I discovered 3 months ago that my wife was having an affair. It took about 4 weeks for her to call it off and I know that there is no communication between them. My wife thinks that our marriage was flawed well before the affair and I was not giving her enough attention, which I am willing to fix. She claims that I have not been of support to her in times of need, which again I am keeping an open mind about and will give it all it takes to fix. She also claims that she will be happy living by herself with our 2 year old son as I have provided her with nothing. Currently we spend in the evening with our son, but she would not let me touch or take care of her. I on the other hand desperately need to be comforted and hugged. I am getting ready to seek MC in order to fix our marriage, but don�t want it to lead into a divorce. Am I off in the timing to see a MC? How do I proceed to ensure I don�t mess things up further? Thank you.

Hi mbdesp, welcome to Marriage Builders. IF you will do the legwork, we can walk you through the necessary steps of recovery. The program you should follow is outlined in the book Surviving an Affair and the workbook Five Steps to Romantic Love.

But before that happens, certain things need to be in place. Most importantly is contact between the affairees? Do they EVER see or speak to each other? Does the OM live close by? Do they work together?

Is the OM married? And if so, have you informed his wife? Has the affair been exposed to your families?

Are you married? If so, how long?

Contact has been broken between my wife and the single guy she was having an affair with. He has moved away to a different city and I have also monitored activities on several fronts to ascertain that it has happened.

We have been married for 4 years, but we fell in love 6 years ago. For the last year or so, our focus has been our son and each other's career. We would spend less time with ourselves. I am of the opinion that the marriage can be fixed if we make the effort, but my wife feels otherwise. As I had mentioned in my original post, my wife thinks that she is financially and emotionally independent enough to live and raise our son by herself. She has not made an attempt to move out however.

I am now evaluating the timing of MC. Is it going to hurt or help saving our marriage? Desperate and need advice. thanks.

We have found that marriage counseling is usually devastating to marriages when there is an affair. There are a few good counselors, but they are very rare. Most do not know how to save a marriage and will move you right to separation and/or acceptance of divorce.

Dr Harley has a completely different approach in that he takes steps to bust up the affair and save the marriage. It is often very successful. Once the affair is killed, he has a plan to restore the romantic love to the marriage. We can help you do this.