I have tried to tell this very thing to my spouse as she moved out in in with her " friend" and she has told our 7 year old to lie to me and not tell me what goes on. How blind can people be in this situation? the children are hurting and its nothing to do with them. It just makes me really think and glad that I am a strong enough father to take my children and talk to them and allow them to ask questions to help ease there minds. of course all the talking in the world won't help if the spouse can't see what it is doing to the kids.

You have my sympathy. My W asked our son if he would go with her if she left me for the OM. It's bad enough to be in as much pain as we are let alone see your kids in pain. He wakes up at night crying thinking his mom is going to leave.

The BEST thing you can do is not lie to them. Let them know you love them in words and deeds. Tell them this is between you and her and it IS NOT THEIR FAULT. I can’t stress that bit enough. When you talk about her with them, do not tell them something unless your wife actually said it. Do not try to put words into it she did not actually say. You don’t have to tell them everything that goes on between you. If you don’t know something, tell them you don’t know. If you love your wife, tell them. Kids know when someone is lying and if you set the example, they will know mom is doing something wrong. You don’t need to call her a liar. Just tell them you don’t know why mom said that.<p>Don’t get the kids between you two. You don’t need to quiz them about what went on. You already know what is going on. It only makes it MUCH harder on them because they get totally confused by saying one thing and doing another.<p>YOU have to be the big person here because she can’t. The kids need someone strong and honest in their lives because they don’t understand what is happening to them right now. It really sucks but who else is gonna do it? Your wife?