Hello, Im new and Im having a really hard time coping. Im very desperate to move on, heres my story. ........My husband and I have been married 14 years. We broke up a little over a year ago for just literally 2 weeks, I thought it was over and I was devastated, he asked for a divorce and even went as far as to draw up paperwork, what led up to the break up really is irrelevant, and a very long story. Anyway during the 2 week break up he went on a date, and the girl ended up staying the night at my house and in the same bed as my husband. He says there was no intercourse involved because she told him she was on her monthly cycle, however, there was heavy petting. I have a hard time believing this. I spoke with her, my husband gave me her telephone number and told me to call her and ask her since I didnt believe him. She told me the same thing, they did not have intercourse. She told me they slept in their clothes too!!!, she said they were very drunk. I have gone as far as made up false emails with her picture and sent my husband messages from the email, and he thought he was speaking to her and had conversations with him. I have bluffed him by telling him she told me they had sex and that he is lying, Ive sent text messages from his phone to her and she thought she was talking to my husband and I still cant believe that they didn't have sex, even though I've done all this. Why Cant I let it go, I feel like Im going insane. Since we got back together our sex life and our marriage is better than it ever was and my husband has changed for the better, he doesnt even drink any more. Somebody please bonk me on the head

The reason you can't move on is because the story doesn't make sense. I would ask him to take a polygraph. However, will knowing they had intercourse make any difference? You know they had sex so what difference does intercourse make?

When you separated, you were the one who left?? Is there a reason why you would leave your home?

I'm going crazy, I've gone to the end of the earth to find the truth without revealing anything, but still cant believe him. The mind doesn't work that way!!!!. You sleep in the same bad, you have sex, you go to bed, you take off your clothes. Ive asked myself what would I do if he did have sex, NOTHING. I wouldn't do anything, so why is it so damn important to me. It doesnt help that I see her all the time too. I really want to put this behind me and my husband is doing everything he can to make our marriage work. Its me!!!! HELP

He told me he would take a polograph, and I booked it, we were on our way to it and I got cold feet. DUH!!!! what am I going to do

I left yes, I thought he would come after me and he didnt, its really a long story. I just dont know how to cope with this tale. He has even told me "do you want me to tell yu something happened" He said Im nagging at him so much that hes going to tell me something happened just to shut me up. I really am crazy

This is a HUGE part of the problem. I would end that REAL FAST. You will be perpetually triggered every time you see her. Does he see her too?

He was having an affair when he asked you for the divorce, wasn't he?

How do I get past this, what steps can I take to overcome this. I really want my marriage to work. No it doesn't make sense, it doesnt make sense to anybody, is it so bizarre that it could be true? Maybe nothing as such as intercourse did happen?. Yes they made out, thats not sex?? and I don't really know why it matters to me.

Schedule the polygraph and follow through.

No he wasn't it was a random meeting, and no he doesn't see her

Making out is sex. I think it matters so much to you because you don't view making out as sex and are worried that they might have had sex. But they DID have sex.

The question I would be asking is: WHEN DID THE AFFAIR START? <-----I don't believe you know the truth. I believe the truth is this is WHY he asked you for a divorce.

You can ask that question and the intercourse question in a polygraph.

BUT, you need to stop acting you are an insecure nut for wanting to know the truth. YOU ARE A NORMAL PERSON WHO WANTS THE TRUTH ABOUT HER OWN LIFE.

Its been so long now that if I ask him to take a polygraph hes going to blow up at me. He asked me at the time, while we were in transit to the appointment, if I was sure I didn't want to go through with it, and also said if he turned around and go home, he didn't want to hear about it again and asked me to move on. Besides if he failed it he wouldnt admit nothing he would say they were a crock, and Im not sure that I would do anything about it. So where does this leave me, why am I driving myself insane with this. How long will this take to get past it

That is a good polygraph question. SEE, what many cheaters do is start finding "problems" in the marriage. They paint a really bad picture of the marriage, "I love you but am not in love with you," "I have been unhappy for years" to justify a separation so they can carry on their affair. This way, the unsuspecting spouse blames herself for the separation and no one is the wiser.

If your husband knew her beforehand and was having an affair, he wouldn't tell you.

That is a classic ploy. But you can rule that out in a polygraph.

That makes sense, you are right I dont veiw making out as sex, but since you put it like that I guess your right. No thats not the reason he asked me for a divorce, the meeting of her was totally random this I know for sure.

Tell him you will need him to pass a polygraph in order to "move on." That is really cute that HE wants to "move on," but it is not his ox getting gored. What YOU need to "move on" is a successful polygraph.

I would schedule the polygraph and then 2 days beforehand, tell him you need him to pass a polygraph in order to move on. You have many questions about his affair and need to be assured he is telling the truth. Hand him a list of your questions and ask him to complete them BEFORE the test. Based on his responses, you can decide just before the test what 2-3 questions to ask.

See, in the test he can be given 2-3 yes/no questions, so the goal of the list of questions is to get information before the test. Typically, they spill their guts before the test.

How do you know this for sure?

I agree with ML. Schedule the poly or else you'll make yourself crazy. His story stinks to high heaven!

It was a one night stand. He met her at the bar the night before he took her out I do know this for sure

If he did meet her by random then he may have been having another affair. A first time cheat bringing a woman he just randomly met back to the house would be very uncommon.

Again, he either had been having some kind of ongoing thing with her or there's been another affair.

Yes his story stinks, but she is saying the same thing and Ive sent her texts and Ive sent him emails they both thought they were speaking to each other. So will I ever get past this

You should never NEVER believe what a OW tells you.

I've spoken to 2 of my exH's and my sister's OW. They were all LIARS.

Did you see what I said about there being a possible other affair? Something is very off here.

I'm very familiar with how people in an affair text and talk to each other and because they don't write something incriminating doesn't mean there was no intercourse. My ex H and his OW never texted each other what they did physically.

I don't know what you could have seen that would make you feel confident you have gotten the full truth here.

Who is the OW? Is she married? How is it that you see her all the time?

You said that he went out on a date with her, but then said it was random? How can a date that you Plan and set up be random?