New to the board married with 2 children. Around Nov my wife asks us to attend therapy. We have had issues in the past. I felt like something was off and went into her texts. She was texting the other guy about how she thinks our marriage is over. The other man pretty much said he no longer wanted to go on with the relationship in the text chain and said he could not deal with the guilt. They were previously friends for years. She continued to flirt with him after he said they needed to return back to the way things were and she seemed to be the aggressor. I found out this was going on for slightly over a month and a half and it never progressed past meeting on 3-4 occasions and kissing. I obviously want to save my marriage and am looking for advice. Should i even concern myself with the other guy at this point ? She has given me access to her phone/email after i confronted her.

Welcome to MB.

Who is the OM?
How old are your children?

Yes, you should be very concerned - this was a full blown affair.

Your WW can easily work around the phone/email. She has probably just taken contact further underground.

I'm very sorry to tell you that this affair has not ended. You need to read the Exposure 101 thread and come back and talk to us about an exposure plan.

This is very salvageable - but not if you enable the affair by keeping it secret.

The OM is a guy that lives two towns away. I have one friend i have disclosed this to and he knows him. My friend was in shock that the OM would do this. Children are 3 and 6.

I did not consider exposure. The therapist had her issue a no contact text and turn over everything to me. I was told to forget the OM and focus on my wife.

Did you read through the Exposure 101 thread?

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583

If you are not willing to expose, I'm not sure how we can help you.

scared, this is good advice after you affair proof your marriage. Most "therapists' have very little professional experience with saving marriages and even less with infidelity.

There is a very narrow path to save your marriage after an affair and the first step is to expose the affair wide and far and affair proof your marriage. Exposure is a critical first step.

Once you have done that, we can give you the steps to save your marriage and create a romantic marriage.

Is the OM married?

Scared, its very common for affairees to be racked with guilt one month, then resume the affair a while later. You need to kill the affair more effectually. With exposure.

Please don't be one of those people who are too scared, back away, then show up in again in a few months with 'We are still stalled; what do?'. Its better to pull the bandaid off swiftly, get the support you need, and prevent your wife from living with such a morbid secret that it is bound to fester.

Affairs are such fantasy objects it is impossible to fight them in the dark. Unless you drag out the facts into the light of day you will never be able to compete with the memory of such a fantasy. In daylight of course they look ridiculous.

And of course you should expose OM! It makes you look very casual to just leave him be in this fashion. I have only ever seen WWs respond to husbands who are fighting for the marriage.