in control of the universe. Someone waaaay more qualified has that job.

Silly wayward....






Wow. I am so sorry you keep having to deal with the crazy wayward.

Just print and save. Should you have to have further legal dealings, this is just proof he's definitely lost his marbles!

I mean, who reads the first and last sentence of an email?

Again, Biiiiiig MB hug to you. (((((((((((Hope)))))))))))

Sadly, what will happen next is the slow, slow train wreck. Just keep a distance and do kinda plan B to them. They are still toxic, so remember that! Please do. They are unified against you as long as you have contact with them.

And blocking and having nc with sil is what is needed right now too. She is the "go between" between you both, working both ends against each other, and probably causing alot of drama.

Yes, there will def be "Sheen-isms" for quite a while now. If you do have to have contact with the wayward, here's a trick that always got my xh to listen to me during a convo. He was self self self absorbed. If he would say "I am really concerned that ds needs to be under your insurance plan ...or insert any silly or irrational thing a wayward says.." you respond with "Oh. You have a GOOD POINT. Then you gently negate what he says. He will listen because at the outset he will think you are in agreement with him. It worked for me.

But mostly I just avoided him like he had the plague.

They think they're life is "Epic". that they're "Winning"...and that they're so special that they must not be human, some kind of superhuman with "Adonis blood"...but sooner or later like Sheen, they will crash. And the reality surrounding them will be more than they can handle.

Btw, my xh and his ow/wistress wife are NOW DIVORCED as of last week.

So much for his "soul mate". We all know where the affairages are heading. We know the end of all of this.

Now YOU recover YOU. We are here! You just have a fabulous new beginning and remember, it is OK to hold the xwh accountable for keeping the divorce decree.

It is hard for a xws to do that. They lied and cheated to get out of the marriage, and when the marriage is over, they still feel in a bizarrre sense, tied to you and think they have to lie their way out of the fallout from the divorce.

That is just how it is. Hugs and take good care of you!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/04/11 06:26 PM
john's twin,
good to hear from you. Yes I was nice about pulling out of hat...but hhhmmmmmmm I am in agreement...

Nothing is working the way he thought. He is all caught up in the drama of the house, getting his "personal belongings" he was "awarded" in D, wrapped in all of the $$ and things. What about his DDs? Wish he was as committed to them but your right -- silly waywards.

Peachy, I read your story awhile back and you have climbed the mountain and are king of the hill. Bravo!

Yes it does seem to be turning into a train wreck no matter how he professes to everyone how "happy" he is. At work they say they are both the most miserable people they know. Only

Love the idea of saying "good point" to him. Of course now I have to find something that I can agree with???

I never thought that XH was still tied to me but recently he has shown that behavior...telling me how to take care of the yard, just random stuff.

Right now it is hard to stay in the dark till decision made on house. My plan is to be businesslike and have all my facts and let him run in circles and pretend he is charlie sheen.

Thanks for the hugs.



hurray
Quote
I am working on a new Plan, Not A, Not B, Not F just Plan Hope and family and I know whe will do well and it will work out.
hurray

What a moron. Isn't it fascinating how "happy" people need to make others miserable. I always thought it was the other way around. That if you were happy, then you wanted others to be happy as well.

My bad....

I have to wonder if G-d isn't working his magic in life by showing us what drugs, alcohol and affairs to do someone's life right before our very eyes.

We are getting to see the insanity of the wayward/self entitled mind in all its glory.

Hugs to you and I had just been wondering how you are doing. Oh, on a side note, I kept to my word. I gave you one day.

I love you Hope.

See you on the field of Bejeweled.
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/05/11 06:33 PM
Hey, Hope:
Just checking in since I NEVER hear from you anymore. lol. Love to hear that La La Land isn't all it's cracked up to be. But I keep being reminded of the Lighthouse and Safe Harbor. When all is said and done, my hope is that he knows where to dock his ship.

Just try not to be the source of all his agitation. PP DESERVES some of it since she's the root of all evil. Time for WxH to open his eyes and see when all the drama started. When his life took a turn in the wrong direction. When his money/work/family problems started.

Any chance one of us might win the bet soon? I think we need to up the ante... maybe something extra for Vegas???

Hope, so sorry about your SIL and your daughter. You guys have been through so much!

I'm not surprised to hear about WXH foolishness, he's a foolish man. Unfortunately your DD are stuck with him for life. Not much you can do there except try and protect them. IMO you've done an excellent job with that and kept your dignity.

On the legal front, not sure what you mean about an order re the house.

So good to hear from you!
Queenie, Holy, and John's Twin, great to hear from you ladies too!
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/06/11 02:49 PM
[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]
Hey Hope, so glad to hear from you and to see you are still checking in.
Sorry that you have to continue to deal with crazy WW crap; but I really liked what you said.
Quote
I am working on a new Plan, Not A, Not B, Not F just Plan Hope and family and I know whe will do well and it will work out.
You go girl!!!!!
Originally Posted by mymissy
[Linked Image from bestsmileys.com]

TJ/ I love this smiley!! I'm so stealing it. /TJ
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/07/11 04:52 AM
Nice to hear from some of the "old timers"...don't mean that sarcastically but hearing from John's Twin, Queenie and princess meg...way to go.

My Missy love the hug that could reach around the block!

One small update. Was walking over to my building and XH works across the street from me and PP is in her pig pen building next to his.

I look in parking lot and there is XH auto. I look to other side and lo and behold there is PP crossing my path. I was started and I think she felt the same. Caught me off guard. She pushes her fake plastic bits out and starts walking quickly. Without thinking I mutter "you will always be a piece of garbage", then look up and see XH next to the car in a panic seeing me (what happened to Mr. Charlie Sheen on paper). At this point PP is almost running, he is throwing his briefcase in the back and it looks like Bonnie and Clyde after they leave the bank. I wave and say "Hey XH", They pull away like bats out of h@ll.

I was upset to see both of them "carpooling" but I kept it together. I was upset that I re-active by calling PP garbage.

I know that I cannot keep totally quiet when I see her, any suggestions of what I can "offer" so I will be prepared. This is the 2nd time I have seen her since the New Year.

Guidance needed from my fellow MBers.
Quote
I know that I cannot keep totally quiet when I see her, any suggestions of what I can "offer" so I will be prepared. This is the 2nd time I have seen her since the New Year.
Memorize a scripture of encouragement and speak it to yourself. A good one would be Isaiah 54:17:

... no weapon formed against me will prevail, and I will refute every tongue that accuses me. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me, declares the LORD...
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/07/11 12:21 PM
I am the MB flunkie, am prone to anxiety... but I find this helps me. Here goes.

When I see the situation coming,
I visualize my heart beating like a drum on the warpath, then I visualize me putting both hands over it on my chest and saying to it, "Be still". "I understand, I get it, I know.... But be still".

If this action does not help, I actually say the words outloud, like talking to another person.

A few words to God helps to, but it is the act (emotional or physical) of applying pressure above the "wound" that helps me.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/07/11 04:27 PM

I don't want to be caught blindsided by PP again and just react whatever falls out of my mouth. When I know I am going to see her at meeting I am prepared mentally but when I am unexpectedly run into her (I wish I could run over her) I need something stored in my brain ready so I just don't blurt something unoriginal as "you are nothing but garbage".

Would like to be prepared for the unplanned with some clever line ready. Does that make sense?

To "be still" or speak scripture might not pull me together. If any scripture I would go with this...

Proverbs 5:3-6

"For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey,
and her mouth is smoother than oil.
But in the end she is as bitter as poison,
as dangerous as a double-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
her steps lead straight to the grave.[a]
For she cares nothing about the path to life.
She staggers down a crooked trail and doesnļæ½t realize it."

How true....
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/07/11 04:39 PM
"What's that smell?"

>> sniffs the air <<

"Oh, I remember. It's the smell of an immoral woman."

>> waves hand in front of face <<

"But, in the end, she is bitter as poison."

>> sniffs again <<

"Her feet go down to death."

>> sniffs again, this time smiles after sniffing <<

"Proverbs 5:3-6. Just like an air-freshener."
Posted By: reading Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/07/11 04:44 PM
I think the garbage comment was lovely though not original.

Ladylike, expressive, accurate.

smile

Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/07/11 06:22 PM
Do you think that it is wise to say anything to her?

I think that wasting any energy on this is 100% waste of your time. .... but I am 'prolly wrong, I never had to deal with an OW face to face, either.

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/07/11 06:53 PM
Pepperband you crack me up...so poetic

Reading yes on target but not original.

Barbiecat, Do I think it is wise...no -- when I know I am going to see her yes I do remain silent - yes and I use some of the body language that Schoolbus posted awhile back.

This is when I see her by chance (or curse) and want to "express my love" in such a special way to confuse (upset) her day.

Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/08/11 03:04 AM
I like the Proverbs 5: 3-6.
I am not sure if I were in that situation that I would be able to not say anything or run her over. wink
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/17/11 08:09 PM
Ok MBers...how do I answer this email from Charlie Sheen...oops I meant delusional XH...

I plan on having everything outside when he arrives. I think the help he is alluding to is PP...then he will get a hassle.

dramaqueen puke
I will be there on sat March 19 - At noon to pickup my belongings. I have some of my things in the attic and garage card comics. I will be bringing containers for my CDs and documents example my citizenship papers and any other document and books that belong to me. Is DD17 going to help me? (rant2 DD has not seen him for almost 2 years and he wants her to help move his stuff out?) I will need help with my corner piece, if not I will bring help. twoxfour= PP I will bring the $$$ with me and pay you when I pickup my belonging. I do not want any hassle from you when I am there. Nooo

I know what I want to write but need some help in responding to his luancy.
Response:

Fine. Everything that you were awarded in the divorce will be outside (location) for you to pick up. I will leave it there until 5:00 p.m., after which time I will make arrangements with the Salvation Army to come by to pick it up.

PP is not invited on MY property and I will do whatever is necessary to prevent trespassing.

DD will not be available to help as she has to paint her toenails that day.

Leave your check under the mat.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/17/11 10:10 PM
PM, you are priceless.

Legally can I charge her with trespassing? just a thought.

I worry that if PP shows up DD will launch a personal attack. Hoping I can get her out of the house during the exchange but knowing her she will be peeking out of the window with binoculars.

Gets me mad he can get his stuff because of the D decree but I can't get what is owed to me. The system does not work.
kiss

You COULD charge her with trespassing but it would require face-to-face contact for you to tell her to get off your property. I imagine it would get pretty heated. BUT... if they challenged you or refused, you could THEN call the police and ask them to come and remove them from the property. At that time, the police could give her a warning not to come back on the property or face arrest.

I don't know if the drama is worth it unless you could do it and remain very calm.

Oh, and heavens yes, get your DD out of there and spare her the insult.
Posted By: reading Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/17/11 11:55 PM
I would put everything out front and take dd and leave the home during the time frame.

Make sure your windows and doors are locked up tight.

No drama. No engaging further.
Hope, just thinking about you tonight. How'd it go today? Did they show up? Were you able to get your DD out of there first? Please let us know.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/20/11 04:21 AM
I did not think this would affect me this much. Just seeing him at our home carrying our stuff to the pig pen.

DD17 and myself had everything outside.. She left about 15 minutes before he arrived.

I had forgotten 3 books and went to bring them outside and he was standing there. I just handed him the books and walked back inside.

PP's nephew was with him. I stayed inside. My old dog who loved XH the most spotted him from the window and started howling. It was awful. I put both dogs in the back and old dog continued to bark. XH kept looking towards the back.

I put medical receipts on top of boxes and he is looking for them in the mailbox. He is supposed to leave a check to cover these bills. He starts towards the door so I call him to tell him where receipts are before he rings the door. I asked if he wanted to see old dog which was breaking my heart. He said yes. I open front door and let her out while I stand behind door.

He spends 5 minutes with old dog and she is like a puppy doing all of her tricks. I finally open the door and old dog comes in.

XH leaves without any arguing. Strange part is he is wearing this religious bracelet and huge gold cross as if to protect him from the evil spirits -- me.

He did not take much but it feels like another void when he left. Had a good cry for a little while but went out and had a good time at friend's house.

Praying that the memories are attached to everything and will annoy PP.

Glad day is over. Thanks for your support.
Posted By: KaylaAndy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/20/11 04:26 AM
You were on my mind today while I was away from my computer. Glad it's over. May the healing truly begin now.

Did he leave a check as promised?
frown That actually made my heart hurt for you. I'm so sorry it brought up all that old stuff. You're right though, those "things" will have attachments to them.

I'm glad you went out afterwards.

(((Hope)))
Posted By: reading Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/20/11 04:33 AM
The dog missing him is sorrowful for me......our dog misses my WH lots, so I can very much relate to that part.
Posted By: Kirby Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/20/11 01:59 PM
Hope, I have a question for you. Since your dd was a minor when you went through your divorce, how has she been able to keep no contact?

I'm having trouble with my WstbXH because he is not asking to see the children, they don't want to see him, but he has filed some kind of complaint claiming that I am preventing him from seeing them. I suspect that a judge would laugh in his face over this, but it's upsetting to both me and the kids.

Two of my three older children have had no contact for a long time. The other dd is playing him to get him to pay for things. (Every time she gets mad at him she takes a friend out to dinner on his money. She says she is getting back at him one dollar at a time.)

But, my boys are still 14 and 16 and they are concerned that they'll be forced to see their dad again.
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/20/11 07:07 PM
Hope, I am so sorry you had to actually see him and deal with a situation that triggers so many emotions. Now maybe you can put everything behind and continue on a path of healing. Did he leave a check for you, so that you are not in that situation again?
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/21/11 12:52 AM
The part about the dog missing him brought real tears to my eyes. Oh Hope, you are much stronger than I. hug
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/21/11 09:22 PM
((((((hugs)))))) to all of you.

The dog seeing him brought sadness to my heart and dear memories when we were still a family. That man is gone as long he is in the pig pen with PP.

Kirby you asked about visitation. DD17 stopped seeing him almost 2 years ago and what has he done??? Nothing but complain about me influencing her.

He never took legal action or called the court appointed counselor so DD was able to just stay dark with him. In 5 months she will be 18 and he never exercised any legal right, never showed he cared enough to fight for her. Sad but true.

As far as the medical check...it was about $100 short. No surprise there. He wrote on the envelope that I gave him the new $$ figure too late and he had already got the money order. Well I gave him that figure on Thursday and the money order was purchased on Saturday. (duh). Is anyone surprised by that. Well that is fine because he did not receive his personal papers that I am trying to locate and now I can hold them till he pays up.

Next I will be back in bankruptcy court fighting his new petition trying to get out paying me in full.

Waywards are dumb. Think he needs to attend the Charlie Sheen tour and get some more tips.



Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/22/11 12:05 PM
{{{hope}}}
I can imagine how hard the whole scene was. So heartbreaking about the dog; it's hard for me to even mention that. I sometimes consider going back and stealing the 2 I had to leave behind. DstepD assures me that they are well; but SS is a cat person, I hope she is at least kind to the dogs.
WW's simply do not see the devastation left behind in their wake.
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/22/11 01:29 PM
Through all his action (or inaction with his own.biological.children) that in the end, he is going to find the fault to be with Hope. doh2

That is what gets me. Makes you wonder what ever happened to accountability.

Hang in there, Hope.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/22/11 03:21 PM
I am feeling better and keeping busy.

Went to a BBQ last night and it was fun. I have a good group of friends from my church but sometimes I feel OMO (Odd man out)...meaning they are mostly couples and I am by my lonesome.

In 2 months DD17 will be graduating. Whoa Whoa. My other DD will be flying in for the ceremony and stay for the party over the weekend.

I am looking forward to this achievement for DD. At the beginning of this she was crashing and she turned it around. She got honors all year, she works, she has a nice BF, she attends church even on her own. Ok she is a mess with her room and she has her teenager moments but I am so PROUD of her.

XH will probably not even know the date for the graduation. Unless something changes drastically he will miss it all.

There is no acocuntability, there is only conflict avoider hiding behinding PP.



Posted By: KaylaAndy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/22/11 04:21 PM
Well - it's such an ample plastic expanse to hide behind, why not? rotflmao

Seriously - they do grow up so fast. The only way to not have regrets is to not miss a thing - and you're not!

Have a wonderful time this spring with your daughters.
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/22/11 10:24 PM
Hope,

I am so glad to hear that DD17 is doing so well. She sounds like a great young lady. Our DS17 (next week) is still stumbling around. He does enough work to squeak by, but no more. I don't know what will happen next year, when he is a senior and trying to figure out what to do next. This winter he has been consumed with learning how to freeride ski. He is getting pretty good - but that does not translate into a career.
Your DD seems to have some good common sense and a plan for her future.

Also glad you have friends close by who support you. What a blessing.

I feel sad for your old dog.

AM
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/11/11 11:43 AM
Trying not to TJ Pheonix;

Hope;
What the heck about that diet? You meant 1500 cal a day, not 500, right?

With spring coming on It will be easier to get out and "move it, move it!"

update?
barbiecat, it is 500 calories. It is the HCG diet and it works. I am down 43# and going back on it this Saturday for 30 days. HCG is the hormone you produce when you are pregnant and lactating. So if your body thinks it is pregnant and you reduce your calorie intake drastically for a little while thenyour body goes for your fat stores. You cannot stay on it for long periods of time and you need to be under the supervision of a doctor.

Still hoping and praying.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/12/11 01:33 AM
If you want somewhere to send the weight, I'll take it. I'm down to a 5 from the 8 I was a few months ago....

Never thought I would miss being a 16.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/12/11 04:42 AM
Thanks for the info Phoenix. I have went out tonight and bought all the stuff for 17 day diet. Our company started our own version of the biggest loser and I am running it. Need to make an attempt to be their leader. lol...

karma let me smack you ...a size 5. Send some of your motivation my way.

barbie cat. thanks for stopping by.

Been keeping busy getting ready for DD17 graduation next month. Whoa whoa. Went prom dress shopping this weekend and bought her a beautiful gown. She looked so pretty and grown up I had a little tear in my eye.

Figuring out the college stuff and waiting to see what type of aid DD will be able to get. Feeling a little anxious because my baby will be leaving home and I am having the empty nest depression. Not looking forward to it. I used to look forward to having this time but no more that I won't be sharing with XH. I am keeping busy most of the time just can't imagine being truly alone. Will work through it like everything else.

Been to bankruptcy court numerous times with all of my objections, questions and working on what is owed to me as a creditor in XH's continued mess.

The effort has paid off. XH petition went to a plan of paying creditors 22% to paying them 75% of what he owes. I also was approved for my 2 priority claims so I will be getting 100% of what is owed. It will take some time but it will help when the CS stops.

PP finally changed her name to Mrs. Affairage PP. Now there will be 3 of us a work with the same name. Plan on telling anyone who asks that I was the marriage and she is the affairage. Just take one day at a time.

Life goes on.


Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/12/11 05:48 AM
hurray hurray hurray hurray

You're getting what's owed to you! Hurray!

The financial aid departments of college are usually eager to help students find scholarships. I know it's probably been said already but have her look into that all you can.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/19/11 09:08 PM
Little update...

Heard from bankruptcy court with the following....
Debtor (XH and PP) has now proposed a 100% plan and has met all of the Trusteeļæ½s requests. Per debtorļæ½s attorney, all admissions have been disclosed.

Not only am I being paid 100% for my priority claims, all his other creditors are being paid 100% for theirs (I should get commission on this!) laugh

The one problem for me creditwise is that he is turning in the lot that is under both of our names on the mortgage to go into foreclosure. He changed the deed but never changed the mortgage so this could have serious impact. I called the bank attorney and they are seeing what they can do for me.

So for about 5 years XH will have to cough up over $1k a month in repayment. I Wanted me to move on but involved me in all of this garbage by spending DD17's money and defaulting on the joint loan he was responsible for.

I fought the good fight and now this will help when CS ends soon.

The reality of karma is hitting.







Please call a real estate attorney and get them to help you on this, as they could sometimes negotiate with the mortgage company and if xwh was awarded the house in the divorce and your name was on the mortgage and he refused to attempt in any way to relieve you of that burden as by the courts, then they might be willing to wiggle and potentially get your name off of everything.

I had to go thru this with Darth. When they go crazy wayward, they spend like water for their affair and all good reason flies out the back door.

Good for you in getting the other debts from him taken care of! I sure hope the other and far lesser Mrs. Wayward Spouse affairagey woman FEELS the stress of what she's done now. And I hope she's like "holy jebus! What did I get myself into? I am now in financial ruin".

Stay strong girl. You can get thru this. I went thru horrid stuff. I had an xh who deliberately (when our divorce got nasty) refuse to pay for the hummer he had (almost 100k)b/c it was in his corporations' (he dissolved the corp and did it on purpose, it was just a name basically for him) name and my name was also on it b/c I had at the time stellar credit.

I refused his pittance of child support and alimony and the terms, so he quit paying despite the separation agreement said he was to take his hummer as his responsibility and his other vehicle, and I was to take my suv as my responsibility for my vehicle and the judge signed it. I had a call one day they'd repossessed it from my xh's house, and my former dream home. The man with the tow truck was outraged at what he was doing he called the company. He went and repo'd the hummer, but beside it was sitting TWO NEW vehicles. A mercedes sports car AND a bmw 7 series.

The man said "whoever is getting the hummer repo'd probably screwed their husband or wife's credit b/c there are two new vehicles beside it when I got it." At least it was a repo man with a conscience and glad he called. I was unable to get that removed, but my xh did go into foreclosure on our other home back in TN and my real estate attny's had to do the same thing I'm telling you about.

Here's something else. If the home goes into foreclosure and sells for anything MORE than what it's worth, or there is residual monies in any escrow accounts, if you have debts or back child support owed you, YOU CAN GET YOUR ATTNY TO SEIZE THAT. They file a motion along with other debtors, but here's the thing. Child support supercedes the other debtors! Just something for you to remember.

I had the wildest, most nasty divorce ever from a psycho wayturd.

I wish you a beautiful new future! I wish your dd a lovely prom evening, and you to find a fabulous new future. Maybe now go and try some new sports or activities? Join a club like the Sierra Club or some hiking club. Meet new people. It is time for YOU to blossom after all this has happened. Time for you to realize you are the only person single after all of this. Your xwh and the posow aren't. He never got to experience single. He got to jump from the frying pan back into the fire, with the wrong person and he'll regret it I tell you!

Their affairage days are numbered. Real life combined with the stressors of finacial problems combined with the shame of their affair will end this stupid affairage. Hey, my xh and his affairage wifey are now divorced. Five, no make that three, no make that two, no make that NEVER did they ever have any peace or happiness. From the time they married, he'd cheated on her. Even as she was pregnant and our divorce papers were barely dry he was cheating on her.

They never had peace. Lost financial balance and when my xwh's moral compass never quit spinning, he lost his home, his company (he was ceo), his wealth, his boat, his cars, and his children. Oh and the affairage wifey too.

It's a matter of time before the chickens come home to roost!
Hope! So glad you posted, you've been missed around here!

You do realize don't you that if you had not taken this bull by the horn, he would have walked away smelling like a rose in the bankruptcy? You have been amazing and so strong. I love that you didn't back down and fought tooth and nail for what he owed you financially.

Yup, bet he feels the ground shaking from the karma bus getting so close. rotflmao

I'm not even gonna address whatshername-- she's not worth the keystrokes.

Please keep us posted. I want to hear when there's a college graduation, a marriage, grandbabies, etc. smile
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/05/11 09:37 PM
Just a little vent....

Today I had an assessment in PP pig-pen area. I have never been to this area because she is in it.

Brought one of the big mgrs. for support and waited till I knew she was gone.

When I got to her desk was some pics of her family and then the affairage picture of the rutting pig and XH of course holding toast glasses (nice touch for an alcoholic). Very quietly I turned the picture flat on her desk.

She also had a scripture note on her monitor... Psalm 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom then shall I fear?

I wanted to puke

My mgr said i would have broke the picture! I left it flat down. dance2

When we were walking back my mgr added "you earned your paycheck today"...no kidding

Life goes on.

Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/05/11 09:38 PM
You exercised a lot of restraint.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/05/11 09:46 PM
Originally Posted by Pepperband
You exercised a lot of restraint.

Like I have in the past....NOT rotflmao
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/06/11 01:20 AM
Originally Posted by hope3343
Originally Posted by Pepperband
You exercised a lot of restraint.

Like I have in the past....NOT rotflmao

Agree with Pep. I dunno that I could have done what you did. You are Truly amazing.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/06/11 04:14 AM
Originally Posted by Scotland
Originally Posted by hope3343
Originally Posted by Pepperband
You exercised a lot of restraint.

Like I have in the past....NOT rotflmao

Agree with Pep. I dunno that I could have done what you did. You are Truly amazing.

I have to say that I am in a good place and have detached from their continued drama.

Before when I saw either of them it could be a trigger and major spiral down but now it is more of an annoying mosquito that I just swat away.

I feel as if I wear my "shield of armor" and it protects me.

I am in a good place and have happiness in myself and serenity.

They are the uncomfortable ones not me.

Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/06/11 05:37 PM
Hi Hope,

So glad to see you post! It looks like you are in a really good place right now, congratulations!

If you ever have the time and feel up to it, would love to hear more of the court saga and how all of your great documentation efforts paid off!

Sound like the $1k/mo. is going to go a long way in help your DD with school.

Congrats again!

ba
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/07/11 02:02 AM
Originally Posted by beginagain
Hi Hope,


If you ever have the time and feel up to it, would love to hear more of the court saga and how all of your great documentation efforts paid off!

Sound like the $1k/mo. is going to go a long way in help your DD with school.

Congrats again!

ba

Anything you want to know about this let me know. Send me your email and then I will delete.

Yes it will come at the perfect time with CS ending. I am blessed
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/09/11 03:54 PM
Originally Posted by hope3343
Just a little vent....

Today I had an assessment in PP pig-pen area. I have never been to this area because she is in it.

Brought one of the big mgrs. for support and waited till I knew she was gone.

When I got to her desk was some pics of her family and then the affairage picture of the rutting pig and XH of course holding toast glasses (nice touch for an alcoholic). Very quietly I turned the picture flat on her desk.

She also had a scripture note on her monitor... Psalm 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom then shall I fear?

I wanted to puke

My mgr said i would have broke the picture! I left it flat down. dance2

When we were walking back my mgr added "you earned your paycheck today"...no kidding

Life goes on.

Update... Got an email from the guy who sits next to PP. She came into work and sees the picture flat down on her desk and calls XH and says "Oh she must be really jealous".

Just an example to show how deluded the AP are. Ok so you have an affairage picture of your manager who you had an affair with, broke up a marriage and family and I am jealous???

These AP really are low lifes and don't get it. PP needs to look up the word "narcissitic" if she knew how to use a dictionary. dramaqueen
Posted By: reading Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/09/11 04:01 PM
Aren't you jealous? Isn't that a part of turning it down?

Yes, they are narcissitic but you must still feel the pain. Or you'd not have touched the photo. You would have seen it and not been inspired to lay it down.

I say, there isn't anything wrong with that. Feeling the love that is still there for WH and pain of another woman being married to your WH are human emotions.

It sucks the picture was there.



Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/09/11 04:26 PM
Next time:
>evil grin<

A permanent marker glasses and mustache.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/09/11 06:06 PM
I had already seen pictures of the affairage floating around on the internet so it did not have that draw in your breath, slap in your face shock value....it was more of "you got to be kidding" type of emotion.

I thought about the permanent marker or substitute one of our wedding pictures when he looked so handsome and happy instead of hung over...

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/10/11 06:48 PM
Now for some great news...

Award ceremony at DD17's school last night....she got a $2K scholarship last night. Very exciting. dance2

I was hooting and hollering. So proud that she has come so far.

Hopefully more to follow! I am blessed in so many ways.
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/10/11 07:04 PM
Congratuations to your DD. She is one amazing young lady.

Must be a reflection of her mom.

AM
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/17/11 05:19 AM
ok, posting here because I am having some anxiety.

Past few weeks I have been seeing a slight shift in DD17 about XH with graduation next week. Both DDs have been talking more and DD31 planned on "making some time" for XH next week when she comes to visit.

DD17 tells me that she might ask XH to attend her graduation. faint She talked it over with DD31 who has "mentioned" it to XH a few times. She told XH it would have to be without PP and XH says "that is his puke wife". DD31 said then stay home. He then says that PP feels bad for him because it must be hard that he has no relationship with his DDs.

This is the same POSOW that has said that she wanted a man with no baggage and her last M broke up because of his spoiled StepD and how her XH spent too much money on his daughter instead of her.

Then Xh asked DD31 did he know where DD17 is going to college. She told him that she might have to commute and he said that he could pay her room and board maybe. grumble

I told DD17 don't get her hopes up because it was not his decision to make and PP would have to approve and financially I do not think that would fly.

I did tell her that I would support her decision but understand that XH was very different and he had a serious drinking problem now.

It hss been just over 2 years since DDs have seen him.

This board is my safe place. I put a good front tonight but I am actually freaking out a bit. Feeling a little resentful and hurt that these last 2 years he missed all the work, pain and dedication to get DD17 to this place and he gets to waltz back in her life right in time for graduation which I was so looking forward to...without him.

I continue to pray on this.

hug
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/17/11 11:20 AM
100% Understandable.

Has any new came to pass? Whatever the descisions are, have your DD make up her mind now-- (so secretly you can plan your reaction to the event.)

It seems XH likes the drama. That is his issue, but I would onot let it be a 24/7 arguments up until the day of event.

Are there only so many tickets? "Oooops, sorry XH, we only were given 5 seats, and the bum outside needed one, so only YOU can attend ceremony, no PP"
Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/17/11 11:50 AM
I forget who SB posted to about this very issue a week or two ago, but maybe you could find what she advised, it was really good.

Your DD17 seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Did you ask her why she wants your WH there? There could be many reasons why she has thought about inviting her dad. I can totally understand that she wouldn't want OW there as well. I don't believe that her dad would honour that request. Ask her what would happen if he didn't. How would she handle that?

As far as OW feeling bad, what a giant load of horse dung. I can't believe how stupid some men are. How do they not see things in their true light?
Hope, I am so sorry that you are hurting. This just suxs.

You've come so far in this journey. Sadly, part of being a mother is being hurt by your children's choices sometimes. This is one of those times. I totally understand the resentment. It's sickening that they're going to insert their drama into this once in a lifetime event for your DD.

Whatever happens you can hold your head high because in reality, YOU are the one who has guided your DD throughout this, YOU are the one that was there for her, YOU are the one who continues to be her rock and HER safe place, and YOU are the one that she will turn to when her dad lets her down AGAIN. You know he will.

I'm so sorry.

(((Hope)))
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/17/11 04:11 PM
Thanks for the support...just need it.

I have been in such a good (safe) place that it really unsettled me. I had trouble sleeping which hasn't happened for a long time.

My DD31 is really the catalyst in this. I think she is the one who has championing his cause.

Not that she is sympathetic to XH but she is more "forgiving".

I asked DD17 why after all of this time and now for the graduation.

She said she has started to miss him lately (too bad it is her real Dad that she is missing not this caricature).

She said she wanted him to know she made it "without him". Why because he is sitting there?

She did say that her and her sister feel that if they are both back in XH's life that it will cause problems with PP because she will not have his full attention. (and finances)

Now that is the only statement I agree with.

Too bad it is not ticket based because I would give them away to the homeless before him for the graduation.

Yes PM it does sux and hurt when your kids make decisions you don't agree with. I have been praying for almost 3 years and God has a plan for all of this even though I don't understand it.

Blessings.


Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/17/11 04:42 PM
<<hope>> I am supporting and praying for you during this time, I understand that seeing him brings that flood of emotions back, but maybe your DD's are right applying pressure to the affairage, but it may be difficult for you to have visability to them. Perhaps either you ask them not to share with you initially, although seeing your YD's age, it would be better if you could support her and provide guidance with the fog babble that is bound to come out.
Posted By: reading Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/17/11 04:52 PM
I am facing the great graduation event too.

I have decided to let DD invite or not invite and to make sure I take anti-depressants starting about two weeks before the event to ride the day either way.

I won't be sitting near my WH if he shows up. I will politely move away if he approaches me.
Hugs and support to you. smile
Posted By: My4Loves Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/17/11 04:57 PM
Hope - I invited my dad to my graduation, just because I thought it was the right thing to do. That was 18 years ago. It would be one of the last times I see him.

After my graduation, I went on to college, and saw my dad for what he really was "A horrible excuse for a man and father!"

I haven't spoken to him in 17 years. I don't miss him today!

Hang in there Tough
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/17/11 08:59 PM
Thanks for the support.

It is not even the visibility because I still work at the same place as both of them.

At work I have much more confidence but try to avoid both whenever possible and when I do XH usually looks pretty awful these days and PP looks like she has been rode rough and put away wet.

Before the A started DD17 was her father's daughter. They were 2 peas in a pod and they were very close and she used to call him her hero. After he left it was a difficult journey for DD and me to bond and find a closeness with her I never had. We had each other backs and depended on each other since XH moved us 1900 miles away from family (that was my blessing in all of this).

Now my insecure mind is worrying that I will lose that bond,that XH will turn DDs heads with fog babble and accept PP since after all they are M now.

Any BS here knows the physical and mental pain we go through and the trauma from the infidelity. Then time passes and life goes on. What lesson was learned then?

DD17 told me she sent an email to XH today and he responded. I guess that means he will be coming but it will be without PP so far.

ItTL, hard to imagine not seeing your Dad after all those years but when they are like this there is nothing anyone can do. Was he in an A also? So sorry.

Please continue to pray for my family.


Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/17/11 09:53 PM
Hope,

Hugs to you. I am so sorry you are having such a stressful time.

Please don't worry about your DD17 being influenced by her dad's fogbabble. My daughter (now 38) had an off and on again relationship with her father, whenever he thought to pop in. He died in Sep 2007. She visited him several states away before he died and went to the funeral. One of her comments was that she knew her dad was a s#$@, but he was still her father. She never bought into his excuses. She did love him, but she never respected him.

AM
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/18/11 10:36 PM
Side note to Dad of the year.

DD31 calls me last night and says that she will be seeing XH on Thursday (she flies in on Wednesday night)..I ask her why not wait till the weekend when the graduation will be over and you can spend more time.

A little pause....

She says well that is the ony day that XH can see her?

Why....Because he is GOING AWAY that weekend.

I ask DD the hard question...how long did your father know you were coming here for graduation?

4 months...

So your father who has not been away since the affairage in October picks THAT weekend to leave town?

You would think that after 2 years of not seeing his oldest daughter and her coming to town that he would be around??

it was a little "food for thought" for her.

Amusing part is that XH tells DD that PP feels soooo bad for him because he does not have any R with his girls. Boohoo.

So they leave town?

Waywards are dumb. I will be silent now!
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 11:11 AM
That is ridiculous.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 05:06 PM
And the pony show continues.

DD31 is in the "missionary mode" with XH and she is going to "save the world:.

She calls me this morning and says now XH is taking Thursday off from work so he can spend the day with her. She sounded a bit grateful for the extra time...I felt puke

Guess XH is doing a little guilt about his weekend plans...how magnanimous of him.

Then DD31 asks me to run off all the tutition costs for DD17 school. She said she is going to give it to XH when she sees him because he mentioned maybe he would pay room and board. I said to her don't get your hopes up about this for DD17 and she tells me I am being "negative". I told DD that I have the coming year set up and when XH finds out how much the room/board is (about 10K) he will not pay. I did not mention that PP would go ballistic.

I told DD31 straight out that I am not splitting this cost with him. I have worked it out about tutition and books and transportation minus her loan and scholarship $$. The school is 20 minutes from our house and to have that extra debt makes no sense. If she wanted to go further away then I would have to deal with it.

So Sub-superhero (in his own mind) is trying to buy his way into his kids hearts.

If he does it great...(wow I think I have fog babble) and if he doesn't then I am stuck with DD17 disappoinment.

The only part of this I am enjoying is that PP will "not be happy". <insert evil smile> grin
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 05:33 PM
I'd say don't even tell DD17 unless in a freak accident he actually does pay.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 06:10 PM
Originally Posted by karmasrose
I'd say don't even tell DD17 unless in a freak accident he actually does pay.

Oh no...DD31 already is telling this to DD17 and of course she is jumping on the bandwagon thinking he is going to come through so she can live on campus.

It is a dangerous carrot to be dangling to his DDs when he has no information about cost and approval from PP...

If he does pay without question, I will do a jig on this board.

Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 06:20 PM
I expect a Youtube video! rant2


..........

rotflmao

Just kidding.
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 06:39 PM

Do not put yourself/ let yourself be played into the "bad" role in this.

Let your xh do that all for himself.

20 min is not far. You will see her all the time (even if she moves on campus.)

I would heartliy agree to this! (even tho you feel it will not go through. You are the force for good...)
What a crock. you xh knows what school she is attending- dorm contracts are listed on the webiste -- if he REALLY wanted to know)
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 07:33 PM
Originally Posted by barbiecat
Do not put yourself/ let yourself be played into the "bad" role in this.

Let your xh do that all for himself.

20 min is not far. You will see her all the time (even if she moves on campus.)

I would heartliy agree to this! (even tho you feel it will not go through. You are the force for good...)
What a crock. you xh knows what school she is attending- dorm contracts are listed on the webiste -- if he REALLY wanted to know)

XH still does not know the actual school. There has been NC at all and he asked DD31 what school she was attending and she did not know the actual name. Pretty sad...

Good advice that I think that is great that he is going to do this. Rah Rah Rah... hurray I will be the biggest cheerleader.

karma I will personally go on Youtube and put up a "Lord of the Dance" jig if he follows through. priceless.
Po po xwh. PP is trying to make him feel better by doing something over the weekend because his kids hate him for his actions.

What po po PP DOESN'T get is SHE is the reason they hate him right now, and her actions show that SHE HATES his kids by taking him and encouraging him away during her important graduation weekend.

YOU BE THE CHEERLEADER! YOU ROCK MY FRIEND! Let the affairage begin the downward spiral, just like a piece of "used" toilet paper does when its' flushed.

It doesn't last. MY LIFE is PROOF that an affairage won't last! My xwh and ow lasted (if you don't count them being sep the last year and a half) about 3.5 years.

Affairages are a crock.
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 07:45 PM
Hope,

Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't he declare bankruptcy and has been approved under Chapter 13 wherein he pays the money back over 5 years? If so, there is no way he can pay $10k a year for this, his plan has to be paid off in full, then he could. It doesn't mean that at the end of 5 years it will be paid off, it means now! Any extra money, bonuses, tax refunds, life insurance proceeds, anything, must go to the creditors.

ba
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 08:00 PM
Originally Posted by beginagain
Hope,

Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't he declare bankruptcy and has been approved under Chapter 13 wherein he pays the money back over 5 years? If so, there is no way he can pay $10k a year for this, his plan has to be paid off in full, then he could. It doesn't mean that at the end of 5 years it will be paid off, it means now! Any extra money, bonuses, tax refunds, life insurance proceeds, anything, must go to the creditors.

ba

You are absolutely correct. He is getting bankruptcy approved on Monday (I guess he thinks he has the right to go away for the weekend to celebrate??) The plan goes all the way through to 2015 with him having to pay 100% starting with the amount of $1K and gradual increases each year.

Does the trustee actually follow up on raises, bonuses and tax returns? I am asking because if I did not point out all the lies in the petition as a creditor then it would have gone through pretty much with no scrutiny.

He mentioned in one of his original rejected petitions that he was setting up 2 accounts...one to start saving and one for DD's college.

when I asked where he wanted her school packages sent I got silence (do you hear the crickets chirping"). No response.

I know he must have some money hidden but if he can't pay it in full (don't think they will accept a payment plan because of his bankrupcty) he is talking fog babble.



Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 08:23 PM
Yes, they do an audit every year (in our case every 9 months, some people every 6 mo.) and request copies of your current wages (both parties). You also have to provide them copies of your federal and state tax returns and agree to file timely. If you get a tax refund, you cannot cash it and must be signed over to the trustee. You must also sign over any bonus monies and do a motion requesting that you be allowed to keep some of the monies, say for a medical procedure or home/auto repairs. Most trustees are very agressive and take it very negatively if money is not produced, they can even throw the case out if you were hiding monies, bringing back all the interest and penalties with the debt since the time you filed. Long story, if you don't want to get throw out of the plan, you have to follow their rules. On the plus side, any money paid over sooner, means you will get your money back sooner!

ba
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 08:30 PM
Originally Posted by beginagain
Yes, they do an audit every year (in our case every 9 months, some people every 6 mo.) and request copies of your current wages (both parties). You also have to provide them copies of your federal and state tax returns and agree to file timely. If you get a tax refund, you cannot cash it and must be signed over to the trustee. You must also sign over any bonus monies and do a motion requesting that you be allowed to keep some of the monies, say for a medical procedure or home/auto repairs. Most trustees are very agressive and take it very negatively if money is not produced, they can even throw the case out if you were hiding monies, bringing back all the interest and penalties with the debt since the time you filed. Long story, if you don't want to get throw out of the plan, you have to follow their rules. On the plus side, any money paid over sooner, means you will get your money back sooner!

ba

thank you for that information. I only know the creditor side. I am on the "priority list" right after his lawyer and the IRS so it will help out especially that CS ends in August.


Bankruptcy is a good option for the people who really need it, in his case it was wild wild out of control spending. Does not seem that it will not improve his spending habits with them going away first weekend after bankruptcy is approved.

Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 08:30 PM
Oh and in our case, the trustee and the judge would not approve any money to be paid for our two sons in school, nor my WH who is a displaced worker, nor myself whom I would love to obtain a master's degree. Further, we cannot obtain student loans (as if anyone would give us one!) or co-sign for the

No 401-k contributions either.

ba
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/19/11 08:36 PM
Originally Posted by beginagain
Oh and in our case, the trustee and the judge would not approve any money to be paid for our two sons in school, nor my WH who is a displaced worker, nor myself whom I would love to obtain a master's degree. Further, we cannot obtain student loans (as if anyone would give us one!) or co-sign for the

No 401-k contributions either.

ba

Well then he is double talking because he thinks he will be able to pay for room and board but I don't think he has a clue of cost...obviously.

Now that is interesting because both XH and PP are making 6% contributions to their 401K steadily through this and it was included in their petitions. I am not sure if Texas is more lenient because he also pays into whole life insurance policy also.
Originally Posted by karmasrose
I expect a Youtube video! rant2


..........

rotflmao

Me too!!!
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/26/11 12:57 AM
What if he can pay only 1/2, or 1/4? What does 1/2 or 1/4 of an Irish Jig, or other such dance look like?
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/26/11 02:41 AM
Well, I must admit we have a judge who is a "lifer", at least 30 years at this so he thinks everyone is out to screw the creditor and hide money. Your XH may have gotten a more lenient judge.

I have read that there is some support for 401-k deductions, but in my case I had to prove that I stopped them during the creditor's meeting. I don't think I will every recover financially from this as I am 49 and to go 5 years without contributing towards retirement is a killer, I don't have a pension. I don't foresee any retirement in my future, but that is our situation.

My YS was very depressed as all/most of his friends went out of state to school. I finally talked him into going to the community college, which in his mind was "a waste of his time". He has about 2 semester's to go, we have until 11/2012 until we are out of bankruptcy and can help him. He doesn't have any motivation to finish sooner as there is no way I can pay his tuition to a 4-year school. Life stinks especially when our kids are affected.

In our case the finances are bad due to WH bad choices in buying a business from a friend of his for $100k after he was laid off from a telecom company. The company lost money every year and tanked with the housing market. I had to put food and gas on credit cards. He also ran up personal debt to pay business debt. He zero'd out his 401k to support the biz, never to support the family. But hey, I'm not bitter! doh2

I hope for your DS's sake that something can be worked out.
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/26/11 11:13 AM
Hello, BA

Your son is about 20? Does he live with you? Can he claim himself "independant" and seek school loans on his own.
He would have to show 1 year residence here in MI.

H333;
all I gotta say is MrRollieEyes
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/26/11 02:37 PM
Hi Barbie,

Yes he is 20, almost 21, and lives with us. Our middle son took a job in Chicago and maybe he could work something out that way, hadn't thought of that, thank you! smile

Hope, I meant to say DD above, I am so used to boys I guess!

ba
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 05/29/11 02:40 PM
Hey Hope,
Hang in there and help guide DD venture into college. If xh comes through to help pay for something great; let him. If not you have a plan; getting the education is the most important thing. Maybe she cannot live on campus the first year; but that is usually not a horrible thing and year 2 she can start working, find roommates, and have the full experience.
Just keep reminding yourself the Karma bus, oops I mean tank is coming; XH and PP are in its path.
[Linked Image from smileyvault.com]
Gaw I hate PP and your xwh! That carma TANK is coming. Just know when they go through their divorce (which WILL HAPPEN), it will be ugly, more vile, and more heinous than you can imagine.

Just keep away from them and when people (mere strangers even) ask you, like people used to ask me at my son's soccer games, why I would not talk or stand near his dad (and the wistress), I'd say "well because he and that woman were in an adulterous affair, he and she stole half the family assets, I ended up having losing my assets too, and he ruined my credit for THAT thing. Would you want to talk to THAT?"

I would expose and reexpose for years to come. I am 100% SURE MY RE-EXPOSURES DIDN'T MAKE THINGS TOO COZY FOR THEM. I actually enjoyed that part.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/06/11 07:51 PM
Just some updates...

DD17 is officially graduated...whoo whoo! hurray

Sister and DD31 flew in for graduation and we had a good week. Yes XH went to the graduation. cool

DD31 went out with XH on the day of the graduation. He took her to lunch and she said he ate 2 loaves of bread and had a voracious appetite... dontknow She could not believe how much he had blown up weightwise. They went to the beach for a little while and said he had "man boobs". If anyone had seen a picture of XH 3 years ago from the onset of the A he was slim, trim and never looked better. DD said he was sweating profusely most of time. Interesting he was wearing his religious bracelet that PP's sister made and wore at the beginning of the A and a large cross necklace. DD asked him what was up with that and he said the bracelet was his "good luck charm". naughty Guess God is a good luck talism to waywards??? DD told sister that he complained most of the day about lack of money and job blah blah blah. Said he had no real friends at work and everyone was in a cliche. (maybe people don't like them bc of the A??) She told sister that he looked very unhappy and she sometimes felt sorry for him. twoxfour He did not make any future plans with her about coming to visit.

When XH picked up DD31 my sister went out to say "hi" to him. He looked shocked and very uncomfortable to see her at first. He asked how BIL was (who he was like a brother with). Sister says he is doing good but felt bad that XH only called him 2x in almost 2 years. XH had deer in the headlights look. My sister said that he reminded her of "Elvis in the latter years".

DD17 agreed again to let him come to the graduation. We got very good seats but XH was way up in the nose bleed seats and texting DD31 during it. He told DD31 that he could not find out where DD17 was or where we were. He finally figured out where she was and after 2 long years saw his DD17 for the first time. She could not see him and then he calls DD31 after DD gets her diploma and says I am not going to stay for the end because he did not want to get DD17 upset after the ceremony? DD31 was surprised he did not stay since DD17 asked him (via text) to go. Probably PP was having a fit in the pig pen that XH was out with the enemies all day. dramaqueen DD17 took it in stride. WE all went out to dinner and closed the place down and have laughs all night long.

She has not made any plans with him since.

XH bankruptcy got settled last week also. He pays 100% to all the creditors till the end of 2015. I went to court this morning over the last objection and it was withdrawn meaning that my documentation was accepted. I will receive 100% of everything that I have submitted as priority claims. Just wanted what he defaulted on.

Next is what to do with the house which of course he thinks I am trying to cheat him. hate to tell hm that the housing market is in a slump and he might get less than my offer. Waywards are dumb.

I know the karma wheels are gaining momentum.


H
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/06/11 08:02 PM
I do have some ground to make up! -revs monster truck- laugh
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/06/11 08:16 PM
Originally Posted by karmasrose
I do have some ground to make up! -revs monster truck- laugh

More of a karma tank or weapon of mass destruction... weightlifter
WMD baby.

Well sounds like he's LOVIN that life with PP huh? (evil laugh). Give em' what they want you know. Sounds wonderful how he had to go ALONE without his skank to the graduation.

Oh how PP is SOO ACCEPTED (evil laugh) at family events. He is now forever on the outside looking into what USED to be his life.

This is the lot of my xwh too. Funny your xwh is wearing a cross now, b/c my xwh pretended to FIND GOD during this phase. It was an outward sign to show the world "see, I married my mistress but I'm not THAT bad of a guy." That's what it means.

Within a year he was cheating again on his wistress.

He did to her 1,000x MORE BAD THINGS than he did to me btw. Karma WMB will blow not only him away but her too. Give it time my dear, give it time. smile

Hugs to you for BEING THE MOM AND RESPONSIBLE PARENT and having a blast smile Your renaissance is waiting right now smile
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/06/11 09:13 PM
WM I get....what's the b?
My brain thinks faster than my fingers can type. But for now, we can call it "Weapon of Marriage Builders"! Which is the ULTIMATE WMD to an affair!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/06/11 10:22 PM
Originally Posted by peachyisback
I would expose and reexpose for years to come. I am 100% SURE MY RE-EXPOSURES DIDN'T MAKE THINGS TOO COZY FOR THEM. I actually enjoyed that part.

Peachy funny you say this...but I do re-exposure at every opportunity. Was in mall last week trying out new makeup with sister and DDs. Got friendly with makeup artist and I always ask if they grew up here. Once they say yes, I always weave in my story about the A and oh maybe you know her....PP.

One time I met a woman that went to school with her and she said she did the same all through high school. Can't wait for that reunion when PP proudly presents my XH and everyone is laughing at her.

Life is good.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/21/11 02:15 AM
Today is a little tough. Today I remember the past and when XH was not an alien.

Today would have been our 24 year anniversary. Does he remember - absolutely not. No one remembers but me and I guess you good folks in MB.

As twisted as he is today, there was a time he was a good guy, a good manager and a family man who loved his daughters and yes his wife. 3 years with PP he is someone I don't recognize..or like.

"What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" Mark 8:36



Posted By: Kirby Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/21/11 04:07 AM
Originally Posted by hope3343
Today is a little tough. Today I remember the past and when XH was not an alien.

Today would have been our 24 year anniversary.

(((Hope))) I'm sorry.
(((Hope))) l know you've had it rough hon, but I can't tell you enough how proud I am of you, Even though things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to originally you have come through with your dignity intact. It's been really nice to see you around lately helping out newbies. We've truly missed your wit and charm and warm down to earth advice. Hubby and I may be coming down your way in august, maybe we can have dinner or something. I'd love to finally meet you!
Posted By: reading Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/21/11 01:52 PM
I am sorry you are feeling sad today.

You had a good run with him before he blew it.

((hugs))
Posted By: barbiecat Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/21/11 01:53 PM
Geeze, Hope

Sorry for the "down time". You still are a strong, positive contributor for all of us.
BC
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/21/11 04:22 PM
Reading your post from yesterday makes me a little teary. Love you, Hope.
Hugs.


AM
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/22/11 03:49 AM
thanks mbers. I got through the day. Had a good talk with DD31 and some memories we shared. There were many happy times. Even though Xh has forgotten his family we have not forgotten ours.

We get through this daily. We survive every day.

Appreciate the posts because you all get it, MBers with restored M and those that did not recover.

Princess meg, anytime you want to come visit you are welcome. I look forward to meeting you also!
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/29/11 08:38 AM
Thanks for being such a supportive friend, Hope. Our daily talks get me through the rough patches. We were brought together for a reason -- all part of God's plan. Italian sisters!
Posted By: mymissy Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 07/21/11 02:15 AM
Hey Hope, i just wanted to stop by and say hello. Sorry to hear you had a sad day; but it seems you are finally getting to close some of those icky doors, good for you!!
Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 07/21/11 02:23 PM
<<hope>> love, support, prayers and hugs to you!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 07/25/11 04:59 PM
Just checking in and update.

Got back from 2 week vacation from visiting family and friends. Did a few nights at the shore too which was great.

Had some triggers of much better times while there. Sitting outside at night at the hotel we used to go to and I am alone now. We would look at the ocean and realize all the blessings we had then.

Got together with my old neighbors at our lake and it was good to see them all again. They all reminded me how ours was the marriage that everyone thought was great. I think I needed to hear that especially since XH went on this path.

Good news while away DD17 got another scholarship which will help with pay for her first semester. She will be coming to my job this week to be awarded the scholarship. She does not want XH to attend and I honor her wishes.

His birthday was a few weeks ago and DD31 called him and he never called her back. Heard PP had a party for him (her famly only of course and then they went to Vegas). Shake my head.

My challenge on my first day back today is that an "all hands" is scheduled and I run the risk of seeing both of them.

Waiting to hear on the lot if bank approves and trying to figure out about the house.

It was 3 years for Dday last week. Makes me sad.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/23/11 04:05 AM
I have been taking some time off and checking in infrequently to see how everyone is doing.

Have not posted on my own stitch for awhile. Last couple of months have been good but of course with ebbs and tides of life.

DD turned 18 in August. My baby is no longer a baby. She started college and is doing well albeit living home, yet another sacrifice to the altar of the infidelity.

DD30 is thinking of moving here beginning of next year if she gets a job. It would be good having her here.

I have been busy with work, church, serving and social activities. No I am not dating. Right now there is no remedy for the hole in my heart that can't be filled.

Any BS take that time and force yourself to not turn down any invitation. I stopped saying no to life and after awhile I enjoyed the plans I made.

XH will be affaired to PP 1 year on 10/10, 3 1/2 years after D Day. This weekend they will be meeting my SIL, who was like a sister to me for 25 years with her fiance and go to Cancun.

I hear these statistics of 3% of these A lasting. I am also aware of some MBers like myself those numbers failed. Some others like Chai, Holy heart and I think tryingtolive, who put the best Plan A like no others and her XH is still with Ow and she has moved on.

What BS need to know even if they can't save their M they can save themselves. There is personal recovery. Discover yourselves, wait till you get D to start dating no matter how lonely it is and just be still for awhile.

Most days are good now and there is laughter in the house all the time. It is just those certain moments of time, an anniversary that is no longer, a song on the radio that was yours and his, a fleeting flash of the past when yes it was a M and it was good.

We forget that after all of the garbage, pain and yes anguish their adultery caused.

We are not victims but good soldiers left behind by their leader. A leader who ran to the enemy. My DDs and me lost a few battles but we are winning the war every day.

I'm still here. blessings

Posted By: Scotland Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 09/23/11 10:59 AM
Hope, you are such a pillar of strength and good character. It has to be so tough sometimes, but you have shown that you really CAN survive from a spouse's affair.

You are simply amazing. hug
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 11/28/11 04:12 AM
Happy late Thanksgiving greetings to all of the Mbers,

Thanksgiving day was filled with blessings and friends. This was the 2nd year that DD18 and myself served the homeless. It was rewarding and humbling. Anyone that thinks their problems are the worst, you forget when you see children waiting in line for their turn for their Thanksgiving dinner, or an elderly woman dressed in her "best" clothes alone and just wanting to talk to the volunteers.

I was so proud of DD18 handing out slices of pie and giving her biggest smile to each and every person who walked through that line. She is a long way from that angry hurt teenager.

I am in the process of buying XH out for the house. He thinks I am "stealing" it...of course...silly wayward. I gave him fair market value. I could not give him bankrupt value which he is always looking for more money to waste.

I continue to work with both XH and PP. I hardly see either of them. Interesting enough though last week I had to invite PP to a communication lunch meaning 8 of us sitting around a conference table. She was very uncomfortable and everyone was very supportive of me. I basically ignored her. She has no power over me.

Both DDs are doing well. DD31 is looking to moving to this area next year depending on the job market.

I am doing well and surrounded with good friends. I still continue not to date by choice. Right now it is the right choice. There are days that I get lonely but it is for the good H not the crazy fallen from grace XH.

Finding this MB site saved me. I do not know where I would have been without it.

Always thankful to my MBer friends. They were cyber angels.

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/23/12 07:40 PM
Since I popped in to write on Chai's thread thought I would jump onto mine and dust it off a bit and post an update.

Still doing well and most days are peaceful which I have come to enjoy.

both DDs are my blessings and we continue to have a good R.
D on children any age is difficult and to say that the kids aren't affected...it does especially when it is adultery.

I (and the bank) are the official owner of my home now. Was able to get a good mortgage and I am saving more than $300 a month with the refinance and paying off XH.

Still do not date and not sure if I ever will or want to. My motto; Love when ready, not when lonely. Good words to live by.

Next month an adventure of a lifetime. I am going to China for 2 weeks! XH's best friend (or should I say X best friend) has been a rock for our family. He has been a father figure to DD18 these past few years and we are very close with him, wife and 2 boys. See them all every year when they come here to visit. He has given me an airline ticket with some of his million points and staying with the family. I have always loved to travel and have been unable due to the cost so this trip is a blessing I cannot imagine.

As far as XH and PP...see them occassionally at work. Just ignore when I do. Nothing else i can do. As long as he is with PP he is like PP. I don't know this angry depressed man.

Recently ran into his "best man" for his affairage. I told him all my good news of new SUV, house, life and being in a good place. He said to me "mark your watch" and asked what he meant. He said i told XH not to marry PP and time is ticking...this is not going to last. Not encouraging when it comes from your own best man.

I think i need to buy popcorn and watch the show.


Blessings to my old gang at MB.

Posted By: beginagain Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/23/12 08:59 PM
Hope,

So happy to see you stop in! I think doing things in your own time is best, I am sure I would do the same, or like you said maybe not at all.

You are fortunate to have such a good friend! Come back and tell us how the trip went.

ba
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/23/12 09:08 PM
Do you suppose WXH already has a girlfriend or two?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/23/12 09:22 PM
Good to see old "faces".

begin it is one day at a time and always God's best plan for each of us. Very excited about the trip and to see a different culture and everything that it has to offer.

Hi Karma, if anything it would be PP lining up her new victim. XH has gone to pot so to speak. He has put on at least 50 pounds and aged ten years. Not very appealing to OW unless maybe he was paying by the hour. just saying.

take care.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/23/12 09:49 PM
A good point you made there. It's been so long since you've updated I've all but forgotten the details of your sitch!

He must still be spending the money. I can't see an OW staying with someone who's put on 50 1bs and 10 years for any other reason.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/24/12 01:23 AM
and I forgot to mention he is paying 50K to bankruptcy 100% including one special creditor...me.

Yes a real catch.
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/24/12 01:31 PM
Hope,

I have been wondering about you. I am glad you stopped by and posted. You sound so well. Have a great trip!!!

AM
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/24/12 02:26 PM
Thanks for the update, hope! I am glad you are doing well and moving on. hug
Posted By: johnstwin Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/25/12 12:58 AM
Hi hope!

Wow! That's soooo cool that you are going to China. Have fun!!!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 04/25/12 04:27 AM
army mama nice to see you still hanging around......I am hanging tough.

I am doing well. I never say I am moving on..I just go forward one step at a time. thanks.

John's twin I am ready for an adventure. I am practicing some chinese phrases...How much? lol
Posted By: Holyheart Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/09/12 03:41 PM
Big hug to Hope.

She just completed a several day work session with WH and PP sitting across the table from her. She had to endure PP rubbing WH's large, large back while looking extremely nervous.

And Hope? She was pure class and intellegence. Especially as she drove off in her brand new car with WH and PP eating her dust.

I know it's difficult. But Hope is a hero for BWs!!
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/09/12 04:02 PM
Originally Posted by Holyheart
Big hug to Hope.

She just completed a several day work session with WH and PP sitting across the table from her. She had to endure PP rubbing WH's large, large back while looking extremely nervous.

And Hope? She was pure class and intellegence. Especially as she drove off in her brand new car with WH and PP eating her dust.

I know it's difficult. But Hope is a hero for BWs!!

hurray

Is there You Tube video? smile
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/09/12 04:54 PM
Originally Posted by Holyheart
Big hug to Hope.

She just completed a several day work session with WH and PP sitting across the table from her. She had to endure PP rubbing WH's large, large back while looking extremely nervous.

And Hope? She was pure class and intellegence. Especially as she drove off in her brand new car with WH and PP eating her dust.

I know it's difficult. But Hope is a hero for BWs!!
hug
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/20/12 04:24 AM
Just checking in...thanks guys.

Yes it was a challenge being in the work event for 3 long days and having them sit across from me.

What was interesting that I was co-lead of the event so it was imperative that I was a "professional"...unlike PP who is a professional homewrecker.

First couple of days were actually tolerable. One thing that I noticed is that XH and myself still have the same traits and mirror each other. There were many times when I would put on my glasses and look over and subconsiously Ex would put his on. Or I would have my hand under my chin and yup..monkey see monkey do. Would like to figure that body language out.

Third day a switch turned on with PP and for some reason she had to "mark her territory". For her it changed from a business meeting (she added no value through the sessions) into a prom date. She started rubbing XH back, leaning into him, and the funny part he was completely unaware. I did not take the "bait' and continued on.

Amazing result is I got called in by my big boss after presenting our business results and he closes the door and thanks me for running this and knew it must be difficult and I told him I was a total professional and he says that is why I am thanking you because she was totally inappropriate. WOW...

BS can move mountains after all we have been through.
Posted By: cherise Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/20/12 06:12 PM
Hope, as usual you are the epitome of class. And if he thinks she is so inappropriate, which she is, he should just fire her finally. I would.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/21/12 04:32 AM
thanks Cherise, I agreed totally. I have faith, I have karma, and I have patience...

I have pulled up my chair, got my bag of popcorn and watching the train wreck...

Today would have been our 25th year anniversary. Do feel robbed by the gift of adultery. I am ok though. He has given up so much for so little.

I was happy and blessed that my ex SIL came over to see my DD and myself. She is here from overseas and staying with PP and XH...We were like sisters. I knew she was here and prayed she would call because DD was hurting by her silence.
We had a wonderful visit and it was almost like old times. I have not seen her in almost 6 years first by distance and then the devastation of D. We hugged told each other we loved each other and she cried when she left. She did not say too much about staying with the affairage partner but I got the feeling she was very uncomfortable there.

Blessings
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/21/12 11:50 AM
Originally Posted by hope3343
thanks Cherise, I agreed totally. I have faith, I have karma, and I have patience...

I have pulled up my chair, got my bag of popcorn and watching the train wreck...

Today would have been our 25th year anniversary. Do feel robbed by the gift of adultery. I am ok though. He has given up so much for so little.

I was happy and blessed that my ex SIL came over to see my DD and myself. She is here from overseas and staying with PP and XH...We were like sisters. I knew she was here and prayed she would call because DD was hurting by her silence.
We had a wonderful visit and it was almost like old times. I have not seen her in almost 6 years first by distance and then the devastation of D. We hugged told each other we loved each other and she cried when she left. She did not say too much about staying with the affairage partner but I got the feeling she was very uncomfortable there.

Blessings


So glad you're doing well.

Do you ever plan on trying to find another job so you can heal more?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/22/12 04:09 AM
Hi Brainhurts,

Because of the economic climate and with my long long years of working there I plan on staying till I retire.

They are the uncomfortable ones. They will always be known as the boss who had an affair with his direct report.

I feel that the tides are turning and they might be the ones to go or at least one of them.

My DD is living home and going to school in town and she is my first priority and we can live pretty comfortable on what I make.

I can put up with the occasional discomfort of seeing them once in awhile.
thanks
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 06/22/12 06:24 AM
Thanks for answering. You must be one tough cookie. smile

Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 02/28/13 11:40 PM
I just am checking in after hearing about Chrisner passing. Great loss to all on this board. Read his posts full of wisdom.

Reading some of my old posts. What I realize is that life does go on. When you are in the throes of this you never think you will see the light. you do.

I was one of the posters who has not recovered and it was a tough pill to swallow. I know that God continues to have a plan with me even though I argued with Him many times for my way...

My life is different than what I imagined. Good most days, great some days and then there are the "off days".

My ex is still with PP in his affairage. Going off to Vegas, drinking, drinking and bloated and old looking. Someone told me that Sin ages you and I have to agree.

My DD will be my DGD in july. Yes i will be a grandma for the first time. That is exciting but bittersweet because XH will not be really involved but again it is his loss.

I am blessed in many ways and time does heal.
Posted By: Miss M Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/01/13 12:15 AM
Early congratulations on being a grandma! Enjoy!

I know you will continue healing, and I know understand about God having a plan and it isn't my plan and I have argued with Him over my son's cancer and his suffering the last five years.
Sometimes it just is what it is, and we have to have faith.

But I know God does have a plan for you and many blessings are coming your way!

Love in Christ,
Miss M
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/01/13 01:15 AM
Hope,

Thanks for the update. I had been wondering how you are doing. You sound well. Congratulations on the upcoming grandbaby.


AM
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/01/13 05:05 AM
hurray congratulations on the Grandbaby.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/01/13 04:17 PM
So glad there are posters here who remember me and my story! (you know the story no one wants to happen or tell!)

{{{Miss M, Brainhurts, Armymama}}}

I still see many familiar names and so sad to see all the new open wounds of infidelity with the newbies seeking an answer.

It is a holy war and destroying families.
I have a blessed live with my grandbaby girl coming this summer and i am involved very much with volunteering at the animal control which fills much of my time.

Still do not date even though this "old girl" has been asked out but just not interested and maybe never will.
Some people think that finding a new relationship is the answer but some feel finding ourselves is ok too.

Blessings...
Hi Hope.....
Posted By: armymama Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/01/13 05:29 PM
{{{Hope}}} back at you.
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/01/13 05:36 PM
"Queenie" love ya
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/02/13 01:45 PM
Hope why dont you quit the job and move?
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/04/13 05:14 PM
Jedi,
When it immediately happened, I wanted to leave but my DD had 3 years of HS and wanted to finish.
Since I have been with my company more than 30 years and had all the benefits that went with that for me to leave it would have left me in dire straits.
Was it difficult...absolutely...some days it was hell on earth at the beginning.
Eventually, it got easier and i realize i have nothing to hide and have done nothing wrong and the only embarassment is to them.
My DD is now in college living home and doing well.
I have good friends from my church and keep busy all the time with them ior volunteer work. I am blessed...and them not so much . Every situation is different but it worked for me.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/04/13 06:02 PM
Hiya Hope!
Posted By: hope3343 Re: Lost 22 year marriage not desperate. - 03/04/13 07:53 PM
{{{{{{shout out to pepperband}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Reading some of these stories...the name changes but same circumstances. i feel for all them. Appreciate all that you have done and will do on this board!
Hi Hope, swinging bye to just say hi!
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