HEELLLLLLLPPPP! - 06/04/01 02:28 AM
First of all, please let me introduce myself to you all..I'm Irena, I'm 34 (sometimes going on 15, sometimes 115..I live in Tasmania Australia..and it's dammmn cold here! <P>I've been looking alllll over the web for a place like this, and I'm so happy, I've finally found it! I've read through some of the topics, and issues, and can relate myself to most...but chose *this* area, as the best to post my problem.<P>In brief, I moved here from the mainland, because of a wonderful man that I just fell head over heels for. We'd been friends online for sometime before we actually met, and told each other some pretty intimate secrets about our past, and hepled each other through some tuff problems. Which brings me to *mine*....he told me once about an ex of his, who he loved more than life itself, their breakup truly broke his heart, but it had been over for about 2 years before I'd come on the scene. Anyhow, a miricale happened, and we fell inlove...both being alone for sometime, the thought of 'rebound' never came into my mind for either of us...well ok...not for me!<P>Since leaving my family, and home, for here...I've made this my new home, and as you people may already know...a bachelors house needs ALOT of cleaning!!!! and along the ways, I've found things I really wish I didn't!..(like little love notes, cards, etc) from him to her..and visa versa. All sweet and stuff..yeahh!..but it hurts to be reminded of someone's presence. We'd spoken about it, and he felt bad that I'd seen them, but it was a part of his past, and they're important to him, I understand that. <P>But, what I found last, was a BIG reminder of their love, and it's something I can't put behind me..this hurts toooo much! He's been carrying in his pocket, a ring, that she gave to him, as a token of her commitment to him, and I tell you, it felt like a knife plunged deep into my heart.<P>I knew the deapth of his love for her...but why after so long, and after telling me constantly, that *I'M* the one he loves, does he still need to have her symbolic love so close to him? I look at it this way...he NEEDS to hang on to his past...and he isn't over her!..and even yes, soemtimes I think he's still waiting for her to come back!<BR>We talked about this a few times, *but things only get talked about when I find things!)..it realllllllly hurts me more, the fact that he won't be open and honest with me, even if it's because he doesn't want to hurt me...but everytime I tell him he's hurting me more by NOT telling me things...(I'm rambling now aren't I??)..but you know what I mean!?!?!??!<P>I'm sick of being the instigator...and have decided, that the next time I find he's carrying it...I don't want to talk about it...I'll just leave.<P>So tell me your opinions...PLEASE!?!??!? is it just me...or am I right in what I feel..that he still and ALWAYS will love her? and that I'm *second* best?<P>Oh, and by the way...thanks for having the patience to read all of this! )<p>[This message has been edited by Irena (edited June 03, 2001).]