Hello All,Im a new guy and thought id post my story:
It all started in Dec,i am married 10 yrs,wife has 2 children from previous marriage and ive raised them since my son was 3yrs old.
Back in Dec about dec 10,the wife asked if we should part ways as she felt unhappy in the relationship and she felt i was not supportive in the family,distant and not responsive to her needs,as you all know this hit me with a brick wall,stunned scared,unknown to me she had felt this way.I left it at that and began to have a gut feeling,didnt even dawn on me until the phone comp began to call,i worked the graveyard shift and they woke me up to tell me the bill has not been paid,was at about 500 bucks,i then chcked the phone records and low and behold there was a number that i did not recognize,it was texting that began in nov,first just a few in the AM then progressively every morning into the night.I confronted W of this and she told me it was someone at work,she deals with on a daily basis and she was giving job assignment to him,i asked "I dont believe he works on AC units well into the night",stunned she broke down and told me it was a guy at work and that he had recently broken up with a girlfriend of 4yrs,he was going through a hard time and she began to talk to him about it since she was feeling the same way in our marriage.
Now as this progressed and confronted,i told her that if she wants this marriage then all contact need to stop,and i need her cell phone and all emails,a week went by and she agreed,problem is they work together,i have checked and there has been no phone contact since dec 19,were he contacted her and they talked for 40 min,then it all came to an end,no nothing.
What bothers me is how can it just stop?,there is more to the story,please ask me and ill supply whatever i have,im just at a standstill,we have talked alot,but there is no clear indicators were she is in this,she doesnt say she wants the marriage or divorce ...so here i am just wondering.
Thank you,im so sorry for the length of this.
Now as this progressed and confronted,i told her that if she wants this marriage then all contact need to stop,and i need her cell phone and all emails,a week went by and she agreed,problem is they work together,i have checked and there has been no phone contact since dec 19,were he contacted her and they talked for 40 min,then it all came to an end,no nothing.
What has happened is that the affair has gone underground. They are contacting each other via a secret email account, secret cell phone or some other way. I would put a keylogger on her computer, search her car for a secret cell phone and perhaps put a hidden VAR in her car. Have you checked for text messages?
Who is this guy? Is he married? Have you read their emails?
,and i need her cell phone and all emails,
Did she give you the emails?
What bothers me is how can it just stop?,
Hi, Ed, and welcome to Marriage Builders.
Simple answer to your question: it didn't stop. They've taken the A underground. You might want to start snooping to see if you can find another phone (aka "affair phone") that she uses only to be in contact with him.
Keep looking at those records anyway, but don't let her know that you're doing so. Waywards are sloppy. They'll mess up.
What do you know about this guy? Do you know where he lives? Don't necessarily buy the 'girlfriend' story - waywards are liars. He could very well be married. Find out.
Do not tip your hand to her that you are checking on either of them. You'll want to be at your best, most pleasant self right now.
You do understand that they will not be able to work together, right? Once an affair begins between two people, the only successful outcome involves complete separation of the affair partners for life.
I'm sorry you've had to come here, but you're at the right place.
What bothers me is how can it just stop?
It doesn't just stop Ed. They just got smarter. If they are still working together, it is still on.
Play it cool while you gather your information on this OM. Don't give WW any ammunition to paint you as the bad guy and justify her behaviour in her own mind. Be cool, calm and loving.
Study up on exposure. It needs to be done all at once and WITHOUT warning. If you warn them, they will start to spin a story to make you look like you are crazy and jealous. Or that your marriage was over long before this started.
hereSorry you are here. I think you can turn this around if you use MB to fight it. Keep posting...many here can help you.
Gathered as much info i can,searched for another phone,nothing,the OM i have his name and last name,search a ton of stuff and unable to locate and email addresses except for work email,its like the guy is non existing,W told me the girlfriend was a nurse,worked graveyard also,he moved out and living with mom,i cant find this guy anywere on the net...he does have 2 small boys,unknown if he was married or what.
VAR bought and will be installed,need it to run for the week when she goes back to work...hope i can see whats going on.
More history,inlaws are here,they leave tomorrow,they know everything as i told them,W talked to them,turned it around on me,i am the bad guy,anyway things have been a bit stsnd-offish,we have talked at length,but there is just something i cant figure out,one min ok,then the next well weird,i think she is confused,i just have a gut feeling something more is up.
More history,inlaws are here,they leave tomorrow,they know everything as i told them,W talked to them,turned it around on me,i am the bad guy,anyway things have been a bit stsnd-offish,we have talked at length,but there is just something i cant figure out,one min ok,then the next well weird,i think she is confused,i just have a gut feeling something more is up.
BE like James Bond and quietly get as much evidence as you can. I would also get a GPS on her car as she might be meeting him some place. Radio Shack has one called zoombak that is at zoombak.com. It runs about $100 and then you can sign up for monthly service. OR you can put eblaster or flexispy on her phone, which both have built in GPS units.
Good idea,her phone is a droid x2,it has gps,wonder if i can activate it through verizon,what they use to track the kids,i can try.
She doesnt go out,always home from work at 6:30,never late or anything,i know this cause the kids call me at that time to say Hi,So i dont see her meeting with him except at work,i have considered contacting her boss as i know her and have the number,i understand one or both could get fired,but i didnt do this to her,and i believe the boss should now whats going on in the work place.I am a little excited about the VAR,hope it works out.
I wouldn't contact anyone until you have some good evidence. Then we can help you do a very strategic exposure that won't make you look like a crazy man.
Try and get a good GPS on her and find out if she and the OM are sneaking off somewhere during work hours.
And you are right about her getting fired. If they get fired, it will be because of their affair. And if you have any hope of recovery, one of them will have to leave anyway. But wait to do that until you have good evidence, otherwise, your exposure will be easily dismissed.
If you can get her phone, you could install eblaster for $65. It will send you all of her text messages and it has a built in GPS. IT shows every call in and out, too.
I strongly encourage you to read Surviving an Affair. It is available at local bookstores, on this website or from Amazon.com.
Also, follow the advice on this Forum.
The exposure is important; I followed the advice, and my wife returned home from her affair partners house within 5 days of exposure; she couldn't handle all of her close relatives chastising her.
Please follow the advice and KEEP loving your wife during this time, try to create a loving home environment.
In laws left this AM,didnt say goodbye to me,im a little upset about that,I was very close to them,breaks my heart.
I have been reading alot and on this forum,its really opened my mind up and making me understand,Thank you.
I have been as loving and caring as possible,the W is still a little standoffish and i dont want to smother her either,i have just been as normal as possible,VAR has been install and set,will leave it in there for the rest of the week,see what info i can gather.
I am wondering why she is standoffish,my curiosity is getting the best of me,this is a tough situation to be in.
Edsway,
My husband used the zoombak on me (GPS)and it works well. It is very small, about the size of a matchbox, and the battery lasted a long time. He told me it was pretty effective--he could even tell what parking place I was in at the gym. I think it is worth the money for you, and could give you peace of mind.
The VAR worked good,i was able to get the conversation W had with parents on the way to the airport,they had suggested that she pack up and move back home,that it has ended and for the sake of the kids it would be a more stable environment for them if they would take of them and her,FIL spoke to my son and stated that i did not spend enough time with him that i should have taken him to more ball games and get him out of the house,that all i did for them was to spend time away and on the computer,that it was no life to have,i was heartbroken to say the least,though they are not my blood,i felt they were my own,anyway the W stated to me later in the day that FIL wanter her to either rent the house or just let it go and that she should pack it up and head home.
I have begun to look for rentals and set up a new bank/checking/saving account,i am just getting the setup for the possible ending,the last thing i need is to get blindsided again and left in the cold with nothing.I hope im doing all this right for now.
She has not talked to me,she has just avoided me this whole time,i i try to talk,i get the "nothing is wrong" and the same thing as i stated before...
Do the inlaws know about the affair? And is this true that you spend no time with your kids?
You don�t have any rights to those kids unless you�re an adoptive parent and the bio dad gave up his parental rights.
You have to act at this point, but you need to be smart.
For starters, accept one thing, which will help you move forward and do the things that are necessary to end this affair in the hopes that you save your marriage.
First, accept that your marriage is dead. Tip toeing and walking on eggshells won�t save anything since everything is dead as it is. Any recovery at this point will be a rebuilding of a marriage.
Second, keep snooping. Gather more evidence of the affair. It is underground and hasn�t ended.
Do you know any of her passwords? Can you put a keylogger on the computer?
Finally, be assertive and formulate a plan to kill the affair.
This means taking action when you need to and making the OM�s life hell if necessary.
Was this woman divorced when you met her? Were you the OM in her previous marriage? How did her last marriage end?
Do the inlaws know about the affair? And is this true that you spend no time with your kids?
I told them about the EA,what his name was and how they were in contact,i told them what i had found out,everything,few days after that the W had a talk with them,she told them everything,so she told me,i believe the EA was not discussed or played down so to speak,this i think let them to believe i was the bad guy.
My son is 14,i worked the graveyard shift for 2.5yrs,it was very straining on the relationship and for my son,we spent time together,but i believe it was not enough quality time,me and him alone just hanging out,so to a point the FIL is correct.My daughter is 12,she spends more time with mom,i do also try,but my son is more attached.
You don�t have any rights to those kids unless you�re an adoptive parent and the bio dad gave up his parental rights.
You have to act at this point, but you need to be smart.
For starters, accept one thing, which will help you move forward and do the things that are necessary to end this affair in the hopes that you save your marriage.
First, accept that your marriage is dead. Tip toeing and walking on eggshells won�t save anything since everything is dead as it is. Any recovery at this point will be a rebuilding of a marriage.
Second, keep snooping. Gather more evidence of the affair. It is underground and hasn�t ended.
Do you know any of her passwords? Can you put a keylogger on the computer?
Finally, be assertive and formulate a plan to kill the affair.
This means taking action when you need to and making the OM�s life hell if necessary.
Was this woman divorced when you met her? Were you the OM in her previous marriage? How did her last marriage end?
Correct i have no rights since they are not my own,my blood.Bio dad has not given up rights,he still fights it to this day.out of the picture though.
I have searched,VAR is on and rollin,i just cant see this A anywere,underground maybe?i cant find it at all,phone records,another paid phone,i have searched and the only thing is were she works,thats is the only thing i am unable to monitor,if it is continuing it has to be at her work place,but all other ends have come up with nothing,like it just disappeared,
Yes,she was divorced when i met her,i do not believe i was the OM,she was or had a relationship with a guy while i began to date her,it was over from what she told me at the time as i didnt want to get mixed up in the drama,i too had just came off a relationship at that time about 6 months before i met her.
The last marriage ended,the previous H was very abusive,very manipulative and jealous,he began to beat her,he was also an alcoholic which led to all the bitterness,he had once stolen my son when he was almost 3,she was able to convince him to give him back,that started the whole roller coaster in that marriage,she told me some real bad things about it,he still has the mentality that he is to get them back,well my son anyway,he has fought numerous times to gain custody but due to his history he is unable to convince the courts.
I pulled the VAR tonight from W's car,you guys are right,100% right,she is still talking to OM,i heard everything,told him about what she said to the inlaws,aslo found out that one of the women she works with called her and told that while she was out on vacation that OM was standing at her desk looking at the calander and asking when she is comming back,they made a joke that W has a new boyfriend etc...i am so freaking mad right now,i have been played,now i know it has progressed into a full fledged affair,i dont know yet what the plans are between OM and my wife.But i believe i need to begin exposure.....what do i do now?
It seems like she has another phone,i just cant locate it anywere.
I bet she keeps the phone at work. My FWW did. She worked in a large factory. She was in an office job while he worked in another part of the factory. She would use the prepaid cell to text, etc.
On D Day #2, when I finally forced her into giving me the phone. (It was a weekend and we went to her office and retrieved it) The things found on it were very hurtful. Finally, the whole truth.
I hope you find more information.
It seems like she has another phone,i just cant locate it anywere.
1. Search her car
2. Search her bag
If she has it with her in the car, it's likely in one of those two locations.
I pulled the VAR tonight from W's car,you guys are right,100% right,she is still talking to OM,i heard everything,told him about what she said to the inlaws,aslo found out that one of the women she works with called her and told that while she was out on vacation that OM was standing at her desk looking at the calander and asking when she is comming back,they made a joke that W has a new boyfriend etc...i am so freaking mad right now,i have been played,now i know it has progressed into a full fledged affair,i dont know yet what the plans are between OM and my wife.But i believe i need to begin exposure.....what do i do now?
It seems like she has another phone,i just cant locate it anywere.
Do you have your list of exposure targets? What about their employer? Do you have contact info for the HR Dept.? CEO's name? President's? Company attorney? You don't send it to just their supervisor.
Have you googled OM's name to get his info?
www.intelius.com will return associated names for a small fee (like 1.95).
Don't go off half-cocked on your exposure, Ed. You want it to be surgically precise - hit everyone at once.
Her affair phone is more than likely hidden somewhere in her purse. Check there, and under the seat of her car.
And don't say anything to her! This is where your acting skills will have to be at their best - you don't want to tip her off that you know until you've done your exposure.
I agree with the others. This is an exit affair. So let her exit. It isn't about how much you love her, its about her not loving you. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
I half believe the stories about the ex. It�s not uncommon for a wife looking for an exit to exaggerate the flaws of her H and accuse him of being abusive in some way. It was done to me despite the fact that I never touched my WXW, hurt her in any way, or even raised my voice at her.
But that is irrelevant.
My question to you is this: Is she worth it?
I ask that since you don�t have any kids with her. Yes, I understand, the step kids are in the picture. But unless they see you as their dad, then they�re not your kids. I say that as a man who is married and has kids with a step mom. As awesome as she is, she�s not their mom.
So what does she have that makes her more special than any other woman out there?
Was she some great, devoted wife who treated you well over the years and just recently became wayward?
Could you not find a better relationship with someone else who won�t cheat on you?
These are important questions.
But I know you wish to save your marriage. With that in mind, I advise you to expose.
Expose to her parents with information about the affair. Expose to their workplace and inform their HR department. Find out if he has a girlfriend or wife and expose to her. Expose to his family and his parents.
Expose to your stepkids.
That�s all your very first step. Bring the affair into the open.
Expose.
It all begins with exposure...it all begins with exposure.
Good luck.
I heard only the conversation on her end,The VAR is amazing,she stated what she told the inlaws,she told him she was scared that all is moving so fast,she was scared that when all this is over he would get bored and move on,she told about how the co-worker would tease her that she has a new boyfriend,and then this is what set me off,she told him that i was abusive to the kids....people i dropped to the floor,that i was abusive to the 2 children that i raised....she stated to OM that is what she told the inlaws too,now the pieces fell into place,that is why they were telling her to leave and head back home with the kids,she turned the people who i felt were my family against me....that i abused these children.
I am sorry but that completely drew the line for me,I talked to my son this AM and told him about what i found out,i didnt tell him ,just that i new the whole story,he promised to keep it between us,my son told me the W told him that he should not feel ill thoughts about the OM {yes his name was said}my son told me that he told her he will not go to her work and anyplace to see this man,that he would stomp on him if he every saw him.
I cannot find this other damn phone,i looked all night,she calls him in the AM on the way to work,purse nothing,car all night i checked nothing...my son said she grabbed his phone,but she didnt take that with,i checked his phone records,no calls out to a unknown number.
This woman has damaged the marriage,the way its sounds is that when i exit out,that she would attempt to bring this guy in,but it seems he is a bit reluctant,as she talks to him she keeps saying its moving very fast,oh and a final conversation she stated to him that she didnt know what changed that they were friends in something changed,i couldnt read into that,was just weird out of the blue,think OM is getting cold feet or?
I agree with the others. This is an exit affair. So let her exit. It isn't about how much you love her, its about her not loving you. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
It doesn't actually matter if this is an exit affair or not. Most of the A's I've seen could have been classed as exit affairs. Many have still been ended, and marriages saved.
What matters is that all options are offered. If a poster wants to try and save their M, we have a plan here to do just that. If a poster simply wants to D, well, we have the support they need to do that, as well.
You need to reexpose to your inlaws with the **truth** version of the story.
That your marriage "problems" are a result of her physical and emotional affair. Tell them that you love her, and ask for their help and support for your marriage.
Be very cautious of her falsly accusing you to get you out of the house. You might want to get an additional VAR to keep with you at all times.
It sounds like this OM might bail on her if this gets exposed to his friends and family. Get that done too!
Edsway, are you ready to do a very strategic exposure? You have about a 50/50 chance of saving this if you are very strategic. No guarantees, but there is a chance.
And of course it doesn't matter if this is an "exit affair," that makes no difference.
I would immediately call the ILs and expose. Expose to their workplace. Expose to his side.
Make his life a he77.
Stay calm in this whole process, don�t feed the image she�s painted of you.
Expose to the kids in full. Tell your SS the truth about the conversation you heard regarding the abuse. He might chime in and help you with the IL�s.
They will likely believe her until they hear your side of things and will be more likely to believe your SS if they hear it from him.
But the first step in ending this mess is to expose it. Take action now.
After you expose, confront her with your evidence.
Expect her to go ballistic. This is normal.
Ed, go read this thread right now and start planning your exposures:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583come back here and tell us your plan and we can help you with next steps.
Edsway,
she was scared that when all this is over he would get bored and move on
Hold that thought, she senses what we all know is going to happen, dig up whatever dirt you can on other affairs OM has had, speak to his ex-wives etc, OM does not want a real relationship or financial obligations or dealing with WWs children.
God Bless
Gamma
Also -- Look in your garage for the secret phone.
She likely has to plug it in overnight for charging.
Ok,let begin the exposure,the contacts i have is on her work web sight,there are email links to all,CEO's pres,supervisors etc,also has email links to OM's work people,he is a maintenance engineer for the buildings and there are foreman lead guys etc that he works with,i do have the personal cell number to W direct supervisor,i could call her on her cell,explain what is happening,i also have the OM's full name,and his cell number,other than that searches come up empty for the Do+#hbag,like i said before he is hard to locate,oh,i did hear her in the conversation that on thursday he was going to inquire or open a business,what kind i have no idea,but she seemed enthused about it..You guy's tell me were to began and i will fire away...i have to admit i feel a weight has been lifted..why i dont know..a sense of relief.
I cannot find this other damn phone
Check the garage or any cupboard or box that's between the bedroom and the car. I've heard of one case where the WS hid the a-phone in the washing-machine or dryer. It's likely somewhere within easy reach, so she can grab it on the way out.
I would suggest taking a day or two to gather more evidence and properly plan out this exposure. It should be a "tsunami of truth", exposing her A to all parties that can affect it.
And redouble your efforts to find that phone.
Ok,let begin the exposure,the contacts i have is on her work web sight,there are email links to all,CEO's pres,supervisors etc,also has email links to OM's work people,he is a maintenance engineer for the buildings and there are foreman lead guys etc that he works with,i do have the personal cell number to W direct supervisor,i could call her on her cell,explain what is happening,i also have the OM's full name,and his cell number,other than that searches come up empty for the Do+#hbag,like i said before he is hard to locate,oh,i did hear her in the conversation that on thursday he was going to inquire or open a business,what kind i have no idea,but she seemed enthused about it..You guy's tell me were to began and i will fire away...i have to admit i feel a weight has been lifted..why i dont know..a sense of relief.
Start off by sending a workplace exposure letter [on my link] to the Director of Human Resources, both their supervisors and a KEY VP. CC all of them on this email.
Then, I want you to send your inlaws an email and then call your FIL and follow up.
Edsway,
www.veromi.com usually pulls up like relatives, if you are in the USA, type in his name and state. Also do a picture search in Google using his name. Did you check
www.linkedin.com? God Bless
Gamma
I would send something like this to your inlaws and then follow up with a phone call to your FIL and MIL and play them the tape:
Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a divorce, which has shattered my heart. I could not understand why she would not work on the marriage because I thought we had a good marriage.
To my shock, I have discovered the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with her coworker named John. I have evidence that her plan is to replace me with Joe. She has justified these actions by manufacturing lies about me abusing the kids. I have never ever abused these children, whom I love and have given all of my heart for 10 years. She is telling people bald faced lies about me "dropping Jimmy to the floor."
Our children can confirm that these are outright lies. She has been telling our children that she has found a new boyfriend, Joe, and that they shold not be angry at him for breaking up our family. They are confused and upset.
I have direct evidence and would be happy to share this with anyone. Apparently, many of her coworkers also know about her affair.
As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.
I would so appreciate your support and prayers.
Warmest regards,
Workplace exposure letter. Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney--
To Whom It May Concern:
This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.
WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.
If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.
Regards,
and then this is what set me off,she told him that i was abusive to the kids....
Claiming abuse is common with WWs - that appeals to the OM's belief that the A is okay because he is 'rescuing' her from an abusive situation. Waywards instinctively know to paint their spouse in the worst possible light - and to flat-out lie if necessary.
she keeps saying its moving very fast,oh and a final conversation she stated to him that she didnt know what changed that they were friends in something changed,i couldnt read into that,was just weird out of the blue,think OM is getting cold feet or?
It sounds like the opposite is true. Get going on that exposure. Don't speculate that OM is backing away from this.
And btw, Ed - NOTHING CHANGED. There was no cosmic aligning of planets, their eyes didn't meet across a crowded room...they very simply did what waywards have been doing since God was a boy - loosening their boundaries and disrespecting their vows.
I would send something like this to your inlaws and then follow up with a phone call to your FIL and MIL and play them the tape:
Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a divorce, which has shattered my heart. I could not understand why she would not work on the marriage because I thought we had a good marriage.
Very well written,i will use this,Thank you,i am going to set the new post on ehat ive found out as this will help.
To my shock, I have discovered the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with her coworker named John. I have evidence that her plan is to replace me with Joe. She has justified these actions by manufacturing lies about me abusing the kids. I have never ever abused these children, whom I love and have given all of my heart for 10 years. She is telling people bald faced lies about me "dropping Jimmy to the floor."
Our children can confirm that these are outright lies. She has been telling our children that she has found a new boyfriend, Joe, and that they shold not be angry at him for breaking up our family. They are confused and upset.
I have direct evidence and would be happy to share this with anyone. Apparently, many of her coworkers also know about her affair.
As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.
I would so appreciate your support and prayers.
Warmest regards,
I got some of the latest info,The VAR i used in finding out it was still going,well during her conversations she had called the inlaws,on speaker phone :),it was all in spanish,i dont know spanish but my co-workers do,i brought it to a co-worker that i trust,he knows of my situation,anyway this is what he interpreted from the conversation the W had with inlaws on speaker phone:
MIL:you need to act quickly,he has begun the affair and will not
stop,you need to gather new bank accounts,ones that he can
never see,begin to pool money there and when enough leave.
you need to do this now as he will take all of it and you
will have nothing.
W:ok will do
MIL:he has turned the children against you explain to them this is a grown up problem and stay out of it.
MIL:Dad stated Ed told him you were having an affair with another
man,his name{OM},he told him that night,what is that about.
W:not true,not true at all,there is no other man,that is a lie
to cover.
MIL:Why?why would Ed say such a thing?
W:He is in a lie,its not good
FIL now on phone:
FIL:Be careful,he is ready to take all you have,you must stand
ground for the kids,tell them it will be ok once it is over
and they can come here.
FIL:He will tell lies and lie to the kids to turn them against
you,just protect them from that.
W:yes i will i have done it,i talk to son last night.
FIL:Ed has done harm,he is no good for them,he will take their
hearts away from you,you must act now.
W:yes
It went on like this,what my co-worker said was that she has turned the whole thing around and painted me as the one with the affair,she has told them this when they were here for the holidays,the long talk that day,now i understand why they were like that to me,now the pieces fall into place,she has spun a lie to take the pressure off of her.It gives her affair a right to do....now i understand.
She is also telling OM lies also,this i heard on the VAR,she told him that her mom asked about him and were he lived.That i believe is complete BS,as she would have asked about him in their phone conversation....
People i have to tell you,i never in my life would have thought this woman can be this way,she was caring and wonderful,yet to change on a dime and turn into a wicked monster,i am totally blown away,this is unreal.
Friend called tonight,he also stated that there has got to be a phone somewhere,he told me to retrace her steps as she heads out in the morning,he told me that phone is the golden egg and needs to be located,i have been up and down i just cant figure were she would hide it.
Sent letter to workplace,Done...it has begun
Also VAR i overlooked,they have been meeting,possibly at lunch and work hours....let the games begin
Friend called tonight,he also stated that there has got to be a phone somewhere,he told me to retrace her steps as she heads out in the morning,he told me that phone is the golden egg and needs to be located,i have been up and down i just cant figure were she would hide it.
It HAS to be somewhere between the bedroom and the car. THINK. Where have you not checked already? Have you checked the ash-tray in the car? Around or below the car seats?
As your in-laws have suggested she withdraw money from the joint accounts, I suggest that you do so FIRST before she has a chance to do so. I think the usual recommendation is to divide the money in the account by the number of persons in the family, then take all shares except one and place them in a separate account.
Oh, and cancel any joint credit cards.
I think your exposure might have been slightly premature. It might have beeen best to locate the phone first. As your friend suggests, it's the "golden egg" - proof of the A that she would find very difficult to refute.
Friend called tonight,he also stated that there has got to be a phone somewhere,he told me to retrace her steps as she heads out in the morning,he told me that phone is the golden egg and needs to be located,i have been up and down i just cant figure were she would hide it.
It may be velcroed under a shelf somewhere. Retrace her steps and check UNDER things that can't be moved, like shelves or benches.
Friend called tonight,he also stated that there has got to be a phone somewhere,he told me to retrace her steps as she heads out in the morning,he told me that phone is the golden egg and needs to be located,i have been up and down i just cant figure were she would hide it.
It HAS to be somewhere between the bedroom and the car. THINK. Where have you not checked already? Have you checked the ash-tray in the car? Around or below the car seats?
As your in-laws have suggested she withdraw money from the joint accounts, I suggest that you do so FIRST before she has a chance to do so. I think the usual recommendation is to divide the money in the account by the number of persons in the family, then take all shares except one and place them in a separate account.
Oh, and cancel any joint credit cards.
I think your exposure might have been slightly premature. It might have beeen best to locate the phone first. As your friend suggests, it's the "golden egg" - proof of the A that she would find very difficult to refute.
I noticed with some car seats on more inexpensive cars you can "tuck" stuff up under and in them... They are not upholstered underneath. Check there too.
in our car there is a little space in between the center console and the firewall. Stuff slips in there all the time.
CV
If you have a VAR recording of her and OM, then give it to the ILs.
Let them know, very calmly, that you know she's been telling them that he's the one having an affair. Then give them the VAR of her and OM talking.
If she's hispanic, I can tell you that the family will go ballistic if its proven she's the one having an affair.
Get your evidence to the family and let them know that you want to save your marriage and that you love their daughter and want to save things.
bathroom, under sink counter (velcro), on top of medicine chest
car- i have an under the seat compartment, also and under the steering column space for the manuals.
feminine products box.... does she carry a case of that in her bag?
the lining of my bag riped and guess what i found! that old lip gloss i was looking for.
just thoughts
I sent email of the affair letter to her job people,i woke her at 4:am and confronted her,told her all i know,not exposing the VAR of course,she got pissed and began to deny the affair,said there is no affair going,no other phone,nothing,As i was going through the VAR i found she was meeting him,i found she was sneaking out after the kids were asleep to meet him,they had planned a vacation up north next weekend,it all came out,she still denies it ever happening and asked that it is over and wants the divorce to take place,i told her that i need to speak with the FIL,she went nuts,asking why i need to talk to them for,i told i have to make good on the lies she told them,anyway i will print out the proof of text and phone calls,mail them directly indicating what and when,i will also contact FIL and play the VAR...wow,why will she not come clean,its all out now,why deny it?
Waking her at 4am to have a confrontation was NOT a good plan.
And giving her your game plan (about calling FIL) was a WORSE plan. Now she will call him BEFORE you do and spin you as a complete nut job. She will absolutely DIFFUSE you.
Get a GRIP.
wow,why will she not come clean,its all out now,why deny it?
WHY DID YOU TELL HER THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THE PHONE?
Now you will likely NEVER find it.
Hopefully the VAR recordings will be enough to convince any skeptics, because you're likely not going to get any more evidence at this point.
I just had a complete wig out i couldnt contain as i felt i had all the info i needed,the VAR has it all,it confirmed what was going on plain as day,i just snapped at it and couldnt hold back anymore,i know get a grip,but i just came unglued...i contacted a lawyer,i have a meeting set up on monday,the thing is i just couldnt go on like this and to know what her plan was,,i feel i need to contact her boss and play the VAR...now what?
I just had a complete wig out i couldnt contain as i felt i had all the info i needed,the VAR has it all,it confirmed what was going on plain as day,i just snapped at it and couldnt hold back anymore,i know get a grip,but i just came unglued...i contacted a lawyer,i have a meeting set up on monday,the thing is i just couldnt go on like this and to know what her plan was,,i feel i need to contact her boss and play the VAR...now what?
You need to call the FIL and MIL NOW before she gets to them. CALL your FIL now. Then you need to send out the email I composed above to the other family members. But you need to tell your FIL on the phone.
Then tell the kids what she is doing.
Contact her FIL and play him the VAR. Same with MIL.
Let them know before she spins it for them.
And stop wigging out. You need to keep a handle on everything you say and do. You can fight this thing, but you have to fight smart.
Believe me i am trying to keep composure,she is now in a full fledged physical affair,even to the point of trying to run me out of my house so this clown can move in and take over,i know it,ive heard it,its all there,,,like i said i have enough proof of what is going on in this mess,phone or not,even the FIL even wanted to listen to what i have,i dont think it will do any good,i think now the main goal is to get her out of here...i know,i know,im really burning inside,i am trying my hardest not to wig out...emotional affair is one thing,but physical with total manipulation, lies decete i mean complete slander...its killing me..but i will try my hardest.
Yes i will now try to be in contact with FIL,i hope he will accept my call
Don't try and keep your composure. Keep your composure.
You can do it.
You WILL stay in control of yourself.
Not try.
You will.
Now what?do i just wait?i have confirmation that the employee affair email has been opened,should i contact W direct supervisor and explain the situation and present the VAR evidence?what should i do now?
Have you read The Art Of War?
LINK to Thread
Absolutely, contact HR and tell them that you have a recording if they would like to hear. But be careful you are in a state where you can't get busted for tap(p)ing a conversation. I must commend you on your quick and decisive action. I sincerely hope that you have separated finances, Cut off her credit cards. She was planning on siphoning off your families money to leave you. But the worm has turned.
FROM NOW ON YOU MUST CARRY A VAR ON YOU. IF SHE GETS A CHANCE SHE WILL TRY TO HAVE A RO TAKEN OUT ON YOU, SO SHE CAN MOVE THAT POS IN.
I am glad you had the discussion with the son. He is now old enough to hear the truth. Play him the VAR. Then he can at least defend you when they try to poison his mind against you. They need to know that you love them, and that what their mother is doing has nothing to do with you or them.
You must file ASAP! As long as you are married, she can get credit and charge in you name. You have to stop her.
Absolutely, contact HR and tell them that you have a recording if they would like to hear. But be careful you are in a state where you can't get busted for tap(p)ing a conversation.
I don't know, he seems a bit...frazzled...and this may come across in any conversation with HR as being the ramblings of someone off their rocker. If the letter was well written, I'd give it a day or two and let them do their thing. You could then make a (calm) follow-up call asking if they received the email and if they had any questions.
That's not to criticize, Edsway--we've been where you are now and understand how it impacts your life. Just try to take a breath, calm down and think before you speak or write anything to your WW. When in doubt, don't say anything at all or, if she starts an argument, tell her that you'll talk to her when she calms down and leave the room.
DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE UNDER ANY CONDITION!!
Appearances are everything. The one that looks the most composed has the advantage if the other party is climbing up the walls.
FROM NOW ON YOU MUST CARRY A VAR ON YOU. IF SHE GETS A CHANCE SHE WILL TRY TO HAVE A RO TAKEN OUT ON YOU, SO SHE CAN MOVE THAT POS IN.
This is critical, and should not be considered an idle suggestion. I can think of two threads where the betrayed has been served with a bogus restraining order and removed from the house.
You must file ASAP! As long as you are married, she can get credit and charge in you name. You have to stop her.
I would file for a divorce as well so that he can maintain some semblance of control in this. Otherwise, if she files first or, worse, gets a restraining order against him, he'll be trying to play catch-up with her.
I will wait to contact.I have set up appointments one lawyer on Monday sec on Tuesday.I have new bank acct in my name only still have joint.I will set up direct deposit for new acct.that will take a bit to go through.I refuse to leave the house I am worried that she will have om over there when im at work. I will talk to my son play the var so he knows.if I come home and a strange car call the cops?I am sure she was in contact with om this am.seen the phone records.I believe they are now conspiring something.I am tempted to hide var in garage as that's were.she goes to smoke and get away from the kids.I have gathered enough info to settle my mind now im worried about what she.is up to
I will remain alert thank you all..I could not have done all this without you.
Edsway
The VAR is your secret weapon and your WW does not know about it yet. Am I right?
I am concerned that If you reveal the VAR to your son he might tell his mother about it and then you will no longer be able to monitor the situation as well.
I would suggest keeping the VAR a hidden weapon until you are fully lawyered up and have secured your finances.
No she does not know of the var I am sure she and om are trying to figure out how I got all the dirt.I will not reveal to my son.var is my only weapon in this.my secret.should I take a restraining order out on om?as I don't know know what OM and W are capable of doing now the s@&t hit the fan!? I am in for a wild ride.
Sounds like the garage is an excellent place to put the VAR.
Another fun trick might be to get fluorescent powder, put it on whichever outside doorknob she uses, and then track where she touches. Betting you can find the phone that way...I used to use it all the time to bust little kids stealing.
Sounds like the garage is an excellent place to put the VAR.
Another fun trick might be to get fluorescent powder, put it on whichever outside doorknob she uses, and then track where she touches. Betting you can find the phone that way...I used to use it all the time to bust little kids stealing.
You mentioned earlier that she has a friend at work who knows about OM. Could she be stashing the phone at this friend's house? Or somewhere else along the way?
Could be.but she uses it in the am.
Wow,i checked the phone records,the OM phone number is back on,texting and phone calls,mostly in the AM...hmm,why now after the the talk i had with her is the number now showing up again?
Whats going on?
Definitely a VAR in the garage, if that's where she feels at ease to call him. Oh and once the word is out and your accounts are separate, make sure she pays her half of everything.
Wow,i checked the phone records,the OM phone number is back on,texting and phone calls,mostly in the AM...hmm,why now after the the talk i had with her is the number now showing up again?
Whats going on?
You dropped a big, BIG, spanner in their scheme, and they're trying to piece it back together, that's all.
Arrange for incoming calls from the OM's number to be blocked on your phone ASAP. That will force her to use the A-phone, which in turn will increase your chances of finding it.
Are you still looking for the A-phone?
You can�t file a restraining order unless there is a threat to you. Worrying about his reaction isn�t reason enough to file.
Gather your evidence and present it to the ILs.
Edsway, get focused! Expose the affair to her parents. Play the tape for them. Tell your kids. Send the letter I composed out to her family and friends. Stop worrying about what she is doing and stick to your plan.
Got it,im staying focused,i am going to contact her brother this AM,tell him whats going,her sister,i dont have her number but ill get from the brother.i am printing out copies of phone records highlighting the number of OM etc,ill write it in the letter explaining to FIL what his beloved daughter is doing,i tried to call FIL last night no answer,if i can get to the brother,he will tell them also,ill keep the pressure on hard.
Separate bank account is going,need to go to the bank and make sure she cannot open that that account,i need to pool my checks into it,i also can get money if i need it,enough to help with lawyer etc,im just worried she can get to it.ill find out.
I told my son this AM,if mom has OM over here,or takes off during when im at work to call grandpa and tell him mom has a strange guy over etc.My son is so on the ball with this,i told him dont worry im here im not going anywhere that i loved him and will do all i can.He hates the OM,hasnt even met him.
My curiosity as you guy's know is very high i just try to pick the brain thats all,its just so interesting that why revert back why not use the same method they always did after dec 19,I mean she is denying the affair yet she is putting evidence on the table,i dont get it? Is it my turn to crash the world around her?or maybe i have already done this?
OM during a VAR convo,wanted to take her and the kids away this weekend,wonder if that is still gonna happen...??
OM during a VAR convo,wanted to take her and the kids away this weekend,wonder if that is still gonna happen...??
Edsway, stick to your plan and EXPOSE this affair TODAY. Get it done. Tell your FIL that she plans on going away with the OM this weekend. Confront her about his. Don't tell her how you know but just say you are having her watched. That will shake her up.
Get focused and get this affair exposed! And are you going to play the recording for her FIL? I don't see how you have any choice in that. You are going to have to do that. And he is going to have to speak to his grandson to confirm that his mother has been lying.
Oh,also very strange,as i was going through the last of the VAR during that monday,she had taken off that night about 9:30pm,kids are usually asleep,she met up with him,35min goes by,now she's in the car going back home,shes sobbing and crying,though we really dont know,guilt maybe,pain maybe,do you think this is getting to much for her to handle,second thoughts?...sorry again im just curious...im still focused..reason i say that is maybe she is attempting to break it off,now the OM is trying to get her back..just that i have a close friend involved in all this and we were picking the brain.
Such A drama is normal, and shouldn't distract you for a moment from your true objectives.
Edsway,
You're understandably getting distracted here.
Don't spend time trying to figure out her sobbing because, look, she's not giving up this affair right now. It's wishful thinking on your part and she's going to go back and forth on this for a while.
Why haven't you talked to your father-in-law? Can you go see him in person?
Done,just got off phone with sister in law,W brothers wife,i told her everything,played the VAR,told what was going,she was in complete shock had no idea there was a problem,she couldnt believe it as we are family,she is going to contact her H {brother in law} and tell him,i will also contact him and tell him all,FIL will not take my call right now,SIL will attempt to contact FIL and explain,acually they will go over to FIL house tonight...perfect,i am dropping the bombs as much as i can for the exposure..
Good job. Hard to refute a VAR and her own words and lies on the subject.
That cat is out of the bag. Watch her fall apart even more now.
You haven't seen crazy yet. Crazy is about to hit. She is going to go ballistic, tell you that its truly over. She'll say that you ruined any chance you had of saving things, etc.
It's all fog babble and garbage and said by all of them.
Read some of the other threads here and you'll see how common the response is.
WW just texted me,saying im accusing her of having secret bank accts,and she said im the one who opened a bank acct.Well she found about the other bank acct.what now?just go with it?should i text her back?
WW just texted me,saying im accusing her of having secret bank accts,and she said im the one who opened a bank acct.Well she found about the other bank acct.what now?just go with it?should i text her back?
How did she find out about it?
I wouldn't lie about it. Tell her you will not let her have access to your money while she is destroying your family with her adultery. Do continue to give her money to feed the kids and run the house though. Document that...either write her a check or transfer from one account to the other and make a note on the check or transaction of what the money is for.
NO.
There is no point in getting into a text battle.
No Point.
This just means that exposure is working. Keep on task.
Do not get distracted by this...
Your standard response to all of her babbling right now should be, "I will do what is necessary to save our marriage from your adultery."
That's it. Nothing more. Don't explain. Don't justify. Don't defend.
Its very common for a wayward to start blameshifting and accusing.
She wants to deflect attention off of her actions -- and onto yours.
Ed - you've done nothing wrong. So don't get into a battle trying to explain yourself or justify yourself. You don't need to.
HTLD is right. Come up with a few standard phrases to use - so you don't get tempted into making yourself look like a criminal.
WW just texted me,saying im accusing her of having secret bank accts,and she said im the one who opened a bank acct.Well she found about the other bank acct.what now?just go with it?should i text her back?
How did she find out about the other bank account? Better question: DID she find out? She may be fishing to see what else you've done.
Don't respond to the text. Just stay focused on your exposure and stay calm. And don't give her any information about your bank accounts. It is one of her business.
Went to bank.bank manager said she got in with password and user name.I had him change all.I need to go through everything and change all passwords etc.Damn forgot.my slip up.her phone is tied to my account I am primary should I cancel her phone?then it would be hard to monitor!?
Went to bank.bank manager said she got in with password and user name.I had him change all.I need to go through everything and change all passwords etc.Damn forgot.my slip up.her phone is tied to my account I am primary should I cancel her phone?then it would be hard to monitor!?
??? Did you open a new account in your name only???
Correct my name only.single acct.bank manager assurred me she cannot. Access my funds unless she gets my password and user name
Correct my name only.single acct.bank manager assurred me she cannot. Access my funds unless she gets my password and user name
Did you open the account at another bank? NOT the bank you originally had the joint account in? NOT a branch of the old bank?
her phone is tied to my account I am primary should I cancel her phone?then it would be hard to monitor!?
You have spyware on it, right?
Regardless, I'd keep the phone as-is as long as you can access it and see what she's doing.
She'd just get another phone and then you'd have no way to see what's going on.
As for the bank, the account(s) should be at a different bank...not just a different branch.
Passwords and logins should be something that you've
never used before in your life. Don't forget to change your email password as well. Random letters with a number and a few symbols would work just fine.
Different branch same bank.I was assured as long as she does not have password or user name she cannot access.I will go to another bank tomorrow and open an acct to play it safe
Different branch same bank.I was assured as long as she does not have password or user name she cannot access.I will go to another bank tomorrow and open an acct to play it safe
You need to do this. I used to work at a bank - believe me, human error happens more often than you might want to think.
I contacted BIL told him everything he wants to contact OM I told him not too .BIL and wife are going over to FIL tomorrow to talk to him.get ready just droped another nuke.BIL still wants to contact OM.
BIL still wants to contact OM.
Uh, why don't you let him?
As long as he's going to contact OM and tell him to buzz off, jump off a cliff, die, go to hell, disappear or whatever, then I don't see the harm.
See, your wife needs to know that the illusion of gently easing OM into her life will never happen. She needs to know that her family will not accept him as a "new" boyfriend after the divorce. Rather, that they'll see him as a reason for the divorce.
Don't try to protect your wife or OM from the consequences of their actions.
After all, you are asking her family to use their influence and to intervene. By all means, let them! At this stage in the game, they have more influence with your WW than you do and you need all the allies that you can muster.
Now, if BIL is going to contact him and be all friendly and welcoming then, no, you wouldn't want him to contact him.
Otherwise, give him the contact info and thank him for standing up for your marriage.
BIL still wants to contact OM.
Uh, why don't you let him?
As long as he's going to contact OM and tell him to buzz off, jump off a cliff, die, go to hell, disappear or whatever, then I don't see the harm.
See, your wife needs to know that the illusion of gently easing OM into her life will never happen. She needs to know that her family will not accept him as a "new" boyfriend after the divorce. Rather, that they'll see him as a reason for the divorce.
Don't try to protect your wife or OM from the consequences of their actions.
After all, you are asking her family to use their influence and to intervene. By all means, let them!
Now, if BIL is going to contact him and be all friendly and welcoming then, no, you wouldn't want him to contact him.
Otherwise, give him the contact info and thank him for standing up for your marriage.
Yep. Just what I was thinking.
Oh, I cannot stress this enough.
Your BIL wanting to get involved is what many betrayed spouses dream of.
You don't know how fortunate you are to have members of your WW's family wanting to take your cause and get actively involved. This is your golden ticket, don't waste it!
Ok he is a big boy and is super pissed off he gave me a sense of you are family no one will come between us
Felt good for once.we'll see what happens tomorrow.
So glad to hear it!
Make sure you keep in touch with them and update them on things. Your WW is going to be uber-ticked off at this, you're aware of the types of things that she'll say, right?
Things like--
1. I was going to work on this but not now.
2. I hate you.
3. It's over.
4. If you loved me you'd never have done this.
5. I've never loved you, have been miserable for years and have hated you for longer than I've known you.
6. It's all your fault.
7. It's your fault that the African dung beetle has a dumb name.
Ok, maybe #7 is a stretch, but you get the point.
You're doing good, by the way, just remember to keep your cool and think three times before saying anything. Don't yell or argue with her...come here and type away if you need to yell and scream, we've all been there and seen it before.
Don't leave your house. If anyone leaves, it's her. "I'm sorry that you're upset that everyone knows about your adultery, but I'll do what I have to to save this marriage and family. I'm not going to get into an argument about this and will be glad to talk to you when you calm down. If you don't want to be around me and the kids then you are, of course, free to leave the house at any time."
You'll need to frame this as her divorcing meaning that she's choosing to leave both you AND the children...as though you are one entity if that makes any sense.
I contacted BIL told him everything he wants to contact OM I told him not too .BIL and wife are going over to FIL tomorrow to talk to him.get ready just droped another nuke.BIL still wants to contact OM.
It would be a GREAT IDEA if the BIL contacted the OM.
So glad to hear it!
Make sure you keep in touch with them and update them on things. Your WW is going to be uber-ticked off at this, you're aware of the types of things that she'll say, right?
Things like--
1. I was going to work on this but not now.
2. I hate you.
3. It's over.
4. If you loved me you'd never have done this.
5. I've never loved you, have been miserable for years and have hated you for longer than I've known you.
6. It's all your fault.
7. It's your fault that the African dung beetle has a dumb name.
Ok, maybe #7 is a stretch, but you get the point.
You're doing good, by the way, just remember to keep your cool and think three times before saying anything. Don't yell or argue with her...come here and type away if you need to yell and scream, we've all been there and seen it before.
Don't leave your house. If anyone leaves, it's her. "I'm sorry that you're upset that everyone knows about your adultery, but I'll do what I have to to save this marriage and family. I'm not going to get into an argument about this and will be glad to talk to you when you calm down. If you don't want to be around me and the kids then you are, of course, free to leave the house at any time."
You'll need to frame this as her divorcing meaning that she's choosing to leave both you AND the children...as though you are one entity if that makes any sense.
Got it,i am calm and collected,glad i did this,it was good to talk to him.And im glad he is on my side,i hope she doesnt sway him with the lies,i will contact him again and let him know,i sent a text to his wife with OM info phone# full name,etc..this could be interesting.
So glad to hear it!
Make sure you keep in touch with them and update them on things. Your WW is going to be uber-ticked off at this, you're aware of the types of things that she'll say, right?
Things like--
1. I was going to work on this but not now.
2. I hate you.
3. It's over.
4. If you loved me you'd never have done this.
5. I've never loved you, have been miserable for years and have hated you for longer than I've known you.
6. It's all your fault.
7. It's your fault that the African dung beetle has a dumb name.
Ok, maybe #7 is a stretch, but you get the point.
You're doing good, by the way, just remember to keep your cool and think three times before saying anything. Don't yell or argue with her...come here and type away if you need to yell and scream, we've all been there and seen it before.
Don't leave your house. If anyone leaves, it's her. "I'm sorry that you're upset that everyone knows about your adultery, but I'll do what I have to to save this marriage and family. I'm not going to get into an argument about this and will be glad to talk to you when you calm down. If you don't want to be around me and the kids then you are, of course, free to leave the house at any time."
You'll need to frame this as her divorcing meaning that she's choosing to leave both you AND the children...as though you are one entity if that makes any sense.
I can ask her to leave? well i did say that the other night,told her id help pack the bags,told her to call OM and see if he can let her in...she was silent,still denying.
I wonder if W and OM are still going up north...remember caught this on the VAR...Talked to my son this afternoon,i told him that i will do all i can to keep him,i told him what W is doing and what OM is all about...he stood firm and said: I will not have that guy in my life,he said,W talked to him the other night and told him OM said he was sorry for giving him the wrong impression and would like to make it up {The freakin B*lls}...My son told her again that if she ever brings him around or has my son meet him,he would stomp him,he said she just got up and walked away,he understood,but the poor kid feels this too,Its just why would the W do this,to destroy everything,the kids,the life,the family and I mean she is so family oriented ,i just dont understand why she cant see this,she's very intelligent,she has to know its destroying their lives,this OM just has her so snowed,but i guess thats what this disease is all about.
Your son reacting this way is wonderful for cramping the affair. She really can't think everything will be ok with OM if he's saying things like that, now can she?
I contacted BIL told him everything he wants to contact OM I told him not too .BIL and wife are going over to FIL tomorrow to talk to him.get ready just droped another nuke.BIL still wants to contact OM.
Why don't you and BIL pay OM a little social visit?
Not that we are into analyzing Waywards here, but I will explain a little bit about your WW, and bringing OM around the kids. She honestly believes that OM is the better choice right now and that EVERYONE will like him better than you, because she likes him better than you right now. It's good that your son is able to tell his mother the truth about how he feels.
I am glad that you are going to let BIL talk to OM. That's all part of why you expose.
I wonder if W and OM are still going up north...remember caught this on the VAR
Be sure and let her know you know all about her little plan to go away this weekend and will be joining her and the OM. Tell her if they are just "friends" you can all be friends. And that you will also be inviting her parents, her sister and BIL, too!
Tell her you know but don't tell her how you know.
WW called this AM,just fuming pissed,guess she got the work email about the affair,looks like,though she didnt tell,they may be investigating,also she got my phone this AM,saw all the calls,so what,i have nothing to hide,she did this not me,anyway just livid that i called all the inlaws,including her brother,asked me why i am doing this to her,how i can be so callas etc,that she wants a divorce she is done and all this crap etc..then she was asking if i was taping her,i said with what,i have nothing to tape you with except my phone and i dont even know how to do it,she kept on about how i was gathering info and how i was taping convo's,i said i have no idea what you are talking about,and continued that she has destroyed this family that she is breaking the law,that she is abandoning the children,she is having an affair...just kept up with that..until she said i have to go,i just hung up...the nukes have been successful i think,and looks like the heat is on...wow,pretty damn wild...
I guess i just sit back,relax and watch her world just crumble.
Oh she said she can also be fired,and wants me out of the house ASAP,i told her you need to pack the bags and leave,not me,i didnt do this,i didnt destroy the marriage or the children,the family,i will not leave,if anyone goes its her...she was pissed...
I guess i just sit back,relax and watch her world just crumble.
Oh she said she can also be fired,and wants me out of the house ASAP,i told her you need to pack the bags and leave,not me,i didnt do this,i didnt destroy the marriage or the children,the family,i will not leave,if anyone goes its her...she was pissed...
Now you're catching on to the war on adultery !!!!
WW's get pissed. No one here cares.
Your standard response to all of her babbling right now should be, "I will do what is necessary to save our marriage from your adultery."
That's it. Nothing more. Don't explain. Don't justify. Don't defend.
Repeated for emphasis !
WW called this AM,just fuming pissed,guess she got the work email about the affair
You sank her battleship
Yep, you're gonna catch it now - wayward spittle, that is. She's going to be flapping her gums all over the place with some of the most absurd stuff you've ever heard, like she was going to work on the M, but now she's not. Or, she's going to get fired and it's all your fault. We've actually got a thread around here somewhere, strictly dedicated to all the crap waywards spew. It's pretty comical, actually. And hilarious to see how similar they are.
You're doing great! Well done!
One thing: if she DOES leave the house, the kids stay with YOU.
You did good Ed. Sit back and let exposure do its job.
Remember to stay calm. Also, it is quite normal for a WS to start spewing that they are no longer going to try with the BS, that the BS has done it now, how could they trust the BS? Just understand that this is normal. Don't engage your WW. And you did good by saying that YOU aren't going anywhere.
Do you have a VAR that you carry on you? There are many times that WWs try to make up Domestic Assault charges on their BH to get them out of the house.
You WILL stay in control of yourself.
Not try.
You will.
Also, repeat for emphasis.
By all means, make sure you have a var on you at all times. She could quite possibly file bogus assault charges on you and get you kicked out of your house. It happens all the time. I do commend you on your handling of the situation. Your self respect is intact. Stay strong. And don't forget the var.
I guess i just sit back,relax and watch her world just crumble.
Oh she said she can also be fired,and wants me out of the house ASAP,i told her you need to pack the bags and leave,not me,i didnt do this,i didnt destroy the marriage or the children,the family,i will not leave,if anyone goes its her...she was pissed...
Great job!!! Just hang onto your pants and keep exposing!
Just hang onto your pants and keep exposing!
Say what?
Read this again !!!!!!!!
LOL LOL LOL LOL
Just hang onto your pants and keep exposing!
Say what?
Read this again !!!!!!!!
LOL LOL LOL LOL
Just hang onto your pants and keep exposing!
Say what?
Read this again !!!!!!!!
LOL LOL LOL LOL
LOL
whatevah!!
Very good I think I lost my pants ;/- .
we grabbed docs this am was looking for marriage license gone also.I believe she is gonna file first I just want a lawyer on my side that will be Monday at 10:30.Damn I hope she can't burn me on this
Should I wait to call her boss to inquire.?
We actually kinda get happy when waywards are angry. Not because we're sadistic, but because almost always if a wayward is angry, it's because their BS is doing a great job and making headway.
Anger = progress.
We actually kinda get happy when waywards are angry. Not because we're sadistic, but because almost always if a wayward is angry, it's because their BS is doing a great job and making headway.
Anger = progress.
Yep. You don't want her to NOT be angry. If she's totally unconcerned, she's gone.
Very good I think I lost my pants ;/- .
we grabbed docs this am was looking for marriage license gone also.I believe she is gonna file first I just want a lawyer on my side that will be Monday at 10:30.Damn I hope she can't burn me on this
Should I wait to call her boss to inquire.?
I would call her boss to inquire. Are you in a state where adultery matters in divorce?
Im not sure I would have to check AZ state law.
Very good I think I lost my pants ;/- .
we grabbed docs this am was looking for marriage license gone also.I believe she is gonna file first I just want a lawyer on my side that will be Monday at 10:30.Damn I hope she can't burn me on this
Should I wait to call her boss to inquire.?
I haven't read your whole thread but if you are in the States, the courts will be closed Monday for the national holiday as well as most law firms.
He's not Mel...
A court can order spousal maintenance or alimony to either spouse. The parties may agree in writing on this issue, and the court can make the agreement part of the final decree as long as it's fair. If there's no written agreement, the court can decide and award support in amounts and for a period it deems just.
Maintenance can be awarded to either spouse, based on these factors:
- Lack of sufficient property to provide for reasonable needs
- Inability to support himself or herself through a proper job
- Custody of child whose age and condition is such that parent shouldn't have to work outside the home
- Lacks earning ability in the labor market for adequate support
- Contributed to the educational opportunities of the other spouse
- Had a marriage of long duration and is of an age which may preclude chances for an adequate job for support
While alimony can be awarded for any of these reasons, it's also based on the other spouse's ability to pay. Marital misconduct isn't a factor. The factors to be considered are:
- Balancing the contribution of one spouse to the other's career and earning ability at the cost of that spouse's own career development
- The time required for education and training needed to return to work
- The spouse's future earning capacity
- Standard of living during the marriage
- Marriage duration
- The ability of the spouse providing maintenance to meet his or her needs while paying maintenance
- The financial resources of the spouse seeking maintenance
- Any destruction, concealment, fraudulent disposition or excessive expenditures of jointly-held property
- The comparative financial resources of the spouses including earning capacities
- Spouses' ages
- The physical and emotional condition of the spouses
- The usual occupations of the spouses during the marriage
- The vocational skills of the spouse seeking maintenance
- Abilities to contribute to children's educational costs
- Any other factors the court may deem just and equitable
Maintenance is paid via the court, unless otherwise agreed. Spouses can agree to make maintenance agreements may be made non-modifiable.
Alimony awards aren't permanent, and end at death of either party, or at the recipient's remarriage unless the decree provides otherwise.
http://research.lawyers.com/Arizona/Divorce-in-Arizona.html
Very good I think I lost my pants ;/- .
we grabbed docs this am was looking for marriage license gone also.I believe she is gonna file first I just want a lawyer on my side that will be Monday at 10:30.Damn I hope she can't burn me on this
Should I wait to call her boss to inquire.?
You're doing fine, just stay the course. If she files, then she files and you address that if it happens. In the meantime, just be a broken record (doing what I have to to save this marriage and family) and refuse to get drawn into an argument.
Keep that VAR with you.
I'd give her boss a day or two before calling. If he got it Friday, you might wait until Monday afternoon or Tuesday. Just ask if he got it and if he had any questions.
Update her family (especially the BIL) on all of this. You want to keep them in the loop because she is very likely burning up the phone lines trying to do damage control.
You're doing fine, just stay the course. If she files, then she files and you address that if it happens.
My suggestion would be that he file FIRST, and then delay the process of the D for as long as he wants. FWIW, it will be another very strong sign that he is not prepared to put up with his WW's abuse (adultery IS abuse).
I've seen too many stories of BHs getting handed the shorter straw because they "waited" to find out what their WW was going to do.
Edsway, I suggest talking to a lawyer and getting the ball rolling. You can always control how fast it rolls.
You're doing fine, just stay the course. If she files, then she files and you address that if it happens.
My suggestion would be that he file FIRST, and then delay the process of the D for as long as he wants. FWIW, it will be another very strong sign that he is not prepared to put up with his WW's abuse (adultery IS abuse).
I've seen too many stories of BHs getting handed the shorter straw because they "waited" to find out what their WW was going to do.
Edsway, I suggest talking to a lawyer and getting the ball rolling. You can always control how fast it rolls.
I think that North was addressing Ed's fear that WW will file on Monday, or Tuesday before he gets a chance to file himself.
I think that North was addressing Ed's fear that WW will file on Monday, or Tuesday before he gets a chance to file himself.
Yes, I was. I was concerned that Ed would start focus on things that may or may not happen and lose site of more immediate goals. I forget the saying: Don't go looking for problems...something like that.
I do agree that he should take the initiative in the divorce. He has a certain advantage or momentum from this exposure, and it's best to keep it up, to keep hitting while he can before she can regroup and get a plan together.
I really hope he's staying in touch with his in-laws. If they're on his side, it'll be critical that they stay involved and on her case about this.
OK,WW has dropped a huge bomb,came home from work tonight,she is gone kids are gone,not answering cellphones,contacted inlaws,FIL said oh well its to late to call he will call around tomorrow {RED FLAG},talked to MIL said WW was lonely and needed someone in her life to be there for her and kids {are you guys getting it now}BIL texted me,he talked to everyone,he cannot get involved because WW told him not to,he said he has to respect her wishes{RED FLAG}
OK,i called the police,officer showed up,told me that there is nothing he can do,But,are you guys ready....he gave me some great info....her goes.
Officer told me that the A has been going on for at least 2 yrs,stated that a WW doesnt just up and leave for a 3 month thing.
Told me i need to gather all important assests,everything of value,he stated WW can and will serve me with an OP {order of protection} and if thats the case i would need to vacate house in 5min,he stated OM will be waiting,and when im walking out with my bag,OM will walk right into the house.
Told me,that she is with OM,along with the kids,and this has been planned in advance.
Told me ,OM has been in this house recent and has scoped out all that i have...i have my 69 camaro my prized possession.guess what,officer told me that camaro is WW's prize to her new lover.
He told that if an OP is served i will not be allowed in this house again,and that all in it will belong to WW.said he has been doing this for 15yrs and i need to act as quickly as possible.
Car is going to be stored at friends house,he said do not disclose were to WW,told me to call him when she shows up and asks were the car is,officer said she is going to freak out...
i meet with lawyer on monday at 10:30am,Officer said i need to get an order of protection against WW ASAP...this will keep her away.
OM is not allowed near here,officer doubts he'll be around until all is done..if he shows i have the right to tell him to leave,that he has 30 seconds to vacate or he walks out with a limp,officer stated that it was in self defense...if he shows up...
This is gonna be one hell of a weekend...at least she's not here,i got to gather my stuff
She has already locked me out of phone account,i need to call and get back on...damn she is good.
Ok she has taken all phones off my account,i reset passwords,and i am just flying now...i need to gather up my stuff asap.
Now im worried about my single bank account,will they freeze those assest/money..should i put money in a friends account?im worried that when the divorce is on,i will have no money..and believe me she has begun the process,the OM has done his homework as i do not believe this is all her thinking.
I believe that my son is not resisting,i just have a feeling that he knew i have been beat,that there was no hope in me staying together with them...WW has won this battle.
I dont think anything will come of the work letter i sent,she has put me down as a monster and a nut job,she has lied her way through this for quite some time.Well done,i admit defeat.
OK,WW has dropped a huge bomb,came home from work tonight,she is gone kids are gone,not answering cellphones
This is not unexpected. It's quite possible that she's readying false abuse charges as well, in order to get you out of the house. BTW, does it look like she left in a hurry, e.g. food on the table, only a few clothes missing, lights left on, etc.?
contacted inlaws,FIL said oh well its to late to call he will call around tomorrow {RED FLAG},talked to MIL said WW was lonely and needed someone in her life to be there for her and kids {are you guys getting it now}BIL texted me,he talked to everyone,he cannot get involved because WW told him not to,he said he has to respect her wishes{RED FLAG}
Your in-laws are likely confused and scrambling at the moment. For awhile your WW has been feeding them one story, and now they're heard something entirely different from you. I'd give them just a bit of leeway, but just for the moment.
OK,i called the police,officer showed up,told me that there is nothing he can do,But,are you guys ready....he gave me some great info....her goes.
Officer told me that the A has been going on for at least 2 yrs,stated that a WW doesnt just up and leave for a 3 month thing.
Told me i need to gather all important assests,everything of value,he stated WW can and will serve me with an OP {order of protection} and if thats the case i would need to vacate house in 5min,he stated OM will be waiting,and when im walking out with my bag,OM will walk right into the house.
Told me,that she is with OM,along with the kids,and this has been planned in advance.
Told me ,OM has been in this house recent and has scoped out all that i have...i have my 69 camaro my prized possession.guess what,officer told me that camaro is WW's prize to her new lover.
Did he know all of this, or is he just speculating?
Car is going to be stored at friends house,he said do not disclose were to WW,told me to call him when she shows up and asks were the car is,officer said she is going to freak out...
Do you have any friends or relatives that live out of state? I would consider having them come by and pick it up instead.
She has already locked me out of phone account,i need to call and get back on...damn she is good.
Not necessarily. What IS clear is that she's been planning this for some time and so therefore has a headstart on you. That is why I was suggesting that you wait a little until you got your hands on her A phone before exposing, as it would have allowed you to catch up a little, and give you more evidence about what she was planning. Your exposure has caused her to escalate those plans, so she is likely to make a mistake or two along the way. In particular, I'd bet that she wasn't expecting the A to be exposed like it was to her employer and her family, so now she has to find a way to explain her actions to them. The most common "explanation" that WWs turn to in such circumstances is an abusive husband.
At this point you should be taking all the steps you can to protect yourself legally and financially. For example, do you own any joint credit cards?
Yes,in a hurry,didnt look like any bags were packed,looks like when she came home at some point,grabbed the kids and left.
Officer was speculating.but has seen this before.
nobody out of state,a friend of mine has a place for the car,it should be ok.
I am assuming WW has made arraignments to get the ball rolling,I do have to wonder though if the FIL will contact OM as i gave him the name and number,doesnt matter,i am thinking they were all in on it anyway.
No joint credit cards,although she did borrow money against her 401K she told me it was to pay off credit cards,she did have 2 that had high balances,they way it looked though she couldnt get enough to pay off completely so she went to credit counseling..
Now with me calling the police and as concerned for the well being of my kids,dont they take a report.if she is going to add false abuse charges couldnt i use the officers report and testimony?
Now with me calling the police and as concerned for the well being of my kids,dont they take a report.if she is going to add false abuse charges couldnt i use the officers report and testimony?
They don't get involved in domestic disputes. No crime has been committed. And the fact that you had an officer come to the house won't mean anything.
Do you have a VAR that you keep with you at all times?
Yes,VAR is with me as i treat it like my sword so to speak,it is the only indisputable proof i have of what is going on...i guard it with my life
I understand that they do not get involved with domestic disputes but i had gained some very valuable info that snapped me in place,if i did not have that info,i wouldnt have taken the action im doing now,imagine im home next week and im served with an OP,i would be completely blindsided and would loose everything i have.And the OM would grab everything.
I know this marriage is over,no question,as she is all this to bring OM in,i had about 3 hours of sleep as my mind is racing,but now i need to concentrate on my self,yes i have lost the feelings for the most part,i have thought long and hard on this,and it takes me back to what the officer told me,he said im a good looking guy there are many better women out there that would treat you with respect and dignity,he told me just move on,get all i can and never look back.He said women like this never last long in a relationship so in the end she will be the one looking for you again when she falls off cloud 9 with OM,he said when that happens i will be long gone and she will be left wondering what the hell she has done...felt good to hear that.
This sounds like good advice. But, it's not.
Life/marriage/families/children/attachments/history are just too complex to "just move on".
Please read this:
*** LINK *** mirror,
Let's say you decide to divorce your wife. What can you expect to go through?
You will experience a rollercoaster of emotions. For the first few days and weeks after d-day (the day you discovered the affair), you will have moment-to-moment emotional swings the likes of which you have never before encountered in your life.
Your mood will go from crying, to melancholy, to zoned-out, to desperation, to panic, to hopeful, to elation, to anger, to resentment, to depression, to mania, to despair, and back again - and all in the course of an hour sometimes.
One day can seem like an eternity, and the next can fly by so fast you didn't realize it happened. You might feel like you are losing your mind, because your wayward spouse can say something that sounds almost logical, yet you know it is a lie - but you want to believe it. Inside your heart, you know that your WS is "in there" somewhere, and you might get glimpses of that person you once knew, and when you do you so desire to trust that glimpse, and then the rug is pulled out from under you again. You see what you believe is truth, you don't trust it, you forget things, you look back over your past and wonder "was that REAL, or was that fake?".
As the weeks go by, you find out enough information about the affair that you begin to piece your world back together, at least some of it. You wonder if what you know is true. You wonder if you should reconcile, or if you should walk away. You want to reconcile some of the time, and at other times you think you should throw in the towel and just be done with the whole darn mess. Maybe everyone would be better off if the marriage was over. Five minutes later, or the next day, you wonder what you were thinking, and you believe that the marriage should be recovered, and start thinking about ways to work on that.
After three months or so, you wonder about how the marriage ended up where it was. That initial shock is over, and you have figured out that the blame for the affair itself really isn't on the betrayed spouse - it belongs to the WS. Some of the pieces of the marital problems belong to the BS, others to the WS. You begin to pick up the pieces that belong to you.
As the months pass, you hit the six month mark, and around then you begin to be angry again. You get good and mad, because as a BS, you wonder why YOU have to deal with the fallout of the affair, you have to deal with the pain, and why the WAYWARD seems to go along, LA-LA-LA-LA-LA and seems to just skate away unscathed?????? How does this happen, after the nuclear bomb that WS dropped in the marriage?????
And the rollercoaster of emotions seems to have hills and valleys still, but they are not moment-to-moment, but more like you have up days and down days, or perhaps weekly. Maybe certain things trigger you, perhaps that restaurant you know the affair couple went to, or that shirt you know the WS wore on the movie date that one night when they said they were going to work late.
You hate movies, or you are more careful about choosing them, because you now realize just how many of them have affair themes, affairs included in the plots, or have jokes about affair sex or casual affair scenes in them.
You lose many friends, because you just do not want to deal with people who are cheating on their spouses, or in affair marriages (affairages). You can't hang out with them anymore, because it makes you hurt to the very core of your soul. From your own lips, you hear yourself cursing movie stars and others who openly and cavalierly betray their marriages.
There is a pain you carry, deep inside your body. The pain does not leave you. When you awaken in the morning, it is there before you open your eyes, and greets you as your first thought: "Your spouse betrayed you. You still feel this hurt, and it is embedded in your soul. Some of the pain has been shaved away overnight, but not so much that you might feel the difference." When you close your eyes at night, you know that thought will be your last: "Try to sleep, your love has killed your heart, it hurts........."
And in your dreams, you know that the pain will also echo there.
Know that this will be the scenario, for about two years. The pain and the mood swings and the triggers - they fade over time. They do. It takes time, and work, to get yourself to the point where you can go to sleep and wake up and it NOT be your last thought and your first thought. It does change over time.
About two years, if you decide to divorce your wife.
That means, she will not be there to help you get through this. You are on your own.
Now, if you decide to recover your marriage?????
Same scenario as above. Because the emotional deal is the SAME, either way. You will still hurt. There is no getting around that. You will still have to go through the recovery cycle.
The difference is that if you divorce, you deal with the court issues, separating "stuff", legal paperwork, attorneys, money/finances, all of that. And you do it alone.
My advice is for you NOT to decide on divorce for at least six months. Mainly because you will change your mind so many times between now and then - just because of the rollercoaster ride. And if you do decide to divorce six months from now, there would be a more thoroughly though-out decision made at that point. At least that works in your favor, and allows things to cool off.
If you remain married, you work on your issues as a couple. Your wife and you focus on what went wrong, fulfilling your emotional needs together, she works on making restitution to you, you rebuild the marriage as a new one with the rules you jointly create to protect it from affairs in a better way. MB gives you the plans.
But either way, it is a long, hard road to recover from what has happened. You have a difficult choice to make.
My husband has had five affairs (of varied types), and I had a one-night stand (over 35 years ago). We are recovered. It IS possible to repair a marriage, to fall in love again, and to make your relationship work. Start with the foundation of love, and rebuild from there. I am not saying it is EASY. Worthwhile things are seldom easy.
But they are worthwhile.
Schoolbus
Ed, none of here are surprised by this. As a matter of fact we have seen it, time and again. Sometimes the WW is more prepared, and sometimes less so.
This police officer can't know how long the affair has been going on, because frankly this CAN happen with a 3 month affair. OM IS in on this with your WW. He has probably done this before.
Ed, this isn't over. There have been marriages which have saved from far worse. You may decide to give up at some point, but stick with the plans, and either way, you'll be better off.
I know how distressing it is to feel out of control. That is why using the MB plans works, it puts YOU back in control of your life.
Take a minute, plan what you need done, get it done, and work your plan.
Checked the joint account,she pulled money out naturally,funny thing is there is a 5 dollar charge for airport parking,then they went to eat...i am assuming she picked someone up from the airport.hmm wonder if the FIL/MIL flew in...??
Checked the joint account,she pulled money out naturally,funny thing is there is a 5 dollar charge for airport parking,then they went to eat...i am assuming she picked someone up from the airport.hmm wonder if the FIL/MIL flew in...??
Get the bulk of your money out of this account, Ed. ASAP.
A few comments after a quick perusal.
1. Keep the VAR on you at all times.
2. The police office sounds like he is a Marriage Builder's vet. He knows the deal.
3. Since it sounds like you are worried about dissipation of assets, the best way to protect yourself is to file for divorce. When you file, an injunction is put in place that prohibits dissipation of assets. In reality, there really isn't any advantage of filing first for divorce.
A few comments after a quick perusal.
1. Keep the VAR on you at all times.
2. The police office sounds like he is a Marriage Builder's vet. He knows the deal.
3. Since it sounds like you are worried about dissipation of assets, the best way to protect yourself is to file for divorce. When you file, an injunction is put in place that prohibits dissipation of assets. In reality, there really isn't any advantage of filing first for divorce.
He was on the ball,told me straight up what was going on,i believe him,spent all day getting my assets out and away,i am not taking any chances with my assets.I dont have very many,but the ones i do,i do not want to loose,for my safety.
She has turned the family against me,plain and simple,and i cannot turn them around,i realize that now to carry on and just move on.I am assuming FIL/MIL are here now again,to lend her support and meet the new man in her life.
I feel angry of the fact that i poured so much into this marriage,yet it wasnt up to standards,her standards,she has turned into a person that i do not know,not the same person i felt was my heart and soul,its a real shame.
That story about what happens has an alternate route at the two year mark after the D. It ends with meeting the woman of your dreams that is a million times better than the woman you just divorced. You marry this wonderful new woman and your family lives her and you haven't been happier, ever. You didn't know marriage could be this good since the one you had before was a nightmare.
A few comments after a quick perusal.
1. Keep the VAR on you at all times.
2. The police office sounds like he is a Marriage Builder's vet. He knows the deal.
3. Since it sounds like you are worried about dissipation of assets, the best way to protect yourself is to file for divorce. When you file, an injunction is put in place that prohibits dissipation of assets. In reality, there really isn't any advantage of filing first for divorce.
How about an update on your thread?
That story about what happens has an alternate route at the two year mark after the D. It ends with meeting the woman of your dreams that is a million times better than the woman you just divorced. You marry this wonderful new woman and your family lives her and you haven't been happier, ever. You didn't know marriage could be this good since the one you had before was a nightmare.
Same thing happened to me. Life will go on and get better.
Im sorry guys,last night i was just real sideways on it all,i went to sleep at midnight and slept until an hour ago,felt good as i havent had much sleep 3-4 hours all week.
The funny thing: I had turned all the lights off before bed last night especially in the garage,remember i had tucked the car away from here in a safe place.well when i came out to the garage the lights were on,so im assuming she came by this AM,possibly with OM to gather some stuff,i wish i was here to see her reaction with the car gone...i would have taken pictures of that..i havent seen much of any clothes gone,ill have to search around today and see.
Anyway was really nice to get some sleep for once.still havent heard anything from her or the kids,my friends are the only ones calling me like crazy...I will keep you guys in the loop and keep updating the thread.
Well, Ed..suspense, suspense....
First of all, a police officer would not offer anyone that advice due to liability. And oh yea, your W is going to make a gift of your Camero to her guy even tho the car and title to it is most likely registered in your name? And then, 3 hours of sleep the past week?? no one could survive that.
What is really going on? Can't wait for your next chapter!
Tom
First of all, a police officer would not offer anyone that advice due to liability.
Hi, Tom! Yes, the chance is good that he got that advice from a cop. I used to date one, back when I was a youngster in my 20's. He used to tell me some pretty odd things - this wouldn't be unusual.
In a small town like ours, such advice wouldn't be uncommon. In cozy communities, where everyone knows everyone else, people seem to feel a little more leeway to share, and also the time to spend, since they don't have 3,000 calls backed up.
It doesn't automatically mean this story is true, but it also is possible that it happened that way. It would have here. Best of all, our local law enforcement agent really is Sheriff Andy.
Tom2010,
Ill put it together for you
The police officer offered the advise because i too work for the city.Im not just a guy off the street so to speak.liability or not this officer has 15 years of service and seen it all.
W will not offer a gift of my Camaro to her guy,it is no longer my camaro.
3-4 hours sleep per day,i did miss type that,but yes i have done it before,not because of this going on,but work related.I know first hand that i can survive on that amount of sleep but it makes for a rough weekend..
So whats really going on? well it sounds like you know...
Next Chapter: dont want to leave Tom2010 in suspense right?
Got a phone call today,found out OM phone number he is using is registered to someone else,got the name of current owner and address:
Got the OM's real phone number and about 5 address's,2 address's are close to me within a 25 min drive,here's the big ticket:wait for this one Tom2010:the 2 address's of the OM are near the same route WW takes to go to work,interesting isnt it.
As i began to search phone records back to dec 2010,as far as they go,OM has been in contact with WW,though not as frequent,but has been since then...i think i may pay a little visit to the 2 address's,then i will go from there...How is that for the next chapter...
Next Chapter: dont want to leave Tom2010 in suspense right?
Don't be mean to Tom. He's a good poster here. Just sayin'
Im sorry
its good to get a little fired up.
That story about what happens has an alternate route at the two year mark after the D. It ends with meeting the woman of your dreams that is a million times better than the woman you just divorced. You marry this wonderful new woman and your family lives her and you haven't been happier, ever. You didn't know marriage could be this good since the one you had before was a nightmare.
Or you realize that single women in their thirties are a lot of fun, if you know what I mean!
I have no problem with what the police man told Edsway. Wanna know why? Cheaters are all the same. When you have seen one, you have seen 500. After you watch them day in and day out for years you pretty much can predict what they will do.
Ok this is gonna be a little class act time,was bored just milling around decided to clean house,did dishes,vacuumed,made beds,all that stuff.
Bathroom garbage cans overfilled,dumped the kids can first,went to the master bedroom began to dump that trash and at the bottom,what do you think i found?
Yup,well i believe you guys thought it was a condom,nooo,WW panties,i questioned myself as to what the heck is she throwing those out for,why not just wash them,i was doing laundry anyway,so in my curiosity i pull them out of the can with a pen,like CSI style,didnt have any rubber gloves at the time,so as i begin to unravel,well there was soil or shall i say semen stains...im sorry i know this isnt the forum for this,but i need to vent as i went ballistic,good thing no-one was home...i know it wasnt me,as i havent been with her in awhile...i know whats going,yet i have so much proof and she still denies it...why not just tell the damn truth,"yes Ed,i am not in love you,i love someone else,it has been going on for a year" etc etc...why cant she just come clean? why lie about? i just dont get this at all?
Ed, get the panties tested. You can get a kit. She isn't being up front, because she is trying to clean you out. Amicable is not what she want. Your property and money is what she wants.
OYup,well i believe you guys thought it was a condom,nooo,WW panties,i questioned myself as to what the heck is she throwing those out for,why not just wash them,i was doing laundry anyway,so in my curiosity i pull them out of the can with a pen,like CSI style,didnt have any rubber gloves at the time,so as i begin to unravel,well there was soil or shall i say semen stains.
You can test them. Here is the link for checkmate:
http://www.getcheckmate.com/
Seconding the recommendation for CheckMate.
Preserve all your evidence. You should dump your VAR off to CD periodically and store the backups offsite somewhere safe. Check the backup before deleting anything off the VAR. Electronics are susceptible to immersion, heat, and kinetic shock - all of which waywards are known to use in an effort to cover their tracks.
Make electronic copies of the phone/chat/email logs if you can and store them off site as well. Multiple copies in different places are better. Your lawyer might be a good place to store a set.
edsway, I know you have your hands full right now, but if you have a moment could you please start a quick thread in Operation Investigate and tell folks how to install a VAR and where to buy it?
**edit**
Edsway, long-term lurker, short-term poster here....I have been following your story and it actually recreates the sick/gnawing feeling in my gut that I had during the roller coaster ride. My story has some similarities to yours, especially with regards to the family that turns their back on you. If I had cheated on my wife, my family would have DISOWNED me without a doubt. I just don't understand and never will....and I too (during the evidence gathering phase) have searched the trash with work gloves and a cartridge respirator and found emergency contraception...yuck..
Is there any possibility she could be pregnant?
Anyways, keep your head up, you seem like a good person and you are exactly where you need to be with the vets on this forum.
Folks, if you EVER want a lesson on how to nuke an affair, read THIS man's experience. Melody, you should add a link to his extremely unfortunate adventure on your Exposure 101 thread. That was epic.
drscott,
It good to have a little venting time,so tom2010 gave me that,my story is a bit vivid maybe not as elaborate as some on here,but it is the truth,i could go into great detail as i have though about this for what seems like everyday/everynight,I loved that woman,i love those kids as my own,and i only feel now that i have been cast away,this isnt my first relationship that has gone this way,i am not perfect in any way,but i do have a heart,the only thing i can think of is i havent really met a soul mate...or is it just me who is unable to build a strong foundation...time will tell.
Thank you for following along,drscott,for me this has been the most intense ride i have ever been on,nothing has come close,as i have had this done to me in a previous relationship,that was a wild one too,then again i wasnt married to her.
Answer your question,sorry for rambling, she is not pregnant she is protected,but: she has asked me many times that she would like to have another baby,if i could reach deep inside her mind,i feel thats one of the reasons she is doing this,as i did not want to have another child,i felt the 2 i had were good enough for me as i could pour all i have into them.Well as you know..that didnt work..
please excuse my typing tonight,my laptop is gone so i am on the the computer with the funky ergonomic keyboard:WW came by when i was at the lawyers,grabbed laptop and suitcases..clothes still here,i believe she will come by tomorrow when im at work to get stuff out of house...
To you all up to date: met with lawyer this AM,told him the whole story,hehe,said he heard it all before {thought is was the only one},he stated that the police officer is type A personality they are trained to think the worst in any given situation,said he is not trained in family law..ok,i give him that,my divorce is cut and dry,nothing to it...but,this is something i didnt know about,he stated since i have been a father to the kids for that long of a period,AZ law has a provision,it stated that they were so young when i came into their life that under that law i can be considered the father,although the are not of blood nor adopted,he told me i can if i wanted attempt to have custody,he said if WW is not of right mind etc,i can attempt to have full custody..and it is legal,really interesting..he also stated he doubted she has put an OP,as she would have to have overwhelming proof of abuse,he stated yelling at her or at the kids {which i dont,i just raise my voice}does not constitute abuse,also he stated her actions are extremely immature,we went into detail,but i think you guys get the point,i can outline the detail in another thread.
Got a call from a close friend,WW is over at his house with the kids talking to his wife,he had to leave to do some work,he said he'd call me later tonight to get the scoop..OM was not with her.
I will post what i find out..
edsway, I know you have your hands full right now, but if you have a moment could you please start a quick thread in Operation Investigate and tell folks how to install a VAR and where to buy it?
Sounds good,im on it,will post on Operation Investigate,all i can do is try to help.
Just a quick update:
Friend called this AM,WW had gone over to his house to talk to wife,he will talk to his wife today to get some info,told me WW had spent the night there with the kids,she was to see a Lawyer today at noon,he told me WW will leave for Washington tonight for 2 weeks,remember IL's live there,so,why not stay with OM? why take off to WA? friend told me she got 2 weeks off of work to settle the mind..hmmm,did my little plan completely destroy her master plan?
I would file an immediate motion to keep her from taking the kids out of state. Call your lawyer ASAP.
The plan is to move away to your ILs, file for D there, and then force you to fight a long distance custody battle.
File something showing that you object to the kids being moved out of state and request protection from this.
Even if she comes back, you will record an official objection to her moving the kids out of state.
But you may not have any rights on this matter since the kids aren't yours.
But you may not have any rights on this matter since the kids aren't yours.
Ok, I'm a little bit slow lately so I beg your pardon in advance. So she has two children from a previous marriage and one child with you...correct?
When was the last time you saw your biological child?
But you may not have any rights on this matter since the kids aren't yours.
Ok, I'm a little bit slow lately so I beg your pardon in advance. So she has two children from a previous marriage and one child with you...correct?
When was the last time you saw your biological child?
I don't think he has a biological child.
A little update.WW contacted via text.noticed car gone and few belongings.asked if I was moving and when also asked about the lawyer I saw yesterday.told her I wasn't leaving anytime soon and lawyer went good.she then texted me again asking if I can leave and stay somewhere else.as her funds are running out and she can't keep up.I told her to bring the kids home and she can stay but she is not to have OM near or in house.I haven't heard a reply. So..I ask u guys were is OM? Can't she stay with him? Can't he help her with funds? Why has she not stayed with him?
she then texted me again asking if I can leave and stay somewhere else.as her funds are running out and she can't keep up.I told her to bring the kids home and she can stay but she is not to have OM near or in house.
You're staying, too, right?
So..I ask u guys were is OM? Can't she stay with him? Can't he help her with funds? Why has she not stayed with him?
I'll hazard a few guesses: OM is living with his mommy, and can't have her and the kids there. OR she doesn't want to have the kids around him and screw up the 'romantic' atmosphere with kids. She's not going to ask him to help financially because she doesn't want him to realize he bedding a woman with no money, dragging a bunch of kids around with her. None of those things would lend an air of romance, would it.
But stay on track, Ed. Tell her you will not be leaving YOUR house. And don't finance the affair, either. Buying food for the kids, yes. Buying clothing for the kids, yes. Money for her to go spend the evening somewhere to have a little 'space' - NO.
Don't worry about where OM is and why she can't stay with him. Just try to get those children back into the house, and DON'T leave.
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE, NEVER MOVE OUT!
This is one piece of advice that works for both plan MB's and plan divorce. Leave the house and she has the upper hand in keeping it when it comes before a judge.
Use every bit of persuasion that you can to have her move out, if it comes to that.
Im on track im not going anywhere yet.u now me mr.curious. but what is the benefit of staying in the house?will have to leave anyway after divorce is final right? So why not just go?move on?
Because it will look like you have abandoned your family. Any sway that you might have had with custody, child support or alimony would be lost.
Your WW will be the angelic housefrau who stayed busy polishing her halo and holding down the fort while you, for some strange reason your honor, left in the middle of the night and [sobbing] abandoned me and the kids
Too, she's liable to move OM in to replace you. Why make her affair easier? It's obvious she's having trouble keeping a love nest open on her own, so your staying home will throw a wrench into her plan of easing you out and easing OM right in.
Don't make it easy on her. Stay in your home. You're paying for it, I presume. Worry about post-divorce living arrangements if you're divorced. You're not divorced.
Refresh my memory-- do you have any children by your wife?
A little update.WW contacted via text.noticed car gone and few belongings.asked if I was moving and when also asked about the lawyer I saw yesterday.told her I wasn't leaving anytime soon and lawyer went good.she then texted me again asking if I can leave and stay somewhere else.as her funds are running out and she can't keep up.I told her to bring the kids home and she can stay but she is not to have OM near or in house.I haven't heard a reply. So..I ask u guys were is OM? Can't she stay with him? Can't he help her with funds? Why has she not stayed with him?
Don't leave!! Make her leave. Don't make it easy on her to move the OM into your bed.
Tell her the kids can stay with you, and she can live with the OM. There's no eating cake for her in this situation. Continue with the divorce.
she then texted me again asking if I can leave and stay somewhere else.
The audacity of these waywards, eh?
Im on track im not going anywhere yet.u now me mr.curious. but what is the benefit of staying in the house?will have to leave anyway after divorce is final right? So why not just go?move on?
Stop with the quitter's attitude, Ed! That house is your marital home! It's not just where you stayed until your WW decided to screw around with some jerk! It's YOUR HOME. You don't leave YOUR HOME.
Added second VAR in house.I' have it running in kitchen first then ill mover it around.time to have a little fun.
The audacity of these waywards, eh?
I think I saw that one...The Audacity of a Dope
Friend called WW still is over at his house.has not left nor om has been by.told me she is very distraut.very confused. WW told his wife that she was involved. Feels she needs to go back to WA and do some thinking.friend feels she will leave and stay there.looks like trouble in paradise? Second thoughts on what she has done?
It doesn't matter what the source of the chaos is - knowing there is chaos gives you the chance to be the peaceful, comforting option. Great Plan A potential.
Make home the better choice.
I like creating chaos. Now its my turn to play the game.I hate to think it but its good to have a little bit of power.Im at work and I have thought about how this whole story of mine unfolded.I am lucky that I have some very close friends both male and female who have stood by me.even x-girlfriends from the past, talking to them as close friends i've come to realize they know me better than myself even better than my wife.it was a wake up call snapping me out of my rut.
Let your wife stew in the juices of reality. Looks like since you moved your car, she doesn't have the carrot around her neck anymore. I wonder if mr. perfect is getting cold feet.
I like creating chaos. Now its my turn to play the game.I hate to think it but its good to have a little bit of power.Im at work and I have thought about how this whole story of mine unfolded.I am lucky that I have some very close friends both male and female who have stood by me.even x-girlfriends from the past, talking to them as close friends i've come to realize they know me better than myself even better than my wife.it was a wake up call snapping me out of my rut.
You seem to be creeping into Plan F/U here. Also, you shouldn't be speaking to women at all, especially x-girlfriends. You will quickly turn into an entitled wayward. Be very careful here Ed.
I think you have done great. You have respected yourself and the kids. When you speak to her again. I hope you will remind her (and the kids for that matter). That you were their father, that you loved and provided for them since they were babies. That you were always true to them and their mother. That none of this is your fault or choice. Then let them call you. Do you think kids moving into their teens are gonna have smooth sailing with mom? Especially now that she doesn't have your money to spoil them with. In a way, you are the cat bird seat with the kids. Trust me, eventually they will give their mom hell about this. And you just have to be there for them.
even x-girlfriends from the past, talking to them as close friends i've come to realize they know me better than myself even better than my wife
Do not go down this road.
I don't care if you have 100% decided you never, under any circumstances want WW back again. DO NOT join the army of pulverized-brain zombies.
You are not immune.
even x-girlfriends from the past, talking to them as close friends i've come to realize they know me better than myself even better than my wife
Do not go down this road.
I don't care if you have 100% decided you never, under any circumstances want WW back again. DO NOT join the army of pulverized-brain zombies.
You are not immune.
You are allowing these women to meet your emotional needs. You might as well allow them to pump heroin into your brain. It might make you feel good, but it will not help you. Even if your marriage is over, it will not help you.
even x-girlfriends from the past, talking to them as close friends i've come to realize they know me better than myself even better than my wife.
Totally crap!
I call bullcrap!
Oh, I forgot to add something .....
I see the point.understood NC the outside friends.it was just good to get the other perspective .my intentions were not to have a comeback or rekindle old romance. But it was stepping out of the box.
Now onto the real task im going to meet with lawyer again.I have something bouncing in my head.its the house.now I have 50% stake in this.I feel that with all I know about the plans WW was haveing. To move OM in here and be daddy im thinking that this house should be sold were we both will not live here.I know it sounds mean or evil but she was going to burn me if I never
found out.any input on the house?
She can't put you out, She will have to go through the whole process of the divorce. Her greatest weapon was surprise. That weapon is as dangerous as a 2 week old banana now. So her plans now have the reality that you are not some sucker who is going to lose his house or his car to some POSOM. The other point is, you are so far ahead in the game of protecting yourself. Again, tell her the kids should live with you. Tell her to "be reasonable and think of the kids". Tell her "why should they suffer because their mom can't keep her vows or her panties up".
In a divorce, the house issue would be settled. One of you could buy out the other and refinance or sell the house and split the proceeds/cost...it would depend on what you guys negotiated.
A more pressing matter would be who is paying for the house right now. Is she carrying her share of the bills?
it was just good to get the other perspective .
It just
felt good.
Ugh... I made the mistake of **talking** to other women while i was separated and lonely.
I ended up having a RA, don't kid yourself that you can resist your taker.
He's a crafty lil b@st@rd he is..
Don't chance it, avoid those situations at all costs.
I agree as a friend told me WW believed I would be so upset that I would just pack my bags and leave.friend told me little did she know that when im crossed I can be a real well let's just say hard to deal with
.funny its like I said friends know me better my W.I sent a text asking to at least have the kids here to sleep in their own bed.still haven't heard anything .the other thing im wondering if she went to a lawyer why was she not advised to return home? Something well many things do not make any sense. I could sit here and make a list of all the things that don't fly in what she is doing.very strange how she is thinking not the woman I fell in love with at all completely different in every way.
Just a thought you guys should know me by now.WW has taken 2 weeks off from work and im wondering if I should contact the female coworker that we went to her wedding 2 yrs ago? Just ask her some Q's about OM and WW.I believe the damage is done but just curious if she would tell me anything.also should I still contact WW boss?
As a courtesy you may call the boss, and thank him for her time off, then you can just say: "Yeah, its so sad about the MRS and the POSOM. Must make it real hard to work with all the drama. Just to remind him that he has employees going out in their cars and schtuping during lunch.
Found out WW did retain a lawyer and filed.looks like she beat me to the punch.oh well mine will be retained tomorrow oh wait today.
Found out WW did retain a lawyer and filed.looks like she beat me to the punch.oh well mine will be retained tomorrow oh wait today.
Not unexpected. It's important that she hold on to the likely portrayal of you as this "abusive husband" that she needs to get away from. Hence the suggestions that you take the initiative from her and file first.
As her next step, she's likely going to try and have you removed from your home.
Don't know how successful she will be, if Eds been carrying his VAR. I think he is being set up for an RO. He needs to be very careful.
That has been discussed my lawyer stated she would need undeniable proof of abuse that she does not have.thus the reason I removed my are and personal items from this home in case she came at me with an RO or a OP.lawyer told me raising your voice does not constitute grounds for RO. Ill find out more inabout an hour.
That has been discussed my lawyer stated she would need undeniable proof of abuse that she does not have.
Unfortunately I've seen a few cases where the poor BH has been thrown out of here for a lot less than that.
Got done with lawyer he looks like wait until I get served than go from there said let her spend the money.also said if an OP or RO is used its to late as it should I have been done before filing a D he said she is going about this wrong she and out of normal thinking.
Have you heard from her family at all or has everyone taken sides?
Haven't heard from anyone in the family tried to contact BIL wife nothing. Looks like they have been brainwashed and NC.nothing from the kids not to even my son which I find very hard to swallow he was the only one I thought could get through to her.I guess I was wrong.
Anyone work for southwest airlines?or know of a way to check if WW has taken a flight?I believe she is no longer in this state with the kids.
Ed, not sure what to tell you here. I'm going to leave the advice on how to proceed to ones more suited to provide said advice.
I'm simply not qualified to offer helpful advice here in your situation. I do believe I AM qualified, however, to keep you in my prayers.
And you are. Hang in there friend
Yeah, well Ed, I believe the following:
Either you are the ultimate in the insensitve and frightened H, afraid to even talk to his W.
**edit**
If you are being honest, then I do have sympathy for you. **edit**
Tom
Tom,
I was told to behave myself,so I will,but I would have to answer part of your questioning.
Am I afraid of the W ? Absolutely I am. She has disappeared with the children,she has turned the only family I have against me,I am completely alone. I am fighting a woman who has the whole family backing her not only that but the OM.so here I am trying to pull it all together with only me,trying to remain calm,I am ready to explode
Now I had asked about the airline asking for help that is all,yet you Tom are calling me a liar or playing the good people here,you are entitled to your opinions of me,but I have taken offense to your remarks.
You ask to remind you why im here,I am here for guidance,for help in what I can do to attempt to remain sain through this whole thing,Am I guilty of asking for help? Am I guilty for posting my story?
I ask you Tom,if you were in my position all alone and no were to turn,how would you be?
There is a reason why, well over a year ago, I blocked Tom's posts from appearing on my feed. I suggest you do the same.
tl
Edsway ... read thndrnltng's post a few times.
Luckily for lots of people, I suffer from short-term memory....something.
Ed, I'm not sure where all the legalities will come out, just want to encourage you to go step by step and keep fighting. Get your atty on this asap, and begin working to get your kids back. Fortunately most judges have more discrimination than a WS's blind family. It may take an excruciatingly long time, but by following the judicial process you will be much better off.
Yes,my lawyer is on,WW tested stated I should be served with papers tomorrow also wants me out of the house in the worst way.im not budging till.the judge tells me so.I believe now she is in abandonment.I will do what I can.
Don't be disappointed with your son. He has been trying to help you best he could, better than could be expected at his age.
But he cannot turn this around, or even protect himself from being brainwashed by these people he is dependant on (sadly). He will not be able to not be loyal to the ones he lives with in the long run, probably. Remember, he's just a kid.
Just remember to let him know you love him no matter what and that he's a good kid.
God bless you,
Happyheart
Im not disappointed with him or my daughter they are great kids its just that they are the ones that suffer. I just don't understand the logic behind We'd thought process everyone seems drugs my be a factor I don't know it is way out pf the normal her I know I shouldn't think about what is going on in that twisted mind.I just know even in desperation I couldn't do what she has done.My heart is for the kids now I hope someday she will wake up, snap.out of the mind trip
Well just got home from work and to my surprise guess who's back?yup you guessed it WW.kids and all.they are asleep.now what?I can only imagine what is in store for me now.
Did get papers asking for full possession of the house nothing else.no other monies just cut and dry.I will have my lawyer just reveiw it other than that I just have to remain calm and avoid her as much as possible.wish me luck as I begin to pray I don't go insain.
Oh yeah forgot MIL is here too.so its gonna be a wild ride for the next 2 months.im going to sleep in the truck tonight.she got the one up on me.
Oh yeah forgot MIL is here too.so its gonna be a wild ride for the next 2 months.im going to sleep in the truck tonight.she got the one up on me.
HAve you not learnt anything?
You don't leave the home.
You don't leave the bed.
WW finds that she can't sleep in the same bed then she can go sleep on the couch.
You sleep anywhere but your home and you set up WW to win in court for abandonment so she gets house, kids, CS, and every other way she can screw you over.
Oh yeah forgot MIL is here too.so its gonna be a wild ride for the next 2 months.im going to sleep in the truck tonight.she got the one up on me.
HAve you not learnt anything?
You don't leave the home.
You don't leave the bed.
WW finds that she can't sleep in the same bed then she can go sleep on the couch.
You sleep anywhere but your home and you set up WW to win in court for abandonment so she gets house, kids, CS, and every other way she can screw you over.
She showed you part of her plans. She is trying to get YOU outta the house.
Remember, VAR on you at ALL times. She brought herself a "witness" and she may resort to DV charges. Protect yourself.
Absolutely. Edsway! Wake-up. Get back in the house. And for gods sake keep the var on. This is a set-up to get you out and the POSOM in.
Edsway,
How much equity do you have in the house? Is it underwater how much is due on the mortgage?
God Bless
Gamma
The house is under not worth what she paid very little equity. Yes im im still in the house.so this is setup very good planning she's got alot of help
Edsway,
So the house is in your W's name only? It sounds like you extracted/protected most of your monetary investment in this marriage.
Does her family often engage in and support affairs?
God Bless
Gamma
Gamma
Correct she is on the house note her name only when the house was bought I signed a document waving rights.this is a community property state I don't know how it will factor in I guess it would be up to the judge to decide.I need to get a place lined up in case im left in the cold.
Gamma
Correct she is on the house note her name only when the house was bought I signed a document waving rights.this is a community property state I don't know how it will factor in I guess it would be up to the judge to decide.I need to get a place lined up in case im left in the cold.
Hi Ed:
Do you have a VAR?
Do you have a VAR?
Do you have a VAR?
This is important. I gave one to my brother and thank god he used it and had it all of the time. He got accused of Molesting his daughter. When the police and child services and the doctors office glared at him and thought he was a molester he could have been in real trouble.
But he had his VAR with him at all times and caught everything. It made things much easier and the authorities then were provided with what was on there.
A WW will do anything to win. She won't bat an eye having you thrown out of your home and even thrown in prison. You will be out of the way.
Protect yourself. My brother eventually got a divorce and has custody of his daughter. Without the VAR I don't know what would have happened.
Protect yourself!!!
Gamma
Correct she is on the house note her name only when the house was bought I signed a document waving rights.this is a community property state I don't know how it will factor in I guess it would be up to the judge to decide.I need to get a place lined up in case im left in the cold.
Hi Ed:
Do you have a VAR?
Do you have a VAR?
Do you have a VAR?
This is important. I gave one to my brother and thank god he used it and had it all of the time. He got accused of Molesting his daughter. When the police and child services and the doctors office glared at him and thought he was a molester he could have been in real trouble.
But he had his VAR with him at all times and caught everything. It made things much easier and the authorities then were provided with what was on there.
A WW will do anything to win. She won't bat an eye having you thrown out of your home and even thrown in prison. You will be out of the way.
Protect yourself. My brother eventually got a divorce and has custody of his daughter. Without the VAR I don't know what would have happened.
Protect yourself!!!
Ed
This is no joke. My brother had this done to him in a custody dispute with his GF.
Google "The nuclear option" and read about how common it is.
This was with an accusation mother made. DD because she was only a little over 3 said every time when asked (by proffessionals)that what mother said never happened.
Only cost him $30,000 in lawyers fees-shrink tests- and loss of six months with his daughter-personal embarrassment-explaining to friends and relatives why his DD was not with him at events- for all who were investigating him to determine no wrong doing occured.
VAR
VAR
VAR
In addition if you have a trusted friend or relative that could stay at the house this would help to.
Remember until something legal happens forcing you out of the house you have just as much right to stay there as she does. She may ask, threaten, and rage on you. Dont fall for the trap. Mommy will be the perfect witness if you so happen to blink wrong.
Get someone to stay with you and keep the VAR on anytime any converation is going on.
Best of luck.
nESRE
Guess what? This happened to my BIL too.
The only saving grace was that his DD, who was 3 at the time, when questioned by the police said, "Mommy told me to tell you this stuff." That saved my BIL. He was still investigated and CPS on his butt for a year. SIL had them on her butt for a lot longer.
And now, my DN was actually molested by my SIL's OM's older son.
My son is 14,i worked the graveyard shift for 2.5yrs,it was very straining on the relationship and for my son,we spent time together,but i believe it was not enough quality time,me and him alone just hanging out,so to a point the FIL is correct.My daughter is 12,she spends more time with mom,i do also try,but my son is more attached
Ed says in a post earlier these are not his bio children although he treats them like they were his own.
Still-Keep the VAR on and get someone trusted to stay with you if possible.
nESRE
I have 2 VAR 's not a problem.I know what the plan is I just need to stay ahead of the game.it is amazing how when these 2 (WW MIL) get together and skeem add POSOM and its a war.I do have a large support group which helps alot ,but it is still nerve racking.
Tom stated in his post that I was scared of WW.now I hope he understands why,living this way watching my back always wondering what will.happen next,I don't wish this upon my worst enemy.
I will stay at a friends house for tonight as I need to get sleep.I am allowed to do that once in awhile just to get away for a little.I have to do this to keep my mind together.
Has she changed the locks on your house yet?
You're going about this the wrong way. You did nothing wrong so stop acting like you did. You go home. You go sleep in your bed. She can sleep on the floor for all you care. You don't avoid your WW in your own house.
If you keep coming and going, staying here and there, then it'll make it that much easier for her to get you out of the house.
I understand.locks haven't been changed.I was told that it is illegal to do so as I thought about doing that myself.
I just needed a little break from it all it felt good to have some quiet time and get some sleep.this hasn't been a good time for me and yes I am feeling the heat.
