A message to those who hurt in 2010 - 12/27/10 02:44 PM
My friends, I�m sure many of you are really hating 2010. If you�re hurting, odds are that 2010 has been a terrible, life altering year for you.
I wish to offer a message of hope.
2006 was the worst year of my life and 2007 wasn�t all that much better. I hurt. It was a constant, non-stop ache that was always present in my chest. (For men, I strongly recommend you get your blood pressure and heart checked. I have an enlarged heart from the high BP that came with my WXW splitting.)
You see commercials on TV that make you cry. Movies make you cry. Songs make you cry. The loss of the family and the absence of your spouse are holes that feel like they are deep within your soul.
I was there.
You may not believe me, but things will eventually get better. It won�t be right away. It will probably take a few years, but things will get better. You will either have your WS return, or you will have them move on and you�ll D. Both are difficult in their own ways.
But the pain eventually subsides. From my perspective, my WXW never returned. There has never been an apology. There was a nasty custody fight. But things have settled, and much of the healing that comes from the mess you�re experiencing is simply the fact that you have to adjust to the new normal.
You eventually get to the point where you don�t miss the kids when they�re gone so much as you find yourself looking forward to their return and planning what you�ll do with them when they�re not with you. You�ll learn to like the free time you have when you don�t have your kids and can rediscover things you�ve put off or have wanted to do for years.
You�ll even rediscover love someday. It might take some false starts with a few dates with new folks. But eventually you�ll find someone that excites you and who may be a real upgrade from the WS that left.
This might even be the returned WS who has changed into a person willing to rebuild a new marriage!
But I simply wish to offer you the words of encouragement. Hear me now and believe me later: you won�t be hurting forever.
In 2006 I was homeless and living with friends who were kind enough to take me in until I got on my feet. I had no job. I was separated from my kids. I was newly divorced and away from all my family and friends.
Four years later and I�m remarried to a wonderful woman, I see my kids regularly, and have new friends nearby.
I do lament that I can�t see my kids more often, but it is what it is. When you have lemons, make lemonade and maximize the time you do get.
It is great to see the influence on your kids, even if they�re not with you 100% of the time. My daughter made me proud this year. Her mother (WXW) isn�t religious and regularly reminds the kids that she�s not. Well my DD was shopping for a Christmas pin with my wife. She had many to pick from. She chose one that said, �Keep Christ in Christmas.�
I was proud of her. I was proud of her and happy that the things I am teaching her are sticking. They may not stick forever, but they�re there now.
So to all of you hurting souls, remember that things get better. 2010 sucked for you. Bid it a fair adieu and look forward to 2011. Make it your year. Bid rock bottom goodbye and look forward to what is ahead.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And to my Jewish friends, Happy Hanukah.
To my atheist friends, Merry Festivus! Enjoy the airing of grievances!
I wish to offer a message of hope.
2006 was the worst year of my life and 2007 wasn�t all that much better. I hurt. It was a constant, non-stop ache that was always present in my chest. (For men, I strongly recommend you get your blood pressure and heart checked. I have an enlarged heart from the high BP that came with my WXW splitting.)
You see commercials on TV that make you cry. Movies make you cry. Songs make you cry. The loss of the family and the absence of your spouse are holes that feel like they are deep within your soul.
I was there.
You may not believe me, but things will eventually get better. It won�t be right away. It will probably take a few years, but things will get better. You will either have your WS return, or you will have them move on and you�ll D. Both are difficult in their own ways.
But the pain eventually subsides. From my perspective, my WXW never returned. There has never been an apology. There was a nasty custody fight. But things have settled, and much of the healing that comes from the mess you�re experiencing is simply the fact that you have to adjust to the new normal.
You eventually get to the point where you don�t miss the kids when they�re gone so much as you find yourself looking forward to their return and planning what you�ll do with them when they�re not with you. You�ll learn to like the free time you have when you don�t have your kids and can rediscover things you�ve put off or have wanted to do for years.
You�ll even rediscover love someday. It might take some false starts with a few dates with new folks. But eventually you�ll find someone that excites you and who may be a real upgrade from the WS that left.
This might even be the returned WS who has changed into a person willing to rebuild a new marriage!
But I simply wish to offer you the words of encouragement. Hear me now and believe me later: you won�t be hurting forever.
In 2006 I was homeless and living with friends who were kind enough to take me in until I got on my feet. I had no job. I was separated from my kids. I was newly divorced and away from all my family and friends.
Four years later and I�m remarried to a wonderful woman, I see my kids regularly, and have new friends nearby.
I do lament that I can�t see my kids more often, but it is what it is. When you have lemons, make lemonade and maximize the time you do get.
It is great to see the influence on your kids, even if they�re not with you 100% of the time. My daughter made me proud this year. Her mother (WXW) isn�t religious and regularly reminds the kids that she�s not. Well my DD was shopping for a Christmas pin with my wife. She had many to pick from. She chose one that said, �Keep Christ in Christmas.�
I was proud of her. I was proud of her and happy that the things I am teaching her are sticking. They may not stick forever, but they�re there now.
So to all of you hurting souls, remember that things get better. 2010 sucked for you. Bid it a fair adieu and look forward to 2011. Make it your year. Bid rock bottom goodbye and look forward to what is ahead.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And to my Jewish friends, Happy Hanukah.
To my atheist friends, Merry Festivus! Enjoy the airing of grievances!