Marriage Builders
This article was a VERY interesting read. It really helped me see and understand some of my own behaviours as a teen and young adult. I was raised by a single mom .. and had almost all of this happen to me.

Here is the link to the main article

http://www.gillistriplett.com/rel101/articles/harmful.html

WHat ya think?
Edit to add text from the article in question.


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Raising Boys Wrong�
In the state of Georgia, as in most urban areas, two thirds of the Black children born, are born to unwed mothers. Most of those boys will grow up to be unproductive men in our society. For irrefutable proof one only needs to examine:

The high school drop out rate amongst boys from single-family homes.
The incarceration statistics for boys raised by single moms.
The mass number of single mothers who have trained their boys to devalue and disrespect the entire female gender

Am I blaming society�s ills on single mothers? No! Am I attacking or demonizing single mothers? A thousand times no! I am dealing with a critical issue that has devastated multiple generations. One that has not been properly dealt with for too long. I have watched this particular group of single mothers reek havoc and sow seeds of discord in the lives of countless children. I had one incident in which a woman, (I�ll call Racine ) was dating a man, she got pregnant by him and they moved in together.

Like many women who give themselves to dishonorable men, Racine assumed that she could change him and that he would eventually marry her. She was so convinced of her abilities to alter his conduct, that she got pregnant, AGAIN! You should know that Racine was in the church while this disgraceful chain of events took place. After their second child, her live-in boyfriend just up and left. He coldly and calculatedly abandoned her and both of their kids.

It is no secret that this is the norm for single women who get pregnant by their boyfriends. But like many women, Racine chose to ignore those irrefutable facts. She somehow believed her situation would be different than the countless single women who are left pregnant and alone every year. Before bolting, her enigmatic lover prepped his family, friends and co-workers not to divulge any information of his whereabouts to his ex.

For three months Racine pleaded with his family and friends to tell her what happened. After constantly listening to her forlorned cries, one of his family members couldn�t take it anymore. She broke down and told Racine the truth. Her Night In Pining Armour had dumped her and hurriedly married some bimbo. When Racine heard the heart traumatizing truth, she promptly joined the (BSMC), Bitter Single Mother�s Club. She turned into an angry and vengeful single mom.

Her means of getting revenge against her ex was to physically abuse both their children. She would do things such as force them to sit outside in the freezing cold for hours at a time. She would choke her older son, ( I�ll call Joseph ) while swearing at him and cursing his father. Because of her physically and verbally abusive behavior, Joseph learned to hate females.

Because of how his mother abused him and his little brother, Joseph detests the female gender with an unforgiving passion. Like his mother had been drilling in his ears for years, he followed in the footsteps of his father. He got a female pregnant while in high school, but instead of abandoning her and baby like his dad, he married her. Not because he loved her, but to prove his mother wrong. Joseph had taken on the same vengeful and abusive spirit as his mom.

In less than two weeks after saying, �I do!� he physically assaulted his new bride. He has been abusing her ever since. Even at my behest, his wife refused to file charges. She felt as though she could change him. Their little girl will be 5-years-old in 2004 and Joseph has never held a conversation with her because of distrust and hatred of all females. The only things he has said to his daughter is, �Shut up! Didn�t I tell you� No! Sit down and, go get me a��

Joseph kicked her across the room one night when she attempted to stop him from physically assaulting her mother. Did you comprehend what you just read? You just read how generational curses are started. Even worse, Joseph�s daughter is a likely candidate to believe that all men are dogs and become an angry Black female.

What you are reading are not aberrations. These incidents happen everyday. I could share with you so many other cases and incidents such as the large number of single mothers who for various reasons refuse to divulge to their kids who their true biological father are. These women don�t realize how their callous insensitivity has damaged their children.

I realize that what I�m sharing may be painful and may open up some festering wounds. It may even spark some dissenting and harsh responses. However, until we openly deal with this issue by shining the Light of God�s Word upon it, healing can never come. And the devastating curse of misogynistic men and angry boys will continue.

Some of you will read this article and say, �What about the things the men are doing and why didn�t you mention how daughters are affected when they don�t have a dad?� I�ll deal with the dishonorable men, deadbeat dads and daughters in another session. I cannot cover all of life�s issues in one article. Right now, our focus is the ten harmful things certain single mothers do to ruin their son�s lives.

If you are a single mother, this is an opportunity for you to look in the mirror of life and ascertain that you are not setting your son up for manhood meltdown. If you answer �Yes� to any of these test questions, make no mistake about it, you are indoctrinating your son for failure. He will develop a corrupted view of manhood, so take these test questions serious.

1. Do You Poison Your Son�s Mind Against His Biological Father?
Some women knowingly and intentionally perform this evil scheme. Others do it unintentionally. While boys are young, this vengeful act seems harmless, but as they grow older, they develop bitterness against their fathers. This root of bitterness, (See Hebrews 12:15 and Romans 3:14) will manifest itself in other areas of these boy�s lives. They play out their parental distress by becoming overtly rebellious, joining gangs, committing crimes and engaging in other self-destructive activities such as domestic violence and homosexuality.

As Founder and CEO of Mastering Manhood, I constantly meet men who were turned against their biological father by their moms. I have listened to men tell how they thought about killing their dads or wanting to hurt him just to get even for being abandoned. In many cases, their dads did not abandon them. Some of these mothers refused to allow the child to interact with his father as a way to punish the boy�s father. These mothers were being plain evil by fueling poisonous lies of child abandonment.

If you are a single mother, don�t speak offensively about your child�s father to your child. Even if it is true! You may be angry at him for not marrying you or for breaking up with you, or for whatever reason. But you must understand; by poisoning your child against his dad, you are accomplishing two damnable feats. You are embedding:

A spirit of discord into your child�s heart
a spirit of hatred and malice into your child�s heart

2. Do You Instill In Your Son: �The All Men Are Dogs,� Mentality?
You may hate the father of your child. You may hate all men. You may feel justified in your malice because of how men have treated you. However, all men are not dogs! Good men do exist! A portion of the men who become dogs were trained to be that way by their disgruntled mothers. These boys listen to their moms speak hypercritically, denounce and condemn all men until they develop a disparaging complex about being a male.

Once those seeds are planted in their impressionable minds and hearts, these boys lose hope about being an honorable man. Their mother�s words become a prophetic utterance. Albeit a negative one. Single moms, you must find ways to encourage your son and put a stop to words and actions that dismantle his vision of being a decent man. All men are not dogs!

3. Do You Play The Dating Game?
As a single mother, you cannot afford to play the worldly dating game of love, sex and relationships. When you become a revolving door for hordes of males, you indoctrinate your son to systematically devalue and disrespect the female gender. By watching an assortment of males freely enter into and abruptly exit out of your life, your son learns firsthand how to become a playa player, pimp, baller and shot caller.

As he witnesses your failed relationships, tears of regret from your manifold sexual liaisons and learns how you were dumped, played, dismissed and disgraced at the hands of detestable males, his conscience becomes desensitized to the well being of all women. As you play the dating game, you persuade your son that males were called to be pimps.

As a single mother, if a man refuses to respect you as a woman and honor the fact that you have a child, he is not worthy of your companionship. You need to know that a man should not date you if he is not prepared emotionally, psychological, physically and financially to take on the responsibility of raising your child. It is an absolute waste of your time for you to date or court a man who:

Doesn�t want children
Doesn�t like children
Is averse to raising another man�s child
Is not interested in getting married
Has it made clear that his objective is to dishonor you sexually

As a single mother of a boy, you are largely responsible for how your son will treat the next generation of women. Take that charge serious. Don�t set your son up for sure relationship, marital and manhood meltdown. Set before him an example of honor, respect and virtue.

4. Do You Engage In The Sleepover Trap?
Time and time again, I meet single mothers who allow men to spend the night, move-in or do long-term layovers. When boys see their moms engaging in such shameful activity, they become indoctrinated to see women as sex objects, booty calls and casual sex partners. Especially when they catch mommy in bed or on the couch with strange flesh.

5. Have You Made Your Son The Man of The House?
As cute as it may seem, your son IS NOT the man of the house. He is your child! Most single mothers will never understand the psychological damage they cause by anointing their sons to be the man of the house. By falsely convincing their boys that they are men, these single moms pigeonhole their adolescents into a pressure-based environment God never intended for them to be in.

Many of these undeveloped boys feel such emotional duress, that they resort to doing the unthinkable to meet their mom�s fanatical demands of manhood. These teenage boys freely talk about selling drugs, robbing people, car jacking and committing other crimes to take care of their household. It is not their household! Nor is it their responsibility. Never call or christen your son to be the man of YOUR HOUSE! For the love of God, he is not YOUR HUSBAND, he is YOUR CHILD!

6. Are You Feminizing Your Son?
To feminize means to cause a male to assume feminine characteristics. The way single mothers feminize their sons is by doing things such as:

Having him with them while they go shopping for women�s clothing
Taking him to the beauty salons while they get their hair and nails done
Having him in the bathroom and bedroom while they primp and pamper
Buying him feminine toys such as girl�s bikes, dolls, etc.
Providing him with feminine clothes, makeup or accessories
Involving him in feminine activities
Calling him cute, primping and pampering him
Piercing his ears and giving him earrings
Belittling or minimizing male-female gender differences
Bringing feminine or homosexual males into his life or presence

Single mothers who allow or inspire their sons to engage in activities that cause him to be feminized are partly responsible for the mass number of passive and effeminate males in our society.

7. Are You Training Him To Be a Man?
Get this irrefutable truth engrained into your mind and heart as expediently as possible. A woman cannot train a boy to be a man any more than a man can train a girl to become a virtuous woman. A man has his limits when it comes to raising and training girls.

He can read a thousand books and attend countless lectures, but he will never be able to fully understand or explain to a girl what PMS is, a woman�s hormones or what to expect when she gets pregnant. Most men won�t even attempt to broach subjects such as a woman�s broad range of emotions and feelings, her weight or looks, tampons or why women break out and cry at certain events and situations. It takes a woman to talk to a girl about those critical facets of her life.

In the same token, as a woman, there is only so much that you can instill in or teach a boy. Accept that fact and do not try to cross your boundaries. There are certain things that boys need psychologically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally, that you as a woman will never be able to impart to them. You will never understand or be able to help your son understand:

Masculinity
Testosterones
The male ego
A man�s penis
Why men are territorial
Why men love a good battle
A man�s need to conquer
A boy�s rites of passage

Like most females, you will spend an eternity scratching your head trying to understand why men gravitate towards brute competition. Since you will never comprehend these masculine things, you will never be able to properly communicate them to any male. Including your son!

SO STOP TRYING!

Leave the manhood training to the men!

8. Are You Emasculating Your Son?
Some single mothers ruin their sons by emasculating them. To emasculate means: 1. To castrate. 2. To deprive of strength or vigor and to weaken. These single moms accomplish this catastrophic emasculation process by:

Impeding the boy�s natural gravitation towards things that boys love to do, (i.e. rough sports and aggressive play)
By constantly scolding, condemning, yelling and screaming at him. This commonly used tactic erodes a boy�s self-confidence
By being a domineering or overbearing mother. These single moms not only bruise their son�s male ego, but they mutilate his male identity and condition him to be a cowardly passive male
Constantly seeing his mother crying or throwing temper tantrums. When a boy sees these seemingly harmless emotional outbursts, he becomes conditioned to respond to the issues and pressures of life in the same manner as his mom.

9. Have You Made Your Son Into a Momma�s Boy?
I constantly meet single mothers who delight in the fact that they are raising momma�s boys. Let me put things into proper perspective by first defining what a momma�s boy is. He has been raised and taken care of by his mother. She has dressed him, cooked his meals, did his laundry, put a roof over his head, babied and spoiled him since birth and still does so� although he is a grown man.

She has come to his rescue, fought his battles, spoken up for him, lied for him, blamed others for his sins and protected him from harm and still does so� although he is a grown man. She has bought his shoes and socks, paid his bills, bought his groceries and got him out of jail and other jams and still does so� although he is a grown man.

In their strange and contorted mother-son relationship, neither of one them is willing cut their now grotesque umbilical cord. By the way their mothers have raised them, these males have been indoctrinated to believe that women exist for the sole purpose of serving and taking care of men. They have no problem with moving in with a female and sitting at home, watching television while their wives, girlfriends and baby�s mothers work two and three jobs to pay the bills.

Their understanding is, �What�s the problem? That�s what my mom did and that�s what women are supposed to do!� When it comes to marriage and relationships, I advise all women to avoid momma�s boys. One way or another, these males are going to cause you heartache. Especially if you attempt to snip their umbilical cord. Single mothers who truly care about their son�s future will not raise their sons to be momma�s boys!

10. Do You Avoid Finding Strong Male Role Models For Your Son?
By having no strong male role models in their lives, boys are prone to gravitate towards:

Having a distorted sense of self-worth
Feeling irrelevant in our society
Rebelling against authority
Being passive males
Having a deep sense of vulnerability
Wondering about their legacy
Not respecting the female gender
Not understanding, respecting or embracing manhood
Not understanding, respecting or embracing marriage
Not understanding, respecting or embracing fatherhood

As they reach adulthood, these harmful traits make men become societal undesirables. As a single mom, you must make seeking out strong godly male role models for your son a top priority. Start with your child�s father. The only reasons you should keep your son away from his biological father is because his dad:

Is an alcoholic, drug user or drug dealer
Is wanted by the police or other authorities
Has harmful mental or other psychological issues
Is a thug or is involved in other criminal activity
Is an abuser, molester or perpetrator of domestic violence
Has threatened physical harm or violence
Poses a safety threat to you or child in some other fashion

Barring none of the above, you should not prevent your child�s from interacting with his dad. After the child�s biological father, look at the men in your family, church, after school programs and organizations that are passionate about raising boys. Be clear on this irrefutable fact: your son needs honorable men in his life if he is going to properly transition from boyhood to manhood.

If he has no godly strong male role models, your son will go from boyhood to adulthood, while skipping manhood. Don�t deceive yourself into believing that you can raise your son without men, you cannot.

I leave all single mothers with this final charge.

Malachi 4:6
And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

Did you take note of what the Lord is doing? He is restoring the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers. Don�t become a stumbling block against this powerful move of God. If you have bitterness, unforgiveness or hatred in your heart toward the child�s father or toward the entire male gender, let it go!

If you are hiding a dark secret such as: paternity fraud, you gave birth to a child by a married man or you really don�t know who the father is. It may be painful to come clean, but you must. Lying to your family, deceiving you friends and defrauding others only exasperates the matter. In the end, your deception will come back to haunt you. Most likely when you least likely expect it

------------------------------------------------------------

MNG
It's a shame that an article that COULD have some value completely discredits itself with the "are you feminizing your son?" speech. Sorry, I couldn't go on. Unless someone wants to provide me a free babysitter, then my son will see me shop for my clothes or get ready in the mornings!
Oh i get that for sure .. Cant blame moms totally for being single. But there is a pattern with some or many behaviours.
MNG, I didn't have time to read the whole thing, but the general theme seems much like a book I read a few years ago titled "The Wonder of Boys." It is all about the disaster of boys being raised in fatherless homes based on research. I don't think I ever understood how critical fathers are to boys until I read that book. In fact, when I researched this issue, something like 70% of teen homicides were committed by boys from fatherless homes. It was a real eye opening read.
Wow .. really? I gotta get me that book. THanks ML! Thats a crazy stat!
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
Buying him feminine toys such as girl�s bikes, dolls, etc.

hahaha When my son was 18 months old, my mother brought him a baby doll, much to my husband's horror. My son promptly threw it across the room and turned his riding pony upside down and started spinning the wheels. That was the end of baby doll! rotflmao
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
Buying him feminine toys such as girl�s bikes, dolls, etc.

hahaha When my son was 18 months old, my mother brought him a baby doll, much to my husband's horror. My son promptly threw it across the room and turned his riding pony upside down and started spinning the wheels. That was the end of baby doll! rotflmao

That A boy! .. see .. he KNEW what the proper course of action was .. probably thanks to his dad :P
The Wonder of Boys [Bargain Price] [Paperback]
Michael Gurian
Michael Gurian (Author)

Amazon.com Review
In the thoughtful and provocative The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men, therapist and educator Michael Gurian takes a close look at modern boyhood. Gurian asserts that the biological and neurological differences between boys and girls need to be accounted for and nourished in order to raise healthy, happy boys. In discussing boy culture--and the roles of competition, aggression, and physical risk taking--the author concludes, "It's not boy culture that's inherently flawed; it's the way we manage it." If the natural, testosterone-based impulses of boys are squelched or ignored, Gurian posits, such biological truths may find their way to the surface in other, more negative behaviors. He suggests that boys do best when they are part of a "tribe," three families that include: a birth or adoptive family; an extended family of friends, teachers, peers, and mentors; and the "family" of outside culture, media, religious institutions, and community figures. The Wonder of Boys offers advice on how to understand and build strong father/son and mother/son relationships, stresses the importance of healthy discipline, and suggests methods of teaching boys about sex, relationships, and spirituality. Parents and teachers of boys will find this book to be an insightful read. --Ericka Lutz
http://www.amazon.com/The-Wonder-Boys-Mi...onder+of+boys#_
Dr. H talked about a study on the radio show about children raised in single father home's compared to single mother's.

Here it is: MATERIAL REFERENCED: Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on Fatherless America Study at 7:20 Mark
I am listening to it right now ... thanks! Your so fast at digging up clips Brain. smile
Whoah .. Dr. Harley stated that children raised by fathers statisticly turn out just as well as children raised by both parents.

I am not surprised... I lucked out I think. I ended up being one of those kids who looked at his situation and did my best to assure that my childhood was not repeated for my childrens sake.

I WISH when i was growing up that I had the guts to stand up to my mom and move in with my dad .. I would cave in to my mothers guilt about staying with her because I felt so bad for her ... but when i visited my dad I felt like I could go home and stand up to my mom ... but i think I would have needed my dad to help hold up my back bone. Which never happened. IT was not until the last 10 years that I really got to know my dad .. as prior he was just a weekend dad (every other weekend if i was lucky).

The good side is that if I did move in with my dad .. I would not have MrsNiceGuy right now as we have been together since I was 16 and she was 15 .. we leaned on each other for support and got our own place by 17 and still finished highschool while maintaing part time after school jobs to pay rent so we could get away from the crazyness that our home lives were. My school was very accomodating during the process of those last 2 years of school. And we did it without govt assistance.

I had to get away .. i was put in a parent role as soon as my brothers were born and was told I was the man of the house. It felt wrong the way my mom put the burden of my bros on me ... my wife opened my eyes to how unhealthy it was. I felt bad for years for abandoning my brothers .. like i had abandoned my own children.. is that weird?

So .. Yeah .. I guess I was a statistic. >.< technicaly speaking. Both the article and Dr.Harley are almost bang on in this instance.

Thanks for that clip Brain .. Hearing it from Dr. Harley brought it into a much more logical perspective.
***EDIT***
MNG
MNG,


Dig into The Art of Manliness blog good and deep. A good year of digging and reading should about cover all the bases, and there is at least that much material to absorb.
Oh I do .. I have been browsing it for some time now. Good stuff in there for sure!
I have to disagree that a boy liking a doll is improper ( if your comment mrniceguy was not meant tongue-in-cheek:)

My son has three sisters and he definitely has been influenced by their play to the extent that he requested ( and got) a baby doll as a three yr old and still now at age six plays elaborate and imaginative games with his sisters and play figures from the dollhouse. He also has a tender, empathetic nature that lends itself well to this play.

However, he is one of the most athletic boys I know and most days will find him wrestling on the playground at school, playing soccer and " wipeout" ( where you run as hard as you can against an opponent to knock them down lol) Loves trucks and cars etc. He also gave his cookie to a friend who was sad at school the other day. Sigh.

Point is its not the doll that's the problem, it's not shopping with mom that's the problem etc. These are just external harmless activities unless used for selfish purposes by the women in a boys life. That's the heart of the matter and what I feel the OP was referring to.
Originally Posted by Glasshouse
Point is its not the doll that's the problem, it's not shopping with mom that's the problem etc. These are just external harmless activities unless used for selfish purposes by the women in a boys life. That's the heart of the matter and what I feel the OP was referring to.

GH, I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with playing with dolls or shopping with Mom. The issue I had was that my mother is a radical feminist who likes to turn little boys into little girls. [she believes gender preferences are all constructs of social indoctrination] Most boys don't like to play house, that is typically something little girls like. It is just how we are wired. The male brain is very, very different from the female brain. That doesn't mean there won't be little boys who like to play house and little girls who like to play army. The exception doesn't disprove the rule.

Here is the boy who tossed the doll aside TODAY grin:

[Linked Image from sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net]
So handsome he hurts my eyes! And is he about 10' tall? shocked
Originally Posted by SugarCane
So handsome he hurts my eyes! And is he about 10' tall? shocked
Yup.
Thanks ladies! He is 6'4".
Posted By: SugarCane Re: Mother love - 10/02/12 08:49 PM
We need to start a thread entitled "10 totally understandable things all 'moms' (if we must spell it wrongly) know to be true about their utterly heartbreakingly handsome wonderful sons".

I'll go first.

Mine is heartbreakingly handsome and is the nicest person I know, not counting my daughter.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Mother love - 10/02/12 09:03 PM
I think my son is also the nicest person I know! I am so glad to have him for a kid! I stayed with him and his wife once in their guest room and he was so sweet to him's momma. I stayed out until 8 one evening because I wanted him and his wife to have time to themselves after work. He called me and said "MOM, it is 8 o clock at night, WHERE ARE YOU???"

Now, isn't that a wonderful son??
Posted By: BrainHurts Re: Mother love - 10/02/12 09:08 PM
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I think my son is also the nicest person I know! I am so glad to have him for a kid! I stayed with him and his wife once in their guest room and he was so sweet to him's momma. I stayed out until 8 one evening because I wanted him and his wife to have time to themselves after work. He called me and said "MOM, it is 8 o clock at night, WHERE ARE YOU???"

Now, isn't that a wonderful son??
What a wonderful man.

He loves his momma. Mom must have done something right!! Good job mom.
Posted By: MelodyLane Re: Mother love - 10/02/12 09:10 PM
Thankee! laugh
Posted By: MrNiceGuy Re: Mother love - 10/02/12 11:02 PM
Man .. I wish I could say good things about my parents. Your kids are so so lucky! All my parents are good at is lovebusting and doing things reluctantly or with hidden expectations of reciprocation or tit for tat. frown

Nice pic ML!

edit: to have Some MB parents would be amazing ...
Posted By: alis Re: Mother love - 10/02/12 11:18 PM
I have 2 sons. My "oldest" is 2.5 years old. I can't lie - it sure is nice being in the stage where everything you do as a mother is perfect and they can't tell you otherwise yet laugh
Posted By: MrNiceGuy Re: Mother love - 10/02/12 11:22 PM
HAHA alis .. good point! My son is 8 .. and he is one of the most respectful kids I know (his martial arts DEF helps with that). My daughter has a fantastic head on her shoulders .. and is an all A's student and also fantastic at her martial arts as well. Anything less than an A is a failure to her. My son doesnt have letter grades yet .. but he is all G's smile

I may post a video of their nunchuck skills in the near future of them doing their nunchuck patterns. smile
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
GH, I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with playing with dolls or shopping with Mom. The issue I had was that my mother is a radical feminist who likes to turn little boys into little girls. [she believes gender preferences are all constructs of social indoctrination] Most boys don't like to play house, that is typically something little girls like. It is just how we are wired. The male brain is very, very different from the female brain. That doesn't mean there won't be little boys who like to play house and little girls who like to play army. The exception doesn't disprove the rule.


I am a male nurse. Does that make me a "girly-man?"

No.

It makes me a science nerd that found an outlet. It makes me someone who likes stories, and I get to hear the greatest human stories every day. It means I am capable of showing care and compassion, which I believe IS manly. I don't know where I'm going with this... O_o
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
[

I am a male nurse. Does that make me a "girly-man?"

And I am a bad [censored], does that make me a manly-gurl?? rotflmao
Quote
And I am a bad [censored], does that make me a manly-gurl??
Naaah...that makes you Mel! smile

I bought a doll for my oldest son when he was...oh, I don't know, maybe four? She was way cool - you could feed her cherries from a spoon, and HOT DANG! those cherries magically disappeared when you stuck the spoon to her mouth! I was impressed. AND the milk magically disappeared from the bottle when you held it to her mouth.

I found the baby shoved underneath our basement staircase, filthy, missing her clothes, totally uncared for and forgotten, while the boys were setting up sorties with their GI Joes and accounting for every army man they owned.

Lesson learned. Although I still get a kick out of those cherries disappearing from that baby's spoon... grin
Originally Posted by maritalbliss
I found the baby shoved underneath our basement staircase, filthy, missing her clothes, totally uncared for and forgotten, while the boys were setting up sorties with their GI Joes and accounting for every army man they owned.

LOL! Speaking of GI Joes, did you know they made great Barbie boyfriends?? grin
Quote
LOL! Speaking of GI Joes, did you know they made great Barbie boyfriends??
Oh, yeah - I had two brothers. My Barbies were never without a date grin Ken wouldn't have made it at our house. He was too....not GI Joe. laugh

I personally think he was gay and was using Barbie as a beard, but I'm too polite to say that here...or not laugh
Originally Posted by maritalbliss
Quote
LOL! Speaking of GI Joes, did you know they made great Barbie boyfriends??
Oh, yeah - I had two brothers. My Barbies were never without a date grin Ken wouldn't have made it at our house. He was too....not GI Joe. laugh

I personally think he was gay and was using Barbie as a beard, but I'm too polite to say that here...or not laugh

**snort** grin
I never had much success getting any of my daughters into Hot Wheels... I thought chicks dug cars?
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
I never had much success getting any of my daughters into Hot Wheels... I thought chicks dug cars?

Only when a cute GIJoe is driving.. flirt
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
I never had much success getting any of my daughters into Hot Wheels... I thought chicks dug cars?

My 4-year-old daughter loves cars. She has a whole tub of Hot Wheels. Her favorites are her five Monster Trucks.

She also loves her wooden train set.

At her preschool, they have a pretend kitchen and a dollhouse and every time I've been there, just as many boys were playing with them as girls. And the girls were playing with the cars, trucks and blocks.

My older kids (3 boys and 1 girl) all played with each other's toys too, both "boy" and "girl" toys.

I also worked at a parent co-op preschool for five years, and at the preschool age at least, I really never noticed a difference between the toys boys preferred compared to the ones girls preferred. We generally had a mixture of genders playing with all of the toys - everything from dolls to blocks to riding bikes and playing in the sandbox and doing art.

I suppose my personal experiences may be the exception to the rule, but I have had a lot of experience with young children from a variety of backgrounds. I'm not sure when this preference for "boy" vs. "girl" things begins, but from what I've seen, it doesn't seem to be universally true for preschool children under the age of five.
There is some great feed back in here ... I guess it comes down to the intentions of the "mother".

My son actually asked me if I could get him a Barbie this year. Its one he remembers seeing a commercial for last year. The barbie that comes with a dog that you feed and it poops it back out. (rinse repeat! ewww!) .. and a little pooper scooper to shovel it up with. He laughed so hard when that commercial came on and was grossed out (kinda) when the commercial fed it back to the dog again to poop out.

Who comes up with this stuff?? lol ... I am still waiting for divorced barbie. Comes with all of Kens stuff. LMAO!

MNG
Census info on single parents:

http://m.us.wsj.com/articles/BL-REB-21678
Why is all the blame being laid at the feet of single mothers? This article completely ignores the role of fathers who abandon their children, and the fathers who are content to be Disneyland Dads and see their kids only 4 days per month. The blindness of the writer boggles my mind.

If men would step up and act like the great husbands they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, children would never be born outside of marriage, and we'd go a long way toward solving our social ills. Has everyone forgotten that it takes two people to make a baby?

Dr. Harley himself says that he is harder on men in counseling, that they usually have more work to do to become a great partner. He says women are emotional "responders" so when the man does a good job meeting her needs, she will give him all the love and care he's ever dreamed of. Why then are we applauding all this blame of women and mothers?

If men are truly victims of 'selfish single mothers,' then why do men commit the vast majority of murders, rapes and assaults - and always have - even in societies where everyone stays married and children are raised by two parents?

I don't see girls growing up in single-parent homes causing the same violent social problems.

Laugh if you will about throwing a doll across a room - say that he's a "real man," for throwing it. But I think empathy is an admirable quality, for both male and female.

In fact, I would have liked to see a little more empathy and thoughtful discussion on this thread. (shrug) I guess some of the men on here aren't really Marriage Builders after all...I can't imagine Dr. Harley or Steve Harley villifying women this way. The Harleys exemplify respect for both genders, not this tripe.

frown frown frown frown frown frown frown frown frown frown frown
Well I agree also the dad plays a huge part. I vowed to never be the dead beat dad that my dad was and to do everthing it took to make sure that my wife and I as parents would succeed at whatever the cost to make it happen. But I lived the article as a result of the choices of both my parents.

Just this year I went NC with most of my family. My dad got a mouthful from me before that happened.

There's a lot of pain here.....and a lot I can relate to. frown

MNG
Originally Posted by Zhamila
Why is all the blame being laid at the feet of single mothers? This article completely ignores the role of fathers who abandon their children, and the fathers who are content to be Disneyland Dads and see their kids only 4 days per month. The blindness of the writer boggles my mind.

Be a little more specific on "all the blame." This article particularly lays out 10 different items.



Originally Posted by Zhamila
If men would step up and act like the great husbands they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, children would never be born outside of marriage, and we'd go a long way toward solving our social ills. Has everyone forgotten that it takes two people to make a baby?

Chicken, and egg. The article is explaining how single mothers raise broken men, who take a hand in creating more single mothers.

Originally Posted by Zhamila
Dr. Harley himself says that he is harder on men in counseling, that they usually have more work to do to become a great partner. He says women are emotional "responders" so when the man does a good job meeting her needs, she will give him all the love and care he's ever dreamed of. Why then are we applauding all this blame of women and mothers?

O... k....

Originally Posted by Zhamila
If men are truly victims of 'selfish single mothers,' then why do men commit the vast majority of murders, rapes and assaults - and always have - even in societies where everyone stays married and children are raised by two parents?

Why are most of the police force, fire department, correctional institutions, and standing military men?

Is it because there is a difference between sexes? OMG, men and women.... are... different?

Could the very same genes and behaviors that allow a man to defend his home and family with violence.... also make him more prone to the behaviors you mentioned?

Originally Posted by Zhamila
I don't see girls growing up in single-parent homes causing the same violent social problems.

Until they are single mothers of sons.

Originally Posted by Zhamila
Laugh if you will about throwing a doll across a room - say that he's a "real man," for throwing it. But I think empathy is an admirable quality, for both male and female.

Didn't play with barbies. Do quite well as a nurse in 3 separate settings. I have NO idea what you are reaching for here.

Originally Posted by Zhamila
In fact, I would have liked to see a little more empathy and thoughtful discussion on this thread. (shrug) I guess some of the men on here aren't really Marriage Builders after all...I can't imagine Dr. Harley or Steve Harley villifying women this way. The Harleys exemplify respect for both genders, not this tripe.

frown frown frown frown frown frown frown frown frown frown frown
Replying to a discussion after SKIMMING the thread 1 year later.... when there were several threads going on discussing men's issues... you are missing quite a bit of context to found such complaints.


Originally Posted by Zhamila
If men are truly victims of 'selfish single mothers,' then why do men commit the vast majority of murders, rapes and assaults - and always have - even in societies where everyone stays married and children are raised by two parents?

The vast majority of men who commit violent crimes were raised by single mothers. I researched this about 15 years ago and the percentage of men who came from fatherless homes in prison was something like 75% at that time. There is some fascinating research done on this issue in the book, The Wonder of Boys and another that Dr Harley recommended is Fatherless America by David Blakenhorn.

I have not read this whole thread so I might be missing the point, but I don't believe that single mothers are inherently selfish. Many single mothers are single way because they left bad marriages. Tragically, many are that way because they come from a culture that has devalued men so they never bothered getting married. I don't see the point of demonizing women.

I do think that single mothers of boys need to educate themselves and do what they can to involve responsible men in the lives of their sons. The truth is that women do not do a good job of raising boys when they are alone. We have a tendency to stamp out aggressive traits rather than guide them in a positive direction. Single mothers just do not do a good job raising boys. Dr Harley makes the point that children from single mother homes do poorly but those who come from single father homes do as well as those from 2 parent families.
Originally Posted by Zhamila
If men would step up and act like the great husbands they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, children would never be born outside of marriage, and we'd go a long way toward solving our social ills. Has everyone forgotten that it takes two people to make a baby?

In the black American culture, 70% of children are born outside of marriage. They don't even bother to get married. And it takes 2 people to destroy a marriage. Women are just as responsible for divorce as men. If women would step up and act like the great wives they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, wouldn't you agree?
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Zhamila
If men are truly victims of 'selfish single mothers,' then why do men commit the vast majority of murders, rapes and assaults - and always have - even in societies where everyone stays married and children are raised by two parents?
The vast majority of men who commit violent crimes were raised by single mothers. I researched this about 15 years ago and the percentage of men who came from fatherless homes in prison was something like 75% at that time. There is some fascinating research done on this issue in the book, The Wonder of Boys and another that Dr Harley recommended is Fatherless America by David Blakenhorn.

I have not read this whole thread so I might be missing the point, but I don't believe that single mothers are inherently selfish. Many single mothers are single way because they left bad marriages. Tragically, many are that way because they come from a culture that has devalued men so they never bothered getting married. I don't see the point of demonizing women.

I do think that single mothers of boys need to educate themselves and do what they can to involve responsible men in the lives of their sons. The truth is that women do not do a good job of raising boys when they are alone. We have a tendency to stamp out aggressive traits rather than guide them in a positive direction. Single mothers just do not do a good job raising boys. Dr Harley makes the point that children from single mother homes do poorly but those who come from single father homes do as well as those from 2 parent families.

Completely agree with this.

There is a very definite "correlation" between single motherhood and violent male behavior. But this does not mean there is a causative relationship. Perhaps these single moms are raising sons because the dad is in jail (genetic predisposition to antisocial behavior?) or the dad beat the mom (again, genetics?) or he just abandoned her and the children (genetic predisposition to selfishness?) or maybe single moms all buy the same toothpaste, and it increases aggressive behavior in boys?? - NOT necessarily the single mother's fault.

My point is that men have struggled to control their violent, agressive behavior through all cultures and centuries - not just in single-mom-homes-in-the-US-the-past-30-years. Regardless of whether they are raised by two parents or one, the issue lies with men learning to control their behavior - and how we as a society can support them in this.

Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
Some of you will read this article and say, &#147;What about the things the men are doing and why didn&#146;t you mention how daughters are affected when they don&#146;t have a dad?&#148; I&#146;ll deal with the dishonorable men, deadbeat dads and daughters in another session. I cannot cover all of life&#146;s issues in one article.

Would love to see the follow-up article in this series: MNG, any chance of posting it?
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy
BECAUSE of how his mother abused him and his little brother, Joseph detests the female gender with an unforgiving passion.

In less than two weeks after saying, "I Do;" he physically assaulted his new bride. He has been abusing her ever since.

Joseph kicked [his daughter] across the room one night when she attempted to stop him from physically assaulting her mother.

Did you comprehend what you just read? You just read how generational curses are started. Even worse, Joseph's daughter is a likely candidate to believe that all men are dogs and become an angry Black female.

What amazes me about this author is that he is blaming an abusive man's behavior on "circumstances" or "how we was raised."

I think we can all agree - as Marriage Builders - that the ONLY person responsible for abusive behavior is the abuser. No one "makes" a person angry. Or abusive.

Not even the mom who raised him - by herself.

In Latin America, high rates of violence aren't being blamed on "single moms" because there aren't very many. Violence here is being blamed on "lack of economic opportunity."

http://www.humanosphere.org/2013/06/charting-violence-latin-america/

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nobel Peace Prize winner and former Costa Rican president Oscar Arias recently spoke with Humanosphere about the extremely high rates of violence in countries like El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras which he attributed to lack of economic opportunity coupled with the trade in illegal drugs (which are not unrelated, of course).

As a region, Latin America has made tremendous progress in improving life expectancy and growing its economy. However, many countries in this region are paying a huge cost for violence, especially when it comes to young men. To see how violence in Latin American countries compares to other countries around the world, Katie Leach-Kemon at the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation�s (IHME) used the online Global Burden of Disease data visualization tools.

[Sorry, visit the site to see the chart]

This figure, which you can access at IHME�s website online, shows the different causes that lead to early deaths in Central America, the Caribbean, countries with ongoing conflict like Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The figure shows trends for men ages 15 � 49 and accounts for differences in population size.

El Salvador, Guatemala, Venezuela, Colombia, and Honduras stand out as the countries with the highest rates of years of life lost from intentional injuries, which include lives cut short by homicide and suicide. By far, homicides are the driving factor behind these trends. El Salvador, Guatemala, Venezuela, Colombia, and Honduras have even higher rates of homicide than Afghanistan, Iraq, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. To see detailed breakdowns of homicide (interpersonal violence) and suicide (self-harm), visit the IHME website.

We spoke to Professor Rafael Lozano, IHME�s Director of Latin American and Caribbean Initiatives, about the different factors behind these high rates of violent death. Like Arias, Lozano also pointed to young people�s inability to find jobs and their need to make a living luring them into the drug trade despite the high risk involved.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Regardless of circumstance, please keep the blame for abuse squarely on the abuser. If we can all do that, we'll be closer to solving the problems of violence and abuse in our world.
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Zhamila
If men would step up and act like the great husbands they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, children would never be born outside of marriage, and we'd go a long way toward solving our social ills. Has everyone forgotten that it takes two people to make a baby?
If women would step up and act like the great wives they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, wouldn't you agree?

Hm...I'm not sure if I agree with this. Dr. Harley says that women are 'wired' for partnership and men generally resist it.

The vast majority of calls and emails to MB radio are from women who want help fixing their marriages - they have tried everything they can to get their husbands' attention. When men call/write, it's usually because she's given up, he is "blindsided," and he wants to win her back.

These are just my impressions from listening/reading his material, as I stated here:

Originally Posted by Zhamila
Dr. Harley himself says that he is harder on men in counseling, that they usually have more work to do to become a great partner. He says women are emotional "responders" so when the man does a good job meeting her needs, she will give him all the love and care he's ever dreamed of.

But I guess we can ask Dr. Harley ourselves?
Well Zhamila.. I did some quick googling and there is more to support the idea that single fathers do quite well compared to single mothers. However its only the past decade that courts are beginning to grant fathers sole custody of children. There is a lot more positive info regarding dads as single parents than thge counterpart and the effect on children it has.

*shrugs*

Edit: spelling
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Dr. H talked about a study on the radio show about children raised in single father home's compared to single mother's.

Here it is: MATERIAL REFERENCED: Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on Fatherless America Study at 7:20 Mark
Did you listen to this Z?
Originally Posted by Zhamila
Why is all the blame being laid at the feet of single mothers?

I haven't read everything here, but I don't see that "10 mistakes" means "all the blame."
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Dr. H talked about a study on the radio show about children raised in single father home's compared to single mother's.

Here it is: MATERIAL REFERENCED: Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on Fatherless America Study at 7:20 Mark
Did you listen to this Z?

Good clip. Listened to it on my commute.
I read the 10 mistakes now, but not the whole text. I saw some things I agreed with, and some things I disagreed with. I didn't see anything that laid all the blame at the feet of single mothers. I saw one man's opinion about ten things mothers should not do.

(Personally, I don't feel I was "feminized" by my mother taking me with her when she shopped for clothes. It did make for some long miserable hours except when I had a good book with me.)
Originally Posted by Zhamila
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Zhamila
If men would step up and act like the great husbands they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, children would never be born outside of marriage, and we'd go a long way toward solving our social ills. Has everyone forgotten that it takes two people to make a baby?
If women would step up and act like the great wives they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, wouldn't you agree?

Hm...I'm not sure if I agree with this. Dr. Harley says that women are 'wired' for partnership and men generally resist it.

Zhamlia, I said that as a response to your disrespectful comment that if "men would act like the great husbands they are meant to be...." which does assign blame to MEN. You don't want blame assigned to women but have no qualms assigning it to men. Women are just as guilty of wrecking marriages as men are, after all. We are big gurls here and can take accountability for our part in the ruination of marriages and poor child rearing. We both know that many women choose to have children out of wedlock, so there is blame to assign on both sides.

However, that was not the point of the article. The point was about mistakes that single women make raising their sons. That is a very important issue that has been raised by Dr Harley numerous times. In fact, he is the one who recommends the book Fatherless America.
I look at it not as resting blame solely at the feet of women.

I look at it as a call to arms for men.

This would be one of the many reasons that Dr. Harley states that in the case of dysfunctional marriages and infidelity, it is usually the better choice for a husband to do his best to repair the marriage.

The endpoint case here is that it is usually better for children to be raised with two parents with a healthy marriage, vs a single parent. The caveat being a healthy marriage.

Originally Posted by Zhamila
In Latin America, high rates of violence aren't being blamed on "single moms" because there aren't very many. Violence here is being blamed on "lack of economic opportunity."

http://www.humanosphere.org/2013/06/charting-violence-latin-america/

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Nobel Peace Prize winner and former Costa Rican president Oscar Arias recently spoke with Humanosphere about the extremely high rates of violence in countries like El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras which he attributed to lack of economic opportunity coupled with the trade in illegal drugs (which are not unrelated, of course).

As a region, Latin America has made tremendous progress in improving life expectancy and growing its economy. However, many countries in this region are paying a huge cost for violence, especially when it comes to young men. To see how violence in Latin American countries compares to other countries around the world, Katie Leach-Kemon at the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation�s (IHME) used the online Global Burden of Disease data visualization tools.

[Sorry, visit the site to see the chart]

This figure, which you can access at IHME�s website online, shows the different causes that lead to early deaths in Central America, the Caribbean, countries with ongoing conflict like Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The figure shows trends for men ages 15 � 49 and accounts for differences in population size.

El Salvador, Guatemala, Venezuela, Colombia, and Honduras stand out as the countries with the highest rates of years of life lost from intentional injuries, which include lives cut short by homicide and suicide. By far, homicides are the driving factor behind these trends. El Salvador, Guatemala, Venezuela, Colombia, and Honduras have even higher rates of homicide than Afghanistan, Iraq, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. To see detailed breakdowns of homicide (interpersonal violence) and suicide (self-harm), visit the IHME website.

We spoke to Professor Rafael Lozano, IHME�s Director of Latin American and Caribbean Initiatives, about the different factors behind these high rates of violent death. Like Arias, Lozano also pointed to young people�s inability to find jobs and their need to make a living luring them into the drug trade despite the high risk involved.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Regardless of circumstance, please keep the blame for abuse squarely on the abuser. If we can all do that, we'll be closer to solving the problems of violence and abuse in our world.


The second statistic that follows 1) Lack of opportunity, and 2) a rise in violent behavior in young men is... teenage pregnancy.
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
I look at it not as resting blame solely at the feet of women.

I look at it as a call to arms for men.
I guess I missed that part...I suppose that's because the article was called, "10 Things Single Moms Do to Ruin Their Sons," rather than "A Call To Arms For Men." wink

Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
The endpoint case here is that it is usually better for children to be raised with two parents with a healthy marriage, vs a single parent. The caveat being a healthy marriage.

Totes agree.
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
The second statistic that follows 1) Lack of opportunity, and 2) a rise in violent behavior in young men is... teenage pregnancy.

Where is this in the article I posted? The article was about violent behavior in Latin America, and the supposed causes thereof. Perhaps I overlooked something?

My point is that violent behavior occurs all over the world, as do social problems. Single moms have not been raising children in droves for millenia, nor in every country. So it's pretty ridiculous to say that single moms are 'ruining' their sons and causing all the social problems we see in the lower echelons of American society.

Correlation: YES
Causation: NO

There are greater forces at play.
Originally Posted by Zhamila
If men would step up and act like the great husbands they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, children would never be born outside of marriage, and we'd go a long way toward solving our social ills. Has everyone forgotten that it takes two people to make a baby?
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
If women would step up and act like the great wives they are meant to be, the divorce rate would plummet, wouldn't you agree?

Originally Posted by Zhamila
Hm...I'm not sure if I agree with this. Dr. Harley says that women are 'wired' for partnership and men generally resist it.
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Zhamlia, I said that as a response to your disrespectful comment that if "men would act like the great husbands they are meant to be...." which does assign blame to MEN. Women are just as guilty of wrecking marriages as men are, after all.

My statement is based upon Dr. Harley's article "Why Women Leave Men," which outlines the fact that women file for divorce twice as often as men, usually because of neglect. Of COURSE it takes two people to create a great marriage! But in general, women are more interested in their marriages in the first place.

* Women are generally the first to see a problem in the marriage, and almost always, her sensitivity is correct.
* She sees a problem developing much earlier than the husband does, so she'll start bringing it up...complaining about it.
* And he will respond, "You know, the problems you're introducing are too trivial for me to worry about right now."
* So the problems build and build until they become overwhelming.
* And by the time he understands that they've got a serious problem, she's out of the marriage.

This is why I said that if men would become great husbands, their wives would likely NOT file for divorce as often as they do: i.e. the divorce rate would plummet. BONUS: fewer single parents all around.

And as to children born out of wedlock: MAJOR PROBLEM. However, much of this is driven by the lack of quality partners in the lower stratas of society. Joblessness, drug use, violent behavior, incarceration...not a ton of great choices for these women. They would do better to NOT REPRODUCE, but since people have freedom of choice in our country, they have babies.

Both men and women share responsibility for our society, the state of our marriages, and the raising of our children. My issue was that this article very disrespectfully pins the blame on single mothers, largely ignoring any other factor. Plus it wasn't based on any research - was purely anecdotal and emotionally written. Not a great piece of literature, in my opinion.

The way people jumped in, agreeing with it, distressed me greatly.
I don't agree at all that is it disrespectful to point out that single mothers do not do a good job of raising sons. That is a simple true fact that is well known by psychologists and sociologists.

I am not interested in getting in a debate over who causes the most divorces, I think the blame can be equally applied, however, it should be noted that there is an epidemic of women who have children out of wedlock. This is at epidemic proportions in the black community, for example.

If you are interested in quality research that supports these facts, you should check out the books I referenced above.
"And as to children born out of wedlock: MAJOR PROBLEM. However, much of this is driven by the lack of quality partners in the lower stratas of society. Joblessness, drug use, violent behavior, incarceration...not a ton of great choices for these women. They would do better to NOT REPRODUCE, but since people have freedom of choice in our country, they have babies."

I agree. And many of these women who are having sex out of wedlock are not quality candidates for marriage. Most men don't marry women who are promiscuous.
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
"And as to children born out of wedlock: MAJOR PROBLEM. However, much of this is driven by the lack of quality partners in the lower stratas of society. Joblessness, drug use, violent behavior, incarceration...not a ton of great choices for these women. They would do better to NOT REPRODUCE, but since people have freedom of choice in our country, they have babies."

I agree. And many of these women who are having sex out of wedlock are not quality candidates for marriage. Most men don't marry women who are promiscuous.

Agreed. And I wouldn't want to marry a man who's promiscuous either.
It's a joint problem (NOT a DRUG Reference, LOL)
Now....that IS odd...


[Linked Image from scienceblogs.com]

Wait...I thought single-motherhood was to blame for increases in violent crime in America. What's going on here???
An Astonishing Argument for Why Violent Crime Rates Have Dropped
Less lead. It�s ridiculous -� until you see the evidence.

http://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/astonishing-argument-why-violent-crime-rates-have-dropped

This is a cross-national study which finds a very strong correlation between high rates of lead pollution and violent crime. Fascinating.



There's quite a bit of research on the impact of children raised in fatherless homes. Dr Harley talks about this on his radio show. If you are interested, I would look into the book he recommended, Fatherless America. In the meantime, here is a collection of statistics:


The Fatherless Generation

Statistics
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) � 5 times the average.
90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes � 32 times the average.
85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes � 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)
80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes �14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes � 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)
Father Factor in Education - Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.
Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.
Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A�s in school.
Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.
75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes � 10 times the average.
Father Factor in Drug and Alcohol Abuse - Researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.

70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes � 9 times the average. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)
85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes � 20 times the average. (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction)
Father Factor in Incarceration � Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds. A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households. Approximately forty-six percent of jail inmates in 2002 had a previously incarcerated family member. One-fifth experienced a father in prison or jail.

Father Factor in Crime - A study of 109 juvenile offenders indicated that family structure significantly predicts delinquency. Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk. A study of 13,986 women in prison showed that more than half grew up without their father. Forty-two percent grew up in a single-mother household and sixteen percent lived with neither parent

Father Factor in Child Abuse � Compared to living with both parents, living in a single-parent home doubles the risk that a child will suffer physical, emotional, or educational neglect. The overall rate of child abuse and neglect in single-parent households is 27.3 children per 1,000, whereas the rate of overall maltreatment in two-parent households is 15.5 per 1,000.

Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.

43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, �Dousing the Kindlers,� Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God�s Children]
70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]
Census Fatherhood Statistics
64.3 million: Estimated number of fathers across the nation
26.5 million: Number of fathers who are part of married-couple families with their own children under the age of 18.

Among these fathers -
22 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old (among married-couple family households only).
2 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
2.5 million: Number of single fathers, up from 400,000 in 1970. Currently, among single parents living with their children, 18 percent are men.
Among these fathers -
8 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old.
42 percent are divorced, 38 percent have never married, 16 percent are separated and 4 percent are widowed. (The percentages of those divorced and never married are not significantly different from one another.)
16 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
27 percent have an annual family income of $50,000 or more.
85 percent: Among the 30.2 million fathers living with children younger than 18, the percentage who lived with their biological children only.
11 percent lived with step-children
4 percent with adopted children
< 1 percent with foster children
Recent policies encourage the development of programs designed to improve the economic status of low-income nonresident fathers and the financial and emotional support provided to their children. This brief provides ten key lessons from several important early responsible fatherhood initiatives that were developed and implemented during the 1990s and early 2000s. Formal evaluations of these earlier fatherhood efforts have been completed making this an opportune time to step back and assess what has been learned and how to build on the early programs� successes and challenges.While the following statistics are formidable, the Responsible Fatherhood research literature generally supports the claim that a loving and nurturing father improves outcomes for children, families and communities.

Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.

Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.

24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.
Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.
43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.

Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not.

Compared to children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to experience father absence, and children born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as likely to live in a father-absent home.
About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children; and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father�s home.

Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.
From 1995 to 2000, the proportion of children living in single-parent homes slightly declined, while the proportion of children living with two married parents remained stable. http://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/
Originally Posted by Zhamila
Now....that IS odd...


[Linked Image from scienceblogs.com]

Wait...I thought single-motherhood was to blame for increases in violent crime in America. What's going on here???

Your statistic is meaningless given that OVERALL violent crime is down in America. That doesn't mean that crimes committed by males from fatherless homes has gone down or that the majority of males in prison are not from fatherless homes. There are still sociological issues with males raised in fatherless homes. Being defensive will not erase that.
Originally Posted by Zhamila
Now....that IS odd...


[Linked Image from scienceblogs.com]

Wait...I thought single-motherhood was to blame for increases in violent crime in America. What's going on here???
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
That doesn't mean that crimes committed by males from fatherless homes has gone down or that the majority of males in prison are not from fatherless homes. There are still sociological issues with males raised in fatherless homes.

Completely agree that there are "sociological issues" afoot. But (again) correlation does not prove causation. Any number of factors could be the true cause. (See the "lead poisoning" article above)

According to the Bureau of Justice survey from 2004, 55% of violent inmates grew up in single-parent homes. The survey also shows these folks have experienced high rates of poverty, homelessness, substance abuse, physical abuse, and family members� incarceration. If only 55% of this population is from non-married-parents' homes, that�s not a very strong case for an independent effect of family structure.

As importantly, the 2004 survey shows that 74% of state and federal inmates had previously been sentenced to prison or probation. By the OP article writer's logic, maybe the biggest cause of crime is incarceration? grin

If family structure is to blame for all these social ills, then how come only 19% of violent criminals in Britain came from single-parent families? (again, Bureau of Justice)

Link to Bureau of Justice Surveys:
http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/dudsfp04.pdf
http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/Walesus.pdf
**edit**
I agree that correlation is not causation, which I am suggesting you READ the books I suggested above. Sociologists know why males from fatherless homes do so much worse than those raised in other scenarios. You do want to understand why, don't you?
Originally Posted by Zhamila
**edit**

This was **edit** uncalled for, Zhamila. frown
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Dr. H talked about a study on the radio show about children raised in single father home's compared to single mother's.

Here it is: MATERIAL REFERENCED: Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on Fatherless America Study at 7:20 Mark



Zhamila, did you listen to this radio clip?
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
This was **edit** uncalled for, Zhamila. frown


Wow. I'm sorry you didn't like them. I just think they're funny!

Not being snotty - they just tickled my funny bone.
Let's get back to marriage building! This thread has become a distraction.
Originally Posted by Zhamila
Originally Posted by HoldHerHand
The second statistic that follows 1) Lack of opportunity, and 2) a rise in violent behavior in young men is... teenage pregnancy.

Where is this in the article I posted? The article was about violent behavior in Latin America, and the supposed causes thereof. Perhaps I overlooked something?

My point is that violent behavior occurs all over the world, as do social problems. Single moms have not been raising children in droves for millenia, nor in every country. So it's pretty ridiculous to say that single moms are 'ruining' their sons and causing all the social problems we see in the lower echelons of American society.

Correlation: YES
Causation: NO

There are greater forces at play.

The same information you are linking to is available in a 25-30 year old book titled Homicide. It looks not only at the incidence of violence in relation to low opportunity, but the fact that the same rate correlates exactly with teenage pregnancy, and then asks the question why?

The hypothesis posed, from an evolutionary prospective is thus; violence rises with a lack of opportunity for young men because violence is another form of competitive status-seeking behavior.

Teenage pregnancy rises, because when all the young males are dying, the chances to wait until your 40 and have a home and college degree before starting a family become next to 0.

So, the adaptation to the scenario is to become pregnant at an earlier age.

So, your greater force at play in this given scenario is survival and reproductive instinct.

Given, this is the perspective of evolutionary psychologists.
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