Need help rebuilding my marriage - 06/18/20 03:27 PM
I'm new here, and have never done anything like this before, I can't believe that I'm sharing this in a public forum but a friend suggested this site for me.
My life has turned upside down exactly a year ago, I never thought I'd be in this situation loosing everything I cherished, the love of my husband, my job and my family's respect. It's a very long and complicated story of a happy marriage destroyed by one crazy night. I never thought that we would be separate from each other during our 18th anniversary which was 3 months ago. we've celebrated all our anniversaries with romantic getaways and had planned for a bigger celebration for the 18th but God had other plans for us. A year a go I got myself intoxicated whilst in a work trip and ended up allowing a work college to my hotel room. I swear i don't recall consenting to any sexual behavior or even remembering it until I woke up few hours later with him naked on my bed. I was disgusted at myself and still hate me for that till today. The second biggest mistake I made is that I confessed to a closed circle of friends and family but not to my hubby. he eventually found out 3 months later and that's when the life I once had literally ended. Hubby was devastated and went into a cycle of exasperation and chagrin.He isolated himself from everyone including his daughters, his family and friends, he went from being the most loving social being to a cold wall, I tried all I could to talk to him to help him to show him how sorry I was but he wanted nothing from me He ended up leaving and shutting down all his family and friends including his kids and mom. no calls or texts for almost 6 months, he was still paying the bills and that's how we knew he was still alive, 2020 has been a disastrous year for all of us. I had multiple panic attacks and developed many heath issues that I never had, but the worst part was being in a limbo of not knowing what to do.
fast forward to now. My husband is finally back home but he doesn't want anything from me. he said he is back for his kids only. I see him sad and broken but he doesn't want me to help. he doesn't trust me not because of what was done, but he said because I can never feel his pain. I know I can help him I've known him for almost all our lives and as couple for 20 years, how can I convince him to just give me a shot? one shot that's all I want I'm confident I can restore his love and trust. What he doesn't realize is that I'm too broken and in sever pain. The gilt of hurting him, my kids and the whole family is overwhelming, No one other him can help me cope, he is the only person on this planet that can hold my hand walk me to the other side of all this. I'm missing him terribly but he doesn't see it and I'm not in a position to tell him anything at least not right now.
My life has turned upside down exactly a year ago, I never thought I'd be in this situation loosing everything I cherished, the love of my husband, my job and my family's respect. It's a very long and complicated story of a happy marriage destroyed by one crazy night. I never thought that we would be separate from each other during our 18th anniversary which was 3 months ago. we've celebrated all our anniversaries with romantic getaways and had planned for a bigger celebration for the 18th but God had other plans for us. A year a go I got myself intoxicated whilst in a work trip and ended up allowing a work college to my hotel room. I swear i don't recall consenting to any sexual behavior or even remembering it until I woke up few hours later with him naked on my bed. I was disgusted at myself and still hate me for that till today. The second biggest mistake I made is that I confessed to a closed circle of friends and family but not to my hubby. he eventually found out 3 months later and that's when the life I once had literally ended. Hubby was devastated and went into a cycle of exasperation and chagrin.He isolated himself from everyone including his daughters, his family and friends, he went from being the most loving social being to a cold wall, I tried all I could to talk to him to help him to show him how sorry I was but he wanted nothing from me He ended up leaving and shutting down all his family and friends including his kids and mom. no calls or texts for almost 6 months, he was still paying the bills and that's how we knew he was still alive, 2020 has been a disastrous year for all of us. I had multiple panic attacks and developed many heath issues that I never had, but the worst part was being in a limbo of not knowing what to do.
fast forward to now. My husband is finally back home but he doesn't want anything from me. he said he is back for his kids only. I see him sad and broken but he doesn't want me to help. he doesn't trust me not because of what was done, but he said because I can never feel his pain. I know I can help him I've known him for almost all our lives and as couple for 20 years, how can I convince him to just give me a shot? one shot that's all I want I'm confident I can restore his love and trust. What he doesn't realize is that I'm too broken and in sever pain. The gilt of hurting him, my kids and the whole family is overwhelming, No one other him can help me cope, he is the only person on this planet that can hold my hand walk me to the other side of all this. I'm missing him terribly but he doesn't see it and I'm not in a position to tell him anything at least not right now.