Markos is not living at home anymore. He had another AO and is gone. We had an agreement last time this happened that if he did it again, he would leave and get help.

He yelled at me in front of the kids, bringing up things I said during my EA and rubbing it in my face. He told me he doesn't love me.

He is very resentful, and he blames me for that. He says I never listen to his complaints. He says I never do anything for him, that I'm not serious. He spent the last few hours berating me from his hotel over this.

I feel stabbed in the back.

He says I had an AO on Sunday, and again today. I am rereading Dr. Harley's AO chapter and looking at anger management.

Oh prisca I'm so sorry.

Did you have an AO?

Sorry to hear this.


Have you two still been struggling to get appropriate UA time each week?

While AO's are never excusable, do you have any idea what triggered it?

What triggered those which you had?

I thought Dr. Harley said AO's are temporary insanity, and often are based on frustration. I am currently reading about this as well.

This saddens me because he was posting to many about this issue. I really thought he had overcome his AO's ...

Are you going to post Markos today about this?

Oooo Prisca, I'm so sorry to hear this

So sorry Prisca.

((((((Prisca))))))))

How can we help?

???? How?

Do you mean by texts? Emails? Phone?

Yes. What can we do to help?

The reason I ask "How?" is this .....

No one should listen/read HOURS of insulting remarks.
Prisca should have made a hasty exit after 5-10 minutes of this.

The response to a tirade of abuse is silence..... by means of not being there, not reading the texts or emails, not listening to any voice mails, etc.

A temporary Plan B is the sane response to insanity.
Any person involved in an AO-fest is (by Marco's own words) INSANE.

Never argue with the insane, they win by virtue of experience.

STOP doing this on this forum.

Call your MB coach and fix this properly.

The main reason I posted was because of Dr. Harley's advice -- I am in the process of letting friends and family know what's going on in hopes he'll be motivated to STOP.

So you knowing is really what I need.

He says I did. What I remember is beginning to feel angry, and then shutting up and turnning away to specifically avoid an AO. He was pretty upset that I stopped talking to him, and kept pushing me to talk.

I do know I DJ'd him.

I've signed up for anger management.

How did you allow this to last for a few hours?

Yes. I have been complaining about the amount for at least a month. And we just lost our babysitter last week.

my DJs coupled with his resentment.

His DJs.

Prisca, so sorry to hear about this. I love you guys and the way you post together. You're awesome.

There is no excuse NONE for an AO against you which brings up your EA, of course. That is very abusive.

But you are still responsible for your reactions.




'What you remember' implies you don't fully remember the incident. Which implies an AO. I know because I've been there. If you needed to turn away, then you were angry. Turning away does not sheild you from your anger at what you are hearing, it simply fuels the situation. You didn't leave. You stayed and fuelled the situation so you could have an angry release in response. So the answer to the question is 'yes'.



What was the DJ?



Excellent! This is taking responsibility.

I know you are supposed to shut up and walk away.
That is what I usually do.
that is what I tell others to do.
I was stupid.

Thank you. I thought that was what happened.
I figured that was probably your largest contribution to why this went as far as it did.
You fought back.

You recognize your mistake. That's good.

I disagree that stupidity played any part in this.
More like pridefullness.
Wanting to "get him back". Or, "straighten him out". Am I right?

Did you say anything you wish you could scoop up and shove back in your mouth & never utter?

Prisca, I am so sorry to hear this. If there is anything i can do, let me know.

Prisca,

Just checking and hoping you and markos are doing better.

When I turned away, I never said another word. What they told Markos in Anger Management was that the first step to avoiding an Angry Outburst was to shut up. So I shut up at the first feeling of anger, and refused to engage in the conversation any further.

This made him angry, and he pressured me to talk for the rest of the day instead of leaving me alone to calm down. I never responded to his pressuring.

If there was an AO, it was before I turned away and became silent.

I know MB teaches that it is your spouse that determines if an AO has occured. So I have not argued with him about it. Do I believe it? I have a hard time believing him, because he has a history of accusing me of an AO when he is frustrated/angry, then coming back and apologizing with "I'm sorry, you weren't having an AO. I was frustrated." So, I don't know. His stories change a lot.

I haven't argued with him about it, and I am doing what he has asked -- anger management, and reading Love Busters.


He told me he would have a problem with having someone as an Elder in our church who had a pregnant unwed daughter.
I asked him why that was a problem, and he told me why.
I said "So they have to be perfect?" (judging his religious beliefs/sarcasm).
He said "no."
I then felt angry, and stopped talking.

I was certainly trying to straighten him out -- trying to show him what he was doing that was hurtful. Educating him.

Thanks guys, for all the support.
I'm not doing well. Anxiety is high.

Steve Harley told us a few years ago that if your spouse tells you that you are doing something offensive, but you don't believe you are, then it won't be that difficult to stop doing what you "are not doing."

That's what I'm going on right now. It's not difficult to review Dr. Harley's anger management techniques, or sign up for anger management, or practice relaxation. Whether I had an AO or not, these things are not difficult to do, and there's no sense in me dwelling on who's right on this.