Wife insisted on trial separation tonight. She is sleeping in separate bedroom for first time. I KNOW this is a terrible idea, and I refused to do a trial sep, but please give me help to combat it? Or good links from here? It is hard to even think, much less think straight...

History: Suspected wife having affair with her boss, about 3 months now. Began plan A and just got serious snooping, confirmed she left work to meet someone at the park. I know its slim evidence, but it seems like too weak proof for exposal - yes? or no? Boss's wife and I have been talking without their knowledge, we confirmed each others suspicions 100%. I think I need to expose now, but I am totally not ready, I need to have my [censored] in order to expose swift and hard, omg freaking out, any advice please???

Hi Tom, welcome to Marriage Builders. You should not do anything except spy on her and get direct evidence. Can you hire a PI for a couple of days?

I have her car GPS tracked, so I know her every move. How much evidence do I need? Checked into PI last week, they want like $500 down + hourly... ughhh...

Struggling to decide when I should/should not expose, any advice or links greatly appreciated

Can you do that? You need direct evidence of an affair. You have no evidence right now.


FIRST get the evidence and then we will help you expose the affair.

Melody, thanks so much for your replies, they are greatly appreciated!!!!

The PI would be very hard to afford As painful as it is, I am sure I will get many more meetings recorded with the GPS tracker.

A GPS tracker will not give you evidence though. It just shows you where she is. You need to get evidence of the affair. You could put a voice activated recorder in her car and follow her and take pictures. Can you do that?

In addition to the VAR and GPS do you have spyware on all her devices?

You need to get the evidence.

Voice activated recorder in her car and where she hides to take phone calls or texts

They are cheap and effective.

Working on getting a VAR... any suggestions or have experience with a good one?y

How do u get spyware installed on her phone? She has a company owned work phone. Thinking that's a major offense... plus its locked, and never left alone - when she showers its like a foot from the shower.

Almost caught them this weekend. Missed them by like 4 minutes, according to GPS tracks

So what is your plan? To catch them on the GPS?

Come on Tom, a VAR is under $60 at BestBuy probably cheaper and available at WalMart or Target.
Cant you get yourself to go get one and hide it in her car.

I am definitely getting a VAR, but it is not exactly simple. Battery life on most of them is only like 8 hrs. Plus I think they mostly text not phone.... plus no one answered my questions on how to get the cell phone spy program installed??

Sorry all I am very, VERY stressed tonight... its a bad night...

Tom
I am no expert, but to install on the phone, you have to get it and download the app. You will need her password and her account password.

Battery life on a VAR is very lengthy, depending on how long talking is happening. Hide it in her car where she doesn't look. I hid it in the sunroof channel, they are small.

VAR recording time and battery life are maximized because it is "voice activated" and goes into standby mode until noise is heard. There are several settings. Read the manual. If 8hours isn't enough then buy 2 and swap them out as needed. It's probable that if they text all day, they are also calling. Could be with a burner phone.

Practice installing the software on your own phone if it is similar to WS's phone. Make sure to go back and delete any notifications as well as the original ddownload.

No chance in hell I can get her phone password, and account password. Hell I can't even get her phone, I'd have to sneak it out of the bathroom while she showers, and I'd only have like 3-4 minutes, tops.

What about while she is sleeping? Does she fall asleep before you? Many of the things I found that kept me snooping were found after my WH went up to bed and I was "getting ready' for bed.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got it. I recorded my wife telling her girlfriend about the entire affair, how she is angry cuz he's trying to go back to his wife, how she was gonna kick me out in two weeks, I got it ALL. And I backed it up.

OMFG... what do I do now? I thought I was prepared for this but I can barely breathe much less think straight!!!!!!!!! I have to expose... omg... 3 adult children 18-28. How much do I tell them? Do I let them listen? Am I gonna get arrested for secretly recording her?? OMFG I'm panicking and I am soooooooooo maddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

First off, calm down and stop panicking. I would prepare to expose the affair tomorrow when you have your wits about you. You will want to START with the OM's wife and play the tape for her. Follow that exposure with exposures to her family, friends, his facebook friends and lastly, your family and children.

You tell your kids everything and let them listen to the tape. But do them LAST.

CALM down and go read my exposure thread for best practices.

Good job getting the evidence!!

Isn't this her boss? If so, you need to plan on exposing to his boss and the director of HR.

They have both left the workplace for new jobs, within the last 2 weeks.

I am very concerned she will press charges for illegally recording the phone call, which I just verified is a felony in NY... WTF?????

How do I expose the proof without getting arrested???
I did just read your entire Exposure 101 thread.

Also if they ended their affair, should I still expose as heavily? Exposure is to kill the affair... and I think they have ended it.

I am not even sure I want to save the marriage now. Unbelievable

Did you record it using a VAR in your own home? Then it is not a wiretap, you are free to record sounds in your own home. You are just picking up sound like any security surveillance system would be.

You can play the tape for the OMW and your children. It is not in your wife's best interest to press charges because that will result in a huge exopsure. Does she want it to be on the news?


You tell everyone you have discovered your wife is having an affair and just leave the evidence out of it.


Yes, you should expose it just as heavily. And no, exposure is not just to "end the affair." Not sure where you got that idea.

You need to expose to the workplace anyway. They may be legally liable for your wife and her bosses reckless, unprofessional behavior.

AND how would anyone know you didn't tape that in your home?

Stay calm, melody gave all the advice you need to get the exposure done.

Its D-Day.

Why expose to kids and family last? Shouldn't they be first?

No. Start like I told you so you can finish with your family where you can get the most support.

Yes, you need to follow Melody's advice. The order is very important so that you don't have your family members inadvertently leak the information to your WW or OM. If they get wind of it they will try to get their version of the story out FIRST before you get your evidence out, and it will dampen and cast doubt on your evidence/narrative.

Exposure complete. Hardest thing I have ever done... kids took it hard. Really, really hard...

WW pisseddddddddddddddd, she left for the night. Do I check in to make sure she is ok? Where do I go from here...? you guys have been a huge help

Can you give us an overview of your exposures? Did you complete the exposures to the OM's facebook contacts?

Yes. OM's wife and I have been talking, so she knew. I let her know first that I was ready to blow the lid off. OM's FB contacts were hidden but I knew at least 3 of them that play in his band, so I sent to them first. Then to WW's FB contacts. Then to about 6 of our very close friends. Then my mother, then the 3 children. 2 of them are hers from a previous divorce, they ALL supported me and our family. Only one I could not do (Melody please don't yell at me... I know, I know...) was WW's ailing father. Sorry, I could not hurt him like that. My decision, I know you'll disagree, but it was my decision and I am the one who has to live with the consequences. You don't know all my reasons...

This morning she's raging mad. Says filing for divorce Monday. Says she should have done this long ago. All of which I was prepared for... but it still hurts ... bad....

I would also reach out to the OM's parents and ask them to intervene. Have you been in touch with them?

I don't understand. How could she know if you just got this recording? Did you play the recording for her?