After the Affair - 06/11/19 03:27 PM
Hi there, I am really really new to this thread, but have ready many of yours on here and greatly appreciate all the wisdom / advice! My wife and I have been married for 13 years, (Unlucky 13). I found out on Valentines day Yes Valentines that she was having a work affair. I found a very detailed (feeling) Valentines card in her purse. I always had a gut feeling something was happening, but my wife, my lover, my friend would NEVER do that to me as she was so against cheating and affairs. My valentines card was not detailed as much as his was, and still to this day that is what bothers me! I can literally recite it word for word what she wrote in that card to him. She choose not to give it to him for some reason, with allowed me to find it.
That evening of course very sad/ mad/ upset/emotional / we had a all night discussion on what happened and what didn't happen and still continues to this day 4 months later. I did call the "OM" and had very strong words expressed to him... and i was very strict in saying he needs to tell his wife... he need to let her know, and he promised me that he would. (DO i believe him) There was no sex during this affair, the furthest it got was a Make out Session and some touching, but it was more emotional that it was physical. They learnt how to be sneaky about things after work hours by texting, and then at work they would often get together and complain about what they have and don't have. They started to use the "L" word towards the end and he convinced her it was the right thing to say. She even called him my Nickname "BABE" and that really bothers me.
The one thing that i am having a very very difficult time with is that he was 50 years old / i am 38 and she is 34! I feel very self conscious of myself now, thinking what she could see in a guy that was 50 years old when she is only 34...
I also find it hard to believe from her that the words written in the "CARD" where just words as she explains them to me. she said they weren't feelings they where just words...
My other question is.... do i send his Wife a quick message saying... Hey i am curious if your husband told you that he was having an affair with my wife?
To me i need to put it to rest, for all the hell that we have gone through and all the sleepless nights, i feel so strong that she to needs to understand that her husband has done this 3 times in the past (he told me) and then did it again (This time)
I just feel that he would not tell her like he said he would, and in order for me to put it to rest i feel she needs to know, but is that the right thing to do. And by me saying put it to rest i don't think I ever will.
The positive thing is our Relationship has never been stronger / open / as it is today. Our sex Life is unbeilievalbe and daily as we need each other and want each other like no other! But there are times when i will not want it or not even want to kiss her cause i can just see him and her and i am not there at that moment!
I hope that you guys can give me some advice or guidance as i really need it right now!
That evening of course very sad/ mad/ upset/emotional / we had a all night discussion on what happened and what didn't happen and still continues to this day 4 months later. I did call the "OM" and had very strong words expressed to him... and i was very strict in saying he needs to tell his wife... he need to let her know, and he promised me that he would. (DO i believe him) There was no sex during this affair, the furthest it got was a Make out Session and some touching, but it was more emotional that it was physical. They learnt how to be sneaky about things after work hours by texting, and then at work they would often get together and complain about what they have and don't have. They started to use the "L" word towards the end and he convinced her it was the right thing to say. She even called him my Nickname "BABE" and that really bothers me.
The one thing that i am having a very very difficult time with is that he was 50 years old / i am 38 and she is 34! I feel very self conscious of myself now, thinking what she could see in a guy that was 50 years old when she is only 34...
I also find it hard to believe from her that the words written in the "CARD" where just words as she explains them to me. she said they weren't feelings they where just words...
My other question is.... do i send his Wife a quick message saying... Hey i am curious if your husband told you that he was having an affair with my wife?
To me i need to put it to rest, for all the hell that we have gone through and all the sleepless nights, i feel so strong that she to needs to understand that her husband has done this 3 times in the past (he told me) and then did it again (This time)
I just feel that he would not tell her like he said he would, and in order for me to put it to rest i feel she needs to know, but is that the right thing to do. And by me saying put it to rest i don't think I ever will.
The positive thing is our Relationship has never been stronger / open / as it is today. Our sex Life is unbeilievalbe and daily as we need each other and want each other like no other! But there are times when i will not want it or not even want to kiss her cause i can just see him and her and i am not there at that moment!
I hope that you guys can give me some advice or guidance as i really need it right now!