Confounded and Heartbroken - 05/17/11 12:39 PM
After 15 years of marriage - which I thought were good - and 2 beautiful children, I discovered last month that my husband had been having an affair. I asked him to leave and he did. 36 hours later, he was back, begging for forgiveness and in clear distress. In the intervening hours he had phoned my parents, his sister and my sister, begging them for forgiveness and telling them that he had made a huge mistake and wanted to make it better. My parents said that they had never heard a man cry in that way.
My husband works away from home and the affair was with someone who was visitng his place of work. It consisted of 8 'meetings' and numerous emails. Whilst embroiled in the affair, he began telling me when he came home that he wasnt sure whether he loved me anymore - or that he loved me but wasn't in love with me - heartbreaking for me... He told me initially that he felt nothing for her but i found an email where he says that has has 'never felt this way' and that he loved her and couldn't let her go. As soon as I found out about the affair, he did break it off, but called her once to apologise for the huge mess. I know from the emails I have seen that the OW loves him - or thinks she does. He says it was just an infatuation and meant nothing, that I am his world and he wants me and only me - and our 2 children. He has attended a Relate meeting with me and that went well - the problem? Despite all his lovely and loving words and apologies, I am terrified of believing him and trying to 'move on'. I am supposed to be going away with him for 2 days tomorrow and needed some advice to help me through. I do love him - although it is deeply buried just now - I just need to be able to heal - how does one do this?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!