Hi there,
please dont read into the functionality of this email that my heart is intact...indeed it is wrecked.

My wife of 15years, just a few months ago began playing an online video/chat game. My concern peaked when the hours, and some of the language became very lengthy and in-appropriate to say the least. My wife maintains she was pushed to seeking the emotional stimulation from other guys in game, as our relationship was dry. I admit she did a number of times ask about going to counselling, and/or in frustration ask why we were not having a normal sexual relationship. I wasnt cheating...or interested in another. I admit I did take her comments for granted, regarding them as either an exaggeration, or that she didnt really want to hear my answer re the sex.

We began individual counselling with a psycologist, having had 6 sessions alone, and so far two as a couple

Her chatting deepened, with her setting up a profile on a swingers website, and making contact with a number via email.
One guy (living only a couple of hours away) caught her attention...he lived in a town called Gympie. They both traded many ph calls, and sms messages, and emails containing in-appropriately very intimate photos of each other. When i discovered this, I confronted her with, asking her there and then to contact the guy by ph and break it off. She refused to do so in my presence, telling me later she did so in her own words alone in our bedroom.

For a number of weeks i saw no ph calls or sms messages or emails. Her swingers website profile has not been deleted, nor have the photos of the guy, emails etc etc.

She has been without a car for a number of months. I secured a small loan ($10k) and bought her a 4yr version of car she always wanted.

Friday last, it was planned for her to go to local shops, and make just a few purchases. For months she has been feeling trapped with only one vehicle, and unable to go do her own thing occaisionally.
I had been suspicious of her activities. I used FindmyiPhone app and tracked her movements that morning. She drove past local shops and all hwy exits, heading towards Gympie (where her prior guy friend resided). I sent her a txt, saying "if you continue on that road your on, dont bother coming home".
The response i got was at first "wth?" then a string of lies as to her location and activities.
FindmyiPhone had her located at a hotel in Gympie.
Then silence for almost 3 hours.
I removed my personal possesions from house.
I called her "boy friend" asking if my wife with him...he obviously denied.
5 mins and my wife then sent me a txt telling me to call her "ex boy friend".
At this point her findmyiPhone locator began moving away from hotel, toward next town...approx 1hour away.
Silence for about an hour, then she sends me photo of her location arguing she wasnt in Gympie...pic of waterfront location about 1hour from Gympie.

My wife argues nothing happened in Gympie...she didnt meet him...she wasnt at hotel etc etc etc.
Says she drove to Gympie to "piss me off"...make me think she was having an affair...SUCCESS!!!

All of this...the initial chatting, to recent affair/apparent affair has been happening over period of 3 months. Since my realization that my wife is actually really suffering...lonely...emotionally empty etc, we have spoken alot regarding love banks, needs etc, and have resumed a normal, actually quite wonderful sexual relationship. But all along, woven throughout, are lies, deceptions, and little stories that sit along side the truth...but not actually the truth.

I recently promised to try and stop using eg findmyiPhone app...to try and give her space. Instead of allowing me to do so, she has removed her phone from the network, now preventing me from even knowing that she is actually where she says. She has locked down her phone, changed email passwords etc etc, all because she claims she needs her privacy.
I have tried talking with her regarding transparency in our marriage..."how can i trust you if you remove yourself from a trusting environment, not allowing me the opportunity even". She argues transparencey is important, but not at expense of her privacy.

Hence, today, I am contemplating leaving the marriage.

Im tired of having my heart trampled by her actions and words...(calling me fing [censored] and a weak a-hole).

I am planning on talking with her, in presence of our church leaders, at weeks end, outlining my personal values, how i see them play out in our marriage, how her actions and words have hurt me, and yet ask her if she considers her personal values compatible with mine, to re-take my hand in marriage...doing so would have dependant considerations (eg transparency a non-negotiable).

If you have any considerations, and/or advice, it would be most welcome.

Welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.

Have you seen the following?



Dr. Harley's Marriage Builders Basic Concepts

Surviving an Affair - Start Here First

Hi Markos...watched just now...had read the basic concepts chapter on website earlier.
When wife began gaming/chatting alarm bells did ring...we spoke at length as to what was happening with her. She explained her emptiness...loneliness etc.
We identified and studied her love languages...and her love busters.
I would say have been building her love bank daily...in small ways...and weekly with specific date nights...and monthly with full 3day weekends away...just us two...to have time to rediscover those aspects of each other we had forgotten.
I think it is why this affair/apparent affair is such a slap in the face. Things weren't great, but I thought we had a plan.

Hi Rupert, welcome to Marriage Builders. I am unsure about your question since you are here at Marriage Builders but seem to have your own personal "plan." Do you want help to save your marriage?

I think that is great. That will enable her to hide her affair better in the future. I am unclear how that helps YOU, though?

Idk what I'm asking.
I'm tired....really tired...of the courting...love banking...etc etc...only to constantly have thrown in my face.

I want to save marraige.

To date nothing anyone has proposed seems to have any substance...or plan.

Psychologist has helped me personally...not relationship.

Church leaders have our best interest at heart...but aren't looking at the heart of the matter.

I have already confronted wife re emotional affairs, and recent events...she denies anything happened.
My plan for meeting is to confront with ongoing evidence I've found, along with historical, and ask wife if she can line her values with mine...of honesty...transparency...trust...fidelity...etc...using what information I can find from this website.
If, eg...100% transparency isn't provided to my satisfaction, I will be leaving...implementing planB best I can.

Basically, if I don't get the reassurance that she is wanting to recommit to marraige, I have to live in a way that protects myself, as atm I am betrayed, abused, and taken for granted.

Comments?

So you are not here to find out how Marriage Builders would solve this? If not, then I won't answer.

Have you done exposure? (See link in MelodyLane's signature)

I have noticed that a lot of people come here, not to get help to save their marriage, but to blog. I noticed this poster is not asking us a question about Marriage Builders. When they don't ask for help, it seems we waste a lot of time trying to help someone who is not interested in help. People who don't ask for help don't tend to take advice anyway.

My new motto is: if they don't ask for help, I won't offer it. I just can't anyway. My life is too full with my own marriage and a full time career. I don't have the spare time.

You asked if I want to save my marriage.

I said yes.

I asked for input...please...I respect what I've read in articles etc...I mention my plan as is only plan I had prior to finding MB.

Having read where im at...what should I do?

I've done Exposure...but prior to having read ML article...exposing what I had found as I found it. I didn't know or understand the procedure.

MelodyLane, and/or others experience with the concepts, i welcome your help as atm I am floundering.

Thanks. I didn't see exposure mentioned at all. What do you mean when you say you were "exposing what I had found as I found it?" To whom? And in what manner?

Exposure is a strategic plan and the best way to kill affairs. Revealing intell as you go along is a disaster. You are supposed to let key targets know on her side, your side and OMs side within 24 hours. Targets should be blowing up their phone with shock and disbelief giving them both the worst day ever. Don't send your targets to them one by one, days apart, to be picked off and brushed aside like a lame kung fu movie - it should be all at once and have a tsunami effect on the affair.

Lovebanking is a complete waste of time before exposure because the affair is healthy. It's all she can think about and hardly knows you're alive except to demonize you.

Ok...getting the picture now.
By EXPOSURE...what I've been doing (not knowing differently) is to confront as I found offending information...
eg one day inappropriate online chat...talk to wife regarding.
...Another day oh calls and intimate photos traded...ask to explain oh bills and why she feels need to resort to such lengths
...en route to OM town I texted "if continue on that road don't bother coming home"...

We have talked regarding Transoarency and what practical implications that means.

So...I guess what I'm asking is, what you regard as best plan forward is?

Rupert, what you are talking about is confrontation. We are talking about exposure. Did you read the exposure thread in my signature?

And what snooping resources do you currently have in place?

Confronting her is futile. She knows she is having an affair.

The idea is to tell people who DON'T know.

Goodness, don't talk to her. Whatever for?

Get a good exposure plan in place. You can say nice soothing things AT her, or pretend to listen to her ranting, but don't try and talk TO her. You'll only hear nonsense.

As far as MB is concerned im trying to work out how to proceed.

Yes...I've been confronting as I found offenses...most recently as a week ago with pastor and his wife involved.

Yes...I've been pouring on the charm for last 3months...talking with her a lot...regular date nights...daily little suprises to communicate love to,her etc etc.
At the same time, seeing her slip away into various emotional online connections, and recently a friendship with OM and visiting his town (under the pretense to annoy me as she was suspicious I had been tracking her).

Many of my wife's online accounts I am aware of and have access to. She has somewhat stopped using iPad and laptop, totally stopped using landline ph, resorting to 99% of the time using iPhone4 only.
I have Webwatcher to monitor ipad and laptop activities. The icloud update has been turned off on her mob oh so webwatcher will not record. Neither will "fFindmyiPhone" app track her mob oh location as that feature has been turned off.
She is making her mob ph available to me upon request.

So, idk whether to continue to if she has stopped affair, loving her in ways that communicate love to her, talking with regards to love busters, policy of joint agreement, trust etc etc...?

Were you interested in trying Marriage Builders? You continue to cite all these useless and unproductive actions and I am not sure why. You know bits and pieces about Marriage Builders but don't understand HOW to use them.

That is very helpful to the affair. Like you said earlier:


Are you trying to help her hide her affair?

Oh yes...read EXPOSURE...and the PlanA PlanB...
And i see that I've been not doing either...hence the fog of confusion as to how to move forward.

The way to proceed is to expose the affair and continue to snoop on her. Have you read my exposure thread?

Rupert, I think a huge part of the problem is that your wife has been very successful in manipulating you into helping her conduct her affairs. It is really important that you recognize how you enabled her in a very destructive way. For example, you agreed to turn off "findmyiphone" and "give her space" when you know it only helped her conduct her affair. I am confused why you would do this when you know how harmful those steps are.

That makes me think that your goal might be to avoid the anger of your wife at all cost. Our goal is to help you save your marriage. Do you think you can abandon such enabling behaviors?

So when will you be exposing her affair and to whom?

Let's clarify...
These actions by wife have been continuing over last couple of months, with recent affair/apparent only last Friday. FindmyiPhone was active during this time, which is how I found her whereabouts on the Friday in question.

The very next day affair was confronted/exposed to pastor and his wife, in a meeting with both myself and wife.

Issues of trust on both sides were discussed...she doesn't trust me to provide and protect family...

It was told to them and supported by pastor and wife that wife should make all her tech available to me on request...deleting all history of prior contacts with any guys...affirm me as her husband daily.

It was told to me that I need to continue to love my wife, and stop snooping...eg stop using FindmyiPhone, allowing my wife "privacy" etc etc...

HOWEVER...wife has turned off FindmyiPhone on her phone so even if I wanted to track her movements now I cannot. I have told her that IF she is wanting to be trusted by me that she needs to turn iPhone feature back on, so that IF I did track her I would see that she was where she claimed to be.

Considering another gps finder now.

Rupert, I would start by getting a GPS on her car and spyware on her phone. Does she have an iPhone? If so, you can get spyware on it using the instructions on the operation investigate forum. What about her computer? How does she troll for dirtbags?


Your pastor means well, but obviously he has no earthly idea what he is doing. This is marriage wrecking advice. Of course, a married person does not have the right to the "privacy" to cheat on her husband.

In the meantime, I would EXPOSE THE AFFAIR<S> using the tactics outlined in my exposure thread. Write emails outlining her multiple affairs asking your family and friends for support. Post the email here before you send it.

Can you do that?

Rupert can you give a simple answer to whether you will be exposing or not?

There is nothing to save until you do that.

Of course you don't trust her! You'd have to be crazy.

All of this stuff is futile until you bust up the affair.

Yes...if u think that exposing is still the tactic considering the leaking and confronting I have been doin to date.
Preparing emails.

Tell us who is on your exposure list.

My parents
Our kids
Pastor and wife
Our friends and partners
Her family...we in australia...all her family in US and quite distant emotionally
I have no means of contact OM family etc

Why are you unable to expose to OM family?

How have you looked for OM family?

The only contact I had was through a swingers lifestyle website that wife had joined...seems OM has since cancelled his membership as icons now blank and refers to nothing.
Other than that I have a mob ph# which doesn't resolve,any information in australia.

You know where he lives.. do you know his name? Try googling his email eddy or online username?

Re OM I've searched extensively...only had his first name...email addy...mob ph...town...
Found nothing so far.

You must be weathering a horrible storm after doing all these exposures! What has been your wife's reaction? Have these people contacted her directly this weekend?

When did she find out about your exposures? Hopefully she didn't hit you or anything.

Sorry been soooo long.

Over series of weeks and months I thought I had been "exposing" but not know or understanding the process.

Finally 3weeks back i exposed to as many as I could.
My wife's response was initially extremely bitter...hurts...says i betrayed her etc etc.

Since then she has been gradually rebuilding the lost trust. I've seen no evidence of contact with OM. Whilst even today she says feels betrayed is continuing to try and gain back the lost trust which I do appreciate and so long for.

Then, yesterday...BAM...is 1month to the date when she had physical affair...and what does she do?...drives 200km...says she was just cruising around...hasnt...can't account for her whereabouts. Is 200km round trip to town where OM lives...and she doesn't see why I'm suddenly suspicious.

And no...i wasn't able to monitor electronically as the day prior she suddenly changed icloud login which h nice disables findmyiPhone.

And all I've heard about since asking her about her day of driving, is a list of abuse and itemized point by point history of my letting her down till 2 in the morning.

Seems an inproportionate response to my asking about her cruising around for 200km...unless she is intending to distract from the truth.

Rupert, I'm sorry to hear about this.

You were advised to put a GPS on her car, and spyware on her phone. I take it you didn't do either, otherwise you would not be back here with that story, and not knowing for sure where she was.

She feels betrayed, and she is trying to gain back the trust she lost in you? She is seeing things entirely the wrong way around. I wouldn't listen to her nonsense.

Are you back here to get help with taking effective action? If you do what you did last time, which was to blog and vent, but not take action, you will still be at square one this time next month.

Re action taken last time...I simply don't have access to her vehicle...keys always on her person.
And her pone is held even closer...had Webwatcher monitoring but is limited to iCloud backups...and now icloud password is changed.

Working on a rechargeable gps for vehicle.

Do this: Get her iPhone. Go to Settings: Privacy: Location Services: System Services: Frequent Locations. The history there may very well document your suspicions.

Hi,
Brief history...my wife had been chatting online...I suspected emotional affair...collated evidence etc...she ended up having physical affair 5 times with a man from town 2hours away over last 3months. To paint how cold...and vile her attitude toward me got...eg we explored some new things sexually between us over last 4months...sensual massage...sex toys...etc...she was using me/us as testing ground for OM. The affair peaked when she skipped out of work at night, to drive 2hours to his house...(previously hotel and rear of car in truckers rest stop)...his invit ion to his house came when his wife was in hospital with one of their kids I'll. So here is my wife, in another mans bed, unbeknownst to his wife.
Now, the affair has ended. Things between my wife and OM broken. She has divulged everything to me...in detail...currently going thru withdrawl.
She spends 90% of our conversation talking about the affair...maybe 10% on what it did to me...and no time talking about how we can avoid in future.
She does not believe me when I tell her I think she is beautiful...desirable...refuses my romantic chase, but still has sex with me often.

How do I get her to start talking to ME.?

How do I get her to respond and believe she is s beautiful?

Did you expose the affair? Does the OM's wife know what your wife has done? Here is the checklist of extraordinary precautions:

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Threads merged. Please stick to one thread.

hi,
yes checklist sorted...still working on "Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse)".

My dilema lays, in that whilst i recognize the need for my wife to withdraw, and painful and time consuming that may be, she is already wanting to have "serious talks" regarding what it was that drove her to the affair. At no point has she recognized that she has seriously hurt me. Ive not communicated my pain of betrayal whatsoever.

Should I continue to love on her, allowing her space and time to recover?
Should I allow her to see how hurt I am, even when she is clearly not coping with her own hurts?

Battling fear of not being able to fulfill my wifes emotional need...
She tells me "reason" for affair was I wasnt protecting...providing...tells me OM was such a good conversationalist...made her feel desired...he was fresh...something new.
The "protecting and providing" i can see...over the years ive been a little slow with eg protecting her emotionally...I have always worked so the providing she mentions is that of eg "a vision for tomorrow".
Im not a chirpy conversationalist. I do an can communicate well, but its the light hearted, flirtations im not natural at.
How do i compete with "fresh...something new".
How do i compete with the exitement of having been desired by, and with another (15years my junior) man?

If your wife hasn't done the "block communications" things fully and completely, there is every chance she is still in contact with OM. She will not begin to notice all that you do for her if he is still in the picture.

The fact that she's making these direct comparisons suggests that he's still around, giving her something to compare.

Are you in touch with his wife? Do you know whether she spies on her husband? Does your wife have any more unexplained 200-mile trips?

You need to get a lot more active at bringing this affair to a close.

You can work on learning the conversation style that suits her. It is a matter of trial and error in your daily communications. Do you get out of the house with her for at least 15 hours per week of recreational activity, without the kids?

How you compete with the 15 year younger boy is by getting him out of the picture, and then meeting your wife's primary ENs, including her need for family commitment. She needs commitment to her kids, and she needs it from their father. She can't get what their father gives them from an OM stepdad who only got together with her for sex. He isn't interested in her kids and would run in horror at the idea of becoming a father to them. He doesn't want to be a husband to your wife. He wants to have sex with your wife.

Once he's out the way, she can have sex, conversation, family time, recreational time and affection with you, and she won't have to sneak around like a whore, kept out of public view, in order to get those things.

You need to read and re-read Jon's story in Surviving an Affair, and see how alike your situations are. Do you have that book? You need to have confidence that you are the man for your wife, and you need to run of the weasel OM and show her that.

As happened with Jon, your wife will not recognise for some time that she seriously hurt you. If you allow your resentment to build because that isn't forthcoming, you are causing more problems for yourself.

wow.
what you have said is both eye opening, and encouraging.
I am confident the OM is out of the picture. Ive had communication from him, from my wife, from OM wife etc etc all pointing to the fact the affair is finished.
OM wife is of no current, or further help. She is in a terrible situation, almost condoning his actions. She didnt even get upset when told my wife had sex in her bed with her husband.

My wife and I have been spending a lot of time together, both dating and general functional activities. We have been having regular sexual relations also. Im expecting trials during the withdrawl process. Currently going thru a physical distancing...ie...my wife is almost repulsed if i cuddle or kiss her...especially in public.
We are going away for a few days atm...to get some quiet time together.
I will have further looks into articles here. Where can i get that book you mentioned?

I think my concern in this, is, that while im confident the affair is over, that my wifes behaviours are not changing.
During the months of affair, she did not contribute with household duties, yet we dated a lot...had sex a lot...She was using her ipad and iphone a lot.
To date...
...little to no remorse for what she has done to marriage
relationship...how she has hurt me.
...little to no assistance with household duties
...no unexplained trips away, however has continued to use iphone and ipad with no offering of transparency

Seems she is ok with cutting affair, and just slotting back into our marriage with no acknowledgement of her actions.

Is that expectable?

Seriously? That book is THE affair handbook - the best in the world!. It must have been recommended on this thread, and I know it has been recommended on several other threads.

Have you read any other threads?

If you've read the articles on this website, how can you not know about Dr Harley's book, and where to get it? You've been here months!

I'm speechless!

There is a link to the book in the link here - Surviving an Affair - Start Here First. Did you ever follow these links through? You couldn't have done.

Rupert, you've been really wet about this whole thing.

I had to read your thread through again quickly, to find the link to the book, and I'm dismayed by how wet you've been.

oh, i neglected to ask...for example...behaviours leading the the affair in the first place...eg...online chatting/making self available for chatting on an online adult site...

My wife initially met OM via swingersheaven.com (we are NOT swingers). I had initially asked her to delete her account and cut chatting with OM...both she and OM agreed but continued to do so out of sight.

Now, she has been in brief chat with a number of other "swingers" local to our area.

At this point of affair recovery, I feel it is completely calous for her to even log into this site considering. The site members use KIK for comms, which i assume my wife has now also downloaded...havent asked.

I dont want to block the withdrawl from OM...or engage in LoveBusters...but how do I address this?...

Considering moving out until she can commit to marriage.

seems hopeless.

wait..."WET"???

though in a confused manner (as was carried out before I found MB) all of Basic Concepts and Surving Affair have been carried out.
Admittedly it was a little messy re the EXPOSURE as like i said was before I knew of and understood process.
Love bank and Love busters is not a new concept to me.

WET?

"Now, she has been in brief chat with a number of other "swingers" local to our area"

You mean - since the affair? Is this recent?

You forgot to mention this?

Yes, wet. That's an example!

its 4am in morning...with only a few hours sleep...im physically and emotionally exhasted...forgive me for not having been 100% informative.

OK...so im wet. (???)

How would you respond to the furthering chats?

It would seem if i request her to "cease and desist" that i will provoke a "lovebuster"???

If the alternative to a lovebuster is for you to allow the swinging chats to continue, then you must risk a lovebuster.

What is the alternative? To let her carry on chatting with swingers? What about photographing her private parts, and what about meeting up with these swingers , which she will eventually do? Would you risk a love buster by trying to stop that, or not?

Your wife is very troubled. You need to expose this latest activity and ask for people's help in getting her to stop. What was the response from family the last time you asked for their help? What does her family think about her affair, and what would they think about this? Would they try and rescue her?

You need to tell your children, too. Did you tell them about the affair?

Is she doing this openly, or are you spying on her? What spyware do you have?

MelodyLane thought you were being wet when she took you task about your inaction, back in March. You were floundering around saying "what can I do?" and disappearing from the forum, reappearing several days later with nothing more done.

This thread should be buzzing with activity, but it's only 50 posts long, in 3 months. Nobody will post to you if you do not post regularly, and if you do not act on their advice.

hi,
am only 11days from Dday where my wife confessed everything i had suspected for last 4 months.
In detail she has informed me of her activities etc of affair...and shown me that she is done with OM.
I have been very...very patient...with her and her need to talk as she enters withdrawl.
However, she has not expressed apology/remorse for what she has done to our marriage.
And to boot, she has somewhat continued with her profile in an online adult "swingers" site, contacting local OM. To date has been only random comments.
With being in withdrawl so early, how do I approach this, while not wanting to LOVEBUST.???

this was at the end of March. Did you ever find his contact details? How did you get in touch with his wife? What did you mean about her state of mind, in your post earlier today?

understood Sugarcane.
Back in march i discovered this site, and learned of the EXPOSURE etc. But like i stated so many lil instances had already been confronted...was a bit messy.
When exposed (my family in Australia...wifes in US) my family was useless...didnt know how to respond.
Her family said the lies were dissapointing but didnt put any pressure on her.
Told our church pastors...we had meeting...they believed her and denied all my evidence.
Told our friends...divided...no help.
Told our kids (13&14yr old boys) and they freaked out...told her she was being ungrateful for the love i was showing etc etc as best kids could.
Have now told OM wife...OM boss...OM family...all have believed OM and blocked me from further communication...but the OM i firmly believe is out of the picture.
Somewhere...my wife seems to believe that her actions are justified until i get my act together fulfilling her emotional needs.
My wife is openly contact the "swingers" site.
I dont have any software tracking her ph...she rarely lets out of her site.

Sorry, but it is hopeless. If you can't change the conditions that led to an affair, you will obviously be subjected to more affairs. Your wife is actively trolling for opportunities to give out some nookie to creeps on the internet.

I would strongly urge you to prepare to separate and go into Plan B. Have you been tested for STDs? She is subjecting you to very dangerous diseases given her loose and promiscuous lifestyle. Do you think she brings men into your home to give out sex?

I would approach it by shutting off the internet so she can no longer pursue sex with dirtbags on the internet. Your wife is a dangerous person to be soliciting sex on the internet. Do your children know she is doing this? Or is she free to bring these creeps into your home while you are work?

You are not safe with her trolling for action on the internet from your home so that is where I would begin. I would also contact a lawyer and find out what your rights are.

Do not have sex with her!! There is no telling what diseases she carries.

Part of her disclosure was the admittance she and OM did NOT use protected sex.
She contracted vaginosis...raising my suspicions further back in May.
She has been tested...as have I.
She doesnt bring men to our home.
I know she has blankets etc in her vehicle...large suv...for no reason we have made use of yet...and she did make a habit with OM meeting in reststops etc.
Im looking at PlanB.
However i just read on forum that Men shouldnt leave the home?
confused.

Yes you are confused because you don't pay attention. And yes, she can bring men into your home and screw them there too. Nothing is going to stop her. You already know she screws strangers at road side reststops. Surely you don't believe she has anything against bringing dirtbags into your home?


You took that out of context. *I* wrote that article.

Vaginosis is an STD. You should not be having sex with her AT ALL.

What in the hell? You post asking how not to lovebust while your wife is trolling for MORE ACTION on swinger websites?

I AM SPEECHLESS!

She's having unprotected sex with strangers. She is not ashamed to tell you that she did that with OM, or that she is contacting swingers online today. She is a danger to you and the kids, and you need to get yourselves out of harm's reach. You need to take your boys and move.

Why wouldn't your pastor believe you? Is this one of those churches that covers up sexual misconduct among its clergy? You should ask them that outright. I do hope you're not still a member of that church. And what about her parents? Are you seriously telling me they didn't care that she was risking their grandsons' future by having an affair? Didn't they try to talk to her at all? Would they try to talk to her this time, about swinging?

Expose her trolling to friends and family, and make arrangements to move out with your kids. Do not leave your kids in her care. She is reckless.

Bacterial vaginosis isn't an STD but she probably thinks it is.

Thanks for the correction, apples. It was listed on "STD FACTS - Bacterial Vaginosis" so I assumed it was an STD. here What it said was this:

If they don't have STDs now, it will be a miracle. If she doesn't have one yet, she will soon enough.

No doubt. About 25% of adults in the US have an STD.