Before you Read THIS LETTER I wrote to some (I don't know yet everyone that my husband choose - but you MUST know that what he did to expose my emotional affair was VERY VERY DANGEROUS to publically humiliate your spouse - I don't know if we will survive this YET, I am still in prayer...but I do know that I am thankful I heard God's voice cause I almost ended my life...YOU MUST MUST be careful in choosing to do something that ruins your spouses life outside the marriage...not only do they have a failed marriage but EVERY relationship she or he knows is also TAINTED from your choice to HUMILIATE them...God has LAID this very heavily on me to post this (my husband will not share where he go the PROCESS to humiliate me as he did but God has laid a very heavy heart on me to share my story and to warn others DO NOT DO THIS!) I will post this on EVERY forum that I find... I was so thankful my church was not the one who gave him that advice, our pastor has seen 2 suicides in a case just like ours. I HEARD GODS VOICE, if I HAD NOT I would not be here to day to share this!

I am writing to all of you to share some sad, heart changing, amazing things. To begin with I don�t know who my husband *edit* choose to share our struggle with an emotional affair that I was involved with off and on for 6 months but I have chosen to share this with all of you. I am GUILTY of this and *edit* was lead by his heart to persecute me� when I say this it is because he chose to share the details of this with family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances of mine. By my actions he felt compelled by our God almighty to shame me into returning to him, hence saving our marriage. I pray that what he did will save our marriage � I am at prayer for that. I have always been a believer of Christ and was on fire for the Lord for a long time. I don�t know at what point that I went from having God visit me daily to me only speaking of his name and not feeling his grace. By not having God in our lives � the devil was able to enter and enter he did. You may choose not to read anymore but what you read may change your life and if you are not in a personal relationship with him you may find your way to the Lord our Savior, our Redeemer.

Before you read the rest of this story I want you to know I cast no blame on *edit* for his actions as he felt he was at his end with me and knew of no other way to try to keep me but by shaming me. *edit* and I have always appeared to be the perfect couple � we were till we slowly grew apart from one another we did not nurture and care for our marriage in a Christian manner, this is one reason why so many marriages end in divorce. This is NOT an excuse but it opened a hole in my life that allowed the devil to creep in and grasp a hold of. My �affair� started very innocently and preceded that way for sometime, in my mind. I sought conversations with this man for the purity of not having any conflicts with him, and he would cast no opinion on me. This should have never been happening as we as a couple should have been there for one another. As it flourished I began having feelings for this other man. I fought this battle in my heart and my brain for several months, as I would stop and say �what I am doing is wrong� but then I would �miss� having that friend of mine and he too would come back and contact me. I was battling my heart and had asked *edit* for a trial separation, he refused me. I thought once again I could make my heart click for him � it would not because God was not yet back in our marriage � I was shoving him away.

The day that *edit* sent out the letter requesting prayer for my affair that I was carrying on, I was away with my daughter at a swim meet. He had sought counsel on public humiliation of cheating spouses, as I have never heard of this, and I don�t believe he handled the information correctly however it opened a wide gate of hell not just for me but for *edit* as well. He stands strong by what he chose and this will be one thing that I will need prayer for, my shame for my actions. I was angry, hurt and felt betrayed by him as he did by what I had done. I know the hurt as I too was cheated on by my first husband, I know, how could I be put through it one way then do it onto him � I don�t have an answer for that but God was not around us, I had shut him out. With my anger it turned to self-pity � I wanted nothing more than to kill myself I could not bare the shame of what I had done. I am a strong woman but the pity was stronger. I attempted to end my life on Sunday with my hand gun I had it to my head and then visions of me being splattered all over the car for my children to see left me shattered�but I still had not come to God for peace. Monday I drove to *edit* to work and I cried and I tried to pray to God yelling my self-pity of my terrible act. nothing. I left work early because I could barely stand myself pretending to be fine. I went to my car and *edit* had called and he was the last person I wanted to talk to, I hung up, so I thought. I got in my car and I had been listening to Christian Radio Station and it had someone speaking, last name of *edit* is all I can remember. He was speaking of him and his wife and how they were Christians and said they lived in a Christian home but in all reality they did not. They did not pray they did not have a relationship vertically or horizontally with our Lord Jesus Christ�He continued to speak and he mentioned his wife�s name, it was *edit*�. and I yelled and cursed at the radio, I said �Really GOD� That is just coincidence is it not? As I was screaming at the radio station I had not hung up with *edit* and heard my desperation and the radio station channel as well. This gentleman had mentioned the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and I had my kindle with me (don�t do this while your driving as I did) and I opened my bible on the kindle to this chapter and began reading. I ended at Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. I felt that I too needed to end my life for my children, �why should I put my children through this shame when someone sees me they will see a cheater, a liar, a whore or insert word of your choice� �if I die, I will soon be forgotten and there will be no whispers��I drove down a lonely road off of *edit* Road close to *edit* to an area that had a lake I was going to drive my car into the lake since my husband took my hand gun away from me. Before I decided to take the final plunge I took a walk down a trail that was there, it was so cold on Monday afternoon. I wanted to think for a moment and remember my children and ask God to guide them at that moment I heard a voice commanding me to �lay down� right there it was an area with leaves and dirt but I heard it �Lay down right there� I did I could not stop crying out to God why have you punished me? I knew I had punished myself because of my choices. I yelled to God seeking forgiveness and seeking is grace God forgives and he commanded me to forgive myself for the choices I made. As I laid there the wind was blowing so strong and I could feel the holy spirit moving I begged for cleansing of my soul and mind he spoke �if all things are gone in this world I will yet remain� �For those who judge you they too will be judged�. I know some will say she is crazy, I have never HEARD the voice of our LORD audibly EVER I can safely say today that I have. As I lay there and felt the wind blowing it became so still that I shuddered. But the next thing I heard was �Get up and MOVE, MOVE and go tell your husband you love him�. Move my anger Move my heart and Move my marriage is all that heard on the way home that day. I do know that God moved me and he is still moving me. I know that this is only the beginning of what his plan is for me/my marriage/my family, but I do know that the beginning with God is the BEST place I can be. All things are possible through him.
Some of you might close this up and say �wow those people are c r a z y� and that is true. But I can tell you this I shared this story with you today because I know I am not perfect and I have never claimed to be. I also know that some of you to may be suffering from being separated from our Lord Jesus, or infidelity, or addiction, or whatever it is that is keeping you from having a relationship with Christ. My story MAY or MAY not touch you but if you have read this all and wondering �why did she just share all of that?� Because God put things in my life to MOVE me and I am so thankful that I heard his voice that day because my family would still be searching for me today. I will never NEVER forget his mercy he showed me and giving me the opportunity to grow in him again.
With all of these things that have happened I pray and continue to pray that *edit* and I can heal, I am and we will continue to grow in the Lord. I pray for all of you. And I ask for prayer from all of you and I am so thankful for Gods Mercy.

Emailing mods now

No one is judging you but rather your actions. YOU chose to have an affair and YOU choose the fall out and consequences that happened after that. YOU publicly humiliated your spouse and daughter EVERY time you called the OM and betrayed the vows you made to your spouse, child and Christ. If your husband had not exposed your affair wide and far it would still be happening.

If suicide is involved you need to contact 911

If you read her letter it is NOT a suicide letter but rather an attempt to bring light on the POV of the WS feelings of being exposed.

HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER involved my WORK, EVER! Nor my childrens friends parents! My children now too feel ashamed...I am saying choose carefully who you expose it too...NOT everyone on Facebook 516 friends need to know... It can be devastating and not that I am making excuses it takes TWO to create a loving, Christ filled home...you can't do IT after the affair starts... And the one who is having the affair needs to FEEL the change of heart with in them if not IT WILL NEVER EVER END...

You did the damage to yourself, don't blameshift, you had the affair, you caused your own public humiliation.

Make no illusion, people already knew and already saw you for what you are. Your children are ashamed by your actions, not by the truth

Uber foggy WW who's trying to scare people into not exposing. Trying to say the exposure caused humiliation when, in fact, her affair did. Blameshifting, anyone?

Would you like some help?

welcome,

I think you are here now, take the time to read the material and some of the posts here and keep an open mind, know that what your husband did was to stand up for his family ............If he hadn't you would still be in your affair, you wouldn't have stopped until your family was destroyed........

I suggest you two work together and put the affair behind you and work on putting your family back together with God in your life, God forgives and it looks like your husband can as well, You both need to forgive each other for the marriage not being a loving one .......you both made mistakes........

Ask yourself what you are getting out of all this now.......is this where you want to spend your time............who ever you are emailing this to will decide on their own what they think is right based on their own morals and beliefs..........
Most of us were raised with the 10 commandments and that is what guides us through life...............you might be surprised at the outcome of this email.

I think you are one of the lucky ones, the affair will be hard to keep with the exposure now, you will have to be accountable from now on, this gives you an opportunity to work on your marriage without any outside interference......
Your husband still loves you and is willing to give forgiveness......

Your choice is divorce and not having a family or marriage or you stop all this and get on board and chose to be that woman that choses to live with God's word............You can't justify an affair, but you can say I made a mistake I ask for a chance to show I just lost my way .........be grateful for the help and the chance........
I am hoping you stay and see we are all here trying to save marriages, sometimes the truth comes with some harshness, but you are a big girl ........you know that honesty and loyality and commitment can turn this around.......
Don't waste time on more mistakes........

Your not understanding what I just wrote here...I did choose to have an emotional affair. However, my point here is that YOU MUST create a christian filled home, build your hedges and grow together...My husband tried to do this after this affair started we were completely emotionally detached...He 'found' God after which angered me more because I had went to him on several occasions to try to be stronger in Faith...nothing...I SHOULD HAVE NEVER did what I did I AGREE...However, what God is laying on me is this...YOU can't make the person that is having the affair love you unless THEY FEEL and HAVE A CHANGE of HEART. If you choose to shame your wife THINK about her HEART has she ever know God? Think about the ramifications if you expose it to every facet of your life...are you willing to take the chance of her DYING and never being united with Christ again? BE careful...DONT continue to JUDGE me and tell me it was your choice...I KNOW! My point here is THINK and PRAY before you make a decision as my husband did.

YOU jeopardized your family, and don't use God's name in vain, you violated his word, his wisdom.

Exposure in you case did it's job. You felt shame because you behaved shamefully. Your husband was NOT wrong in exposing your affair. You were wrong in having one.

by your actions, you are obviously NOT a repentant person about the vile actions YOU undertook.

This site can help you. When you are ready to actually change your life, you should give this site a chance. It is the best one out there, and it will save your soul, as well as your marriage.

Don't be discouraged when your post or even this thread gets deleted. This is a marriage builders website, and exposure of the affair is one of the first steps to recover from an affair.

If your betrayed husband is even willing to work with you to create a fulfilling marriage after what you did, you should get down on your knees and thank God that he did what he needed to do to help you and your marriage.

You should not be out trying to damage other people's marriages. Stick around, you may learn something.

The cause of your shame and your children' shamre is YOUR CHOICE TO ENGAGE IN ADULTERY, not the exposure. If you did not engage in adultery, there would be nothing to expose, would there?

And yes, until you make that connection, you ARE making excuses.

Was your affair going on before he exposed?

Is it going on now in the same way?

I have been in your husband's shoes. Make no mistake, it was vile, and the vileness is still in you if you try to shift, blame, or minimize it.

It is God's word to expose an affair, an adulterer. If you do not expose you are just as guilty in His eyes.

He judges you by your actions and your husband followed His word. You should admire your husband for what he did.

He did not have the affair and cause the (almost) destruction of the marriage, he sought the help of friends and family, including co-workers, to hold you accountable for your actions and do what is the right thing in His eyes.

All the pain and humiliation you are experiencing are the result of your actions, if the truth hurts, it is you who caused it. Do not blame another for what you did.

Answer one question and give it some thought:

Why are you worried about you right now?

If you read her husbands first post, I really doubt that this was an EA. First she needs to be honest about the affair.

I can answer that..... GOD MADE THIS WORLD FOR HER..... you just live it it....
Its all about HER.

Exposure does not cause public humiliation. Having an affair is what causes public humiliation.

You know something, almostdied? My BH did not do exposure. Pretty much everyone who knows about my affair knows because I told them myself. I wasn't trying to humiliate myself. I was trying to give my BH whatever he needed to heal and to take ownership of my actions.

Suicide is the ultimate stupid and selfish act. That may sound unsympathetic, but take it from someone who has been there. It is not the kind of legacy you want to leave your children. A better legacy is to get some help restoring your M, thank God that you have an H who loves you enough to fight your A, and give your children the best mother you can be, whether or not your M survives. Show your children the kind of woman who can turn her life around after sin and who can stand up and be a better human being.

Oh no, we understand perfectly. What you are not getting is that this wasn't done to shame you, it was done to destroy the enemy to your marriage-- adultery. There is no shame in shining a light into the darkness. The shame comes from your own heart. What your husband did was courageous and strong.

I've been a Christian pretty much all my life and my husband is a minister now. Guess what? He's the one who left our marriage and committed adultery. Had he returned without a broken and contrite heart, we would not be together today and he would still be away from and out of God's will for his life.

You should be on your knees before God and thanking Him for giving you such a strong and courageous husband. He could have easily kicked you to the curb and let you wallow. He didn't.

Yes, it is shameful what you did but there is also forgiveness with TRUE repentance. Threatening suicide is just more sin. Imagine the legacy that would leave for your children.

Become a woman of honor. Admit your sin, ask for forgiveness from your husband and children for being reckless with the gift of family. Stop trying to shift the blame.

And to those that now know? What a testimony if you turn your life around and restore your marriage to what God meant it to be.

What did you want him to do, do you ever think about what pain he was in when he found out what you were doing......he married you because he saw his life with you, sure no marriage is perfect but doing what you did was not the answer you did have other choices, no one forced you to make that choice......
he did not know what to do, he did what he thought would break the affair up and give himself a chance to save his marriage, he knew it would be tough but it is after and affair and the trust is broken........My husband said the same thing you are that he decided the marriage was over and that he was entitled to have an affair, well you know what you can't just rewrite our lives because it doesn't suit you anymore, you don't have the right to do that to someone else..........or your family..........
Right now you are in an affair fog where you actually believe you were justified......that somehow you had the right to disrespect him and hurt him like this, if you were unhappy the decent thing would have been to leave, not to hurt him with conscious and deliberate acts.........Why do that to a man you have spent your life with.......no one deserves that........
But you did, you made a mistake fix that now.......stop wallowing and crying about a choice you made.........it was your choice, if you stood behind it then why is it so hard to deal with now........
he wasn't doing anything to you, he was trying to save his marriage and his family........you were though in fact hurting him..........
If you are finished, just tell him that and move on........you are right no one can make you love anyone............
Your husband knows the marriage may not last and it does appear that it might be the outcome listening to you now.........
I think if you leave now will you be free from the embarrassment you caused in your life because it was there already before the exposure.........you just are refusing to see that part........honesty has to come into play now.........
I guess if you believe you should think and pray before you act that you yourself must have done that before acting on your affair.........I guess you do believe that it was right and that you were entitled, so if it's was right so be it.........you don't have to stay in the marriage.......if you can't deal with the backlash of that choice, just go and spend the rest of your life knowing that your husband ruined your marriage because he exposed and that you having your affair was just something that you needed and that is all that mattered.........
You had to have that in your life and that was worth it worth your marriage .....
I think you will be a fool if you don't take this chance and be accountable I think your life will suffer, how do you make it right...............do you justify for the rest of your life?

You have no empathy for your husband or your betrayal of your vows. You use God's name in vain as long as you blame him for following biblical principles of exposure when you refused to end your affair.

Until you have GODLY SORROW for YOUR behavior, you don't get why this needed to be exposed. You would still be sinning, willfully against God and your family. You embarrassed your children. Not him.

You are not as yet remorseful to the dust. You are just trying to do damage control. That means you are not sorry for hurting him; just sorry that you've been publicly shamed.

Kinda like the OW in my case when I called her on her emotional affair with my husband. No shame for what she did. Just rage for being called on it.

That's all I see you doing now is raging because you were called on it, when private requests didn't work to get you to stop, and it had to go public as per instructions in the Bible in the writings of Paul, NOW all of a sudden you've found God but you rage against your husband for shining light on your sleazy behavior...

You're not done cheating on him yet until your rage stops betraying him again and again and again.

He wasn't wrong to expose you. You are wrong to fight it. Let go of your pride and become humble and submissive as the God of the New Testament has directed you to become. Go and sin no more. You have lost your right to pride.

I dont buy that they never had sex, I seriously doubt she stopped at OM's house IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT to play footsie.. on 10/14-10/15...

sorry ... my BS meter has this pegged as a physical affair.

Hi alwayhopeful, I am so happy I gave you a reason to make your second post since you joined 10 days ago.

If you read her betrayed husbands story, shes been threatening it

Adultery is very much a clamant issue, it's not to be dealt with casually, there are a host of repercussions that can spread like wild fire due to the poor choices by those involved in the affair, end of discussion.
You need to seek help, b/c exposure did not cause this.

Case in point.

Just a couple months ago on another board a WW took her own life and left behind her children, there was zero exposure in that instance, her own choices, the OM, the affair drove her to that point where she felt the need to take her own life.

Don't do that, you will and can survive this and have a thriving marriage.

RMX no need to be ugly. Just because it says I joined 10 days ago doesn't mean anything. I don't have to defend myself nor my post because this is a public forum and I was pointing out what I interpreted her letter to say. Having said that thank you for your observations.

I think the affair fog is still clouding your rational thinking processes. If your BH was vindictive he would have exposed and left you to deal with the aftermath.

It seems you are angry about this whole exposure thing and now you want to take revenge but you don not know of who or what.

Sister, deal with this and except responsibility for you actions. You waste valuable energy on your own revenge, use this to mend your relationship with your husband instead, at least that will be more productive than this ranting.

Welcome to MB! don't worry ... you'll come to appreciate my awful sense of humor ... or dread it

I don't think you are understanding what I am saying...Be careful in your choice and think of the ramifications... When our pastor told us that he knew 2 people that committed suicide in this same situation it terrified me...God weighed heavy on me regarding this...I am simply stating...PRAY and PLEASE...PLEASE...remember she may not come back...EVER to anyone. And please don't tell me of my repentance that is between me and My GOD... God Bless you.

Did your pastor mention anything about betrayed spouses committing suicide after they found out?

Just wondering.

I had already ended the affair!

ME, ME, ME, MY, MY, MY, ME, ME, ME !!!!

Your husband is going through something worst than the death of a child and you are all about YOU !!!!

I really hope GOD speaks to you again becuase you didnt get it the first time.

RMX thanks for the welcome! I like you already!

MB does understand what you are saying... YOU don't understand what MB is saying. YOU came to a public place and bared your soul MB can tell you what it interpret your post to say because that is what you are asking for by coming here regardless if you get that now or not. MB teaches that the exposer is about the AFAIR not the person. The ACTIONS of the person not the person.

The affair never truely ended until the marriage has been repaired. That is why one of the MB principles is "no contact" for LIFE.

All it takes is a text message or a email and like a bastrop texas wildfire its full force again..

You've been here before, you know that to recover your marriage will require a serious change in extraordinary precautions.

Your not a evil person, but you have poor boundaries.

Please spare us the God talk. If God was such a huge presence in your life then you wouldn�t have committed adultery and would have known it was wrong all along and to not do it.

You are ticked off about exposure. YOU led your H down this path to this outcome. YOU. Not him.

Exposure has done what it is intended to do. It has brought out the affair into the open and out of secrecy.

Now, spare your H the pain of trickle truth and own up to the fact that this was a full on sexual affair.

We�ve been on this forum for far too long to deal with bull. We know it when we see it and you�re flinging it from everywhere.

You want to save your marriage? Then own up to your mistake, quit trying to argue against exposure (because we won�t buy it on this forum), and establish immediate no contact with OM for life.

Then apologize profusely to your BH, who actually mustered the courage needed to expose the affair, which is a very difficult thing to do.

Ashamed of being exposed? Then it�s a good lesson to learn for the next time you get temped with effing around on your H.

Focus on your mistakes. You cause all of this by having an affair. And please spare us the holier than thou God talk. You seriously have NO credibility on this.

Rather than lecture us on the need to have a Christian marriage, which I agree with, focus on how you need to be begging God and your H for forgiveness.

The devil didn�t make you do anything. YOU made the decision to take your clothes off for someone else.

So wake up and change your attitude. Telling us that exposure is wrong is not going to work since it is your affair that led to that.

Ok, if you really care about your husband at all. Please watch this video.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi1001_infidelity0.html

We've constantly told your husband that he cant educate a wayward.

So ...why would you listen to some strangers like us on the internet?

Wishful thinking on my part?

Almostdied,

that is the first step and you should be proud of yourself that you could even do that, not all waywards see the light right away........
now stay here and read about what your next step should be if you want to stay in the marriage, first you have to decide that, if you do then get to work, let the past be in the past and look at today and tomorrow and how you can make choices to make it better for your family.....
I think you ask the mods to change your name to something more positive and start there as where your new life will start.......a marriage you both can be happy in, full of love and forgiveness........
Life usually changes when you hit bottom this may have been it for you.......
This is your chance........don't destroy anymore of yourself or your husband......
you made a mistake

May I ask you where I used the God's name in vain?

Here's what I'm reading here...

"You don't understand how much I'm hurt... My affair was not that bad and he made a bigger deal out of it than it was".

What I hear here is "ME ME ME" That really in your heart, you are unrepentant. You are mad because your actions drove him to God? You aren't grateful for that? Shame on you. God took what YOU meant for evil and turned it to good.

By the way, you shamed yourself when you violated what God had joined together (you and your husband). You brought shame on the family. He brought your sin to light. Evil men love darkness and hate the light because their deeds are done in darkness. Your deeds were evil and you acted in an evil way... These are the words recorded by the apostle john in his gospel. Hon, you aren't having a divine epiphany here. You are justifying your actions and twisting scripture. Go read the book of Hosea. Heck read most of the old Testament and see how God exposed the shame of Israel for their spiritual adultery. He used it to change their heart.

Hos 2:10 Now I will uncover her lewdness in the sight of her lovers, and no one shall rescue her out of my hand.

Are you interested in anything other than telling us your opinion about exposure? Is that your sole reason for posting?

Do you want to recover your marriage? Do you want to re-build your family?


AM

This is like saying

'officer, it wasn't me speeding, it was my car'

Marriage Builders takes all threats of suicide very seriously. If you feel suicidal, please immediately call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK or go online to http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

BYW, you can change your own screen name to something more positive when you are ready to work on recovering what you did to your marriage.

We really do want to help you and your husband to have a wonderfull marriage.

I understand and see that most of you on here are the victims on infidelity. I don't know if you read all of my post but in my first marriage my ex husband has multiple affairs and it is a long story but I vowed I would never do something so destructive...I am now guilty of what I swore I WOULD never be. My ONLY point of sharing my story...IS THAT YOU GO TO PRAYER...and THINK about how your wife/husbands heart is...You love them and that is why you WANT to shame them...I do understand that part...and I must tell you that I had ended it the night before he sent all of this out...I had went to the OMs house I had never been in it. When I walked in I knew it was NOT what I wanted. Granted I did not have God move me like he did after my husband exposed it and who knows I might have returned...my only point to bring light of this...I almost committed suicide..what would have my husband said to my children..yes your mommy committed adultery and now she also committed the worst act of all killing herself...I am NOT BLAME SHIFTING>>>I know my actions where direct result of his...my ONLY point here is to PRAY about who you decided to expose it and THINK about how the other may take the shame and humiliation of what she or he has done...that is all. And another thing to take into consideration as well and I am at prayer for this and I know God is moving my heart...but how do I stand next to my husband when we are outside of our home and we live in a smaller town and he did send this to EVERYONE/EVERY facet of my life...How do I feel comfortable in my own skin next to him - knowing...a) what I did and b) I know the other person knows too...This will be the one thing that either bounds us or destroys us I fear...so please pray for my direction on that.

So if I have it right

you ALMOST committed suicide
But you DID have an affair

you ALMOST gave the affair up, probably would have - eventually
But you DIDN'T before exposure

you ALMOST admit you are at fault
but you DO find fault that your husband told people of YOUR behaviour

you ALMOST think the marriage will be ok eventually
But you DO want your husband to apologise for HIS actions before you decide

I ALMOST think your hubby should divorce you and find a faithful woman who can honour him and love him
But you MAY end up being that woman - one day

Just a suggestion, why don't you book you and your husband into marriage counselling here with the Harleys and find out if you CAN be that woman.

Your choice just like it was to have the affair, except this one may make you proud one day by having taken it.

Read Romans.

There's plenty in there about people who scream about their religion and yet don't live by the law.

Humility and quiet prayer and reflection are what's in order for you.

So throwing God's name around and discussing His will after you committed adultery removes any credibility you have on the matter.

Is it using his name in vain? Not for me to judge.

But instead of focusing on God's will, etc, focus on you and what you can do to heal your H's pain.

You have absolutely zero comprehension right now of the immense amount of pain you've caused him.

Want a clue? The pain of infidelity and the magnitude of the betrayal has been compared to rape. You have emotionally raped your husband and you need to be focusing on your actions and his pain.

If you feel suicidal, please call 911 and get help for your problems. This thread is locked.