12 years ago my WS had a full fledged affair. I followed plan. He was desperate to stay together. Fast forward to 2022, WS and AP bump into each other at lunch spot. Rekindle emotional affair. Caught by AP husband. Did plan A. Was going really well, but WS still openly admits he’s waiting for AP to call. Gave Plan B letter last night and today he filed for divorce. He’s an attorney so did it himself. I’m in complete shock. I don’t know if he decided he couldn’t follow my guidelines, is afraid I’ll keep him from the kids, or is just trying to get me to talk to him. I’m staying dark but I obviously want to call and say wtf?! Anyone have a spouse file after turning to plan B?

Welcome to MB. Yes we have a few stories of others who the WS filed after they entered Plan B. Remember Plan B isn’t to save the marriage. It is for the betrayed spouse to be able to heal.

Did you expose the affair? To who? Have you told your children? His parents?

Did he move out? Are you in no contact with him?

Exposed the affair to pretty much anyone who would listen the first time. This time his parents and my parents and our friends. I have not to our children. They are 13 and 15. He owns his business but I told people in his office.

Yes he moved out. I have no contact as of today.

He’s already asked through our intermediary to take them to dinner tonight.

Please read How to Plan B Correctly

Who did you expose on the OW’s side? This needs to be exposed properly to all sides.

Also please read Exposing to Children

I have not exposed to OW side this time. Since her husband told me and they are going to counseling and not telling anyone I feel guilty for sharing instead of him. Should I anyway? It just feels icky.

I will read the exposing to children. The family therapist recommended not telling them for trauma reasons. She recommended we not give them a reason and just keep affirming it isn’t about them.

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry to hear about the events in your marriage. As BrainHurts says, a WS has been known to file as your husband has done.

For how long have you been seeing a family therapist? What prompted this? Does our husband participate in the sessions? What are they designed to achieve - are they dealing with anything other than the affair?

Please urgently read what Dr Harley says about exposing to children, and then tell them about their father's affair. Your therapist is wrong; it is already traumatic for them to have their father file for divorce and not to be given any reason for that. They are more than old enough to understand what he is doing, and how this hurts the whole family. How do you think they feel to be constantly not given a reason when they ask for one?

As I understand it, it was the other woman's husband who told you about the rekindled affair - is that correct? So there is no need to expose to him? So after he exposed to you, have you had any information from him about further meetings between them? What is his attitude towards working on his own marriage? Does he know yet that your husband has filed for divorce?

Please explain about the Plan B letter. You have said nothing about your husband having moved out; had he done so before you gave it to him? If not, why did you give him the letter on the day that you did? Did you ask him to move out when you gave it to him?