World upside down in 30 days - 09/04/17 04:41 AM
About a month ago, my husband started acting very distant, and blamed it on the extreme stress he felt due to our impending home purchase. On July 28, we closed on our home and spent the whole weekend moving and unpacking. I told him I hoped that he would feel better now, since we were now in the home.
After a few days, I noticed the distance continuing, but additionally noticed him paying attention to his diet and acting very protective of his phone. I confronted him about the phone thing a few times and he said he "wasn't cheating on me". I thought maybe I was paranoid, since he was being so distant, and tried to let it go. A few days later, I could not get the nagging feeling that something was wrong out of my head and confronted him again. This time, he blew up at me, asked me why it mattered (since I did so many shady things in our relationship, I was neglectful, I always argued with him, treated him like my employee instead of a partner) and said he would leave right now if I didn't stop with the accusations. I asked him if he was bipolar -- he was just acting like a monster -- and he attacked me again. I stepped back, apologized for accusing him and let it go.
When I went into the other room, my 12 yr old daughter told me she needed to talk to me. She said she noticed her dad acting weird on the phone and sending someone kissy-face emojis and pictures. She thought it was me at first, but once she noticed it was NOT me - she got very upset, but was too scared to say something. I ran into our bedroom, tried to rip the phone out of his hands and told him I knew he was cheating on me. He denied it all and then blamed me for getting our daughter involved (even though he was sloppy and did this in front of our children). I asked him if he wanted to work on the marriage at that point, and he said no. I told him if he was to continue speaking to this woman, and didn't want to work on the marriage, he needed to leave our home (mind you - we had owned it no more than 2 weeks at this point).
The following day, he left, and has been sleeping in his car and motels for the last 3 weeks. He comes to the house after he gets out of work (when I'm at work) to shower and sometimes see the kids. I eventually did find out who this woman is, and she's someone he knows from high school - but doesn't live in the same state (or at least I don't think she does). She has blocked me from Facebook, even though he nor her have any idea that I know who she is.
Over the last 3 weeks that he's been gone, we've gone from ignoring each other and him acting very stubborn and proud, to us sleeping together, to finding out he called her IN FRONT OF OUR CHILDREN and now me doing 180 actions - such as taking the initiative to paint our new home, doing things with and for the kids without him, getting my hair and nails done, losing weight and going out with my friends.
This week, a few walls have seemed to break down -- he's been hugging and kissing me, telling me how impressed he is by me, telling me I'm amazing, etc. A few days ago, he came to the house, hugged me and started breaking down crying. I asked him what was wrong and told him he could talk to me. He couldn't stop crying and finally said that he is feeling so many emotions when he sees/thinks about the kids, or even when he smells my perfume. I told him I understood why he felt like that and said this was a difficult situation. Told him the kids and I missed him and the house was not the same without him. We continued to hug and kiss and he whispered maybe he was bipolar. I told him I had his back, I was his wife and he was my family. I told him I loved him and he said it back. His kisses and hugs were more passionate than what I've felt in the last few weeks, but I still felt he was holding back.
He left the house shortly thereafter, but before he left, he kissed me and we said I love you. After he left, he called her (I've been checking phone records).
Yesterday, we slept together. Today, I found a picture of H and OW (posted by her) on Facebook with the caption "Never been happier". I feel disgusted and cannot believe this is happening to my life.
I want to send him the picture and tell him I'm done. And I want to tell her that I know about her too. I don't know if this falls into the 180/DB rules, but WTF. This is out of control. I don't know if that will help me reach my end goals of reconciliation, but I want him to wake the hell up and come home.
After a few days, I noticed the distance continuing, but additionally noticed him paying attention to his diet and acting very protective of his phone. I confronted him about the phone thing a few times and he said he "wasn't cheating on me". I thought maybe I was paranoid, since he was being so distant, and tried to let it go. A few days later, I could not get the nagging feeling that something was wrong out of my head and confronted him again. This time, he blew up at me, asked me why it mattered (since I did so many shady things in our relationship, I was neglectful, I always argued with him, treated him like my employee instead of a partner) and said he would leave right now if I didn't stop with the accusations. I asked him if he was bipolar -- he was just acting like a monster -- and he attacked me again. I stepped back, apologized for accusing him and let it go.
When I went into the other room, my 12 yr old daughter told me she needed to talk to me. She said she noticed her dad acting weird on the phone and sending someone kissy-face emojis and pictures. She thought it was me at first, but once she noticed it was NOT me - she got very upset, but was too scared to say something. I ran into our bedroom, tried to rip the phone out of his hands and told him I knew he was cheating on me. He denied it all and then blamed me for getting our daughter involved (even though he was sloppy and did this in front of our children). I asked him if he wanted to work on the marriage at that point, and he said no. I told him if he was to continue speaking to this woman, and didn't want to work on the marriage, he needed to leave our home (mind you - we had owned it no more than 2 weeks at this point).
The following day, he left, and has been sleeping in his car and motels for the last 3 weeks. He comes to the house after he gets out of work (when I'm at work) to shower and sometimes see the kids. I eventually did find out who this woman is, and she's someone he knows from high school - but doesn't live in the same state (or at least I don't think she does). She has blocked me from Facebook, even though he nor her have any idea that I know who she is.
Over the last 3 weeks that he's been gone, we've gone from ignoring each other and him acting very stubborn and proud, to us sleeping together, to finding out he called her IN FRONT OF OUR CHILDREN and now me doing 180 actions - such as taking the initiative to paint our new home, doing things with and for the kids without him, getting my hair and nails done, losing weight and going out with my friends.
This week, a few walls have seemed to break down -- he's been hugging and kissing me, telling me how impressed he is by me, telling me I'm amazing, etc. A few days ago, he came to the house, hugged me and started breaking down crying. I asked him what was wrong and told him he could talk to me. He couldn't stop crying and finally said that he is feeling so many emotions when he sees/thinks about the kids, or even when he smells my perfume. I told him I understood why he felt like that and said this was a difficult situation. Told him the kids and I missed him and the house was not the same without him. We continued to hug and kiss and he whispered maybe he was bipolar. I told him I had his back, I was his wife and he was my family. I told him I loved him and he said it back. His kisses and hugs were more passionate than what I've felt in the last few weeks, but I still felt he was holding back.
He left the house shortly thereafter, but before he left, he kissed me and we said I love you. After he left, he called her (I've been checking phone records).
Yesterday, we slept together. Today, I found a picture of H and OW (posted by her) on Facebook with the caption "Never been happier". I feel disgusted and cannot believe this is happening to my life.
I want to send him the picture and tell him I'm done. And I want to tell her that I know about her too. I don't know if this falls into the 180/DB rules, but WTF. This is out of control. I don't know if that will help me reach my end goals of reconciliation, but I want him to wake the hell up and come home.