My husband of 11 years has recently told me that he is unhappy and I have become a burden to him. We went to a therapist to get marriage counseling (my husband was not sure that he wanted to go but went) and the therapist suggested that we get separate counseling first. I have been going weekly and my problems are improving and my husband has gone once to the therapist. He told me that the therapist has informed him that he has no problems and he only needs to see him once a month.
<br>Things have escalated in the past week to the point that I thought that my husband might be cheating on me because he has suddenly built this wall around himself and he won't talk to me, he only yells and gets angry. I know I have done a lot of things to sabotage our marriage but I really want to work on saving our marriage but my husband doesn't think that he wants to. What can I do? I feel like my world is crashing around me and I can't even function. The therapist has scheduled an emergency meeting with us (at my urging) in a few days but my husband has not informed me if he will go or not. Can this marriage be saved or am I doomed to a life without him?<p>[This message has been edited by Lynn.]

Lynn, it sounds as if you are just starting a path that I did several months ago. My marriage has been rocky from the start, with constant arguments and such. Finally, back in February (3 years into our marriage), I finally admitted there were major problems and major potential to lose my husband. At that time, we talked extensively and were trying to move to another city. (a separate goal) He convinced me that once we moved, we needed to separate for a while in order to resolve the problems in our marriage. This included marriage counseling and "dating" again. Well, he moved the last part of April and I followed two months later. (first week of July) The second week I was here, living with him, he gave me a letter saying that he now believed the marriage is completely unsalvageable and it would be a waste of time and energy to try anything. Anyway, he requested that I move out as soon as possible, because the apartment lease was in his name only, and I moved out a week ago today. I have recently found a book that deals with separation and it is not by Dr. Harley. I hope he won't mind me mentioning it because it has been very helpful to me since my husband is not interested in saving our marriage. It is called "When the One you Love wants to Leave" by Dr. Donald Harvey. The basic theme is that the best course of action is to let the person go. Don't fight it, don't immediately file for divorce, just accept the leaving because that is the best possible chance of reconciliation. I don't want to go into more detail for lack of space, but you should really get this book and follow it's principles. It addresses everything from the emotional roller-coaster, to handling the husband, to dealing with well-meaning friends and family. I have come to accept whatever the outcome of my marriage may be. It is not an easy journey, but one that I now see is necessary. Good luck - I hope things work out for you! I am still waiting to see what happens in my marriage.