cheating again? - 05/23/18 03:07 PM
Here's my story. 'll try to make this as short as possible. Three years ago my husband cheated on me. Well, 4 if you count his business trip overseas where he danced and felt up and got felt up at a business get together there. "I didn't want to be rude, it was expected, everyone else was doing it". Anyway, he cheated , I caught him fairly quickly actually because something seemed off and he always kept his phone with him. He had chatted for a few weeks and sexted, but only slept together once. And I do believe that part. I saw all the texts and knew his schedule. There was only one time when he could have.
Then, almost a year later he was searching craigslist for a "friend". Then emailing a russian woman (who I could tell was a spam right away). Oh, but he was "testing" me to see if I was checking on him, he knew it was a spam. Then he posted an ad for a threesome because he thought I wanted one. Last year he spent $200 at a full nude strip club, where the girls were apparently not nude that night. I suppose that could happen. There's probably more I'm forgetting. I can't remember right now. I told him I had a huge problem with him going to a club. I know a lot of women see nothing wrong with it, but I do. I don't want to be compared to those women who are far younger, prettier, thinner, perkier, etc than me. I have extremely low self esteem right now. Especially from something he said in an argument a couple years ago that still hurts.
So, he had to go on a business trip again. Our 19th wedding anniversary was Tuesday the 15th. I tried my best to look nice for him, wore a very sexy shirt that I thought looked decent on me and that's saying a lot. All I got from him was that he felt under dressed. ok. So anyway, Wednesday he left. 2 hours after he stepped off his plane he searched for "adult clubs near me". Then, again several hours later he search for that again and "backpage". BTW, I'm getting this info through google, unfortunately it doesn't show me what websites he visited, just searches and stuff. Thursday, he went where he was supposed to go but then after lunch there is a huge chunk of missing info on his timeline. Like 6 hours of it. He texted me at 4:48 saying he was back at the hotel and going to the pool. Then, immediately after he searched for "cuddlers near me", "escort service near me" and "asian massage parlours near me". Then he called me at 7 and once again showed up at the hotel.
His credit card showed his normal hotel charge, but then it also showed for Thursday a $102.95 ATM this + cash advance fee of $10 at the hotel next door. I see on the gps he also had a massage place and club address in there. So, I confronted him. The hotel atm charged turned out to be, well, not innocent, but not as bad as went through my mind. The hotel he was staying in didn't have an atm (I called to confirm), but the one next door did. He took out $100 and was charged $2.95 fee from the atm and $10 from the credit card. He used that money for snacks and dinner. BUT he also went to a full nude strip club! He said he thought it was only the lap dances that I had a problem with and he only sat at the bar, watching the game and had a drink with a guy named Jim. As for the searches, I couldn't get a specific answer on that. He said he thinks the searches were links he clicked on, but I don't know. I have a samsung phone too and could only get those results to show when I purposely typed them in. Not from a link. And he goes on with the whole, people have different kinks and interests, I was just curious about it, blah blah blah. I get that people are curious about stuff and sometimes look stuff up. But he didn't search for escorts where we live (small town, there's nothing like that here), he searched for them in Minneapolis. Said he went to the club wednesday night (timeline shows him at the hotel). Wait, I think I just caught another lie. He said he went to the club wednesday. He didn't take money out until thursday. I know he's going to say he just got the days mixed up. I'm so confused.
It's getting harder to catch him doing something. Unfortunately after he cheated the first time I showed him most of my secrets. I was stupid and foolishly believed it wouldn't happen again.
I figure I have two options right now. I can tell him I can't deal with this anymore and say it's over. Then I'd be in trouble because I have no job, no job skills, haven't worked in 15 years, have major social anxiety, very shy and introverted. I'd have no way to make a living. No friends. No family to help me. I made things really hard on myself for this situation. I see that now, too late.
Or I can pretend I'm fine with everything and pay money that I really don't have for an app to monitor his phone for a year and see if anything pops up again. He has another business trip coming up but I know he won't do anything on that trip. He won't be alone and one of the guys he is going with was his best friend in high school and somewhat religious. Pretty sure he would never go to a club or anything. Plus his boss will be along for a day or two.
I told him I still needed to talk to him, that I wasn't done with our conversation. That was days ago and there hasn't been time to talk. I do think he's avoiding it.
Then, almost a year later he was searching craigslist for a "friend". Then emailing a russian woman (who I could tell was a spam right away). Oh, but he was "testing" me to see if I was checking on him, he knew it was a spam. Then he posted an ad for a threesome because he thought I wanted one. Last year he spent $200 at a full nude strip club, where the girls were apparently not nude that night. I suppose that could happen. There's probably more I'm forgetting. I can't remember right now. I told him I had a huge problem with him going to a club. I know a lot of women see nothing wrong with it, but I do. I don't want to be compared to those women who are far younger, prettier, thinner, perkier, etc than me. I have extremely low self esteem right now. Especially from something he said in an argument a couple years ago that still hurts.
So, he had to go on a business trip again. Our 19th wedding anniversary was Tuesday the 15th. I tried my best to look nice for him, wore a very sexy shirt that I thought looked decent on me and that's saying a lot. All I got from him was that he felt under dressed. ok. So anyway, Wednesday he left. 2 hours after he stepped off his plane he searched for "adult clubs near me". Then, again several hours later he search for that again and "backpage". BTW, I'm getting this info through google, unfortunately it doesn't show me what websites he visited, just searches and stuff. Thursday, he went where he was supposed to go but then after lunch there is a huge chunk of missing info on his timeline. Like 6 hours of it. He texted me at 4:48 saying he was back at the hotel and going to the pool. Then, immediately after he searched for "cuddlers near me", "escort service near me" and "asian massage parlours near me". Then he called me at 7 and once again showed up at the hotel.
His credit card showed his normal hotel charge, but then it also showed for Thursday a $102.95 ATM this + cash advance fee of $10 at the hotel next door. I see on the gps he also had a massage place and club address in there. So, I confronted him. The hotel atm charged turned out to be, well, not innocent, but not as bad as went through my mind. The hotel he was staying in didn't have an atm (I called to confirm), but the one next door did. He took out $100 and was charged $2.95 fee from the atm and $10 from the credit card. He used that money for snacks and dinner. BUT he also went to a full nude strip club! He said he thought it was only the lap dances that I had a problem with and he only sat at the bar, watching the game and had a drink with a guy named Jim. As for the searches, I couldn't get a specific answer on that. He said he thinks the searches were links he clicked on, but I don't know. I have a samsung phone too and could only get those results to show when I purposely typed them in. Not from a link. And he goes on with the whole, people have different kinks and interests, I was just curious about it, blah blah blah. I get that people are curious about stuff and sometimes look stuff up. But he didn't search for escorts where we live (small town, there's nothing like that here), he searched for them in Minneapolis. Said he went to the club wednesday night (timeline shows him at the hotel). Wait, I think I just caught another lie. He said he went to the club wednesday. He didn't take money out until thursday. I know he's going to say he just got the days mixed up. I'm so confused.
It's getting harder to catch him doing something. Unfortunately after he cheated the first time I showed him most of my secrets. I was stupid and foolishly believed it wouldn't happen again.
I figure I have two options right now. I can tell him I can't deal with this anymore and say it's over. Then I'd be in trouble because I have no job, no job skills, haven't worked in 15 years, have major social anxiety, very shy and introverted. I'd have no way to make a living. No friends. No family to help me. I made things really hard on myself for this situation. I see that now, too late.
Or I can pretend I'm fine with everything and pay money that I really don't have for an app to monitor his phone for a year and see if anything pops up again. He has another business trip coming up but I know he won't do anything on that trip. He won't be alone and one of the guys he is going with was his best friend in high school and somewhat religious. Pretty sure he would never go to a club or anything. Plus his boss will be along for a day or two.
I told him I still needed to talk to him, that I wasn't done with our conversation. That was days ago and there hasn't been time to talk. I do think he's avoiding it.