I am the guilty party in this matter and feel obligated to let my children know of my sorrow and intent to fix things.
I have began seeing a councelor, and will be referred to a specialist on friday. I have caused a great deal of pain that has severely damaged my marriage. I want to be there for the kids and i want to be there as a stable mature respectable father that can be trusted. My wife said "its all on me" and she is absolutley correct, IT IS.
I'm praying that my kids though they are hurt and dissipointed can be happy again.

BL,

I think you are a BIG WINNER for standing up and facing your downfalls and facing your responsibilities.

I suspect that you are NOT a bigloser, but rather, like my own husband--a good person who did a bad thing. A wise poster on these boards said this to me, and I believe this of you, too.

I realize this was posted in the summer but I had to say...I 100% disagree that a child needs to know that their mother or father had an affair. Children have enough to deal with in their lives, they don't need to know their parent was unfaithful to their other parent! There are far better ways to be a BIG WINNER than to confess something of this magnitude to a child. Children will be happy, they are reslilent, but again to reveal something like this to them is just wrong, imo.

If we are talking about an older teenager and that teen is asking questions perhaps then and only then but younger than that, NO WAY!

just me

since my wife left 6 months ago, some of my kids asked about her affair 15 years ago, and I let them know generally what happened. They do not hate her per se, but they do give me some credit for not holding it over her head (ever)and staying with her and making things work. after hearing for most of their life what a terrible dad I was, they are old enough (30-19) to make up their own mind on things now, and they certainly are beginning to see things are different than what they heard for so long. I do not tell them with any amount of pleasure though.