serenade and flowers... - 05/27/99 05:36 AM
O.K. guys, here's something that made me feel really good during my camping trip. <BR>WHen we got to the park, things were not at its best - but I'll get into that one later in another thread. We set up everything and went for a walk with the kids. In the campsite right beside us there was a tent like the one we were thinking about getting, so we kind of looked closer. But what I ( and H too, he told me later ) looked at first was the way things were set up. It looked.. I don't know, I don't even have a word for it. There were fresh flowers in the picnic table, a row of candles ( who cares if they were citronela candles to get the bugs at bay, they still looked good), a sketch pad with a big hearth with a woman's face on it - charcoal, looking really good-, a guitar proped on one side, and some other things that looked nice. We finished invading their space and kept on our walk. Later at night, at marshmallow roasting time, we saw two people going into that site, the man had more fresh flowers that he put on another tin cup, and a couple of minutes after we were rewarded ( even though it wasn't meant for us) with beautifull love songs.We didn't mean to be listening, but there was no way we could avoid it, they were right beside us with only some bushes in between. I finally looked at them. They were much older than us, but looked so much in love, so caring. They talked to each other with such warmth.<BR>The next morning our kids were looking at the guitar, from our side ( my daughter is starting to learn, but my guitar is a bit big for her so she likes to look at all guitars to compare them - she says - for size )and he played some kiddies songs for them. From there we talked a bit, they told us about good hiking trails, since we were thinking about hiking with the kids while there. At night they invited us over to their site. They had this cake and told us they were celebrating a special day. We ate cake, and marshmallows, and sang together. LAter we ended up talking and it turned out that the special day was the anniversary of what we would call here their complete marriage recovery. They have been married for 34 years. About 10 years ago, Ray had an affair, and wanted to leave.He had strong feelings for the ow and didn't want to work on their marriage.Like with a lot of us, work, stress, kids, all that had creating that darn drifting apart, and he didn't think they could get it back again.Elyse couldn't give it up, she had been married to that man long enough to know he was a good man, and that the affair was a symptom of things that weren't working to well in their marriage but could be fixed. Like many of us, she worked in that marriage, mostly alone for a while. He wasn't able to give the ow up. And she did it all without the benefit of this forum too!!! She read books, and talked with people. She did her best to fix the things she could, she gave him the space he needed to think, she showed her love for him everytime she could - like mine he wasn't accepting it sometimes. Gradually she started to see some positive results. The ow got out of the picture and they vowed to never again let that happen.Every May 22 they celebrate in a different way( The day Ray realized he wanted his marriage to work). They said their marriage really became stronger since the affair and the loving way they talk and act is the way they always are. He always serenades her ( the love songs we heard) and gives her wild flowers ( because of the store bought flowers he used to give the ow). <BR>10 years, people. It happened 10 years ago! WHo said it couldn't work? You should have seen them, they were so sweet to each other, I bet I got a lot of cavities just from watching <BR>There you go: It can work, it can get better, and it doesn't have to happen again.<BR>I know this was too long, so I'll stop here.<BR>I wish in 10 years we can still be like Ray and ELyse.<BR>Take care you all<BR>Kat