New here, my story goes as follows; H36 W41, married 14, 3 kids, 11,8,7. I always felt we got along ok. Minor issues just like everyone. She was a stay at home mom the whole time. About 4 years ago, she reconnected with an old friend on FB. I was fine, but unknown to me they had a crush/puppy love back when she was 15. I caught her using technological means and accessing her accounts. I insisted she end it immediately, and she did. However there was tremendous animosity and resentment I think that I made her end it.

Fast forward to the end of October. I'm feeling her pull away again. No more sex, it's always, not now, or some excuse. Finally I ask her what's up and she drops the bomb. I love you but... I immediately scheduled MC. The next night, she heads out to see a girlfriend. While she's gone I notice a post on FB from the friend. Something to the effect "second night in a row my plans get ruined". I get that feeling again. So I look up the cell records. Thousands of texts, hours of phone calls to one number. It's a cell, so I take a chance and google it. Boom, the guy has the number posted on a site. He goes to the gym my wife works part time at. I confront her. The usual, he's just a friend blah blah. Admits it's inappropriate. I don't think there is any sex, but who knows really. This time I tell her that I'm not going to tell her what to do, and she needs to do what's right. We move on, MC doesn't work, feels like she is just going through the motions. Discussion about D ensues. We decide to table it till after Xmas.

At this point I can't handle it anymore. Since the above I asked her if there was someone else. In a round-about way she said no. I know in my gut she is moving forward with this guy, and it makes me sick to think how far they've taken things. So my dilemma, do I need more evidence? Since this last reveals, she has gotten her own phone, is attached to it, also keeps her purse clenched tight. Not getting there. As I mentioned, I do sense something is up. She is picking up this guys interests (biker culture, etc).

I guess I'm looking for guidance as to what's next. I feel like this might be a MLC. I want to start the plan a, but I don't feel like I have enough evidence. I don't really have the money this time of year to hire a PI. Any thoughts, ideas, wisecracks?

I do know I have things I need to fix about myself, many of these drove her away. BUT I love her and want her to be my wife and grow old with her.

Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain.

Is the OM married?

Yes, according to his FB he is married.

If you want the best chance at saving your marriage, consider yourself in Plan A. Eliminate all your love busters, be pleasant, and look good. Think of the things your wife complained about that you didn't listen to. Start working on those things.

Meanwhile, gather evidence. Install a keylogger on her computer/phone (see the Operation Investigate forum for more ideas on how to do this,) see if you can get her phone and download texts. The evidence of your wife's affair needs to be enough to convince a jury.

When you have your evidence, expose the affair to your friends and family and ask for their help in ending the affair.

She's not having a MLC; she's having an affair. Marriage counseling at this point is very likely to be destructive to your marriage. Most MCs have no idea how to deal with infidelity.

One of your most important exposure targets will be the OM's wife.

Have you read through this?
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

The evidence part is going to be tough. She is so hyper aware right now I'm not sure I'd be able to even get access to her phone. It's locked and she shields it anytime she puts in the passcode. I was able to grab her browser history, but all that shows is her viewing this guys FB page over and over.

This was a framework given to me by a wily vet on the forum who is sorely missed. Just passing it along...if you want to have a chance of saving your marriage, if you want to save your wife from the destructive path she's heading down with POSOM...

Here is your game plan. Most betrayed husbands haven't the courage to follow it fully,
to their own discomfiture. Those that do have remarkably better results than the rest.

THE BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. (�Eblaster� can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take �personal� calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and �on� whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.


WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,

9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife�s contacts, to the tune of: �I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333�
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM�s contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

Can you put a VAR wherever she talks on the phone?

Hire a PI. You have all the details a PI would need to be able to get the evidence quickly.

Here.
Private Investigators

If she works in a gym and OM goes there, it will be very easy for a PI. It seems wise to go that route, you will get your evidence quickly.

What about buying her a new phone for Christmas? (one that is fully loaded with spyware!!!!)

A VAR is an excellent idea and I would also GPS her car. You can get them at any Best Buy, Target, Walmart, etc as many people use these to monitor their teenagers. These are snooping tools that you can continue to secretly use to monitor your WW after the PI gets the evidence.

***EDIT***

great idea, but she already ditched the brand new Iphone I got her in May for a crappy pay-per-use phone.

I looked into the site, its seems a little sketchy. have you used it? also, I have access to some PI resources at my work. I might ask one if they'd be willing to do some work for me on the side.

Do it right away so you can expose this thing. Move fast.