Everything I've read indicates that 2/3rds to 3/4's of all divorces are sought by women
Okay, you're probably fairly accurate with that? Now, WHY?
I saw a quote from a lawyer saying that in ten years of practice, he's seen ONE case of a divorce action in which infidelity played no role. (He went on to say, he formerly thought the number was two, but years later, was informed of the cheating in that case as well.)
Just a trip around here shows you at the very least the numbers are even. What you say doesn't mean that only men are having affairs.
Logically, unless 99.44% of the men being divorced were having affairs with other men, it's more likely that the men were indeed having affairs with women.
Now you may be inclined to give the women a pass because they weren't the ones who said the vows. However, you really have no way of knowing if they were also married or not.
Further, the lawyer you mention doesn't indicate WHO is having the affair. It could just as easily been like my case, where it was the wife having an affair. (With another married man, BTW.)
So I think both men and women are pretty evenly represented in affairs.
So, if the large number of divorces are initiated by females, and infidelity is almost always involved..........
But that's not what Dr Harley has found. Remember, it's him that says:
When all forms of spousal neglect are grouped together, we find that it is far ahead of all the other reasons combined that women leave men. Surprisingly few women divorce because of physical abuse, infidelity, alcoholism, criminal behavior, fraud, or other serious grounds. In fact, I find myself bewildered by women in serious physical danger refusing to leave men that threaten their safety.
That's found in the article, Why Women Leave Men http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.html
So I'll go with the MARRIAGE expert who looks at marriages and why they are ending vs looking at the LAW expert.
Therefore my hypothesis that if poorly (inadequately? insufficiently?) committed males are less likely to marry if sexual alternatives are more legally available, would POSSIBLY result in the overall improvement in average marital quality (factoring out the failure-prone, as it were), is supported by your comment.
It's not just sexual alternatives, it's the perception, real or not, that marriage is a bad deal for men. After all, if men can get their needs met without marriage, and have far more to lose should the marriage end, what is the benefit of getting married for the typical man?
There are many men, like myself, who did not engage in marital misconduct who still didn't get custody of his child, had to split the marital assets as well as custody with a spouse who was both emotionally and sexually unfaithful.
Marriage no longer offers any protection against bad behavior for men if unfaithful wives can take their children and a percentage of assets from the marriage.
As long as the perception of marriage is that if it ends the man loses, regardless his behavior, there is little incentive for the rational man to marry.
If I end up divorced again, there is no way I'd ever consider marriage again. Especially if the misconduct is on the part of my wife, and there are no consequences for her breaking her vow. I pray it never happens, but then I did that with my first wife and look how that turned out.
The problem is not gender based. I'm not saying women are worse than men, or vice-verse. we are all sinners. Therefore there is no moral high ground based on gender.
Perhaps your lawyer represents older folks, who are more established. If that's the case, then chances are, he will have many more betrayed clients. Men typically leave when the children are gone. That's when men statistically choose to divorce. Why? They perceive it's a better deal. No children to lose custody of, and older men tend to do better in the dating market compared to older women.
But since most marriages don't last until the children are mature, most divorces occur in the first 5-7 years. That's when women are far more likely to file. Why? Again, it's relative value and benefit. These women believe they will do well in the courts. They will probably get custody, child support and are more marketable in the dating marketplace than if they waited until after their children are out of the nest.
People behave "rationally." I'm not saying men are morally superior to women or vice-verse. I'm saying the game is rigged so that women think it's advantageous to divorce FAITHFUL husbands and men find it advantageous not to marry, or to choose divorce after their children leave the nest.
My solution is that the unfaithful spouse loses EVERYTHING to the faithful spouse, regardless of gender. Further, if there is NO misconduct, but a spouse simply isn't happy anymore, the desire to divorce a FAITHFUL spouse is in fact treated as an act of marital misconduct and that spouse loses everything as if they had betrayed their spouse. Which they are betraying them if they say, I'm not happy, I no longer want to be married to you.
It is in societies best interest to do away with No Fault Divorce. Allegations of infidelity or other abuses should be proven and the perpetrators face the consequences of those actions. To allow easy divorce just passes along bad spouses to others without warning. Those bad spouses being the ones engaged in their particular misconduct be it infidelity, other abuses, or simply abandoning the vows for personal happiness.
Divorce should be costly for those who choose to misbehave, and should be cheap for the victims of their misbehavior.