Not sure this marriage can work - 08/11/16 08:56 PM
Hello, I have read here the good support that is given and decided I should post as I am at a loss in my marriage and don't know what to do anymore. I need some advise from people outside my circle I think would help.
Married 12 years to my wife. I love her immensely but I am afraid her cheating is going to destroy this marriage. I been trying to get past it but it is hard and putting more of a strain on us. I know it sounds like most on here but the marriage was good. We were friends first and became a couple. I took to her right away as I loved being with a girl that I just liked spending time with. Problem was she was worried on getting married as I more of a dating past than her. She kind of grew up sheltered a little and what some would considered overweight. I didn't care as I was past dating for just looks and I thought she was beautiful anyway. She was always stalling on marriage saying no way I could marry her.
Got married and started a life. Now I have to admit my job is hard and demanding and when I say hard I mean that I can travel a bit for work. I hate it too but it comes with the territory as I was doing well at my company. My wife doesn't work and I didn't want to make her if that made her happy. I provide a pretty good homelife for us and she loved it. About 3 years ago she met some friends at a volunteer event and they got her into fitness. She really took to working out (when all the other years she said she hated it) and looked great. Her self esteem really improved I was happy for her. But I never told her to do that.
With her new body image came a new personality, complaining about my traveling, or just little things. When I come home from work it was I miss you with sex etc. That started stopping. She was more and more involved on her computer. Sorry I don't mean to post a lot trying to give background. Cut to the chase I got a call from a woman asking to meet me. After some back and forth I agreed. She informed me that her husband and my wife were having an affair. She had tons of proof to show me. I was floored and devastated. I think reading the communication between them hurt the most.
I confronted her and she denied and after I told her who I met she broke down. Said it got out of hand but she loved the attention. That I was only the guy to give her that but she wanted to see what is was like getting it from someone else. That I am her husband I am supposed to love her. She got addicted to it. I asked her if she wanted to be with him, she said no that she loves me that she wanted it to end. We talked a lot about our marriage and I took some ownership that I am gone a lot at times even though I try to keep the romance and help around the house when I am home for her.
After some time the hurt was still there but I was moving on. I loved her and didn't want to throw away our family so easily. Couple weeks ago I was out at a fundraiser and one of the fathers at my daughters school pulled me aside. Said he been fighting to tell me but he heard from another father that my wife couple months ago was out at the beach with some friends and I guess drunk, went back to a hotel room and gave oral sex to kid in college (22 yrs old). Said the guys kid goes to college with the other kid and I guess it was talked about.
I was frozen. I felt anger and shame plus embarrassment all over. I went home and confronted her and she said yes but she didn't remember she was so drunk and again the attention from a younger cute guy took over. That she didn't want our marriage to end. I told her I cant believe it that I forgave her from the last time. I don't know what to do. I hate for my daughter to have a broken home and throwing away 12 years. But I am having hard time with the betrayal.
To know my wife this is crazy. She never even gave a bj till we got married now she is in a hotel room with a strange college age kid? I have faults I know but I never stopped showing her affection and such. Always made her feel sexy even with her overweight which she used to thank me for all the time. Now she loses all this weight and she does this. She says cause she never had a life till me and she feels she missed out on her youth that I am away so much she felt lonely. She is begging me to stay but I don't know. Every time I want to move on I have these images of her stuck with me.
I just don't know what to do. Apologies for the long post. I didn't know how much to put out there. Can you get past this stuff? Thanks.
Married 12 years to my wife. I love her immensely but I am afraid her cheating is going to destroy this marriage. I been trying to get past it but it is hard and putting more of a strain on us. I know it sounds like most on here but the marriage was good. We were friends first and became a couple. I took to her right away as I loved being with a girl that I just liked spending time with. Problem was she was worried on getting married as I more of a dating past than her. She kind of grew up sheltered a little and what some would considered overweight. I didn't care as I was past dating for just looks and I thought she was beautiful anyway. She was always stalling on marriage saying no way I could marry her.
Got married and started a life. Now I have to admit my job is hard and demanding and when I say hard I mean that I can travel a bit for work. I hate it too but it comes with the territory as I was doing well at my company. My wife doesn't work and I didn't want to make her if that made her happy. I provide a pretty good homelife for us and she loved it. About 3 years ago she met some friends at a volunteer event and they got her into fitness. She really took to working out (when all the other years she said she hated it) and looked great. Her self esteem really improved I was happy for her. But I never told her to do that.
With her new body image came a new personality, complaining about my traveling, or just little things. When I come home from work it was I miss you with sex etc. That started stopping. She was more and more involved on her computer. Sorry I don't mean to post a lot trying to give background. Cut to the chase I got a call from a woman asking to meet me. After some back and forth I agreed. She informed me that her husband and my wife were having an affair. She had tons of proof to show me. I was floored and devastated. I think reading the communication between them hurt the most.
I confronted her and she denied and after I told her who I met she broke down. Said it got out of hand but she loved the attention. That I was only the guy to give her that but she wanted to see what is was like getting it from someone else. That I am her husband I am supposed to love her. She got addicted to it. I asked her if she wanted to be with him, she said no that she loves me that she wanted it to end. We talked a lot about our marriage and I took some ownership that I am gone a lot at times even though I try to keep the romance and help around the house when I am home for her.
After some time the hurt was still there but I was moving on. I loved her and didn't want to throw away our family so easily. Couple weeks ago I was out at a fundraiser and one of the fathers at my daughters school pulled me aside. Said he been fighting to tell me but he heard from another father that my wife couple months ago was out at the beach with some friends and I guess drunk, went back to a hotel room and gave oral sex to kid in college (22 yrs old). Said the guys kid goes to college with the other kid and I guess it was talked about.
I was frozen. I felt anger and shame plus embarrassment all over. I went home and confronted her and she said yes but she didn't remember she was so drunk and again the attention from a younger cute guy took over. That she didn't want our marriage to end. I told her I cant believe it that I forgave her from the last time. I don't know what to do. I hate for my daughter to have a broken home and throwing away 12 years. But I am having hard time with the betrayal.
To know my wife this is crazy. She never even gave a bj till we got married now she is in a hotel room with a strange college age kid? I have faults I know but I never stopped showing her affection and such. Always made her feel sexy even with her overweight which she used to thank me for all the time. Now she loses all this weight and she does this. She says cause she never had a life till me and she feels she missed out on her youth that I am away so much she felt lonely. She is begging me to stay but I don't know. Every time I want to move on I have these images of her stuck with me.
I just don't know what to do. Apologies for the long post. I didn't know how much to put out there. Can you get past this stuff? Thanks.