Question for Christians concerning sex - Marriage Builders® Forums

I found my way to this web site in August after finding out my wife was having an affair. We have been married for 18 years, both believers in Christ. She isn't the sort of person to do what she did, but between mid life crises, and my neglect she made some choices that she now regrets. We are rebuilding and making good progress, although the pain is still great for me. One thing that isn't suffering at the moment is our sex life, almost every night now. My question for fellow believers in Christ is, as a christian, where do you think the line should be drawn in the bedroom. God tells us the sex in a marriage is holy, and certainly we should enjoy it, but when are we letting too much flesh out. I'll give some examples:1. Talking dirty to each other during sex. She like me to do that, but is worried God may have a problem with it.2. Manual stimulation, Basically masturbation in front of each other. It seems to be a turn on for both of us, but is that crossing the line?3. Oral or Anal sex4. The use of sex toys.I know you must be thinking that we are real kinky, but in the past sex became boring because we let it. We both want to spice things up, but not at a spiritual cost. I know everyone will have a different view, but thought it was worth taking about.

The bible tells us in one place to "work out our salvation with fear and trembling". There are numerous areas that are not spelled out that clearly...so it is left up to the believer to decide what works for them under the leading of the Holy Spirit. In other words...if you and your wife are OK with it...and comfortable...and don't feel "convicted" or "dirty and shamed" afterwards, then there should notbe a problem with it.I would be reluctant to bring in the use of porn in anyway...because then you are introducing another element to the relationship.Scripture also says for some folks...one thing may be a sin...and for others...it would not be. Hope that helps!

My wife and I share both your spiritual convictions and your interest in keeping your sex life interesting. We have been married nearly 21 years. Sex for the first 10 was pretty tame and of little interest to my wife. Raising little kids and all. About 10 years ago my wife asked me a question that, as I look back on it, signaled a change in her interest in sex. She asked me, "what one of my fantasies was". I was very reluctant to share any of this because she had always limited sex to "traditional" activities. After much prodding from her I managed to communicate a fantasy that I thought wouldn't make her go screaming into the night. Next thing I knew she is fulfilling my fantasy and asking...what else! Our ground rules are:1.) There will be no external people involved. The Bible is pretty clear on this.2.) No Porn - there are a host of personal reasons for this. Mostly it is to close to violating rule #1. (we do enjoy viewing our own home movies though <G> )3.) We are free to ask each other for anything and are sure that we won't be called a pervert.4.) No means no.5.) We are free to say no to a request even if we have previously said yes.6.) Talk about what you liked and didn't like.The result is that we have enjoyed wilder sex then anything I could have imagined and it just keeps getting better. The things my wife enjoys and asks for sometimes boggles my mind. You mention four things in your post. We enjoy all of them in our relationship.

I thought I was the only one with this problem.My H and I have the same thoughts. Our is with oral sex. Our church doesn't approve of it but we thought it's our room.Then we end up feeling guilty and repent. Then a few months later were at it again. We both enjoy it but don't want to be punished for pleasure. We do alot of other things though. Like, masturbation,toys,. Were confused about the Anal issue also. Email me and let me know your ideas. (powerngod@africana.com)

Thanks to everyone for the input, My wife didn't know I was going to post that question, but after the replies received, I brought her in and let her read them, She was very happy to know that we weren't abnormal, she thought we were the only ones with these concerns. If anyone else posts, I'll make sure she sees them too. As to the porno thing, I totally agree, that's lust and is crossing the line.

does anyone have any comments on "mutally consented" bondage games in marriage? (Again, from a Christian viewpoint).

Hello, everyone. I wanted to reply to HOLDINON and [censored]. First of all, How the heck does the church know what you're doing in your bedroom? Who cares what the church says.It is God who you have to answer to. As another member already posted, the only thing I would be ashamed or embarrassed about would be having outside parties in your bedroom or using pornography. You read the Song of Soloman in the Bible, and guess what? There is oral sex mentioned in there.People think the French invented the French kiss, but Soloman and his shulamite wife were in on it eons before they did. Listen, you do whatever you and your spouse find enjoyable behind closed doors and don't you dare worry about what your particular church thinks. The marriage bed in honorable and undefiled. That goes the same for you, [censored]. As long as you both enjoy the bondage stuff.Now my husband wants to tie me up and all that stuff, but in my eyes, it just reminds me of a rape, so I wouldn't enjoy it at all. And he seems ok with that.