Unhappy - 09/15/14 11:23 PM
I'm unhappy and venting. Bear with me...
I'm a 41-year-old American-born expat living in Peru. I've been married for almost 9 years now, and I'm quite dissatisfied with my marriage. We have two children.
Problems:
1. Work schedule. I teach classes starting at 6:30 A.M. and my last class ends at 10:30 P.M. I rarely see my wife, and when I do, we usually just exchange a few words and fall into bed. I work Saturdays too. On Sunday she just wants to sleep in or watch TV.
2. Lack of sleep. I'm always tired, and when I get home I often have trouble falling asleep right away. Sometimes my wife will hit me up for sex. If I say no, she feels rejected. If I say yes, I am more tired the next day.
3. Sexual dysfunction. Testosterone is made while you sleep, and I rarely sleep enough. I have difficulty getting it up. My wife interprets that as lack of sexual desirability on her part and asks me whether I have someone else. I take 3 grams of maca a day and it helps... somewhat.
4. Money. My wife spends more than I am comfortable with. She has little self-control in this regard and no budgeting skills. I give her S/.20 a day, and she earns (theoretically) S/.1,000 a month. That provides her with S/.1,600 a month, an amount that is more than double the minimum wage in Peru. I pay all the costs of the house (rent, cable, Internet, water, gas, electricity). I don't understand why she can't live on double the minimum wage if she lives rent free. On the weekends she often asks me to buy groceries at the store. I often spend S/.200-300 there. Why can't she contribute more? Recently she has requested that I pay our son's tuition at school. She works there, so supposedly he should get free tuition. She says it's only half. She apparently can't pay it, so I have to pay it. She always gives me the card late. There's a late fee. She's unhappy at her job. She wants to quit and wants me to set up a small business for her so that she can work there.
5. Bisexuality. My wife says that she thinks I don't listen to her. She wants a girlfriend who will listen to her and understand her better. While it's titillating, it's also stressful. I have told her that she can go to discos in search of one. She fears that if she finds a girlfriend that I'll find one too. She thinks that would be unfair. She wants me to find a boyfriend. I'm not interested.
6. Sex. When we have sex, I make sure she has a great time. I provide oral sex. When she's done having a good time, she expects me to get off with her.
**edit**
7. Counseling. We separated in April 2013 and got back together in May 2014. I was pushing for her to get better at managing money and for us to see a psychologist. She didn't do either. Finally after a year I had found someone else. When the other woman (Ysabel) pushed me to reveal this to my wife, I did. She had a panic attack and then started actually going to a psychologist (I paid for it). I agreed to try again and we got back together in May. She stopped going to the psychologist as soon as we moved back in together. She's very insecure about Ysabel.
8. Ysabel. After my wife confronted her on the phone and threatened to tell everyone that she was a home wrecker, Ysabel stayed away for awhile, but now she comes around a few times a week. I like Ysabel. Ysabel wants the relationship to progress to sex. It sounds like it might be fun, but I know I can't get it up. I spend a lot more time with Ysabel than I do with my wife. Periodically Ysabel asks me whether I love my wife or what kind of future we might have together. I tell her that I do love my wife and that we have no future together. She gets in a huff and leaves for awhile. I haven't seen Ysabel since last Wednesday. She's in a huff... she'll be back in a week or two.
I'm a 41-year-old American-born expat living in Peru. I've been married for almost 9 years now, and I'm quite dissatisfied with my marriage. We have two children.
Problems:
1. Work schedule. I teach classes starting at 6:30 A.M. and my last class ends at 10:30 P.M. I rarely see my wife, and when I do, we usually just exchange a few words and fall into bed. I work Saturdays too. On Sunday she just wants to sleep in or watch TV.
2. Lack of sleep. I'm always tired, and when I get home I often have trouble falling asleep right away. Sometimes my wife will hit me up for sex. If I say no, she feels rejected. If I say yes, I am more tired the next day.
3. Sexual dysfunction. Testosterone is made while you sleep, and I rarely sleep enough. I have difficulty getting it up. My wife interprets that as lack of sexual desirability on her part and asks me whether I have someone else. I take 3 grams of maca a day and it helps... somewhat.
4. Money. My wife spends more than I am comfortable with. She has little self-control in this regard and no budgeting skills. I give her S/.20 a day, and she earns (theoretically) S/.1,000 a month. That provides her with S/.1,600 a month, an amount that is more than double the minimum wage in Peru. I pay all the costs of the house (rent, cable, Internet, water, gas, electricity). I don't understand why she can't live on double the minimum wage if she lives rent free. On the weekends she often asks me to buy groceries at the store. I often spend S/.200-300 there. Why can't she contribute more? Recently she has requested that I pay our son's tuition at school. She works there, so supposedly he should get free tuition. She says it's only half. She apparently can't pay it, so I have to pay it. She always gives me the card late. There's a late fee. She's unhappy at her job. She wants to quit and wants me to set up a small business for her so that she can work there.
5. Bisexuality. My wife says that she thinks I don't listen to her. She wants a girlfriend who will listen to her and understand her better. While it's titillating, it's also stressful. I have told her that she can go to discos in search of one. She fears that if she finds a girlfriend that I'll find one too. She thinks that would be unfair. She wants me to find a boyfriend. I'm not interested.
6. Sex. When we have sex, I make sure she has a great time. I provide oral sex. When she's done having a good time, she expects me to get off with her.
**edit**
7. Counseling. We separated in April 2013 and got back together in May 2014. I was pushing for her to get better at managing money and for us to see a psychologist. She didn't do either. Finally after a year I had found someone else. When the other woman (Ysabel) pushed me to reveal this to my wife, I did. She had a panic attack and then started actually going to a psychologist (I paid for it). I agreed to try again and we got back together in May. She stopped going to the psychologist as soon as we moved back in together. She's very insecure about Ysabel.
8. Ysabel. After my wife confronted her on the phone and threatened to tell everyone that she was a home wrecker, Ysabel stayed away for awhile, but now she comes around a few times a week. I like Ysabel. Ysabel wants the relationship to progress to sex. It sounds like it might be fun, but I know I can't get it up. I spend a lot more time with Ysabel than I do with my wife. Periodically Ysabel asks me whether I love my wife or what kind of future we might have together. I tell her that I do love my wife and that we have no future together. She gets in a huff and leaves for awhile. I haven't seen Ysabel since last Wednesday. She's in a huff... she'll be back in a week or two.
