This forum is a great idea! Has anybody used the MB questionnaires in a new relationship? Any good experiences with that, or bad?

I'm not even close to that yet, as you can probably tell from the thread that started this forum... but I'd wonder if the word "marriage" associated with the questionnaires might be a little scarey to a new relationship?

Interesting idea - maybe some of the information or questions from the questionnaire's can be worked into a series of discussions with a new relationship partner ...

Well I've been in a one year relationship now with a very nice guy. I've started to feel lately like there are needs of mine going unmet. I feel neglected probably because he lives 25 miles away, has a very busy lifestyle, and I have children. We are lucky to see each other 2X a week, although we talk on the phone daily.

Part of my efforts lately have been to start talking to him about Harley's concepts. While he is eager (yes really) to please me, the concept of having needs laid out then meeting those needs in very specific ways is foreign to most guys (and gals).

I think talking about ways of showing you care is appropriate in the beginning - being specific about what you like and don't like. (ex - I like getting flowers, I like hearing from you once a day by phone or email at work even for a few minutes, I am disappointed when you don't compliment the dinner I made you...) Telling your needs event by event and seeing if the guy "gets" it may go a long way toward telling you what kind of guy he is too.

As for the rest - it is a huge commitment for someone to suddenly just adopt the whole kit and caboodly without there being a more permanent relationship. Lately I've been asking my guy specific questions about how he would relate needs like recreational companionship, lovin', etc., trying to figure out more of his needs without laying a 12 page document in front of him to fill out.

Since we've been together a bit now, I also feel much more comfortable telling him more. Although it backfired on me somewhat. I told him SF was important, and he was so worried that he was unable to perform!! We only had one night to be together that week and apparently he figured he had to perform or else I would be upset?!! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I would advise that you be yourself, let your needs be known when it is convenient, and let the relationship grow. If someone is just not a talker it is unlikely that they will ever be right for you if you have a huge need for conversation. The right person should be able "naturally" to meet many of your needs without too much extra effort.

Sunny

I'm sure it depends on the relationship, and the people involved, and certainly the timing is everything. I had been dating someone for some time - perhaps a few months - and we went through the questionnaires. We enjoyed it and learned a lot. I had already told him bits and pieces about MB and the Harley concepts. Of course we had also talked about our marriages (I was divorced and he was widowed), mistakes we had made, all the good and the bad, and we enjoyed discovering what was new and different about our new relationship. The questionnaires helped us understand each other better, and helped us communicate better.

I did. A good experience - and still continuing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I also shared my copy of Fall In Love, Stay In Love.

When I started dating, I made the decision to freely and early describe what I had learned about relationships as a result of MBers and my personal experiences from my failed marriage. Discussion of ENs was obviously a part of that. I got to the "questionaire level" only once - with my current SO of 32 months. She embraced it willingly. That was about a month or so after we started dating. We "update" our questionaires periodically but informally, "How am I doing on your conversation EN?"

But I need to make an important point - when I started dating, it was mostly with new acquaintences via match.com. These women were looking for long term relationships. Unfolding the EN questionaire to a "fun date" is not appropriate, I believe.

I used the history form and it contributed to the end of a relationship that seemed serious, because I disclosed some weak points, although nothing particularly bad. So that seemed like a negative impact of the MB forms, but since then I figured it was for the best anyway. For one, I would not feel comfortable now disclosing anything of significance to that person. For another, we were probably not well-matched.

My new GF know MB inside out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />. w/o fillin the form, we exchanged information verbally to the intimate detail about ourself. However, I am planing of using it or maybe we might go to MB weekend later in the year depending on how our R is heading.

-rh-