Hey Kimberly good to see you around again. Hope your sister finds the help she needs.
I'm fine with you living your life however you choose. Some can coexist and coparent children others can't. I just think the following presumption is often (but not always) unhealthy:
And I feel it benefits DS
One thing that gets mentioned here often is that "feelings" lie. Again, I don't recall all the specifics of your situation but sometimes a deeper analysis is in order to see if your "feelings" are actually the truth.
Consider, that maybe, just maybe it's unhealthy to your DS to model behavior to him wherein you expose yourself to your abuser and completely ignore the fact that your ex-husband is a bad person. What does this teach your son? Does he think that's what adults are supposed to do? When he's an adult will he then allow his spouse, friend, boss to abuse him and thereafter "feel" required to suck it up and act like nothings wrong because to talk about it or even protect oneself is making a scene or a big deal out of something. Will he learn that other person's feelings matter more than his? Conversely, would teaching him that "you matter too" and that you refuse to have anything to do with DS's father perhaps model strength and appropriate behavior to your son? Then there's YOU. Does putting the "benefit" of DS above your own feelings hurt you? You say you're not hurt or bothered by it but is that absolutely the truth or is that a brave face being put on something you
feel required to endure "for the kid"? Plus, you can't control ex-husband. He may not have crossed any boundaries YET...but given more opportunities he may just say or do something hurtful. Suppose he flirts with you or tries to give you fake crocodile tears about being sorry? BS's are always looking for that apology and seeming acknowledgement of the pain the WS caused them and many a WS's have exploited that to try to make themselves (not you) feel better about their life's choices. It's insincere bullcrap. But how is your son going to feel seeing his dad try to get all chummy and or apologetic with mom? Will DS get hopeful for a reconciliation (they ALWAYS hope)? Will he get upset at you for seemingly being the one not willing to consider reconciliation?
This may not require a 180 degree change in behavior but perhaps this conversation will help you be very careful about keeping your distance from your ex-husband and limiting to a greater extent any extraneous interaction. Sure you can be a the wedding and/or graduation in the presence of your exhusband but the situation doesn't mandate you to be buddies or even fake friendly with him.
Hope you aren't feeling hammered. It's all good. Welcome back.
Mr. Wondering