H's Porn addiction (edited) - 12/09/11 07:00 AM
Porn addiction for my H, not me! I am so lost and so tired of dealing with it but feel silly to end a marriage over pictures! Urgh, Not sure where to post, let me know if this is the place?!
I just wanted to make sure I was in the right place before I posted everything!
My H has a huge problem with porn and yes masturbation too, its gotten to be a daily thing and its very hard on me! We have been married for 14yrs and I have dealt with this the whole 14yrs! I have been angry, upset, understanding (that its a problem), tried to help, etc etc and H doesnt seem to get it. He will stop for a bit but then its right back to it. He has tried but it usually doesnt last long. A few months ago I confronted him again, told him my feelings towards it, told him it was unacceptable to me and he needed to stop. That lasted for maybe a month until I caught him again (caught him by looking on his computer one day so its highly possible he had done it before). Confronted him again, we talked about reasons why (his explanation is always he doesnt know) but we talked about things to help. 3wks later, caught again, then Wednesday, not 2wks after our last talk, I find more porn! He does do this at home and not work. I have school 2 days a week and he usually always does it then but a lot of times its in the morning after the kids have left for school (and I am still asleep). I've told him before to wake me up if he felt the urge, that obviously didnt happen, he turned to porn.
Normally after I find out he's been doing it again, I leave it alone and just hope he's being honest, I dont tend to even look for signs for weeks/months. I try not to care but after 14yrs, I am SO tired of it!! We do have children together too, I am due with #6 in January.
H's background with porn: Growing up they had access to pornography magazines, it was no big deal. He was raised by his father and 3 brothers (no sisters and mother was not in the home). I excused the porn use because of this. To him it was no big deal. I, on the other hand, was raised where pornography is a sin, sex is a sin if done without your spouse etc!
Honestly, I think he really does try to stop and for a moment he does understand that it hurts me but the addiction over comes him and he's back at it. I do understand that it is an addiction.
In our 14yrs of marriage, I have never denied him sex because I feel it is a sin to do so. I know men need it more than women so I try to be there when he needs it, I have told him "Not right now" numerous times but I've always tried to make sure we had sex the next day or two. I've never made him go weeks/months without so I see no reason for him to turn to the porn.
I am going to read the links posted here and would greatly appreciate any more that may help. I am trying to decide if ending this marriage or trying to make it work is the way I will go. I came to MB 5+ yrs ago and it helped a lot with the problems we were going through (mostly porn). I love him like crazy but I am willing to end it all if need be, if I cannot have all of him, I'd rather have none of him and make my life easier knowing it doesnt matter what he does because he is no longer my husband. Sorry for the novel, hopefully I answered any questions that may come up. Desperate for help here, does MB have any porn addiction help?! H really needs something to direct him!
Rachel
I just wanted to make sure I was in the right place before I posted everything!
My H has a huge problem with porn and yes masturbation too, its gotten to be a daily thing and its very hard on me! We have been married for 14yrs and I have dealt with this the whole 14yrs! I have been angry, upset, understanding (that its a problem), tried to help, etc etc and H doesnt seem to get it. He will stop for a bit but then its right back to it. He has tried but it usually doesnt last long. A few months ago I confronted him again, told him my feelings towards it, told him it was unacceptable to me and he needed to stop. That lasted for maybe a month until I caught him again (caught him by looking on his computer one day so its highly possible he had done it before). Confronted him again, we talked about reasons why (his explanation is always he doesnt know) but we talked about things to help. 3wks later, caught again, then Wednesday, not 2wks after our last talk, I find more porn! He does do this at home and not work. I have school 2 days a week and he usually always does it then but a lot of times its in the morning after the kids have left for school (and I am still asleep). I've told him before to wake me up if he felt the urge, that obviously didnt happen, he turned to porn.
Normally after I find out he's been doing it again, I leave it alone and just hope he's being honest, I dont tend to even look for signs for weeks/months. I try not to care but after 14yrs, I am SO tired of it!! We do have children together too, I am due with #6 in January.
H's background with porn: Growing up they had access to pornography magazines, it was no big deal. He was raised by his father and 3 brothers (no sisters and mother was not in the home). I excused the porn use because of this. To him it was no big deal. I, on the other hand, was raised where pornography is a sin, sex is a sin if done without your spouse etc!
Honestly, I think he really does try to stop and for a moment he does understand that it hurts me but the addiction over comes him and he's back at it. I do understand that it is an addiction.
In our 14yrs of marriage, I have never denied him sex because I feel it is a sin to do so. I know men need it more than women so I try to be there when he needs it, I have told him "Not right now" numerous times but I've always tried to make sure we had sex the next day or two. I've never made him go weeks/months without so I see no reason for him to turn to the porn.
I am going to read the links posted here and would greatly appreciate any more that may help. I am trying to decide if ending this marriage or trying to make it work is the way I will go. I came to MB 5+ yrs ago and it helped a lot with the problems we were going through (mostly porn). I love him like crazy but I am willing to end it all if need be, if I cannot have all of him, I'd rather have none of him and make my life easier knowing it doesnt matter what he does because he is no longer my husband. Sorry for the novel, hopefully I answered any questions that may come up. Desperate for help here, does MB have any porn addiction help?! H really needs something to direct him!
Rachel