My question is what is your plan? Do you intend to proceed with trying to recover your marriage if it is determined that your husband is still not telling you the whole truth? Will you still proceed with YOUR polygraph? What would happen if your husband passes the polygraph (pretty much certain that he won't) and it comes out that you didn't exactly speak the truth initially about your no contact letter and contact with the OM after you promised you wouldn't?
Thank you so much for replying to me and the questions above that I am marinating in my head.
I plan on proceeding with recovery. Although not perfect, we have had a very good recovery this year. The only question that will be hard to ignore is more women other than the two bimbos that I know of and other contact after January 1, 2010 (Question 1 & 2 above). If he failed these then our recovery and my whole life since I met him has been a lie. How can I recovery with that?
I will be surprised if he passes ALL the questions and I'm okay with that. It's in the past and I'm sure during our many interrogation sessions the first two months since my d-days that he definitely lied. I will be upset but I am willing to still work on recovery.
As for my situation/OM, I have no problem going through with the test EVEN IF he failed most of it (except for Q1 & Q2). I probably would fail some of the questions myself. I got very good at damage control and minimizing my situation at that time. I was definitely foggy and had to go through withdrawal AND dealt with his infidelities.
I had one sided contact in my head. I went here and soaked all the information as much as I can. Whenever I think of OM, I would go here (I was probably MB#1 lurker late last year). I used to copy and paste what all you guys had said to other WW about the POSOM. I would re-read it over and over until I got out of the fog. I CAN NOT afford renewed contact with OM. Jennifer told us that we have been through three tsunamis and our M will NOT survive another one.
If openness and honesty is your number one emotional need, then why aren't you honest with your husband about the great deal of resentment you are carrying around with you and the fact that you no longer love him? Do you tell your husband that you love him? Well, that's not the truth, is it?
Yes, my #1 EN is OH from him especially. We do follow the PORH, actually the 7 recipes of sustaining romantic love and have made lifestyle changes because of it.
My H is very intuitive of my actions and would noticed me being distant and would call me out. Then I would tell him that I attributed it to not knowing the full truth and afraid of being vulnerable again and I don't want to be a sucker. That's the truth.
His $1 deposits before d-day were worth .25 earlier this year and probably now worth .75 but it's steady and fills it everyday . The feeling of love is bound to happen
. It felt like forever and I had my doubts ever getting it back but I love my H VERY MUCH. That's why I would be devastated if he doesn't pass Q1 & Q2. DEVASTATED
If his infidelities are too much for you to be able to get past, then why don't you be truthful to yourself and your husband and just say so? No one would tell you that you are wrong to feel that way, there's no rule or law that you HAVE TO recover your marriage, you only do so because you WANT to. If you want to divorce because of his infidelity and lies, who would fault you? Infidelity on both of your part really won't matter in a court of law.
I have been stewing on this for most two years. There's days when I want out and I question myself for staying for such a 'damaged' husband...like I'm any better
. I know that he gave me a 'get out of jail for free' card and I gave him one too. I can't imagine life without my H. His weaknesses are my strengths and vice versa. We are very good together. TOGETHER we really make a WHOLE.
You've both been unfaithful, both lied about it, both tried to justify your actions. I don't think this polygraph is important to you to discover the truth, because I think we all know your husband hasn't been 100% truthful, I think the polygraph is important to you because then the blame score is no longer even, and once again you find yourself in the morally superior position, at least in your own mind.
I'll have to disagree with you on this AJ, this polygraph is very important to me. I know he hasn't been 100% truthful but I am willing to overlook that except for the big 2. I don't want any skeletons in the closet and don't want another FR. What do I gain for being in a morally superior position? I am justified to leave this M and even the bible allows it.
I would very much love to marry him again after this polygraph is over.
If you have no interest in being with your husband or ever loving him again, why waste the money on the polygraph? Better off spending it on a lawyer. Only YOU can decide what it is that you want, L2010NM, it's like you've been in limbo for two years, time for you to make a decision one way or the other.
I very much have an interest in being with my H and I DO LOVE my H very much. This polygraph is priceless IMO. I will finally get the truth and we can move forward from here. The big 2 could be a deal breaker though.
You've got me pegged about decisiveness, it's not my forte and would have to make a decision come Friday. I'm nervous about this and this could be a life change either for moving forward with recovery or the opposite direction. My H seems very confident about it though. We shall see...