What the hell is wrong with these WS's?

I have FIVE young children. My WH walked out leaving me with my FIVE young children because he thinks the OW "understands" him "better" than I do. He insists this is for our children's benefit. Yet he doesn't deal with their crying and waking up with nightmares and wondering why daddy isn't here on a daily basis. He comes and goes as he feels like it, which is rarely more than an hour or two a few times a week. He filed divorce and thinks I should just hand over everything and be left with [censored] so he can start his "new life" with OW when I've been a SAHM for the past 8 1/2 years to our children and moved from house to house over and over again as a military spouse.

How has he convinced himself that this is "good" for our children? How does he sleep at night knowing he has walked out on our children and me? I truly do not understand the thought process at all!

HFC,

This is a safe place to vent, btw is the OW also in the military and did you expose her to her command?

God Bless
Gamma

OW is not in the military, no. WH separated from the military last month, I exposed to his command but they didn't do anything about it because he was already on his way out of the service by the time I took it up the chain.

Get a family law attorney and make certain you get child support AND spousal support ..... right away. Do not delay this important protective step.

I think what is running through my mind every time I encounter his stupidity right now is every "love buster" out there... I just wanna yell in his face-- what the F--- is wrong with you? You have five children. You married for life. You're willing to screw it all up and just throw it away for a fling with a woman who has her own kids from her divorce (and an ex stepson she has part time from her XH's first divorce before her), a woman who has cheated with a married man at least once-- think she wouldn't do it to him, too? WTF? Truly! I am so tired of dealing with this SH-- because he decided to walk away from our beautiful family to follow his penis.

This OW is just stupid.
A man with 5 dependent children and a SAHW won't be able to afford to buy OW tampons after his divorce.

I have an attorney. WH "wants" our 5 children and me to pay him Child support and him not pay me any spousal support and hand me half the debt. No way in hell. He hasn't thought of our children in over a year, I'm not handing them over to him without a fight legally for their own best interest. He wasn't even in the danged country half of this year. They've never been without me but he's been gone nonstop their entire lives. I want him IN our kids lives, but not at my exclusion. I'd rather he get his head out of his tush and try to be in their lives in our home with me!

Resist this with all your might.
It will be FAR MORE EFFECTIVE to have WH served with legal papers.
Let your lawyer speak for you and the kids.

Getting an attorney does not mean you divorce, but WH needs a reality check.
Serve your WH a BIG reality check via a legal document.

Is WH paying household bills currently?

WH already filed for divorce when he moved out to pursue OW. I don't think the response he received back was what he was expecting, though. Legal grounds for dismissal of the case because he filed incorrectly.

Some. Not all. I've had to threaten court every time I've needed him to pay things, especially when I found out he didn't pay my student loan payment last month and it was delinquent. And same with the water bill. And since he has complete control over all of our finances, I have less than $10 currently. I was told soonest for an interim order of support a hearing date would be sometime in late January.

Hi Hopeforchange-
I am so sorry you are hurting and having the difficult task of raising 5 kids on your own right now. Is there any way your mom or dad could come stay with you to help you out?

I see you already have some of the vets attention. Which is awesome for you. A suggestion I have for you is to ask one of the moderators to combine your posts it makes it easier for everyone reading.

I will follow your posts but will not be posting MB help at this time since I am too new. What I can do is to offer encouragement.

I will be thinking of you and your kids.

I just can't figure out his train of thought. How exactly has he convinced himself that this really is "good" for our kids? That he is doing anything beneficial for any of us including himself right now?

Unless .... there is an emergency. Right?
What did your attorney say about WH not paying the usual household bills?

Stop wasting your time trying to figure out wayward crappy thinking.

Eight more weeks without a hearing sounds way far off (with as little money as you say you have.)
There are emergency hearings. What does your counselor think?

Also, bite the humility bullet. Contact local charity services and see about food stamps, and other porgrams for temporary support (and the holidays) do you belong to a church?

Many have holiday plans and are looking for families, but you may need to get identified now.

What other types of support do you have? Family? Friends?

There is really no benefit in trying to understand what your WH is thinking now.
You need to conserve your energies for better planning.

Sorry you are here, sorry this is happening to you.

We filed requesting an emergency hearing almost 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately, the judge still has not set a hearing date. A lot of the judges my counsel told me take off for the holidays which drags everything through the court unbelievably slow.

Attorney put the information about WH not paying the bills in the request for the hearing. His advice to me was to get a credit card if it comes down to no way to buy food or pay bills, but I don't exactly have a way to pay a credit card, either.

No, both of my parents work full time and barely make their own bills doing so. They can't leave their jobs and I'm in another state than they are. My grandma is here until next weekend then she is going back to her house and I'll be back on my own.

I don't qualify for section 8, I tried to find out about that (and was told it's pointless anyway because it's a 3 year wait list in this city). Food stamps they told me that my assets are too high (because we own a house in another state even though I can't move there because of the divorce paperwork that prevents me from leaving the state with the kids and because WH bought a brand new van last December.) My church has a food pantry of dried goods and I've been offered use of it. I'm fairly decent on food at the moment since my grandma bought some groceries for me to help out.

My family is all out of state. My friends were all on the base and most are leaving the state for extended vacations right now so not a lot of emotional support going on.

My grandma's support to me was to tell me that I need to just face the fact my husband "doesn't want [me] anymore" and "move on". It hurt so much having someone say that to me. None of them understand why I'm fighting for my marriage to WH.

No, Dear;
I know your situation is temporary, I was thinking about all your kids and christmas, specifically.

You will not be in this limbo forever -
My High School adopts families to provide food and gifts, and at my daughters school, the Spanish Club takes on about 60 families a season. Yes, this is a one time, thing, but it may be a great back up of support for you.

The most important thing you can do is read on this site an prepare yourself mentally for the situation you are in.
You may need a short plan a - but a strong plan B. Plan B will help you heal, and give y ou peace of mind.