Hi all,
This is my first post and my first time ever on the MB website. I never thought I'd be one looking for marriage advice. My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 years and together for a total of 10 years. We've been together since high school and everything has always seemed so good until the last month. He finally told me 2 days ago that he wasn't happy and hadn't been for a while. He says that things just got boring and he was tired of all the day-to-day stuff. He feels bad b/c he knows I love him more than he loves me. He says he wasnts to fix it but I have no idea where to even begin since he doesn't even know why he fell out of love with me. Please help me save my marriage.
Jenni
Get His Needs/Her Needs, read it and ask him to read it, fill out the surveys and find the problems. They may be things that have been going on for a while and not being dealt with, so be ready for old memories to be brought up. Another good read is Love Busters, and that is a good read just after the HN/HN book. You may also want to find a good counselor to talk to, by yourself or with him if he'll agree to go and work on things. Has he ever mentioned what it is that is nagging at him? There has to be something missing in his needs list, and maybe yours too if you are not meeting his needs in some way. It may be a trade off and you punishing him in some way for something he's doing, and not really trying to hurt him but he's taking it that way. That is just a guess, but that's how my W works, and from all indication from my reading most folks are that way.
Why don't you go away for some time, do something on your own and give him some breathing space? When you come back, maybe both of you will be a more receptive mood to discuss the 'problem' areas (as Phil is suggesting).
I need some help too - my issue is my husband's laziness in tackling household chores. I can't get him to do much, and nothing can be done regularly except the cooking, washing clothes and ironing, because I'm the one doing them. He would always say later, and the 'later' never happens. Everytime it's a big favour he's doing me to do 1 thing in the house. His parents have always spoilt him and still do - I can't get him to grow up and start taking responsibility. For some time, we've been trying to get a kid, but with him always pissing me off by literally expecting me to treat him as a prince, I'm always questioning what will happen once there's a kid in this marriage... What should I do to get him to help regularly?
Wow Dingo. I think we married the same man. I don't have any suggestions for you as I am in the same situation. I would love to hear what other people have to say.
When my H and I first married, I had the same problem. We found out we were expecting our first child (together, I already had a 7 yo) on our 1st anniversary. I remember trying to make dinner with our baby whining and crying at my feet...while my husband was in the next room PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES!!! I was seething; this was a nightly occurance. I did read the book Men are From Mars/Women are From Venus. I finally walked in on my husband one night and calmly asked "do you want to watch the baby, or make dinner?" He chose to make dinner. Now it's a nightly thing after dinner "do you want to bathe the kids or do the dishes?" He usually chooses the dishes, but will give the kids a shower (special treat) sometimes. I've learned not to complain HOW he does something, because that will turn him off from helping at all.