How can I heal from this if I am the rebound - 08/27/15 06:43 PM
Wonder if you guys have some advise. Sorry if it's long.
My husband of 20 years had an affair. This is the first time and of course I was shocked. We had been having issues for several years so even though I expected him to talk to me about a separation I did not expect lies and deceit.
When I found out of course I was devastated and we managed to talk it through and try and work it out. I told him that he had to end all contact with this OW. He told me he needed "time" to make up his mind. I was almost convinced that he was going to carry on with her and separate from me.
This went on for a couple of days. I think the reason he did not want to separate from me is because he is afraid that he will lose money (alimony and so on).
He then came to me several days ago saying that he wanted to save the marriage and it was over and he promised never to see her again. He came to the decision that he did not want to give up on 20 years for someone he hardly even knows.
I was happy and we vowed to really try hard.
Then I found the email - SHE broke up with him. She told him all or nothing and that he had to try and work out his issues and they could revisit at another time.
I was devastated all over again. He lied again.
Should I confront him with this?
He sat for hours telling me how much he loved me but I truly believe he is in love with her.
I think he is doing this so that when we do break up, he can say at least we tried and walk away clean (without the guilt of cheating).
Sorry full of emotion right now and rambling a bit.
Any other insight would be appreciated.
My husband of 20 years had an affair. This is the first time and of course I was shocked. We had been having issues for several years so even though I expected him to talk to me about a separation I did not expect lies and deceit.
When I found out of course I was devastated and we managed to talk it through and try and work it out. I told him that he had to end all contact with this OW. He told me he needed "time" to make up his mind. I was almost convinced that he was going to carry on with her and separate from me.
This went on for a couple of days. I think the reason he did not want to separate from me is because he is afraid that he will lose money (alimony and so on).
He then came to me several days ago saying that he wanted to save the marriage and it was over and he promised never to see her again. He came to the decision that he did not want to give up on 20 years for someone he hardly even knows.
I was happy and we vowed to really try hard.
Then I found the email - SHE broke up with him. She told him all or nothing and that he had to try and work out his issues and they could revisit at another time.
I was devastated all over again. He lied again.
Should I confront him with this?
He sat for hours telling me how much he loved me but I truly believe he is in love with her.
I think he is doing this so that when we do break up, he can say at least we tried and walk away clean (without the guilt of cheating).
Sorry full of emotion right now and rambling a bit.
Any other insight would be appreciated.