Marriage Builders
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 09:27 PM
I just found out that my husband of 15 years had an affair and I am devestated. I never thought that I this would happen and I dont have a place that I can vent. When I asked him about the affair and if he slept with her told me not to pressure him about it. I dont know where to turn I do no that he says he still loves me. Help
Posted By: EverAfter2010 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 09:34 PM
Well first of all, welcome to MB, the club that is the best to join, but sadly nobody wishes they had to join.

first of all, before we can help, we must know specifics. How old you both are, kids or no kids, who the ow is, etc.

We need to know the dynamics of what is going on before we can really offer wonderful help.

One main question, has your wh (wayward husband) committed to never contacting her for LIFE or is he still in communication w/her?

Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 09:36 PM
Sorry you are with us, you will get the best help here though.

How did you find out and do you have evidence or did he confess?
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 09:58 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I just found out that my husband of 15 years had an affair and I am devestated. I never thought that I this would happen and I dont have a place that I can vent. When I asked him about the affair and if he slept with her told me not to pressure him about it. I dont know where to turn I do no that he says he still loves me. Help

I am so sorry, browneyedgirl. In order to recover, you will have to know everything about her and he will have to agree to never see or speak to her again.

Who is the OW? Is she married and if so, have you told her husband?
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:26 PM
I am 53 and my husband is 50 we have no kids the ow I have a name but have not been told he has slept with her started talking to her and Iconfronted him with the truth and asked him if he was in love with the ow. He says he is messed up in his mind and feels like I am pressuring him when I asked him He told me my nature is to fix things. The last I know he talked to her before he left for his job in Brazil and is coming back next week
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:28 PM
I asked him when I confronted him and made him promise that he would never talk to the other woman. I believe that the ow is married and I sent a text message to her told her to stay away from my husband. I feel so for lack of a better word draind
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:29 PM
How long are you married? And he wouldn't tell you if he slept with her. Is she married?

Does your husband travel for a living?

As far as pressuring him, you will have to do much, much more than that if you want to save your marriage. You will have to demand he end his affair. DEMAND.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:29 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I asked him when I confronted him and made him promise that he would never talk to the other woman. I believe that the ow is married and I sent a text message to her told her to stay away from my husband. I feel so for lack of a better word draind

I would get ahold of her husband and tell him. Can you find her husband?
Posted By: SusieQ Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:42 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
but have not been told he has slept with her started talking to her and Iconfronted him with the truth and asked him if he was in love with the ow. He says he is messed up in his mind and feels like I am pressuring him when I asked him He told me my nature is to fix things.

Sorry to say it would be best to assume this is a full blown PA and that there is still contact.

You need to KILL the Affair. We can help you do this but first you need to make sure the OW's name you've got is correct.

If you have her cell phone #, you can look it up on white pages.com, they will text you the name the phone is registered to for a fee. If that doesn't work, you can buy a report at intelius.com.

Are they FB friends?
Posted By: SusieQ Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:45 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
He says he is messed up in his mind and feels like I am pressuring him when I asked him He told me my nature is to fix things.

Please be aware that this is called *gaslighting* which is VERY typical behavior of a WS. Meaning he is going to turn things around on you and make YOU feel like you are the one with a problem.

The affair is the problem here, not you pressuring him or having a "nature to fix things"... Good grief!!
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:45 PM
I believe Ih ave the name of the lady I have the cell phone bill and that is how I got her name and did a reverse phone look up and got a report of two different ladies
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:47 PM
I am starting counseling tomorrow. I want to save my marriage and I dont know if I should pressure him or not his first wife had an affair and I asked him if he was trying to hurt me like he did her
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:50 PM
He told me that I was a fixer of things by nature and when he thought I was pressureing him that he shuts down and said he thinks I know that I am so greiving
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 10:54 PM
I need some help here
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:11 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I need some help here

We gave you help. You need to expose to the woman's husband, your family and friends, your H's family and friends. And put AS MUCH PRESSURE AS POSSIBLE ON YOUR HUSBAND. DEMAND that he end his affair.
Posted By: pokerface Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:11 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
He told me my nature is to fix things.

Really? Of course you want to fix this...your marriage is being assaulted behind your back by some unknown woman. I agree that your WH is gaslighting you. He is trying to throw you off the track so that he can carry on with his A. Do not believe anything that he tells you at this point.

I like that you texted her and told her to stay away from your husband. That shows that you have the courage to do what it takes to break this up.

Do NOT tell your WH about this site. It is your safe place for now. There are many experienced posters here to help you through this.

Take deep breaths.

Posted By: Surfer88 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:20 PM
Browneyedgirl,

I'm not sure how you found MBs, but regardless you are in a good place to find help. There are folks here that are terribly knowledgeable that will help you. Let me start you off with a few things, OK?

-First, calm down. Take a breather and know that this situation is not something that can or should be fixed in 48 hours. It's going to be a long haul. You are in an understandable panic right now, but you're going to have to get that under control, OK? How?

-Second, take some time and read the Basic Concepts on this site. Once you do that, the advice and help that you're going to get will make a LOT more sense to you, and will save you a LOT of time posting and hearing words that sound very counter-intuitive right now.

Try those 2 things while hearing what is posted to you, OK? You're going to have to have major patience for a time to allow for help and for you to gain a plan.

Sorry that you are here, but boy have you landed in a great place if this marriage can be restored, and if you are willing.

Read, read, and then read some more.
Posted By: Surfer88 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:21 PM
Yes, do NOT tell your husband (WH) about his site.

Prepare to listen, OK?

And, start reading.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:45 PM
Man Is this all hard I did send another text to the number to the phone number that I found on the cell phone bill and tole her that if she didnt stay away from Steve that I would tell her husband. Is that the kind of thing that I should be doing.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:47 PM
I am starting martial counseling tomorrow by myself hewill be back next week he works offshore in brazil. She is a Christian counselor So I need to read the basic concepts too as wel.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:48 PM
One thing that I forgot to ask his parents are very good I love them should I tell him about his infidelity or leave that alone I am very torn about it. He told me that he has not told anyone about it becuase he states he is a very private person
Posted By: RidicSit Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:52 PM
You need to take a breath and read what people have told you to do. You are asking repetitive questions.
Posted By: Lady_Clueless Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:52 PM
No, you should not have threatened her that you would tell her husband. You should have just told her husband with no warning to her or your WH.

She will probably spin a story to her husband that some crazy woman is accusing her of untrue stuff, but don't let that stop you from telling her husband. Give him copies of her number on your cellphone bill so he will know that you're telling the truth.
Posted By: pokerface Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/04/11 11:56 PM
read this article by Dr S Harley about exposure. It is long but has a lot of good info. Read it twice...slowly.

It is important to get it right.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2266646#Post2266646
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 12:03 AM
Im sorry everyone frown I feeling like I am spinning around in circles I have read everything to my replies
Posted By: schoolbus Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 12:07 AM
While your husband is gone, you need to expose the affair to everyone and ask them for their help to support your marriage.

Read on this website about exposing affairs. Your husband tells you he is very "private" because he wants you to keep quiet.

Affairs are "secret" - not "PRIVATE". There is a difference, you know. Private things are those things between a man and his wife, or things you may do in the restroom alone, for example. Secrets are things you do not want people to know about because they will cause you embarrassment - such as AFFAIRS!

Affairs thrive in secrecy. They are kept secret because the affair partners know that they are shameful and wrong. Once exposed, most affairs fall apart.

Your husband will be very angry when you expose the affair, so expect him to say things like, "Well, I was going to work with you on the marriage, but now that you did this we are through." He will say all sorts of mean and cruel things because you expose the affair. Expect it. Be ready for it. Do not worry about it, because your response to whatever he says will be:

"I exposed the affair because there can only be two people in our marriage. I want to save our marriage, I love you."


That's all. Don't engage him in any arguments over exposure. Don't apologize.


Now, you do NOT tell him you are going to expose the affair, no warning, nothing. You just DO IT.

Exposure is NOT vindictive. It is NOT mean. It is so you can bring the affair to light, and to ask others to SUPPORT the marriage and to discourage the affair.

You contact his relatives, your relatives, and any friends you can think of. You also contact any friends or relatives of the OW that you can identify.


You say something like,

"My husband and OW are having an affair. I do not have all the details yet, but I am calling (or writing) to ask your support for my marriage. A marriage cannot survive with three people in it, and I am asking you to discourage this intrusion into my marriage. I love my husband, and I know that we can repair our relationship and make it through this difficult time - but we will need the love and support of all of our friends and relatives. Please do not allow OW into your lives, please be a supporter of marriage, and help us recover from this terrible event. I hope I can count on you."


That's it. You do not say nasty things about OW or your husband. Don't be hateful or weak. Just expose the affair, and ask for marital support.

It doesn't have to be anything more right now. People will talk, and news will spread.


Use email, Facebook, anything you can. Get the word out!



You will get more support than you expect.


SB
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 02:28 AM
All of the garbage has been overwhelming and Im confused I read the basic concepts but dont understand the exposure part. I have already sent text messages to the OW told her to either end it or I would tell her spouse. Problem is I called the cell phone number that he has been calling and she never answers. Any other suggestions.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 02:31 AM
Thank you I do need to calm down and get a grip I did read the basic concepts and read the other posts. Not sure what I will do next I did send a text telling the OW again that I would let her husband know about the affair. I wish I could just dig a grave and crawl in it
Posted By: pokerface Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 02:53 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Thank you I do need to calm down and get a grip I did read the basic concepts and read the other posts. Not sure what I will do next I did send a text telling the OW again that I would let her husband know about the affair. I wish I could just dig a grave and crawl in it

Brown,

We have all made mistakes in our desperation to save our M. Don't beat yourself up. This one can be fixed. It just means that you will have to personally call OWH and offer to show him the proof. He will see after talking to you that you are not the mean jealous person that OW has painted you to be. You can ask him to become your ally in breaking this up.

Try to lay low and not give your H reason to take it further underground.

Exposure is most effective when it comes unexpected.

Stay calm and fight wisely.
Posted By: pokerface Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 03:09 AM

Try googling both names and also the phone number. See what comes up. Maybe you will get a match.

It's amazing what you can find by googling the phone number. This is what I did for all the phone numbers that my FWH called. I got a resume for one of the numbers.
Posted By: Surfer88 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 03:10 AM
Stop hun,

Read up and absorb on Friday. Not sure what your day looks like, but take the time to read the posts, connect the dots and then ask questions.

Anything on Friday that's predetermined is going to still happen on Saturday, so you have plenty of time. Breathe and read.

You'll get fabulous help here, but I don't want you to get overwhelmed with terms and plans without knowing the basics.

Read Basic Concepts (AGAIN) The advice will make more sense to you. It'll take about and hour. OK?

Calm yourself, too, You've gotta do that.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 03:24 AM
Thanks Surfer88 I needed that I am overwhelmed with all the mess that I have stomached and seems like the more I look the more I find
Posted By: Surfer88 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 03:53 AM
You bet. Folks here see this time and time again, which is so stinking unfortunate.

That said, what direction you are being givin is great, but I suggest you take a day or two to absorb the info.

I'm so sorry that you're here. No one derserves your pain, and trust that this is a great place to find a plan to regain a loving and romantic marriage. Note...I said "plan".

Breathe a get a good night's sleep. Don't act on anything today.
Posted By: Surfer88 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 03:55 AM
P.S.

I'm sorry that you're finding more crap. Keep it all, OK? Log it, track it and stay quiet for now.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 09:10 AM
I reread the basic concepts and it is starting to make fmor sense to me now. I am going to do nothing today but not think and pray about things that are going. Prayer is how I cope with this all and my belief in Jesus Christ. I could not sleep and its 4 am having troulbe with apetite as well but that wont hurt me that is for sure. What else would you reccommend reading on here? Thanks
Posted By: Xau Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 09:22 AM
Go to bed and rest , you have good friends here , when you are refreshed pick up where you left off. When rested carry on looking for the OW's husband.
Posted By: jessitaylor Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 01:14 PM
You have to tell the OW's Husband, he deserves to know and he can be your ally in breaking up the affair........
Exposure is the best way to bust up the fantasy world the affair is in right now...
Of course your husband will be angry so what .......let him be just keep saying you love him and you will do what you have to do to save your marriage........
He will have to be accountable for his actions with everyone else then as well, fantasy life won't last long when reality hits it square in the face.....
I know its hard, just keep telling yourself every little move is a step towards saving your marriage, even if it makes no sense to you right now, the vets here have already helped countless others in your position you have no experience rely on them they are trying to help you through something very painful in the most effective way .......
jessi
Posted By: lostman101 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 02:07 PM
Browneyedgirl, i was in your situation in feb of this year. I didnt want to take everyones advice as i felt like i needed to handle my situation differently. After a few days you will learn that the best thing to do, is do exactly what your advised to do here. These people are the best and they experience people everyday with the same problem. There is a method and a reason for every thing they advise you to do. If you want help, they are giving you the best you can get. Please follow through, put your heart aside at the moment(feels impossible, believe me i know) and do whats needed to be done. First thing you need to blow this affair out of the water with a nuclear explosion! Everyone needs to know. That was very hard for me to do. I was embarrassed and hurt, but the overwhelming support that followed was the best thing for me.
Posted By: Lexxxy Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 02:44 PM
Browneyedgirl --

Do not threaten the other woman with exposure -- actually DO the exposure. Call her husband and give him all the information you know about the affair.

She won't have time to carry on with YOUR husband while she is scrambling trying to keep her own!

Plus, if you warn her before you expose her -- she will have time to disarm you. She will tell her husband that some crazy jealous woman thinks she's trying to steal her husband. But its all innocent, and browneyedgirl has mental problems...thats why OW has been talking to her husband! Trying to advise him on what to do about her...





Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 02:47 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
One thing that I forgot to ask his parents are very good I love them should I tell him about his infidelity or leave that alone I am very torn about it. He told me that he has not told anyone about it becuase he states he is a very private person

Everyone should be told about the affair. The more people the better. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so exposing it will ruin the fantasy aspect. It will help wake your husband up to have to explain his sleazy behavior to others. And if he is a "private person" he will hate it all the more. That is good!

The other glaring problem in your marriage is the fact that he has a job that takes him away from you overnight. In order to recover your marriage, he would need to find a job where he is home with you every night. jobs like this are an invitation to an affair.

The most important thing you can read on this website is Dr Harley's article about exposure. It contains the most effective solution to your problem:

Originally Posted by Dr Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders
. Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.
When Should An Affair Be Exposed?
Posted By: BillCarolina Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 07:49 PM
Originally Posted by Lady_Clueless
No, you should not have threatened her that you would tell her husband. You should have just told her husband with no warning to her or your WH.

Plan the exposure.....do it with CALCULATION....not emotion.

I confronted the OM at his office.......I called the OM's wife at home.....I sent certified letters to the OM's adult children......I outlined the affair to her parents, to our friends, to her primary family members.

She was PIZZED OFF!!!!!......probably still is!

I sent her a "Plan B Letter" and was prepared to wait it out.

But Dr. Harley said to contact her after we talked on his radio program......So, I sent her a card and will follow up with a call next week.

Now.......cool off.......find some peace.......and LISTEN to the advice from Dr. Harley and this site. Do you have any of Dr. Harleys books?
You need "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs/Her Needs".....you need to read them and then READ THEM again!

I am 4 weeks from hearing my Wayward Wife (WW) admit her affair!......If I can cool off...... rotflmao....YOU can cool off!

DO NOT act out of anger or fear.....act with deliberation and have a plan!

WE are here for you!!

Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I reread the basic concepts and it is starting to make fmor sense to me now. I am going to do nothing today but not think and pray about things that are going. Prayer is how I cope with this all and my belief in Jesus Christ. I could not sleep and its 4 am having troulbe with apetite as well but that wont hurt me that is for sure. What else would you reccommend reading on here?

Appetite?..... faint......I lost 25 pounds in ONE MONTH! (But I look good in the shower!)

Go to the bookstore on this site and order the books I recommended earlier.

I am taking medication to sleep for the last 2 weeks and have NEVER had any trouble sleeping.....basically I am 4 weeks AHEAD of you in your/my DISASTER.....and I'm still here, still Love my Wife, and I'm STILL fighting for my Marriage!!

There IS hope.....read the books.......listen to advice....do not give up or give in!!

Start your plan.

We will help.

Keep God close to you......I speak with God ALL DAY LONG!......listen for the softly spoken answers.
TURN OFF THE CHATTER of the radio and the TV.....LISTEN for the answers!
Posted By: EverAfter2010 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 09:35 PM
Expose expose expose. Is the skankho on FB? That is HUUGE if she is.

I say a massive FB exposure to dampen her weekend.

We are here to take down the skank and the affair!!!! Never fear!

Just do what we say. Trust me. Works.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 11:15 PM
I have a phone number but I am not sure about her spouse. I would love to tell him but not sure who he is.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/05/11 11:19 PM
Thanks for the words of encouragment I needed to hear them. I have his needs her needs and I am reading 3 books currently to help me Imagine that. I am reading Torn Assunder and His needs her Needs, Healing the hurt in your marriage. Im sorry that anyone has to to thru the grief, hurt and pain. I have not been able to sleep and took a couple of Benadryl so I could have been emotionally exhausted.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/06/11 12:00 AM
It is the most awful pain imaginable - but it does get better,

Nowhere to go but up, right?
Posted By: BillCarolina Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/06/11 12:29 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Thanks for the words of encouragment I needed to hear them. I have his needs her needs and I am reading 3 books currently to help me Imagine that. I am reading Torn Assunder and His needs her Needs, Healing the hurt in your marriage. Im sorry that anyone has to to thru the grief, hurt and pain. I have not been able to sleep and took a couple of Benadryl so I could have been emotionally exhausted.

STAY with Dr. Harley's books for now.....stay consistent!!
Other information may give you conflicting views.....you DO NOT need conflicting viewpoints right now!!
Stay with Marriage Builders!!!!
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/06/11 03:04 PM
Dear Steve,

This is letter is the hardest thing i have ever writeen. You are the love of my live and I thought i was the love of yours. But I wonder if I was wrong. Were our years together what you wanted? I cant believe that all this has happened. I feel like I am in the worst night mare I have ever had. In my heart it seems like a bad dream, but in my head I know its true.
I have had my faults as a wife and I know and am willing to work on them. But at this most difficult juncture in our marriage. I wanted to let you know I am releasing you to your choices.
I love you very much and I made a committment before God and a promise to love you and you only forever. However, true love really sets people free. I hope you will choose to stay with me as my husband but I would not want you to do so out of compassion over how your departure would affect me.
Should you ultimately choose to leave, It would be extremely difficult for me, but I am an adult and know that God will help me to recover and eventually go on with my life.
Ifr you choose to come back, I want you to know that I am fully willing to accept responsibility for putting this marriage back together in a more mutually satisfying way. I know that I needto make personal changes for any future relationship to be successful. I aslo know that if you choose our marriage, our mutual recovery will be slow, difficult, and painful. We both will surely feel like quitting along the way working through our issues will stretch both of us to the breaking point. But you have my committmen to this process, and I hope and pray that you will joing me in it.
But you, are an adult and are free to walk away if that is what you truly desire. I only ask that, should you choose to leave you carry out the decision appropriately without decit. I think this letter clearlys states my feelingks and I thank you for listening. I ask you to search your hear and make a decision within the near future as wo whether you want to restore or marriage or not steve. Regardless of your decision I love and wis the best for you.

Love always,


Vicki

I went to counseling yesterday and discussed this with the counselor I wanted to post this and see what you all think. Its all I can do right now.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/06/11 05:03 PM
OMG I am so torn right now I have been talking to him and he says that its the way I react to things and I dont listen I typed the letter above and told him to make a choice. He is feeling guilty about his kids and things worried about his mental health
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 01:18 PM
We are talking but I feel like I am getting the you know what end of the stick and getting all the blame I can hear her heart in her conversation
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 05:33 PM
Everything he says is nonsense right now. He is an active wayward foggy with guilt and selfish motives

You are Plan A'ing him first, so be loving and kind, meet his ENs. If he says something hurtful and nonsensical just say, "I love you and want to have a great marriage with you. Do you want a cookie?"

He will not accept your love and attention just yet, expect that and dont be hurt. But he will remember it when he gets lonely in plan B.

Plan A should only last a few weeks, so you can stay strong and do it.

Have you exposed yet to everyone, including the AP side? That is the the most important step.

Dr Harley says affairs do not usually last six months once exposed to the light of day. A rare few go two years.

So the sooner the A is killed the better,

If you want him de-fogged, kill the A.

Dont worry about his anger that you exposed, continue to Plan A him and tell him that you exposed the A for the good of your marriage because you love him.

You can do it!

Good luck.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 07:58 PM
Where do I find out about Plan A
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 08:01 PM
I have been debating all weekend and wondering whether I should expose the affair to his parents. I am so uncertain of things right now.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 08:46 PM
You must expose as soon as possible to everyone who has influence over the two of them. His parents are very important exposure targets. They also need to know about the dangerous folly their son has been indulging in.

Your H and OW have been cosy in the dark of secrecy so far. Like spiders, spinning little fantasies which justify what they are doing. Exposure shines a light on how filthy and disgusting it really is. An affair cannot survive that sort of light. It is key towards making your h WAKE UP and stop lying to himself.

Follow the link below for Plan A and Plan B.


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

Dr H describes plan A as:

Plan A is for the betrayed spouse to negotiate with the wayward spouse to totally separate from the lover without angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, and selfish demands. These three Love Busters not only ruin any effort to reach a negotiated settlement, but they also make the betrayed spouse much less attractive to the wayward spouse. Instead of encouraging total separation from the lover, the anger, disrespect and demands of the betrayed spouse make the lover appear to be the only one who truly cares about the wayward spouse. They literally throw the wayward spouse into the arms of the lover

Why do you debate exposure to his parents?
Posted By: EverAfter2010 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 09:59 PM
EXPOSURE is like taking a broom and swatting away the web of lies. It destroys it.

YOU have to do it. It is like turning on the light when there are roaches outside on your back deck. They run for cover.

The reality of an affair IS UGLY beyond belief. That is why celebrities, politicians, and presidents even cover theirs up. If they were so wonderful and their affair partner so fabulous, why wouldn't they (affairees) be shouting the praises of their affairs from the rooftops?

Answer is simple. IT'S WRONG, IT'S A SIN AND IT'S UGLY. To be found cheating reveals that you are a committed liar, cheat, and are stealing from your marriage partner which shows poor character. NOT a flattering self portrait to paint.

So expose. AND DO NOT WARN AHEAD OF TIME ANYBODY OR TRY TO NEGOTIATE WITH THE WS. It's like negotiating with a terrorist (a marriage terrorist). Not a good idea.

Drop it unexpectedly, like a bomb on them. A take no prisoners bomb of truth.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 10:45 PM
I have been debating because I respect and love them and not sure they will take my side or not. His first wife had and affair and it caused him to have a nervous breakdown. I am not sure that he is stable or not
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 10:48 PM
I have been debating because I think that he may have mental issues His first wife cheated on him and he had a nervous break down. That is why I have been debating this been very hard never cried so much in all my life. I want to tell them but not sure how to go about it Telephone face to face wht
Posted By: Scotland Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 10:54 PM
If they are local, face to face would be best, otherwise, phone.

Also, you need to do this exposure swiftly and fully.

Make a list of ALL of the people you can expose to. The list should include people on your side, his side and OW's side.

Take a moment and get that list compiled, and then do it all on the same day, to have it's maximum effect.

If you trickle out exposure, it will be less effective.

No one has ever regretted exposing their WS. There are PLENTY who have regretted not exposing, exposing too late, or not fully.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 10:57 PM
Exposing even when there maybe mental issues involved > > ? Im reading and understanding but what if your counselor didnt reccomend it
Posted By: Scotland Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/07/11 11:09 PM
Most counselors don't know what they are doing when it comes to adultery and how to overcome it.

It doesn't matter if there are mental issues or not, adultery is wrong. It needs to be exposed.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/08/11 05:28 PM
There is no harm in telling someone the truth and asking for their support is there? They either give it or they dont, but you just say: 'please help me save your son from a disastrous mistake. please help me save my marriage.' Then leave it up to them.

I was a bit scared of exposure, but it was the best thing I ever did. So much support and concern. WH and OW went from cool and callous unconcern to embarrassment and shame and not wanting to be seen with each other. It broke half the spell.

You are in shock right now (like we all were) but you have a great plan and you can do it.

No matter what the mental issue, the truth is always the right thing to do. If your h was an alcoholic or had bi-polar, you wouldnt dream of trying to keep it secret from his loved ones would you?
You would ask for help on his behalf. This is just the same.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/08/11 05:38 PM
rcoaster Im an slowly but surley coming out of some of the shock this morning he said that he was worried I had told everyone. Hmmm any thoughts I think that he has been stalling and he keeps saying how dark his thoughts are and that I dont understand he just needs love and patience. I have only a couple of days left before he comes home from Brazil twoxfour
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/08/11 05:48 PM
Everything he says is either foggy or confused - oh and it will tend to sound a bit like this

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME - Pooooor me.

Wahhhhhhhhmbulance. cry

GET EXPOSURE DONE ASAP - In one day.

prepare to be all cute, sexy and have a great homecoming waiting, with nice food, drinks etc as per Plan A.

Read the wayward fog translated thread (click below, its on my sig)

I will also bump the craziest things out of a waywards piehole thread too

It will give you a much needed laugh and you will see that they all read from the same stupid script and dont know what the h(ll they want.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/08/11 11:26 PM
crybaby I guess that I am still in shock he comes home Friday and I am sitll on the fence. Im feeling stupid and like the Lord is not hearing my plee
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/09/11 12:36 AM
You can do this while in shock, I promise you.

As for being on the fence, you dont have to make any decision now. Best you dont in fact until you have had more time to absorb the shock.

The plans are about healing you and giving you options. They do bust up the affair, but the main thing is to give you the position to decide later.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/09/11 12:37 AM
Do you have someone to support you? Are you eating and sleeping?

Make that job number one.
Posted By: TryingEverything Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/09/11 12:49 AM
Hang in there.

I remember the first few weeks. I wrote one time that I felt like a helicopter with no tail rotor, just spinning out of control. I cried so much I thought my tear ducts had run dry. But just when you think that, you cry some more. It sucks.

I also had no appetite. Dropped 20 lbs. But hey, it's kind of fun being ripped. Go to the gym. Punch a heavy bag to get out some frustrations.

Get ready to hear a load of crap from your WH. He'll probably say he needs space and that he loves you but he's not in love with you. Then he'll flip flop. He's got his head up his butt right now. Also, he's a liar so don't trust a word. Even if he says he's not in contact anymore, you've got to watch him like a hawk.

You have to decide if YOU want him back or not. If you do, then listen to the vets here and expose this affair in nuclear fashion. Listen to Melodylane and Pepperband. Do what they say.

Get the OW to dump your husband by making her life miserable by telling all of her friends and family that she's involved with your H and destroying your family. Turn on the lights and watch the cockroaches scurry away.

Also, be very stealth in your investigation. Install a keylogger on his computer and find out his email and FB passwords. Watch for any secret email accounts. When you confront him with evidence, do not show it to him and do not tell him you have his passwords or have installed a keylogger.

Gather as much info as you can. Keep records of everything so you can get the best for you and the kids in case you divorce. And make sure HE KNOWS you're not going to give him some friendly divorce, let him know if he doesn't dump that woman, you're going to take him to the cleaners.

Cell phone records are admissible in court. His emails may not be, so keep that in mind.

This is not going to happen overnight either. Stay focused and try not to act on emotions... Yeah, TRY. And DO NOT, under any circumstances, beg.

TE
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/09/11 07:30 AM
Omg I have been so stupid I am still having a rough time I asked and pleadedwith him to please give er up wrote him a letter. Leaving him to his choices because he was an adult. I started seeing a counselor and he did say he would go. There is so much anger when is talking to me and rage OMG hes not the same person that I married. I was told that I never did listen to him and that is all the OW did was listen and sometimes not speak. I have spoken to the pastor who told me to see what the therapist said about exposing him. I have not been sleeping well no and am supposed to start a work at home job. He says he just does not understand why I keep changing jobs is that a line of crap or what I need discernment. Im feeling like such a fool because of him
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/09/11 07:34 AM
As far as eating and sleeping I go between crying, not being able to sleep, crying and cant concentrate. This has been a month and I am on antidepressants. Maybe I need to see about changing that. I feel like death warmed over and there are times when I would not want to be here because of the OW I did do a reverse phone look up and am not sure who she is because there are two different women.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/11/11 09:37 PM
I must be the most stupid person alive I feel for his line of hog wallow. I was on my way to the counselor and I happened to check his facebook page and found a conversation between him and his sister. The conversation was confessing his undying love for the other woman. Told sis that he didnt think that I would change and that he was really in love with ow. Needless to say that I freaked out and called his parents who didnt know what hit them. Apologized to them for being so bursque with them. But I need to defend myself. He said that he was leaning towards a divorce and that he could not see his life with out her. He coudl not believe I would change. I am going to file for divorece on monday. I cant stand the hurt anymore and the deciet anymore. His excuse was that I spent too much time with my family and didnt give him any attention. While i know that I am partially to blame for some of these things (mom is 77) it still does not justify him sleeping with the ow. I spilled my guts to mom and dad. found out who the other woman rally was and she is on face book. Advise
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/11/11 09:39 PM
Oh I forgot to mention that I do have cell phone records as well and I do have that conversation with his sister. Whos laughing now. Went to the bank today to protect myself. Prayers are appreciated
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/11/11 09:46 PM
Cool down. That stuff is what ALL waywards say. It's a sickness. The important thing is to get you clearheaded and following your plan so you have all the cards, and can make your decisions later on from an objective place.

Of course none of that stuff re your family excuses an affair. Its his guilt talking. If you had been there 24/7 he would have said you were clingy. Some waywards even blame their spouses for being too angelic and making them feel bad.
It is guilt-appeasing nonsense, so treat it that way.

As for Facebook when I exposed I sent a letter to specific people as she was a friend of mine so I knew who to target.

In a sitch like yours Ive seen people advised to go for people with smae surname or to just go ahea and copy everyone on her friends page. YOu have to do this a special way though to avoid FB blocking you.

Going to see if I can find those posts and an example exposure letter for you
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/11/11 09:48 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Oh I forgot to mention that I do have cell phone records as well and I do have that conversation with his sister. Whos laughing now. Went to the bank today to protect myself. Prayers are appreciated


hurray

Look at you! you're a warrior!!!! Think someones taker is waking up.....
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/11/11 09:53 PM
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Here is how you should expose the affair. Make up a list of your family members, starting with parents. Include brothers and sisters and any close friends.

Call them up and tell them you are trying to save your marriage and need their help.

Go to the OW's facebook page and copy and paste all her contacts into a word doc. Prioritize the names and send them PRIVATE MESSAGES SPACED OUT 60 SECONDS APART. I will post a sample letter below. If she has alot of contacts, cherry pick her parents, family and married friends and work down from there.
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It is with great regret that I send this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years and have 3 heartbroken children. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BW


Found some excellent advice from Mel on another thread that fits here.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/12/11 11:07 AM
Thanks for the tips he is supposed to come home today from Brazil and I know that he and his sister have been in cohoots talking about me. I dont know what his reaction is going to be in all this. His sister said "Maybe the ow is God's way of telling you its over with me?" God hates divorce that and some other things is what did it for me. Him saying that I could not change and I was weird.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/15/11 09:02 PM
Dont know about anyone else I have just checked his email and he has been texting her since he got home. I feel like a usless piece of Crap. I cant keep doing this Ive tried and I did tell his mother I need to find out if there is another man her spouse.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/15/11 09:21 PM
Have you exposed on all sides? OW's f&f, his and yours?

Dont worry about their reactions too much. The main point is to stop it being secret fun fantasy land where they are alone.

Can you carry on your Plan A much longer or are you hitting a wall? Have you got some good Plan A moments in? Women arent supposed to do more than 2-3 weeks, so it may be plan B time.

Pep has a great plan A thread just bumped. Its not about being nice, you get to stand up for whats right while being classy and dignified...
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/24/11 11:01 PM
This is the first time that I have had time to get on since he has been home I have not exposed all sides. He has been to the counselor twice and he told me he was going to tell his parents today. The OW sent him two pictures and he texted her back. The cell phone carrier called me and told me we were going over minutes and such and I looked he had texted her today. He says its not what I think. I have been made to look like I smother him, the counselore gave be a book to read called When People are Big and God is Small. I don't know what his parents will say to him since I asked them not to say anything to him because he would just get mad at me. This has been living hell is all I can say. Im tired tired tired
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/24/11 11:14 PM
So you have evidence

You have proof that contact is ongoing

EXPOSE

He doesnt get to expose - you do.

TELL his parents to talk to him. Tell everyone you expose to use their influence to HELP END THE AFFAIR. He will get mad at you - they all do - thats ok. It wont last its just the bluster of a wayward trying to scare you.

Expose now. The longer you let them stay in the dark the more drained and tired you will get.

Work now, rest later. Get on OWs Facebook.

Yes it is a living hell. Im sure you dont want to stay at this point. Move it along.
Posted By: Scotland Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/25/11 12:14 AM
Really, Brown, what are you waiting for? You need to expose this in a nuclear fashion LARGE AND EXPLOSIVE. Get it done, and out of the way.

Posted By: BillCarolina Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/25/11 12:40 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
There is so much anger when is talking to me and rage OMG hes not the same person that I married.
I have not been sleeping well....

You're not the first one to say those very things!
I did too!!
Sleeping is still tough!.....AMBIEN is a gift from God!
I lost 30 pounds since our D-Day (7 weeks ago)
Stay on this forum and follow the direction of the Veterans here!
Your story is MY story too.....we're here for you.

Originally Posted by Scotland
Really, Brown, what are you waiting for? You need to expose this in a nuclear fashion LARGE AND EXPLOSIVE. Get it done, and out of the way.

EXPOSE THE AFFAIR!!!
DO IT NOW!!
I confronted the OM at his office!!....and told him what the ramifications of his actions were going to be!!!!
Scared the OM and his staff REAL BAD!!!
hurray
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/27/11 02:14 AM
I exposed it to his parents and a bunch of others I need to find an Pi to get her address so that I can tell the OW's husband. I know that its bs when he says is platonic. My heart cant take all the lies there was withdrawal of 250 from our savings he said he was going to spend the weekend with his family to clear his head. I let him go I need the time away from him so that I can find out her address.
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/27/11 04:38 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I exposed it to his parents and a bunch of others I need to find an Pi to get her address so that I can tell the OW's husband.

hurray


Quote
I know that its bs when he says is platonic.

BS stinks to high heaven.

Quote
My heart cant take all the lies there was withdrawal of 250 from our savings he said he was going to spend the weekend with his family to clear his head.


CASH, so he can't be tracked by use of a credit card.

Call his family tonight. Right before bedtime.
Ask to speak to WH. Say it is urgent.
If he's there, ask him to come home right away.
"I need you."
Then, hang up.
Then, don't pick up the phone.
If he actually is at his parents, he should return.
If he does return, tell WH you had a severe anxiety attack and it's better now that he's "back home where you belong".



Quote
I let him go I need the time away from him so that I can find out her address.

Get to work !

Please, you did place a GPS on his vehicle, didn't you?
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/27/11 10:25 PM
I need some real advice I did install a key logger on my computer and have come up with some digusting stuff like porn and as well as an xdating sight. This breaks my heart I did not put a gps on his car is there something that you can do without it being seen? He still hides his phone and I know that he is lying. Went to the grocery store and when I checked out the keylogger he had been to numerous porn sites etc. This is getting crappier by the minute
Posted By: Pepperband Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 08/28/11 02:11 AM
Go to the forum titled

OPERATION INVESTIGATE

**** LINK ****

Most of your "how to snoop" questions are already answered there.
Posted By: MBSeasons Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 10/12/11 11:08 PM
Bumping for Brown Eyed Girl
Posted By: MBSeasons Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 10/14/11 09:02 PM
Bump
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 10/24/11 09:32 PM
I need some help here again Im sorry I messed up the Link Mbseasons. My husband went to live with his parents and believes that he is such a smart person by geting a prepaid AT&T cell phone. Duh I have access to the ATT account and I know his new cell phone number. I need some help in finding the ow's husband I ran a background report on her and found her spouses name and there is not phone number listed for him according to that. Where and what can I do from here. I feel like I am in hell again and dont have any one to turn to. He quit going to counseling and his sister is involved and texting her as well. Where and what can I do? His parents will not speak to me he has turned them against me. Helo
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 10/24/11 09:58 PM
It doesnt matter what the exposure targets think really, it is just to get the issue into the light....

Why has exposure taken so long? Get a PI if you cannot find the name online or in the phone book. Time is whipping by.

You should have had Plan A out of the way in a matter of 2-3 weeks, not almost two months. If you stay in Plan A much longer you will get very unwell and the strain will take its toll.

Take a few days off to do this if you have to.

1) Call a PI and finish exposure

2) make Plan B preps straight away - read the Plan B instructions in my signature.

3) get yourself well - eating sleeping, make it all about YOU.
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 10/24/11 11:52 PM
Quote
I need some help in finding the ow's husband I ran a background report on her and found her spouses name and there is not phone number listed for him according to that.
What kind of background report did you run?

Did you try googling his name? Online white pages? Did you look him up on any public government sites, like county property records or public court records? (Not just for your county but for counties around you.)
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 10/26/11 04:27 PM
I will do all of these things the cost of a PI is more than i could handle right now. I am unemloyed. I could try googling government websites for property records. I did look at the online white pages and didnt see anything of value. I even did a search on intellus. I think that I am going to see if I can hire a PI and get the spouses name and expose her for what she truly is.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 10/27/11 07:42 PM
I am waiting for a response to the above post I cant afford a PI and I did go to government sites and public records and found anything. Currently I am not in touch with my spouse by text or phone per the counselor. She told me not to have contact to allow myself time to heal. Does anyone have anymore ideas.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 10/28/11 08:19 PM
If the OW is unlisted and you cant get a PI, can you get someone to be your PI, can you do the PI snooping yourself? Borrow a strange car, get a friend to follow them?

I would set a deadline for you to do this by and concentrate efforts on getting it done fast. It sounds very much like you need Plan B soon, I get a sense from you that you are drained. Preferably you will want to know you did all you could to expose before going into Plan B.

However your mental and physical health is the priority. I would aim to be in Plan B in about four days. If you read in my sig the guide to preparing for Plan B that takes a few days too.

Can you dedicate a few days to finding the info you need, then a few more days to preparing for Plan B? Are you strong enough?
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 10/29/11 10:01 PM
Someone Please advice I need help here. I was going to expose the other womans husband but cant seem to find a home phone or anything
Posted By: SugarCane Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/01/11 02:06 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I found out who the other woman rally was and she is on face book. Advise
If you know who OW is and she is on Facebook, it can't be impossible to contact her H, as you seems to be saying.

Is her H a Facebook friend of hers?

Is he a Facebook friend of her children's?

Is he a Facebook friend of her friends?

You MUST be able to contact him by finding out SOMETHING about him on Facebook. What is his name? (Don't reveal it here.)

What is the connection between your H and OW? You must be able to work this out by now. Did they meet through work? Does she live in Brazil, where he was recently working? Does she live in you neighbourhood? Does she go to the same church? Is she an ex-girlfriend?

You MUST know more than you did when you first came here in August, if you have been able to see your H talking about his undying love for her to his sister, and if you have been able to find her on Facebook.
Posted By: celticvoyager Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/01/11 04:04 AM
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I found out who the other woman rally was and she is on face book. Advise
If you know who OW is and she is on Facebook, it can't be impossible to contact her H, as you seems to be saying.

Is her H a Facebook friend of hers?

Is he a Facebook friend of her children's?

Is he a Facebook friend of her friends?

You MUST be able to contact him by finding out SOMETHING about him on Facebook. What is his name? (Don't reveal it here.)

What is the connection between your H and OW? You must be able to work this out by now. Did they meet through work? Does she live in Brazil, where he was recently working? Does she live in you neighbourhood? Does she go to the same church? Is she an ex-girlfriend?

You MUST know more than you did when you first came here in August, if you have been able to see your H talking about his undying love for her to his sister, and if you have been able to find her on Facebook.

can you expose to OW and OWH's family?
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/01/11 01:08 PM
brown, we've been telling you for three solid months to expose this far and wide, and you have not done so. Exposure to her husband is the single most valuable tool that you have in order to kill this affair. And yes, she is most likely married, or he wouldn't have moved in with his parents. He would have moved in with OW.

Did you expose the affair to all of her FB friends, and tell them to ask her husband to call you?

You said earlier that you found a man's name when you looked up OW's info online. Why have you not contacted him?
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/01/11 02:27 PM
I have searched and have not found his phone number. That is why I have not exposed OW's affair to her spouse not sure where to call
Posted By: SugarCane Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/02/11 12:18 AM
Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I found out who the other woman rally was and she is on face book. Advise
If you know who OW is and she is on Facebook, it can't be impossible to contact her H, as you seems to be saying.

Is her H a Facebook friend of hers?

Is he a Facebook friend of her children's?

Is he a Facebook friend of her friends?

You MUST be able to contact him by finding out SOMETHING about him on Facebook. What is his name? (Don't reveal it here.)

What is the connection between your H and OW? You must be able to work this out by now. Did they meet through work? Does she live in Brazil, where he was recently working? Does she live in you neighbourhood? Does she go to the same church? Is she an ex-girlfriend?

You MUST know more than you did when you first came here in August, if you have been able to see your H talking about his undying love for her to his sister, and if you have been able to find her on Facebook.
Why have you completely ignored these questions?
Posted By: sushi Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/02/11 05:17 PM
I have a friend who read here early this year. Told her and told her and told her to expose. She didn't, and was served with divorce papers last week. She told me that she wish she had listened. I wish you would, too.

Expose to all of your husbands facebook friends. Copy/paste the message and send to a few at a time within a few hours (so it doesn't look like spam). If the OW has a facebook, expose to all of her friends the same way.

Believe me, if you don't expose to everyone you can, you will regret it later.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/05/11 04:05 PM
I have been looking through all her friends on fb theres 149 and have not see his name anywhere so far. What now
Posted By: Lgtex1 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/05/11 04:19 PM
try zabasearch.com

if you can't find anything on there go to intelius.com
for a small fee you can probably find everything you need

please use this info to expose. You have wasted alot of time, doing nothing. Your chances of turning this around are getting slimmer by the day.

You can do it!
You have nothing to lose by exposing.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/05/11 04:28 PM
In answere to your questions I have been through everyone of his friends and hers and dont see her spouse on anything. One of the reasons I am or have not exposed her is that her spouse has a rap sheet a mile long and I have my 78 year old mother living with me and that isa safety concern. I am not sure where to go from here I have been looking for his phone number what now.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/05/11 04:29 PM
I have been to intellus and other web sites I did an back ground check on him and there is not a phone numbe to be had. Im afraid of his rap sheet which includes concealed weapons and larceny, among other things .Wish I knew which way to go now
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/05/11 04:30 PM
I have just about given up becuase I dont know where to turn from here I have my mother to think about and her safet becasue of her spouse
Posted By: INTERNAL_PAIN Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/05/11 04:36 PM
you or a friend need to stake out OW's house and find out if OW's H lives there. Go on the offensive, all you have to do is follow your H for a day and he'll lead you right to the gutter where he's been slumming. From there you can get license plate numbers, addresses, and see who the enemy is.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/05/11 08:41 PM
I have tried to use intellius and that does not bring anything for me I will try zba search. Looked thru all her friends on fb and there is nothing connected to her husband. Someone suggested following my husband but he is in brazil and that is not practical at this time. I am concerned for safetys sake about the spouses rap sheet. Does anyone besides me think they are trying to con him
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/05/11 08:41 PM
I have tried to use intellius and that does not bring anything for me I will try zba search. Looked thru all her friends on fb and there is nothing connected to her husband. Someone suggested following my husband but he is in brazil and that is not practical at this time. I am concerned for safetys sake about the spouses rap sheet. Does anyone besides me think they are trying to con him
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/07/11 02:25 PM
Can someone please respond to the replies above? I want to expose the Ow but have issues doing so because of her spouses rap sheet
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/07/11 02:33 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Can someone please respond to the replies above? I want to expose the Ow but have issues doing so because of her spouses rap sheet
I'm not sure I can help you because my advice has not changed. Maybe someone else has another idea, but if you're not going to expose to the one person who is most likely your main exposure target, I can't advise you further.
Posted By: HeartbrokeSteve Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/07/11 02:47 PM
Ok like they said expose. If he has rap sheet he probably don't wanna go back to jail so to speak. Expose and kill the monster that is the affair! That or you can sit back and facilitate it. Listen to these vets here. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted By: Mrs_Recon6mo Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/07/11 03:06 PM
I think you have all the advice you need and have started to waste posters time here. Your posts are about finding more excuses why you cannot expose.

If you are really looking for advice which will tell you not to expose then you won't find it here. There is no way AROUND it, only the way THROUGH it.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/08/11 08:50 PM
Even though I was concerned about similar things before exposure, surely you know the safest thing to do is to expose?

Look at this way. IF (and it is a big if) the OWH is a risky element, then his finding out about the affair should be looked at as an unexploded grenade.

Affairs are always discovered eventually. Just a question of how and when. You can let him find out about it in a civilised fashion, at a time where you have prepared for his reaction.

OR you can wait until he finds some grpahic photo or not or somesutch and be completely UNPREPARED for his anger against YOU - yo who have callously hidden the truth,

(Aside - who says he has a rap sheet - can this source be believed?)

Plus I doubt he has a grudge against your mother.

Plus even a criminal does not deserve to be treated like a dog in this way.

Woman up and expose. Prepare for fall outs if need be, but do it, and soon.

There is no other option.
Posted By: celticvoyager Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/08/11 09:00 PM
Originally Posted by HeartbrokeSteve
Ok like they said expose. If he has rap sheet he probably don't wanna go back to jail so to speak. Expose and kill the monster that is the affair! That or you can sit back and facilitate it. Listen to these vets here. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

Bring a few friends with you for safety. Go to his house and tell him your sitch... That you have an elderly mom with you and you are exposing because you want to do right by HIM and dont want anyone hurt at your house (which might more likely happen when he finds out on his own and learns you've been keeping secrets).
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/10/11 03:02 PM
Problem is I cant find a phone number for him
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/10/11 03:40 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Problem is I cant find a phone number for him
Okay, brown. I'm going to take one more crack at this.

Would you answer these questions, please:

1. How do you know OWH has a rap sheet?
2. Have you exposed to OW's and your husband's FB friends and asked them to have her husband call YOU?
3. You said you were going to file for divorce on August 15. Did you?
4. Your husband moved to his parents house (October 24). Is he still there?
5. The OW is a Christian counselor. Have you exposed her to her employer?

After you've answered these I may be able to give you more advice.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/12/11 12:02 AM
I ran a report on the OWH and came up with a criminal record. I was trying to find a phone number that was good to expose her to her husgand. I didnt file for divorce and because when he came in we started counseling. My husband is still staying at his parents and is currently in Brazil. The OW is not a christian counselor. The couselor that I see is a Christian counselor.
Last night I was posting a prayer to a private prayer group and didnt know that fb was having technical issues when I did it. The result washe got exposed to all of my friends and his he is mad and I ended up taking him off of FB as well as his family.
So what now
Posted By: Caracal Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/12/11 12:31 AM
Right, don't apologise to WH for exposure. This is what you should be doing. And please don't tell him that you did not mean to expose, that it was a "technical issue". Because you should be decisively exposing, showing WH that you are prepared to fight for your marriage, for what you believe in. For what is right.

So well done on the exposure to FB friends! How many did you expose to? Did you include everyone?

Don't worry that WH is mad. This means that your exposure has been effective. WH does not want you to expose because you are sharing his secrets with others, shining a light on his adultery.

You need to be careful you do not do a trickle exposure, dragging it out. That gives WH a chance to spin his own story to others. So get all of your exposure done NOW.

Today, make sure you expose to all family and friends that may influence your WH into stopping the affair. Do not hesitate. Do it.

And as for the OWH... so he has a record. For what? How long ago? Is it for violence? He still deserves to know what is going on. You can take steps to protect yourself but still expose.

Put yourself in his shoes... how would you feel if he was not telling you about the affair even though he knew?

Don't lose momentum Brown. Keep it up!
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/12/11 01:34 AM
Quote
The OW is not a christian counselor.
Okay, except you said this in August:
Quote
She is a Christian counselor
I'm starting to wonder about you... skeptical
Posted By: celticvoyager Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/12/11 05:05 AM
Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Quote
The OW is not a christian counselor.
Okay, except you said this in August:
Quote
She is a Christian counselor
I'm starting to wonder about you... skeptical

The fuller context of what she wrote was:

"I am starting martial counseling tomorrow by myself hewill be back next week he works offshore in brazil. She is a Christian counselor So I need to read the basic concepts too as wel."

I took this to mean that the lady she is starting counseling with is a Christian counselor.

cv
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/12/11 12:48 PM
Quote
I took this to mean that the lady she is starting counseling with is a Christian counselor.
Ah, yes. Thank you, CV.

brown, could you answer the questions I posted to you earlier? It will help us to know the answers to those.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/13/11 03:55 PM
Well yes he did get exposed to all of my friends and his around 288 or so and his parents as well. That included people we go to church with and others as well. Everyone that is my friend was feeling sorry for me but now that its done I kind of feel relieved to be honest. He was exposed good. I am trying to find an address or something that I can tell the OWH. His rap sheet includes concealed weapons, drugs, larceny, dwi, dui and etc. That is why I was hesitant about exposing him because of my 78 year old mother. Let me know if I answered your questions.
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/13/11 05:46 PM
Quote
That is why I was hesitant about exposing him because of my 78 year old mother.
brown, your WH had an affair with this guy's wife, and you're afraid he's going to hurt your mother??? The people who need to be looking over their shoulder should be your WH - and the OW! If the OW in my sitch had been near me a few times after D-Day she'd be permanently bald today.

But it is what it is. You don't want to expose to OWH and we certainly can't twist your arm. You are free to keep the knowledge from him if you wish.

Understand, though, that not exposing this to him yourself doesn't mean he's never going to find out. Truth has a way of coming out. Maybe not today or even next week. But the day will come when OWH finds out. And you have no way of knowing what day that will be. If you are comfortable not knowing if or when this guy is going to find out about your WH's affair with his wife and come looking for your WH, there's really nothing more I can tell you.
Posted By: celticvoyager Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/13/11 06:28 PM
Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Quote
That is why I was hesitant about exposing him because of my 78 year old mother.
brown, your WH had an affair with this guy's wife, and you're afraid he's going to hurt your mother??? The people who need to be looking over their shoulder should be your WH - and the OW! If the OW in my sitch had been near me a few times after D-Day she'd be permanently bald today.

But it is what it is. You don't want to expose to OWH and we certainly can't twist your arm. You are free to keep the knowledge from him if you wish.

Understand, though, that not exposing this to him yourself doesn't mean he's never going to find out. Truth has a way of coming out. Maybe not today or even next week. But the day will come when OWH finds out. And you have no way of knowing what day that will be. If you are comfortable not knowing if or when this guy is going to find out about your WH's affair with his wife and come looking for your WH, there's really nothing more I can tell you.

Absolutely. Look. By you telling him, YOU control the situation. In fact, I would suggest that you tell him immediately.

A butt whoopin from this guy might break your H out of the fog. Or at least the fear of one a good one...

Isn't your husband out of the country anyway? Tell OwH that. Tell him you guys aren't living together. He has no real reason to come over the house.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/13/11 06:37 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I am trying to find an address or something that I can tell the OWH.


Great! keep going.

Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/14/11 04:23 PM
got to find a way that I can tell him and how I can contact him
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/14/11 04:34 PM
I am going to try and do that today Im tired of being pooped on by my wh and its frustrating
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/14/11 09:29 PM
You will feel better when you have exposed. I PROMISE!

Its sooooo empowering.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/15/11 12:06 AM
Plan on seeing what the price of a pi is to get a correct address and phone number for the OWH and then EXPOSE I WILL
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/15/11 12:08 AM
tHE RATE I WAS QUOTED FOR A PI WAS A FLAT FEE OF 350 FOR 4 HOURS AND I REALLY REALLY WOULD LIKE TO EXPOSE HER TO HIM ASAP
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/15/11 12:42 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
tHE RATE I WAS QUOTED FOR A PI WAS A FLAT FEE OF 350 FOR 4 HOURS AND I REALLY REALLY WOULD LIKE TO EXPOSE HER TO HIM ASAP
Brown, hire the man. Tell him you need the OWH's contact info. Let us know when you're ready to expose to him.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/15/11 12:46 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
tHE RATE I WAS QUOTED FOR A PI WAS A FLAT FEE OF 350 FOR 4 HOURS AND I REALLY REALLY WOULD LIKE TO EXPOSE HER TO HIM ASAP


Sounds like the best 350 youll ever spend.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/15/11 03:31 AM
Pissed off at wh he thinks he has the answer to it all. Makes me mad because I am made to feel like a second class citizen. I have made contact with the PI and must waiting on the reply for phone call from them then I expect all hell to break loose when I do that. I have already changed the locks on the house and packed all of his crap up. That I did with great pleasure. He thinks hes so smart I have the prepaid cell phone number the jerk is using to call her when hes home
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/19/11 09:32 PM
Sorry have not been on have been sick and I am going to expose her at the first of this month
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/19/11 09:38 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Sorry have not been on have been sick and I am going to expose her at the first of this month
Let us know when you've spoken with her husband.
Posted By: SugarCane Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/19/11 09:49 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Sorry have not been on have been sick and I am going to expose her at the first of this month
The first of WHICH month?

Today is the 19th. You are surely not going to wait nearly two weeks to expose.

What are you waiting FOR????
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/19/11 10:07 PM
Quote
What are you waiting FOR????
Another reason for why she 'can't' expose. crazy
Posted By: Surfer88 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/20/11 01:58 AM
BEG:

For God sakes, expose already. Stop with this bull crap, OK? Sick? I can type while I am sick...and so did you.

You are making excuses, and how long has this been going on?

Look, if you are not on board with MB and the MB strategy, just say so. It's pretty simple, no? Or yes?

Pick one, doll.

The choice is very easy. The actions are not. You decide.
Posted By: Surfer88 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/20/11 02:05 AM
This is insane.

BEG: What are earth are you thinking? "First of the month"????

What? What does the date even mean? Grrrr....you know how ridiculous that sounds. Stop it. Unless...you are on some public assistance program. In that case, the first of any month is very important. Are you receiving public assistance?
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/20/11 03:53 AM
Quote
Unless...you are on some public assistance program. In that case, the first of any month is very important.
I don't see this as a reason for avoiding exposure. brown just doesn't want to expose. Very simple.

Brown, LOSE YOUR FEAR.
Posted By: Caracal Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/20/11 04:34 AM
I hope you are feeling better Brown.

Your posts after you started exposure, you admitted you felt relieved. It is empowering to get the truth out, to stop covering up some dirty secret for your WH. I wish I could have exposed to more people, but unfortunately I don't even know for certain the name of the OW. And no-one has seen fit to tell me that piece of information. I wish someone had.

You do know the name of the OW. You have her BH's details. And yet you have not told the truth to him.

Your fear is ruling you, and the longer you wait, the more you are allowing it to build and control you.

Don't wait any longer. Get the full exposure done, especially on a key target who has a right to know.

Then you can relax in the knowledge that you have used all of the weapons at your disposal to try to kill this affair.

You CAN do this.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/20/11 08:52 AM
So you're sick, how does that stop you picking up the phone or sending out an email? If anything, finally getting this done will help you get well quicker. While you waffle, you hold a boulder over your head, unwilling to throw it.

Waiting till the first? What on earth FOR?

You know how this secret and unhindered abuse has drained you. We see you getting weaker and want you to put a stop to it right away so you can heal.

If you are waiting until you feel stronger, I am afraid that will not happen.

Your health and strength will continue to deteriorate while you allow this A to continue unimpeded.

I am hoping that you read this, stiffen up, and get to work on exposure PRONTO. Finish before the day is out.

However, I have a feeling you will just slip off the boards again.

Coming here just to vent is not getting you the support you need. Acting on our advice is the support you need.

We have been in your shoes, weary of the A and wary of exposure. It takes effort and strength to face those fears BUT WE DID IT. We would not advise you to, unless we had tried it ourselves first.

Do it. Then we will help you with the next step.

I dont want you to be one of the many people on these boards who say 'I wish I had exposed sooner/ did a stronger Plan A'

You are already very late on schedule. COME ON.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 11/21/11 03:02 PM
I understand that I am late at this stage of the game but I have to hire a PI to get the information that I need about OW's husband. I have looked online and have not found anything about him other than his record. The PI Is going to get the contact information for me.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/27/11 12:56 AM
I have to admit that I have been a putz. I need help doing the exposure I have the information about the spouse and I hope that it is the right information. I ran a report on intellus again and there was not record on her husband. I have an address and phone number and have called numerous times and there is no answer. My friend called for me and she said a woman picked up on the first ring. I need some help and you all said to let me know when I was ready to expose my husband. I am drained and he is being a jack [censored]. Hes blocked me on fb and my friends call me and tell me what is being said between the two. Im tired and want this to be over. Please give me guidance from here.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/27/11 12:58 AM
I am more than ready to rat the wh out of his pompus circumstanxes
Posted By: celticvoyager Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/27/11 01:16 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I am more than ready to rat the wh out of his pompus circumstanxes

I am assuming you have mutual FB friends? If so, expose to them, family, friends, work.


Start there.
Posted By: karmasrose Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/27/11 02:00 AM
But if you expose on FB be sure to put 1 minute between each message or you could be stopped from messaging for a while.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/27/11 03:40 PM
I dont have any access to her fb page anymore she blocked all the content to mine and my husband blocked me as well. Since he got exposed on FB he blocked me and I have done the same with him. I did it first because of the hurt that has been involved with all of this. I am going to verify the address that I hAVE FOR THE OH
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/27/11 03:40 PM
Where and how should I proceed from here
Posted By: celticvoyager Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/27/11 05:02 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Where and how should I proceed from here

you have mutual FB friends, right? You can expose to them for one. Also, expose to parents, siblings, work, etc...


CV
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/28/11 01:58 AM
I have exposed him to fb friends and what I want to do is expose her to her spouse there is something that is not right with the relationship a rat I smell I think that she is playing him big time. I want to expose her to her husband. I want to get the address verified that I have any advice
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/28/11 02:40 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I have exposed him to fb friends and what I want to do is expose her to her spouse there is something that is not right with the relationship a rat I smell I think that she is playing him big time. I want to expose her to her husband. I want to get the address verified that I have any advice
Let us know when you have exposed to OW's husband. We've been trying to get you to do that for about four months, now. You've resisted that every step of the way. Please understand that posters can't help you if you refuse to help yourself. We can't, and won't do this for you.

Let us know after you've exposed to her and then we'll go from there.
Posted By: Caracal Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/28/11 07:17 AM
So brown, you have OW husband's name, address and his phone number. What more do you need? Another excuse? You have been pretty good at coming up with them yourself.

Originally Posted by BrownEyedGirl913
I want to get the address verified that I have any advice
Why do you need someone to verify this? You have the details. Verify it yourself or with the help of a friend / relative. You say that when you ring no-one answers. But when a friend rang a woman answered.

I would have a male friend / relative contact and ask to speak to OW's husband in case OW answers. Once he gets on the phone, over to you it goes. EXPOSE!

You have dragged this out faaaar too long. I can't remember when you first started asking about exposure, but I do remember in mid November you were saying you would expose to OW's husband at the start of December. It is now nearly January. You have been delaying for months.

Stop asking how to do it. Just do it!!!

You can do it Brown. We have told you how to do it, but we can't do it for you. Get a friend / relative around to support you, or go to their house if you think OW avoids answering your number (or hide your number however you do that in your country). But get this exposure done now.

At least that way you can think you have done everything you could to save your marriage.
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/28/11 12:49 PM
Have you considered just knocking on her door, brown?
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/28/11 09:54 PM
I have tried to call a phone number that I have tried to call and there was no answer. I had a friend call the number and a lady answered on the first ring. I cant continue to live like this its driving me bonkers. I dont have a job at the moment and that is another factor in all this. He is living at his parents and due to go out again. Money is a problem too because I dont have any to spare. So I am feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Posted By: celticvoyager Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/28/11 11:06 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I have tried to call a phone number that I have tried to call and there was no answer. I had a friend call the number and a lady answered on the first ring. I cant continue to live like this its driving me bonkers. I dont have a job at the moment and that is another factor in all this. He is living at his parents and due to go out again. Money is a problem too because I dont have any to spare. So I am feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The sooner you get all this done, the sooner you can begin fixing things. Whether plan A or B. I'd call from another phone. Payphone if you can still find one.

CV
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/29/11 12:12 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I had a friend call the number and a lady answered on the first ring.
So what did your friend say? Don't tell me she hung up. If she did, what was the point of having her call?

Did you go to the woman's house and knock on the door?
Posted By: Mrs_Recon6mo Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/29/11 08:30 AM
Quote
I have tried to call a phone number that I have tried to call and there was no answer. I had a friend call the number and a lady answered on the first ring.


This is so insulting to people here who are actually doing the heavy-lifting to save their marriages. This is mockery.

Quote
I cant continue to live like this its driving me bonkers.

Then stop living like this.
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/29/11 12:30 PM
Browneyed girl, we can't come through your computer monitor and this for you. Why will you not take action?
Posted By: Jedi_Knight Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/29/11 08:00 PM
If you want to save your marriage you need to follow the MB program.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/29/11 10:57 PM
Maritial I have been praying about that and the answer the LORD KEEPS GIVING ME IS TO WAIT ON HIM. THAT SPEAKS VOLUMES TO ME I NEED TO BE SURE ABOUT THE ADDRESS. CALLED A PI TODAY AND GOING TO GET THAT VERIFIED THEN HAVE THE PI DELIVER A NOTE TO THE SPOUSE THAT IS THE EASIEST WAY FOR ME. WW LEAVES TOMORROW I SINCERELY DO NOT BELIEVE THAT HE CARES ANYMORE FOR ME I BLOCKED HIM ON FB AND HE DID THE SAME TO ME. IM STILL GOING TO PURSUE EXPOSING HER
Posted By: Scotland Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/30/11 02:54 AM
5 MONTHS more in an affair means further entrenchment. And now, you have given OW and WH ample time to figure out their cover story.

This BH needs to know the truth, but don't be surprised if he doesn't believe you.
Posted By: maritalbliss Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/30/11 05:56 AM
Quote
CALLED A PI TODAY AND GOING TO GET THAT VERIFIED THEN HAVE THE PI DELIVER A NOTE TO THE SPOUSE THAT IS THE EASIEST WAY FOR ME.
And the way that is least likely to work. He'll hand it to the BH. He'll read it and immediately confront his wife. She'll lie like a rug and make you look like an absolute nut case. And HE'LL BELIEVE HER.

Next step in your 'easy' approach to exposure?
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 12/30/11 10:53 PM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Maritial I have been praying about that and the answer the LORD KEEPS GIVING ME IS TO WAIT ON HIM.

Please dont do that. The lord helps those who help themselves. You were given a voice, brains and a backbone for a reason. You can do it, but each day you describe yourself as weak, you believe yourself and get weaker. I am going to use your method of using capitals here - STOP IT. YOU ARE NOT WEAK - YOU ARE INACTIVE.

Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I NEED TO BE SURE ABOUT THE ADDRESS.


No you dont. Knock, if a man answers ask if its the right address. Come equipped with proof if at all possible as you have let them have too long to come up wth cover stories.

Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
I BLOCKED HIM ON FB AND HE DID THE SAME TO ME. IM STILL GOING TO PURSUE EXPOSING HER


By staying in Plan A for so long your love bank is entirely depleted. But do expose. Then Plan B, quick.

People are not what they say brown, they are what they DO.

Do what you know is right and let it empower you.
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 01/02/12 12:08 AM
EVERYONE WISH ME LUCK PLEASE I AM EXCITED I AM FINALLY GOING TO START THE EXPOSURE TOMORROW I START IN THE MORNING I REALLY WISHED I HAD LISTENED AND DONE IT SOONER. HE IS STILL INVOLVED WITH HER AND LYING THRU HIS TEETH. SO I LIVED AND LEARNED. WILL LET YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AS THE DETAILS UNFOLD. I AM GOING TO FIND OUT FOR SURE IS SHE IS MARRIED. THAT IS WHAT HE TOLD ME. THE TRUTH DIS SET ME FREE.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 01/02/12 12:20 AM
Good luck and godspeed.

What is your method? Are you calling around in person?
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 01/02/12 12:42 AM
THANKS INDIE GOING WITH CALLING, LETTER AND IN PERSON HAVE SOMEONE DELIVER A NOTE TO HER SPOUSE. WISH I HAD DONE THIS SOONER. HE IS A LYING CHEATING WH. CONTACTED HIM LAST NIGHT AND HE LIES LIKE A RUG LIVE AND LEARN YOU CANT BELIEVE WHAT HE SAYS I BELIEVE THAT HE HAS ALREADY MADE HIS MIND UP ABOUT OW AND WHAT HE PLANS WITH HER THANKS TO THE HELP OF BABY SISTER. OH WELL I WILL SURVIVE ALL THIS I HAVE SO FAR THANKS TO MB AND COUNSELING
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 01/02/12 01:07 AM


By in person - you mean you are doing it yourself dont you?

What do you mean by someone? Someone you can rely to have it placed in the BH hands? Someone who can explain what you know as well as you can?

It would need to be a very trusted person to do that.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 01/02/12 01:09 AM
What does your letter say? There is nothing stopping you from going there personally with your thoughts spelled out in a letter if you are worried you will get tongue tied.

Can you put the letter here for feedback?
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 01/03/12 12:45 AM
Will do once I get the letter wored I will do I am thinking about finding out where he works and possibly driving there and telling him face to face with proof. What are you thoughts on that
Posted By: browneyedgirl913 Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 01/03/12 12:48 AM
he is trying to screw me big time regarding income taxes he works overseas Brazil and made the lame excuse that the company advised them to do that/ All he has done is lie like a rug
Posted By: Scotland Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 01/03/12 01:07 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
he is trying to screw me big time regarding income taxes he works overseas Brazil and made the lame excuse that the company advised them to do that/ All he has done is lie like a rug

Waywards rarely surprise me anymore.

I advise you to do whatever you can, as quickly as possible, to tell OWH. THis has gone on long enough without him knowing, and we live by actions here, not words.
Posted By: indiegirl Re: Just Found Out Devestated - 01/03/12 01:33 AM
Originally Posted by browneyedgirl913
Will do once I get the letter wored I will do I am thinking about finding out where he works and possibly driving there and telling him face to face with proof. What are you thoughts on that



Wonderful! You can also call him and tell him - offering to send him the proof.

We will hear the good news that is done soon, yes?
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