My SO, until recently, worked w/ a small circle of men; due to recent expansion under new management, a number of women (all, coincidentally, young and attractive) were hired. Due to the nature of their work, they frequently travel together. As it happens, my SO (the only unmarried man in the group) and the youngest and most attractive of the "new girls" have been paired up to be on the road alone together, staying in hotels, for an entire week. I tend to be insecure and jealous anyway (both by nature and because he has, on occasion, proven to be less than trustworthy), and he was very well aware of my apprehension about this upcoming trip (although I tried to contain it since it IS his job). However, with this trip looming just ahead and knowing how I feel about it, he voluntarily went out to a restaurant to have lunch with this girl, ostensibly to "discuss it." He didn't tell me about it; I got a "sixth sense" and guessed. (Incidentally, I can't recall the last time he asked ME out for lunch.) He claims it was her idea and saw no reason to refuse. I think the fact that he's her supervisor is reason enough and that he needs to draw a line here, but more importantly, he should have refused out of respect for my feelings. Anyway, I don't know if I'm really afraid something will happen on this trip (he literally laughs as my fears, calling them "ludicrous") or am just hurt and shocked that, knowing how I feel, he'd do something he knew perfectly well would hurt me. Any feedback? <BR>

Work in the modern age has its challenges. My question is, would you feel the same if it were a male coworker? We can't have women in the work force on the one hand but not allow them to work with men on the other.<P>if you have no reason not to trust him before, then I think you should trust him now.<BR>

I realize there's nothing I can do about the trip; I guess what I'm asking is what his reaction to what I think are perfectly normal concerns (dismissing them, exacerbating them by having a lunch that wasn't necessary, ridiculing them) means for our relationship. What's primarily bothering me about this is his apparent total lack of concern for my feelings. If he listened, understood, and - within his power - limited the amount of time spent alone with this woman, I'd feel somewhat reassured that my fears were groundless.

quandry, If he has not done anything in the past to hurt you (cheating, etc) than you should not worry. My husband cheated on me (before we were married) and it took a lot for me to trust him again. So if he has not given you any reason for you not to trust him..dont worry! Good luck

quandry-<P>Trust him for now, but don't be naive about it. Make it an educated and not blind trust. There are women out there just waiting to snatch him up, one has done that to my H at his work and now I'm living in hell on the infidelity forum. Make sure you are giving him plenty of affection and emotional support and meeting any other needs you feel are important to him. If you can do that, I feel you have much less to worry about. Don't think for a minute that your H is not capable of hurting you like that tho - like I did (no one can still believe it). Some women in the workplace are predators. When I worked, we used to take bets on who would be the first to sleep with the new guy. So callous we were about it, and now it's happened to my H. You have no idea how deep the sadness and despair can get, so be watchful now and a step ahead so it won't be happen. Try to make his day fun. Leave little heart shaped coupons in his wallet for "whatever" you can think of. Give him reminders of the true love that waits for him at home. God bless.

I have to repost on this. I had a session with Dr. Harley and he said something to me that I know to be true. He said that what causes infidelity are NOT that needs at home are going unmet. What does cause it is when a person makes an unwise CHOICE to do it, and that is usually due to their own character and lack of PROTECTING themselves from their own WEAKNESSES. He said that anyone is capable of an affair, we are HUMAN. People fail when they fail to take themselves out of harm's way when they see the signs of danger.<P>He gave me an example of Billy Graham. A truly Christian man. Even so, he still takes precautions in his every day life so as not to fall into a temptation - for example, he will not put himself into a situation of being alone in a room with a woman. If this man of God feels the need to be aware human failings, then your H needs to learn this too.<P>I used to work for a contemporary Christian radio station. It was run by two people, a man & woman. I did their computer work from my home. Whenever the man needed something from me, he would not even step through my front door unless there was someone else there. He didn't want to give the appearance of anything to my neighbors and did not let even the slightest possibility of any temptation near him. I can't tell you how many times he'd be sitting on my front porch in the weather and I'd have to run back and forth between the door and my desk. Another example: my sister's H has a higher position in a major acctg. firm in Chgo. He has made the choice not to go to after work socialization parties where drinking was occurring or to their once a year trip to Florida (employees only) because he doesn't put him into the path of danger, especially because office affairs RUN RAMPANT. They do and people are human. I admire the people who realize this and stay out of harm's way.<P>Maybe your H should think about this, not that anything is going on, but in the world of human failings he is letting himself wide open.