Wife on 3rd affair. Should I monitor her? - 02/20/16 10:56 PM
Hello, everyone. I actually joined this site about 5 years ago, when my wife had her first major affair. We were both in our early 30's at the time, with 2 kids. I was completely devastate, but with the help of this site, and everyone in this forum, I was eventually able to forgive my wife and get our marriage back on track. Thank you for that!
Fast forward 4 years.... sometime earlier in 2015, my wife started drinking a lot more than normal. Her sexual drive also increased dramatically (which I know is what typically happens to most women in their mid-late 30's). And I just found out that for 9 months last year she was having sex with one of my best friends, who was also her best friend's husband.
So, now that I've exposed the affair, and lost another best friend (this is the 3rd one my wife has slept with), I'm on the road to recovery, and trying to figure out what the hell to do with my marriage. She is back to counseling, has quit drinking, is going to AA, is going to a sex and love addiction group, and is definitely going through the motions to gain back my trust and fix her issues. I'm sure I have issues as well, which is obvious due to the fact that she had to go somewhere else for sex, but I'm convinced that even if I was the perfect husband, she would've still cheated.
My issue is that she's proven that she can never be faithful, or even trusted. Why do I stay with her? We have 3 kids now, and I can't imagine making them grow up with separated parents. I feel that my wife has an addiction disease, and that people with addiction are sometimes not in control of their impulses. I do want to stay together, because other than the cheating incidents every 2-3 years, we have a wonderful marriage and an amazing family. She's my best friend and lover, and I can't imagine replacing her with anyone else.
So, my question is, under my circumstances, am I justified in monitoring my wife's phone/computer activities? She tends to communicate on FB, text, and sometimes e-mail. I've always been against this in the past, because I feel that spouses deserve their privacy, and also because sometimes you don't want to learn everything your spouses do in their spare time, as long as it doesn't harm your relationship. But, I think this time is different, because I've given her more than one opportunity to change, she's continued to be unfaithful, and if this was caught early on, then I wouldn't be where I am today.
I would love to hear from people who started tracking their spouses, and if this has worked for them or not.
Thank you!
-Michael
Fast forward 4 years.... sometime earlier in 2015, my wife started drinking a lot more than normal. Her sexual drive also increased dramatically (which I know is what typically happens to most women in their mid-late 30's). And I just found out that for 9 months last year she was having sex with one of my best friends, who was also her best friend's husband.
So, now that I've exposed the affair, and lost another best friend (this is the 3rd one my wife has slept with), I'm on the road to recovery, and trying to figure out what the hell to do with my marriage. She is back to counseling, has quit drinking, is going to AA, is going to a sex and love addiction group, and is definitely going through the motions to gain back my trust and fix her issues. I'm sure I have issues as well, which is obvious due to the fact that she had to go somewhere else for sex, but I'm convinced that even if I was the perfect husband, she would've still cheated.
My issue is that she's proven that she can never be faithful, or even trusted. Why do I stay with her? We have 3 kids now, and I can't imagine making them grow up with separated parents. I feel that my wife has an addiction disease, and that people with addiction are sometimes not in control of their impulses. I do want to stay together, because other than the cheating incidents every 2-3 years, we have a wonderful marriage and an amazing family. She's my best friend and lover, and I can't imagine replacing her with anyone else.
So, my question is, under my circumstances, am I justified in monitoring my wife's phone/computer activities? She tends to communicate on FB, text, and sometimes e-mail. I've always been against this in the past, because I feel that spouses deserve their privacy, and also because sometimes you don't want to learn everything your spouses do in their spare time, as long as it doesn't harm your relationship. But, I think this time is different, because I've given her more than one opportunity to change, she's continued to be unfaithful, and if this was caught early on, then I wouldn't be where I am today.
I would love to hear from people who started tracking their spouses, and if this has worked for them or not.
Thank you!
-Michael