My husband and I have been separated the past 9 months, he left to be with his affair partner. I have questioned what steps I need to take in hopes of trying to salvage my marriage and was given advice by Dr. Harley to go into Plan B...I was hoping to have an intermediary to handle any further communication made by my husband, once the Plan B letter is in place.

Hi d0204b,

I'm so sorry you're here, but this is the best place to be under the circumstances. The veterans will be here shortly to assist.

God bless.

Hi Do, welcome to Marriage Builders. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? Plan B is outlined in there. In the meantime, please go read this thread and come back and lets talk: here

Thank you and God Bless

No, I haven't yet received the "surviving an affair"...however, I have read some of the sample plan B letters and have began working on mine...thinking perhaps, I may need to change some things after reading the link you provided.

I would use the template Plan B letter provided in SAA and get as close as possible. Please post your letter here for feedback.

Do you have an intermediary arranged? And are you prepared to shut off any avenues of contact?

Have you ordered the book?

Dr.Harley is mailing a copy, but I was hoping someone from the forum would volunteer to be my IM since I do not have one.

Can you tell us your story, please? How long have you been married? Kids - how old?

How did this affair get going, and who is she - an old girlfriend, a colleague? Did they meet on Facebook? How did they meet in person - does she live near your marital home, or did they conduct the affair at work? What are her circumstances - married? Kids? Ages?

To whom has the affair been exposed?

Where do they live now -anywhere near you? Did you stay in the home, or did he?

What date were you on the radio show - or was this an email exchange between you and Dr H?

My husband and I were married less than 2 years...no children involved. Approximately 6-8 months into the marriage, I started noticing changes in my husbands' behavior (he started showing sins of being distant and making excuses to leave and do things which did not include me, was staying gone hours at a time with no logical explanation) I voiced my concerns many times which led to arguments mostly and him denying things...I even asked if he was involved with someone else, to which he also denied. When he made the move to walk out on our marriage, he made claims that he was just unhappy and no longer wanted to be married. I later discovered that he had infact left for another woman...as for how they met, I have no clue...that was actually talked about on the show and Dr. Harley suggested that she may have been someone my husband knew from the past. Dr. Harley answered questions on April 14 and 15...I had originally emailed and later sent another because I have an upcoming appointment next week with my attorney to seek Alienation Of Affection against the OW and was inquiring of Dr. Harleys advice on that.

Signs...sorry not "sins"

I heard that show. Dr. Harley said go for it and that he highly recommended pursuing legal action against the OW. I remember that he said the cases he had worked with there had been no substantial monetary payouts but that it ran the affair partner off. He didn't qualify that statement, so it sounded like it ended the affair every time.

Thanks for this information.

There are a few of my questions that you haven't answered yet.

I'm trying to understand Dr Harley's strategy for you, which is why I am asking these questions.

If you are just going to divorce your husband, then in a short marriage with no kids, what communication do you need to have? What communications are you having now? Is he paying his share of the bills? Do you have assets that need to be divided? These things could be handled by your respective lawyers, or in a no-fault situation with no assets, almost the whole divorce could be handled online.

If your H seems to have walked away without a backward glance, you could divorce him fairly quickly and have nothing further to do with him.

If, however, your H seems to be eating cake - which means, he is trying to keep you on the side as an option in case his affair fails - then I can see why Dr H would have recommended Plan B. However, he would normally recommend that the affair be exposed to influential people in you and your husband's lives, and the OW's life - but you cannot expose if you do not know who she is.

If they are connected to each other through work, you would need to expose to the workplace. If she is married, or even if not and you can find her parents, you expose on her side.

I am not interested at all in divorcing my husband...I am seeking advice as to the steps I need to take in putting a strain on the affair and hopefully bringing my husband out of the fog he is in. We have no children together as I mentioned nor do we have any assets in which we are fighting over....however,my husband has stated many times his wishes to file for divorce,but as of yet, I have not been served any papers. I feel as though my husband is maybe on the fence, maybe confused as to what he really wants....as he still makes random contact from time to time either by text msges. Or phone calls...at one point, earlier into the separation, I felt as though he made a couple of "false" starts in reconciling, but then immiadetely went back to expressing his desires for divorce.

Thanks. That is very helpful information. So now, please answer my question about exposure.

Do you know this woman's identity? It really does not sound as if you do.

When Joyce Harley asked Dr. Harley, he recommended Plan B...when she asked about "why so quickly and why not Plan A"...he said because of the fact that my husband had already moved out of the marital home.

Have you exposed the affair?

Welcome to MB

I remember hearing that show.

I'm not disputing Dr H's advice to go to Plan B, and I did not and would not suggest Plan A. I'm wondering, though, about exposure. It's vitally important. It could have killed the affair already by now.

Who is this woman, and what are her circumstances?

When I first learned of the affair, I did let my family and friends know about it...I also feel as tho' his parents may already know as well, because his mother started displaying odd behavior towards me (maybe as of to be hiding something) at the time, I felt that maybe she felt like she was being forced to take sides, as she and I used to be really close before all of this happened....so, I took it upon myself to end contact with his family. As I already mentioned and I also asked advice from Dr. Harley (to which he recommended) that I go ahead and pursue the Alienation Of Affection lawsuit against my husbands' affair partner.

To do that, you need to know who she is. Do you know her identity? (Just "yes" or "no" - don't tell us here!)

You should properly expose the affair even if you Plan B or D.

For your WH to have started an affair within several months of marriage is disturbing. The newlywed period should be the very opposite, What was your courtship like? Disagreements about anything? Did you live together?

It would be helpful if you provided some basic background.

It makes me think that he had her on the side all along - before you were married.

So, he started this behaviour about six months in, and finally left you about a year after you married?

You need to do all you can to find out whether he was involved with her before you married. I don't know anything about that US law, but I imagine it could help your case.

Is this it?
Radio Clip of d0204b's question

I haven't found the 4-15-15 clip. Could it have been another day?